In Consideration

Several years ago, my oldest son sent me a card that I have always cherished. In fact, I use it as a bookmark in my Bible because in the card he wrote, “Your constant attempt to be a good person every day is a real inspiration to me.” That statement means a great deal to me for two reasons. First, it felt good to hear that I am setting a good example for my children and second, it serves as strong motivation for me to keep trying to be a good person every single day. Well…please don’t tell my son, but last week I blew it, big time!

I hate to say it, but I was totally and irreversibly inconsiderate to another human being. Let me explain. On Tuesday morning at 6am, I loaded my truck with two heavy pallets of steel base covers and then noticed my two back tires looked like they were half way flat. I decided to stop at the first gas station along my route to San Bernardino and it’s a good thing I did because they were both really low. However, as long as I was stopped, I thought I would go inside and get some snacks for the long road trip. When I got to the counter, I remembered I didn’t have any cash, but they had an ATM machine. So I got out of line and went to go get some quick cash. Then I got back in line which was now 5 people deep. It took forever but I finally paid and went back out to my truck. Then I thought I might as well check my front tires while I’m here. As soon as I bent down to start filling up a front tire a man came around the front of my truck and said, “Really! Are you serious! I’ve been waiting ever since you pulled in to get air for my fricking’ tires. How the hell much longer are you going to be?” I immediately realized my mistake and apologized over and over again, and then jumped in my truck and left feeling like dirt. That guy must have been waiting for at least 15 minutes or more, so I’m surprised he didn’t punch me in the nose!

Obviously, I didn’t do it on purpose. When I first pulled in I didn’t notice that another car had pulled in right next to me and was waiting for the machine. But the reason I didn’t notice is because I wasn’t paying attention to other people and the world around me like I should have been. Instead, I was totally wrapped up in my own self and my own needs. I felt really bad about what happened, because I constantly see other people being inconsiderate and acting unaware of their surroundings…and now I was truly one of them.

And that got me thinking… Being human, it’s hard for me not to mess up once in a while. So I came up with three things I can do when it happens. First, I can offer a sincere apology. Second, I can do my best to make it right. (Like instead of speeding away I could have given the guy an “In-N-Out” Card to make up for wasting his time.) Or if that’s not possible, then third, I could give extra consideration to a random stranger. So- in consideration of being stupidly inconsiderate - I went golfing the next day and gave out $20 tips to three different attendants with a note card that said, “Your constant attempt to give me good service every time I come here, is a real inspiration to me!” Maybe those note cards will make good bookmarks some day!

Being considerate of others will take your children 

farther in life than any college degree. 

~ Marian Wright Edelman

GG's Thanksgiving

In October, my wife and I went to Kauai for a long awaited two-week vacation. We’ve never been more relaxed, happy or thankful as we were during that time. As we laid out in the warm tropical sun with the beautiful blue ocean right in front of us, we talked about how good life was at that moment. Our family was healthy, and our relationship was stronger than ever. So, we had a lot to be thankful for… until we got home.

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As soon as we got back, bad news struck. My 83-year old Mom was rushed to the hospital due to multiple health issues. She was diagnosed with severe COPD, congestive heart failure, pneumonia and failing kidneys. The doctor gave her only days to live, so I have been driving out to Murrieta every day to be at the hospital by her side. She is so frail she can’t even move her arms to hug me, so I make sure I hug her… a lot. But there’s one thing about my Mom, she’s always been really strong, and she became even stronger when my Dad passed away in 2001. For the past 16 years her strength has helped her to make a good life on her own, while she has helped her family and her many close friends have a good life as well.

My Mom’s favorite thing in life has always been celebrating holidays. I have never met anyone who has more Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas decorations than my Mom. Even now, she has a huge mini-storage unit packed with decorations, which she refers to as “treasures”. It was always so much fun to visit her because she would totally deck out her house with those beautiful decorations and treat her guests to great home style southern cooking as well. Therefore, the house would always be packed with loving family members who affectionately refer to her as “GG”, greatest grandma ever! So I will truly miss those times, especially with Thanksgiving right around the corner.

And that got me thinking… Looking back on our Kauai vacation, I can see how easy it was to be thankful when everything was going right. Being thankful is easy when you have a lot to be thankful for. The hard thing to do, is to be thankful when things are not going so well. For example, it’s really hard to be thankful when you’re holding the hand of someone you love, and you know you might be holding it for the very last time. As strong as she is, I don’t know if GG will be here for this coming Thanksgiving celebration. But one thing I do know… because of all she gave to others throughout her life, she will always be a treasure to me!  

Joan "GG" Thrailkill, circa 1952

We can only be said to be alive…  

in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.

~ Thorton Wilder

Give Me A Break

I’ve been living in a small beach house right on the sand for over 5 years now and I absolutely love it. It’s such a beautiful place to live, but there is one strange thing that happens here that probably doesn’t happen as often at other beaches along our coast line. The sand will be smooth and shining and totally inviting one day and then the next day millions of rocks show up out of nowhere, completely covering the warm soft sand, making it super difficult and painful to get to the water. A day or two later, they are gone.

Some people have told me that the rocks don’t just “show up”. They say that the ocean occasionally churns up a ton of sand, washing it onto the beach, which then covers up the rocks, and then the sand washes back out. Well, that’s not true because I’ve seen the rocks washing in and heard them clanking up onto the shore many times. The rocks come and they go and yet there doesn’t seem to be any pattern to it.

On Friday evening I witnessed a perfect beach scene. The sand along the shore was totally pristine white and the ocean was so blue and calm that I figured I would get up early and take my paddleboard out for a ride. However, when I woke up the next morning, the sand was once again completely covered by rocks and all I could do was mutter under my breath, “Oh, give me a break!” I was really looking forward to paddle-boarding, but walking over the rocks and then getting slammed by the smaller stones as I waded out in the water made me turn around and hang my board back up.

As I went back into the house, I thought about what I had just asked for, “Give me a break.” Then I paused to ponder, who was I talking to? Was I asking the ocean to give me a break? The ocean doesn’t have ears. Was I talking to the plucky pelicans who were resting nearby on the top of the water? They have ears but I doubt they can understand me. Or was I asking God to give me a break? He has ears to hear and He understands, but I hope He wasn’t listening to me because I wouldn’t want Him to think I was complaining, especially since most of the time the beach, the water, the sand, and my life are pretty darn perfect.

So why was I angry and complaining and asking for a break when I shouldn’t be? I’ll tell you why. Because I’m a stupid, selfish human being who gets frustrated when things aren’t exactly the way I want them to be. I don’t just get frustrated with the ocean, I get frustrated with my fellow man as well. But yet how many times in my life have I asked other people to give me a break because I messed up and didn’t do something the way they wanted it done? Lots of times, for sure!

And that got me thinking… What would the world be like, if everyone gave everyone else the break they hope to receive?

Sometimes life can be pretty smooth...

And sometimes life can be a little rocky!

If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size?

~ Sydney J. Harris