Darkest Before the Dawn

Is the world a little darker than usual right now? Or is it just me?

Two years ago, my typical workday started early, with darkness outside my window. I would climb into my truck before the sun came up, and head out to do light pole inspection projects. I liked starting early when the world is a little quieter, my mind a little clearer, and the traffic a little lighter. As I drove, I would offer up a prayer of gratitude for all my blessings as I watched the sun rise up and paint the horizon a million bright new colors. Each day had so much possibility and promise, I couldn’t help but smile. Especially since I knew that when my day was done, I could head home to a woman I adore, and a home filled with love.

But things change, the world evolves, and we have to adapt to whatever life throws at us. Nobody saw the nightmare of a pandemic coming, killing millions of people worldwide, and negatively affecting every person on the face of the earth. But it happened, and unfortunately, it’s still happening. Sometimes, as I look at people on the streets, coming and going, most of them with masks on, the rest with frowns on, it just seems so very dark outside, even when the sun is high in the sky. Will things ever be normal again?

Last week I drove to the UPS Store to drop off some shipments. On my way home, I stopped at a red light on a busy street. I was lost in thought when I heard someone yelling. I looked up and realized an elderly man was yelling at me. What? I rolled down my window and heard him cuss at me for stopping with my truck partially in the crosswalk. He was truly angry and just stood there cursing and telling me what I jerk I am. My first reaction was surprise, then momentary anger, and then for some reason I just went calm. I leaned out the window and apologized. I said, “Hey, I’m sorry. You’re right, my mistake!”

That wasn’t good enough. He just kept berating me and telling me over and over again how people like me are stupid and inconsiderate. For whatever reason, I decided to smile and roll with the punches. As he finally walked away giving me the finger, I smiled and called out to him, “Well, I am truly sorry, and you definitely taught me a lesson!” I couldn’t see if he smiled back.

In my younger days, I would have let that old man have it. But I’m an old man now, and I no longer see myself as the center of the universe. Instead, I try to see the big picture. That elderly man may be struggling with cancer, or he might have recently lost his wife to Covid-19. There is no way for me to know how dark his world is right now. But what I do know is, that I don’t need to make it any darker. The only thing I can do these days is try my best to be a beacon of light and brighten the day of anyone I meet that crosses my path. But… hopefully in doing so, not infringe too much on their path!  

Anger and compassion are not too far apart, 

and whenever possible, anger should give way to compassion.

~ Ernest Hemingway