Lumps and Bumps

One thing I’m sure of is that life is unpredictable and will always be filled with ups and downs. Sometimes though, I’m not sure whether I’m in the middle of an up or a down? I know that sounds crazy but let me explain.

Around August of last year when the pandemic was in full swing, I got a lump in my throat. No, not the kind you get when you’re scared, although this particular lump was starting to scare me because it was making it hard to swallow. That stupid lump was becoming a growing bump and to make eating even harder, in September I drove through a Carl’s Jr. and broke a tooth when I bit into a Famous Star cheeseburger.

The broken tooth forced me to go see my dentist, who by the way is an amazing guy. He’s younger than me, better looking than me, and way better at golf than me. He surfs, plays guitar, and makes everyone around him feel good about themselves, including his patients and staff. His warm personality and infectious smile make me actually want to go see my dentist… how crazy is that! While I was there getting my tooth fixed, I asked him to check out my lump/bump and he immediately referred me to an excellent oral surgeon.

I waited for months because of Covid, but finally went to the oral surgeon this April after being fully vaccinated. He didn’t like the look of my lump, called it a nasty looking bump, and said he needed to do a biopsy on it right away. I went back in for the surgery and they sent the biopsy sample to the lab at UCLA Medical. Two painful, hard to eat weeks later, I was informed that my biopsy sample had been lost? What the heck! Are you joking me! So unfortunately, I had to go back to the oral surgeon and have a second biopsy done. Now I really was starting to get a lump in my throat from worrying about this situation for so long.

For six straight days I prayed for a good outcome and let my faith keep me strong and positive. On the seventh day, I received a phone call from the oral surgeon. The first thing he said was, “Your lumpy bump is non-cancerous.” He let that sit for a moment while I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Then he went on to explain in unintelligible medical terms what caused it and how it should eventually go away on its own. For the rest of that day, and every day since, I have been giving thanks for my good health. Even this morning, before I sat down to write this Monday Message, I said a prayer of thanks for being healthy, a prayer of thanks for my friend the dentist, and a prayer of thanks for the oral surgeon. (For some reason though, I may have forgotten to say thanks for the lousy post office courier that lost my biopsy sample!)

Anyway, that got me thinking about what happened… Was that an up? Or a down? Being worried that I might have cancer was a definite downer but waking up every day being super thankful that I am actually healthy is the ultimate upper. Maybe I just need to remember that the road of life is always going to be filled with lumps and bumps… but faith and friends sure can help to smooth it out!

  

Epilogue… While waiting for the outcome of my biopsy, I forced myself to consider what would happen if it came back as some form of bad cancer. How would I handle that outcome? Would my intense faith enable me to stay strong and positive, or would I freak out and give up? As I pondered this extremely difficult question, my mind kept drifting back to my friend the dentist, who is also a man of very strong faith, a man that makes the world a better place through his commitment to others. And that’s when it became very clear to me exactly how I should live my life… regardless of the outcome.

Every bump in the road is an opportunity to overcome a challenge.

                  ~ Sylvia Ressi

Last week’s Monday Message talked about living near the water and worrying about being financially underwater as it relates to giving money to our kids. But the main question in the story was, “What do our young people truly need from us?” And after a lot of thought, perhaps the answer lies in the water!

A couple of weeks I received a phone call from my oldest daughter. She said that two of her children, Jack and Andie, were going to be baptized on Sunday. I loved hearing that two of my grandchildren, who are teenagers, were making such an important decision. She then said that Jack wanted to speak with me. When Jack got on the phone he asked, “Grandpa Joe, will you be the one that goes in the water with me?” Apparently, when children are being baptized the Pastor stands to one side and a family member helps to lower the child into the water while a blessing is given.

I told young Jack that it would be an honor to be involved in his baptism, but in the back of my mind I was surprised that he asked me. I mean, I’m just an “old dude” who is probably not cool at all to a young teenager. But then again, I do spend a lot of time with my kids and grandkids, and I do try to set a good example for them. And besides “Dumb Dad Jokes” I do try to pass along some wisdom now and then.

And that got me thinking… I have lived an amazing life filled with love, hope, adventure, excitement, and challenges beyond my imagination. I’ve made lots of mistakes, but I’ve learned lots of lessons. And through it all, the one lesson that stands out the most is that as long as I have faith in God, I will have happiness and joy in my life. So if I want to help my children and grandchildren find happiness in their lives, it won’t matter if I am financially underwater. It only matters if I am willing to go under water with them.   

Children are 25% of our population but 100% of our future.

~ Robert Brault

Underwater - Part 1

Where we live there is a beautiful double wide beach front lot on one side and a giant 3-story home on the other side. The empty lot has been there since the beginning of time, but last week it finally went up for sale, probably because real estate prices have skyrocketed.

As far as the 3-story home on the other side, we don’t really know the owner because he rents it out non-stop all year long, charging thousands of dollars per week. But recently, my wife ran into him when he stopped by to check on his rental home. She asked him if he knew that the empty lot was now up for sale and his eyes got big. He told my wife, “Yes, and I plan on buying that lot if I can get it for under $10 million. Then I plan on building two more 3-story rental homes.” Since the man looks to be in his sixties, that plan seemed pretty ambitious to me and my first thought was, why not enjoy what you already have?

Our neighbor went on to explain to my wife. “Rental homes at the beach are awesome money-making machines! I want to have lots of money rolling in so I can set up my children and grandchildren, so they don’t have to work.”

When my wife told me what he said, I had to stop and think about it. We have 4 children and I definitely enjoy helping them and doing things for them. Last week for example, I helped my youngest daughter and son-in-law install lights and fans at their new home. I also used my truck to pick up patio furniture for my oldest daughter and deliver it to her home. But it has never occurred to me to make life “financially easy” for them and set them up so they don’t have to work. I guess I have always felt that life is supposed to be hard so that we become resourceful and resilient… and that when we have to work for something, we appreciate it more.

But my neighbor’s comment got me thinking… What if I lived near the water, but was financially underwater in my life and didn’t have any money to leave to my children? Would that be a bad thing? Or the more important question is... "What is it that young people truly need from us? 

We might not make bank deposits every day,

but each day of our lives we do make deposits into the memory banks of our children.

~ Charles R. Swindoll

Downside Up (from May 16th, 2011)

Do you ever feel like everything is going wrong and it’s never going to get better? I know I have, especially the last three years with our down economy and so many friends out of work. I thought by the time I reached my fifties I would have it made and not have to work so hard or stress out so much, but the truth is I am working harder than ever and making less money. Plus I’ve got some gray hair creeping in and weird medical problems, so it’s easy to get down and think things will never get better. 

But recently something happened that reminded me there is an “upside” to every “downside”.  As many of you know, my wife is on the Board of Directors for the South County Outreach and there are many people who work there volunteering their time to help needy families. One woman in particular (call her Mary) has worked there for free for many years despite not having much money of her own. Mary lives in a small place with her Mom nearby and not long ago she suffered a stroke but recovered and despite some physical limitations, is still volunteering her time every week to help others in need.

Last week a stranger came to the South County Outreach and dropped off an envelope for Mary. The stranger asked to remain anonymous but apparently represented an organization that does random acts of kindness for deserving people. Inside the envelope was a cashier’s check made out to Mary for $5,000.00. There was only one stipulation with the money, that Mary keep it and not donate it to the charity where she works. Apparently they had done their homework on Mary and knew she would be inclined to immediately help others rather than herself, but they also knew she needed money for some hefty medical bills. I only wish I could have been there to see Mary’s face because my wife said it was an incredible moment she will never forget.

And that got me thinking……The Bible says that when God created man, He created him in his own image. To me that verse means that if God is a loving and compassionate being, which I believe He is, then men and women were created to be loving and compassionate beings. And what I have noticed is that when times are tough, we really don’t have to look far to see people helping people. Be thankful for the downside times because it truly gives us a chance to show our upside!

Only Lonely... For a While

I am excited that we are finally going in the right direction with this pandemic. For the first time in 13 months, my wife and I enjoyed a meal at a restaurant. We ate outside on the patio, sharing a meal with good friends, enjoying good conversation, and it was awesome! All of us were vaccinated, so it felt safe, and it felt good. Funny how you can appreciate things like that so much more when you haven’t been able to do them in a very long time.

But it wasn’t the restaurant or the meal that made things special. It was spending time with friends that made it fun. And that got me thinking about the “loneliness” created by the pandemic. I am lucky because I have a loving wife to keep me company. But during this past year I’m sure there were tons of people who felt truly and totally alone in the worst way. Loneliness can create a great deal of pain… but I have discovered it is usually temporary.

My first experience with loneliness came as a young man of 19 when my girlfriend dumped me and broke my heart. I was devastated, so I dropped out of college and moved to Orange County. I took a minimum wage job at a gas station, didn’t know anyone or have any friends yet, and lived at a cheap motel off Harbor Boulevard in Costa Mesa. I spent Christmas by myself in my motel room, with a tiny Christmas tree, sobbing and aching from the pain of loneliness. I know loneliness is a mental state, but I swear the pain radiated throughout my entire body like a thousand knives endlessly stabbing me. I remember that moment very clearly… and I remember praying for God’s help through my tears.

Six months went by and I landed a new job working in the warehouse of a lighting supply company. I made friends there and met other people who worked nearby. Pretty soon I had small group of trusted friends, a much better paying job, and my eye on a cute girl that worked in the same complex. Loneliness was no longer an issue and the fact that I was able to bounce back, when I was sure I was going to die, taught me two important lessons. First, loneliness is not a character flaw. In fact, it actually serves an adaptive function, encouraging us to seek out and create authentic, loving connections, which in turn improves our quality of life. Second, we are never truly alone if we are connected to God, who in His infinite wisdom always seems to know exactly what I need in my life.

 

Sometimes the storms of life come to teach us that God is in control, 

that we must lean on Him and learn to be thankful for the richness of His blessings.