For A Good Reason

Somebody said to me the other day, “Well, you know, things always happen for a reason”. That saying bothers me because it seems like it’s missing an adjective. Shouldn’t it be, “Things always happen for a good reason” or “Things always happen for a bad reason” or how about “for no reason at all”?

I’m not sure what the proper saying should be. But his comment got me thinking about the strangers I meet, who sometimes become valuable friends.

Two years ago, I gave up playing baseball and the worst part was losing connection with so many good friends. I decided to switch to golf, which is a little easier on the body, and is also a good way to make new friends. A few months later, when Covid first started, I remember signing up for an early tee time on a Wednesday morning, hoping to get paired up with somebody fun. When I arrived, I found out I was paired up with three people, and to my surprise one of them was the shortstop from my baseball team! I have always admired Scott for his baseball skills, friendly competitiveness, and unwavering willingness to help others. The other two people were Scott’s wife and a stranger named Dave.

That round of golf changed my life for the better during what seemed like a very dark time. We all enjoyed it so much, we decided to make it a regular weekly event, and we’ve been playing together ever since. It has given me something to look forward to each week and it has given me a new friend!

I didn’t know Dave before that day, but for some reason after one round of golf, I felt like I had known him my whole life. He turned out to be a fantastic golfer, despite being close to 70, but an even better human being. I have never met someone so positive and supportive to everyone around them. Whenever I hit a good shot, Dave is the loudest cheerleader on the course. Whenever I hit a bad shot, which is quite often, Dave is still my biggest fan picking up my spirits and reminding how fun the game can be. Dave is a retired Veterinarian, with an amazing intellect, a quick wit, an awesome sense of humor, and a generous spirit. In fact, just this past week, after finding out about my Monday Message Blog, Dave went out of his way to do something nice for me. He bought me a book called, “Light from many Lamps”, a treasury of inspirational stories with selected wisdom of the ages. How apropos, I mean what could be more perfect for a former light bulb salesman turned philosopher, then a book like that!

I mentioned above that I’m not sure what the proper wording for that old saying should be. But after meeting Dave, I’m absolutely positive that some things really do happen for a good reason!

To find happiness, we must seek for it in a focus outside ourselves.

~ W. Beran Wolfe

   (from the book “Light from many Lamps"

Darkest Before the Dawn

Is the world a little darker than usual right now? Or is it just me?

Two years ago, my typical workday started early, with darkness outside my window. I would climb into my truck before the sun came up, and head out to do light pole inspection projects. I liked starting early when the world is a little quieter, my mind a little clearer, and the traffic a little lighter. As I drove, I would offer up a prayer of gratitude for all my blessings as I watched the sun rise up and paint the horizon a million bright new colors. Each day had so much possibility and promise, I couldn’t help but smile. Especially since I knew that when my day was done, I could head home to a woman I adore, and a home filled with love.

But things change, the world evolves, and we have to adapt to whatever life throws at us. Nobody saw the nightmare of a pandemic coming, killing millions of people worldwide, and negatively affecting every person on the face of the earth. But it happened, and unfortunately, it’s still happening. Sometimes, as I look at people on the streets, coming and going, most of them with masks on, the rest with frowns on, it just seems so very dark outside, even when the sun is high in the sky. Will things ever be normal again?

Last week I drove to the UPS Store to drop off some shipments. On my way home, I stopped at a red light on a busy street. I was lost in thought when I heard someone yelling. I looked up and realized an elderly man was yelling at me. What? I rolled down my window and heard him cuss at me for stopping with my truck partially in the crosswalk. He was truly angry and just stood there cursing and telling me what I jerk I am. My first reaction was surprise, then momentary anger, and then for some reason I just went calm. I leaned out the window and apologized. I said, “Hey, I’m sorry. You’re right, my mistake!”

That wasn’t good enough. He just kept berating me and telling me over and over again how people like me are stupid and inconsiderate. For whatever reason, I decided to smile and roll with the punches. As he finally walked away giving me the finger, I smiled and called out to him, “Well, I am truly sorry, and you definitely taught me a lesson!” I couldn’t see if he smiled back.

In my younger days, I would have let that old man have it. But I’m an old man now, and I no longer see myself as the center of the universe. Instead, I try to see the big picture. That elderly man may be struggling with cancer, or he might have recently lost his wife to Covid-19. There is no way for me to know how dark his world is right now. But what I do know is, that I don’t need to make it any darker. The only thing I can do these days is try my best to be a beacon of light and brighten the day of anyone I meet that crosses my path. But… hopefully in doing so, not infringe too much on their path!  

Anger and compassion are not too far apart, 

and whenever possible, anger should give way to compassion.

~ Ernest Hemingway 

Presenting Me - Curated Content at 60 (By Debby Thrailkill)

To “Curate” is to select, organize and present, much like wine is made. “Content” has several meanings: As a noun, it means “substance within, distinct in its form and style”. As an adjective, it means “state of peaceful happiness, satisfied with a certain level of achievement, good fortune, and not wishing for more”.

Certain milestones in life cause us to take stock of ourselves. As my 60th birthday month approaches, I’ve been thinking about my level of content with my life to date.

Like grapes from California’s wine country, I have been greatly influenced by the ground beneath me. Sunny and easy-going California days from the 1960s through today have enabled me to have a positive outlook, an easy smile, and a generous spirit. My loving Mom and good friends have taught me faith in God, my most valued gift. My Dad taught me to do what was right. Success in the community at work, and in charity, has built confidence. My amazing husband has been my rock and encouraged me to reach deeper, to improve with age. Joe has loved me infinitely. Substance has come from challenges, including loss, divorce, parenting, navigating relationships, and health concerns; and I’m fine-tuning style with a sense of awareness as opportunities present.

With wine, it’s substance and clarity are judged by tilting a glass sideways over a white surface, so as to fully assess its depth of character. The last two years have been my biggest challenge, and I felt tilted! I focused on family, doing what was right, and helping others as much as possible. Regarding substance, I am content, always leaving room for improvement.

As far as clarity, as my friend, artist Hyatt Moore, puts it, I want to be “of God” as much as possible. In everything I do, I pray to be surrounded by others who strive to be of Him. With that I will be at peace and satisfied, with my curated content.

Next month I will be celebrating my birthday in California’s wine country with those I hold dear. We will taste wines, eat charcuterie, and laugh into the late hours. It will be a state of peaceful happiness, my good fortune, and I couldn’t wish for more!

So shines a good deed in a weary world. 

 ~ Willy Wonka  

The Tail of the Pony - Part 2

Last week’s message (Part 1) was wrapped around how long hair taught me not to judge others. That stupid ponytail (which I had for many years) also came into play later on in my life when it helped me learn the true meaning of love and sacrifice. Let me explain…

In 2000, I was 45 years old and still wearing my hair in a long ponytail. It had become symbolic of my youth and a reminder that I should always follow my own path in life regardless of what others think. My wife loved it and wouldn’t let me cut if I wanted to, and guess I just loved being different.

Unfortunately, my Dad, a Captain in the Marine Corps, didn’t love my long hair like I did. He didn’t even like my long hair a little bit and often asked me with a wry smile, “When you gonna get that sh$%&#t cut off?”. My Dad never spoke to me in a mean way, quite the opposite. But he did enjoy giving me a bit of a hard time in a good-natured way. Our relationship was really special because I looked up to him and admired him on so many levels. Despite being the winner of the Marine Corps Medal of Valor, he was the humblest man I ever met, and also one of the smartest. He loved to teach me things and instilled in me at a young age, the desire to learn, which has served me well throughout my life. He was a soldier, a scholar, loyal to his friends, faithful to his wife, and loving to his children.

I will never forget the day he asked me if I would go with him to the hospital for a follow up visit. I had noticed he was having trouble swallowing, but didn’t know that it was getting serious. When the Doctor closed the door and sat down and sighed, I got butterflies in my stomach. When the Doctor finally spoke and told my Dad that he had esophageal cancer, and it wasn’t curable, I thought I was going to throw up. I was fighting back tears as I looked at my Dad, but he wasn’t upset at all. He thanked the Doctor for doing what he could and asked him, “How long?” That’s when I really lost it.

They operated on my Dad one last time in January 2001, but he never got well enough to leave the hospital. I visited him almost every day and when he could speak, which wasn’t often, we had some good laughs. I don’t remember him ever complaining about his medical issues. In fact, he kept his sense of humor and even needled me about my hair one last time. The next day I made a decision that just felt right… and when I walked into his hospital room carrying my former ponytail in my hand, he smiled a huge smile and said, “You know, I think I was wrong. You look like sh$%&#t with short hair!” He laughed, I laughed, and I hugged him and told him I loved him. He died a few weeks later but I carry a picture with me everywhere I go, a picture of him and I at the hospital that day, as a reminder of the true meaning of love… the willingness to sacrifice for the good of others. 

Sacrifice is a part of life. It’s supposed to be. 

It’s not something to regret. It’s something to aspire to.

~ Mitch Albom

The Tail of the Pony - Part 1

Long ago, when I was in High School, I wanted to grow my hair long. I loved rock and roll music and all the rock stars had long hair, and they got all the girls, right? But… I was young, it was the 70’s, and at our High School they wouldn’t let boys have hair below their collar. For that matter, girls couldn’t have skirts above their knees either. Times were tough back then!

Later, when I in my 20’s and started working for a living, I was old enough to wear my hair anyway I wanted. But…people judged you if you had long hair. They thought you were either a hippie or a bum. So I held off my desire to have long hair in an effort to fit in. I cared a lot about what people thought.

When I hit my late 30’s, everything in my life changed. I met and married a woman who inspired me to greatness. Not that I am great, but she definitely helped me achieve so many great goals in life that I never thought I could achieve. The first thing she did was encourage me to quit caring so much about what other people thought. She helped me realize that it wasn’t how I looked that mattered. It was who I was as a person, my character, work ethic, and morals that mattered.  

So I grew a long blond ponytail, but always kept my hair neat and clean and tied back when I was working. Unfortunately, I did occasionally get funny looks from people, and since I was a business owner who often called on some of the largest corporations in So Cal, I sometimes did have trouble getting my foot in the door. But… with my wife’s encouragement, and her help running the business, we enjoyed tremendous success, opening five branches, and winning dozens of industry awards. But even more important than awards, were the life lessons I learned along the way, especially about judging people, which served me well this past weekend. Let me explain…

A Light Pole fell at a Marriot Hotel in Anaheim Friday and caused a lot of damage. So, I had an emergency call over the weekend to do a Pole Inspection. As I was working, I caught sight of someone watching me. She appeared to be a short, older woman, probably one of the housekeepers because of her Hotel uniform and name tag. I kept working when I heard her ask, “Hey Mister, what are you doing?” My first thought was to ignore her. But then I remembered the ponytail thing, so I stood up and politely responded, explaining how I was checking Light Poles for rust. She asked me several insightful questions and explained that she had noticed there was a problem with the poles rusting a few months ago, and was really glad I was there. She then explained that she is the Senior Service Manager for Marriot and has been with for Marriot for over twenty years. Wow! If I had judged her based on her look, I would have a made a huge mistake. I am so glad I haven’t forgotten the lesson about how judging people based on looks only creates problems for them and me!

A man who trims himself to suit everybody else, 

will soon whittle himself away.

~ Poor Richard’s Philosophy