A Little Bit of Hangin

Can you believe that tomorrow marks the start of another new year! Hard to believe another year has gone by and as I reflect back on 2018, I have some questions for myself. Was I too busy to coach the team? To distracted to take a walk on the beach with my wife? To stressed to take the grandkids to the park? too focused on myself to notice the beautiful faces around me? It’s so easy to take people for granted, especially the ones we love.

Recently I read a book that included interesting stories about political figures. One story that caught my attention was about Abraham Lincoln. A mother of a soldier who was accused of treason, was begging the President to pardon her son. The boy was to be hanged but at the last minute, Lincoln granted the pardon. However, he left the mother with these parting words, “Still, I wish we could teach him a lesson. I wish we could give him just a little bit of hangin’”.

I think I know what old Honest Abe had in mind. When I was 29 years, I had a two-year-old baby boy. We were visiting our in-laws at their ranch house in Fallbrook, hanging out the pool enjoying a nice summer day. I was talking to a friend for just a moment, and when I turned around, I didn’t see my little boy anywhere. My heart stopped, but before I could even move, I saw a friend pulling the child from the pool, coughing, choking and spitting up a jacuzzi worth of water.

I was severely traumatized by what happened. For the rest of the day I held onto that baby as tightly as I could, wrapping my heart around his, and thanking God that I did not lose him. I recognize now that I had been taking him for granted and that if anything would have happened to him, it would have killed me. It truly was… a little bit of hangin’.

In my briefcase, I keep a picture of my wife and all four of our children. One of the pictures is of my youngest son, who is now fully grown. I have my arm wrapped around him with the ocean in the background. I keep that picture with me so I will remember what God doesn’t want me to forget, which is to cherish those I love. And you better believe I won’t forget it. I don’t want any more hangin’, not even a little bit!

The poison of the ordinary can deaden 

your senses to the magic of the moment.

~ Max Lucado

Invaluable

The Christmas season should be a time of joyful celebration, a time spent with family and friends, punctuated with delicious food and ever so sweet sweets. But for a lot of people, the holiday season can be a very stressful time filled with extra work and worry, too little time, and too little money.

I have a large family with four children and six grandchildren, so trust me I know about stress during the holiday season. My wife, bless her heart, always takes care of picking out the gifts so at least I don’t have that stress. But I still have to figure out where we’re going, how we’re going to get there, who we’re going to see, and when we’re going to see them. Not to mention dealing with certain relatives that are certainly not easy to deal with. And of course, paying for a bunch of gifts. However, that’s nothing compared to the stress of a single Mother I know who cleans homes for a living and can barely feed her 6 kids, let alone buy them presents. Or the sick friend I visited in the hospital on Saturday who will be there over Christmas and doesn’t even know when he will get out. Their stress levels are obviously a lot higher than mine.

But as I thought about all the reasons there are to be stressed out, it occurred to me that I actually stopped “stressing out” in 1988. Before that year, I had believed in God but kept him at a comfortable distance. I was a young man focused on his career, working crazy hours, and chasing crazy dreams albeit with slightly skewed priorities. Then the storm came; my health failed, my marriage went south, and my career started spiraling down the toilet. Career, status, titles… all of a sudden, they held no value. But it was at that moment, when I was at my lowest, that I realized what I really needed to value... my own personal relationship with God. Once I started trusting him and valuing him, he removed my stress and gave me the gift of inner peace and good will.

So this Christmas season as I shop for valuable gifts for my family, I won’t forget the most valuable gift I ever received… It’s the reason for the season!

"And there were shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flocks by night, and lo the angel of the lord came upon them and the glory of the lord shone round about them, and they were sore afraid, and the angel said unto them, fear not, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a savior who is Christ the Lord. And suddenly there was with the angels a multitude of the heavenly hosts, praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth - peace, good will toward men."

I Now Know

The Christmas season is here and for the first time in decades, most of our family is going out of town. I’m not saying that I’m afraid we’re going to be lonely, but when you have a huge family with four children and six grandchildren and lots of in-laws, Christmas is usually a big, chaotic, fun-filled, awesome event. So maybe what I’m really afraid of… is that my wife will be lonely. (Hopefully not!)

The fear of not having my family around reminds me of my worst Christmas ever. When I was 19 years old I moved up to San Francisco and was attending UC Berkeley, working two part time jobs, and engaged to my High School sweetheart. I was in love and thought my future looked very bright. Then it happened. Winter came, the skies turned dark, the city got fogged in, and my fiancé dumped me (and of course she kept the ring) causing me to go into a deep dark personal fog. The cold wet weather combined with the pain of being depressed and lonely in an unfamiliar city, was more than I could handle.

So I packed up my meager belongings, loaded them into my crappy old Datsun pickup truck, and headed back home to San Diego where I had grown up. Only I never made it that far because I ran out of money by the time I hit the Orange County line. It was cold and raining that first night, which made me wonder if the weather had followed me from San Francisco or if that was just a permanent black cloud hanging over my head. Either way, I was miserable. To make things worse, the only place I could afford to stay was the cheap Ambassador Inn on Harbor Boulevard in Costa Mesa. Trust me, my meager belongings and crappy old truck fit right in with the rest of the derelicts.

I was beyond depressed. I basically had no money, no friends, and no job. But since it was Christmas time, I decided to buy a tiny Christmas tree for my motel room thinking it might cheer me up. It didn’t. In fact, the only thing sadder in that room than me, was that tiny little tree. I can vividly remember sitting on the edge of the bed, praying to God for help. With the fear welling up on the inside of me, and the tears welling up on the outside of me, I was positive that I was going to be alone forever!

Somehow, I made it through that night… and the next one. A week later I landed a job at a gas station, made a few friends and got on with my life. But… I wish I had known then what I know now. I wish I could go back in time and tell that young man that nobody ever has to fear being alone. You see, my faith was just starting back then, but it has fully matured now. I now know that I was never alone. I now know that there was someone sitting right next to me on that cheap motel room bed all night long, with his loving arms draped around me. And I now know his heart ached for me as much as my heart ached with loneliness. More importantly, I also now know… that he knew all along… that I would be okay! 

The difficulties in life are designed to make us better, not bitter.

~ Anonymous