Family Matters

Two things happened last week that reminded me of an important concept. The concept of family.

On Tuesday, our company gave a live presentation to a major property management firm. For the first time ever, instead of going it alone, I took four members of our sales team to help me make the presentation. (I think I was more nervous about speaking in front of my sales team than I was about speaking in front of a large group of customers.) Our plan was that I would make opening remarks, the rest of the team would chip in with the different benefits and services we offer, and then I would close. We even had a detailed PowerPoint to help tell our “story”.  But at the last minute, I decided that our “story” should wrap around the concept of family, that we are a family owned business, we treat our employees like family, we treat our vendors like family, and that if this group would give us a chance… we would treat them like family too.

On Saturday, my own personal family got together for a fun night out. My wife and I, along with three of our children and their significant others, met at “T-Spoons” in San Juan Capistrano for a cooking class. It’s a fun place where you learn to cook while you drink wine and socialize…and then to top it off, you get to eat a great meal together. Half way through the event a thought occurred to me. I am very blessed that my adult children enjoy spending time together and even more blessed that they are willing to include my wife and I in some of their group outings. I guess you could say our family is tight because we do actually treat each other like family.

I think Tuesday’s presentation went well because we’ve already started getting business from it and I think the “T-Spoons” cooking class also went well because everyone definitely had fun and a full stomach when we left. So at this point in my life, I recognize that I am blessed to have a great family and by that I mean, 4 kids, 6 grandkids, 14 employees, 110 vendors, 750 customers and dozens of close friends. To me, they are all family and worthy of my love and respect… and I should never take any of them for granted.

On Sunday, I still had family on my mind when I saw a man walking down Beach Road. There was a little boy walking next to him with his tiny little fist clenched tightly to his Daddy’s big hand and it was obvious he felt safe and happy. All of a sudden the man swooped the little boy up into his arms and said something to him. Then he gave him a big kiss and set him back down on the sidewalk. It was an obvious expression of love and maybe it was also God’s way of reminding me that it only takes two people to create a family… and more importantly that even if we don’t have family or a father here on earth… we will always have a heavenly father and be a part of His family forever. 

You don’t get to choose your family. 

They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.

~ Desmond Tutu 

Thank You For Your Service

Recently I played golf with a buddy and we got paired up with two young men in their early 20’s. They were both good golfers and I could also tell they were very close friends by the way they constantly ribbed each other. As I often do when I meet new people, I asked them what they did for a living. Practically in unison they answered, “We’re United States Marines, sir. Infantrymen.”

Since I was raised in a Marine Corps family, I have great respect for all our service men and women, so I responded immediately. “Well then let me thank you both for your service.” They smiled at my small gesture of gratitude but at the same time I felt sad inside that these two men, who were so nice and so young, would soon be putting themselves in harm’s way to protect the rest of us. Saying, “Thank you” is nice, but on my way home I just kept thinking that I, in fact all of us, should do more to show our appreciation.

As I drove home I heard a story on the radio that reinforced my thinking. It was about a long-time San Diego Police Officer and how he found a unique way to show his appreciation for our military personnel. He was working in the San Diego Harbor area last weekend when he noticed a mini-van parked near the water’s edge. A young woman with two small children stood nearby. The children were only 2 and 4 years old and both were waving furiously as a large military ship motored slowly out of the harbor. The kids were screaming, “By Daddy, we love you”, over and over again. For a police officer who has seen so much unkindness over the years, this was a touching moment. He drove his police vehicle over next to the family and offered the children his microphone so they could amplify their farewell wishes to their Daddy. There is no way to know if their father heard them, but that’s not the point. Police Officers, Firemen and Military Personnel all put their lives on the line everyday to protect the rest of us and while we typically think of them of them as toughened, hard-nosed characters, the truth is quite the opposite. To be willing to sacrifice your own life for others is the ultimate sacrifice and truly models the heart of Jesus.

On Friday I was still thinking about that San Diego Policeman when I caught a little bit of the Presidential Inauguration Ceremonies on TV. I am not a huge fan of Donald Trump (although I do have high hopes for his success) but the main reason I watched is because I enjoy seeing the top-ranking members of our government surrounded by every division of our military at the beautiful US Capital Building in Washington, DC. The pomp and circumstance is awesome and it reminds millions of us that we live in the greatest country in the world, a country filled with people who are willing to sacrifice for others. I know Donald Trump’s theme is to “Make America Great Again”. But if you ask me or any cop, firemen or military person, I think we would all agree that he should change that wording to be “Keep America Great!”

This, then, is the state of the union: Free and restless, growing and full of hope. 

So it was in the beginning, so it shall always be, 

while God is willing and we are strong enough to keep the faith.

~ President Lyndon B. Johnson

Forever Impression

I’ve been driving a truck since I was 16 years old and I always will. I guess it just fits my personality because owning a truck enables me to do so much more than I can with a car… and it was early on in my life that I learned that doing more... truly can make a difference.

In 1969 my parents had a small avocado grove in Fallbrook, California and I helped them take care of it even though I was only 14 years old. Our neighbor to the north had a much larger avocado grove that covered 28 acres and he hired migrant workers from Mexico to help him with irrigation, picking and pruning every year. The same four men showed up every season and just about every penny they earned they sent back to their families in Mexico. One man in particular, I will never forget. His name was Paco.

Paco spoke a little bit of English, and I spoke a little bit of Spanish, and somehow we connected. He and his crew would work 10 hour days, 7 days a week, for months at a time and if our family had any food left over, I would take it to share with them. They would be so grateful and Paco always had the biggest smile of all! When I told him my dream was to buy a truck someday, he offered to let me work with him. His rancher boss agreed and for 6 days a week all summer, 10 hours a day, I worked alongside Paco pruning massive avocado trees. I got tired and sometimes went home early, but not Paco, he had a family to feed. Even though I was just a teen-ager I picked up on the “work ethic” that Paco and his crew embodied. They worked hard every day, rain or shine, and never complained. I remember the rancher telling me they were only supposed to work 5 days a week, but their families were poor, so they worked extra hard to earn as much as possible.

One day, working way up high in a tree, I sliced a deep gash into my leg with a tree-saw. I cried out for help and Paco came running. He climbed up the tree, helped me down, and wrapped my leg with his bandana. He then carried me a half mile back to my house so my Mom could take me to the doctor. Around 6pm that evening I called the Rancher to tell him what happened, but he already knew. In fact, he said Paco was still working past dark to make up for the time he missed carrying me home. That left a huge impression on me that has motivated me many times in my life, to always work hard and always go the extra mile.

With the money I earned that summer I wasn’t able to afford a truck but I did buy a motorcycle, which I used to get back and forth to school every day. I was proud of earning the money myself and grateful for the life lessons my friend Paco taught me. However, the very next year, only three men came to work at our neighbor’s ranch. Paco was not with them. When I asked what happened to Paco, they said he was bitten by a rattle snake crossing the border and died a few days later. The news of Paco’s death hit me hard, really hard, which I guess was just another lesson to be learned. Life does not last forever, but certain people can leave a “forever impression” on us. 

Hard work spotlights the character of people. Some turn up their sleeves, 

some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.

~ Sam Ewing

The Only True Shelter

I woke up early on the morning of New Year’s Day to the sound of raindrops splashing outside my window. My wife was still sleeping, so I walked ever so quietly past the kitchen towards the sliding glass doors that face the ocean. As I opened the doors and peered out, the sun was not quite up yet so the sky was still dark and the ocean a dreary dull gray. The rain was slowly dripping off the roof line creating a gloomy image in stark contrast to the normally beautiful blue ocean view we are blessed with.

Standing there, looking out at the depressing cold gray view, I found myself wishing that it wasn’t raining, that it wasn’t cold, and that it wasn’t winter time. I admit I’ve never liked rain. When it rains, I can’t play golf, I can’t play baseball, I can’t jog, paddle board or ride my bike. It even makes going to work difficult because as I’m sure you are aware, nobody in Southern California can drive properly when it rains. But as I stood there grumbling about the weather and wishing the rain would stop, I realized I was being selfish. We need this rain to help offset the terrible drought we have had for such a long time. So while it might not be good for me personally, it is good for all of us in the big scheme of things.

You know that old saying, “Into every life a little rain must fall”. Well I don’t think that old saying is really about rain. I think it’s about all the different struggles we face in life and how we truly need those problems to shape us and mold us into a stronger, better version of ourselves, where our faith is tested and hopefully proven. So as I’m standing there staring out at the rain, I thought about how it’s a brand new year and a chance for me to make a fresh start to become the best person I can be. I immediately changed my attitude and decided I should go for a bike ride despite the rain. I just need to put on a helmet, or a hat, or a coat with a hoodie. Or better yet, I’ll mount an umbrella onto my handlebars and if the rain gets too bad, I’ll just find shelter and wait it out. And that’s when it hit me. The only true shelter in life is faith! And if we have faith we can face any storm, any struggle, any time, any where!

Adversity is like a strong storm. It tears away from us all but the things 

that cannot be torn, so that we may see ourselves as we really are. 

~ Arthur Golden 

Gift Giving

One of the best things about the Christmas Holiday Season is that you get to create your own special family traditions. My wife and I have started two new traditions in our family and hopefully both of them are creating great memories that will last a lifetime.

Our first new tradition is to take our grandchildren around town to look at Christmas light displays. Thanks to Siri and Google Maps it’s pretty easy to find the neighborhoods that have gone crazy with Christmas Lights. Last year, the entire time we were driving around, our three-year-old granddaughter, Penelope, led us in singing all the classic Christmas songs like Jingle Bells. Okay, so she didn’t know all the words, but she was really good at making up her own words, which cracked everyone up.

Our second new tradition involves the immediate members of our family including my wife, adult children, and their significant others. We usually start by meeting at a restaurant for Sunday Brunch and then the four girls leave to go shopping while the four guys leave to go golfing. Our family is so close and we have so much fun, that most of the time we even meet afterwards for another meal and a chance to laugh and share stories.

I love my family very much, but at Christmas time I do tend to get stressed out over one issue. I hate to admit it, but I have always struggled with gift giving for some reason. It’s not that I don’t care or that I don’t put the time into it, I’m just not very creative compared to other people when it comes to gift giving, so I really stress out about it. Christmas is almost here, so I have already started agonizing over who wants what and what color and what size, and “Can they bring it back if they don’t like it”, etc. I know I am worrying more than I should.

And that got me thinking… It dawned on me that I have already given my family one of the best gifts possible…the gift of time spent with people you love…and I didn’t even have to stand in line or request a stupid gift receipt!

"And there were shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flocks by night, 

and lo the angel of the lord came upon them and the glory of the lord shone round about them, 

and they were sore afraid, and the angel said unto them, fear not, for behold, 

I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. 

For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a savior who is Christ the Lord. 

And suddenly there was with the angels a multitude of the heavenly hosts, 

praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth - peace, good will toward men."

Somebody's Bucket List

I started working in the lighting industry in 1974 and believe it or not, I’m still in it 42 years later. Over all that time I have been extremely fortunate to develop a lot of customers who have become close friends. Unfortunately, they sometimes move on to other companies or retire, soI lose track of them. But last week I saw a friend I hadn’t seen in a really long time.

I first met Dave when I was only 20 years old. He was working for a large firm in Irvine as a Maintenance Supervisor and I was a skinny long-haired kid who was trying to sell light bulbs. I remember being intimidated by Dave at first because he had an important position with a very prestigious company. However, my boss told me that Dave’s company represented huge potential for us as a customer, soI better not be scared and I better not blow it. (I must say my boss at that time had an interesting style of motivating his employees.)

When I first med Dave, he appeared to me to be this big tough Hispanic guy, with a gruff exterior. He would often speak to his staff in Spanish and then turn around and speak to me so fast that I had trouble understanding him. But despite my youth, my inexperience and the fact that I kept saying, “Huh?” every time he spoke, he gave me multiples chances to bid on his projects. Over time I earned Dave’s trust and began to do a lot of business with him, while developing a close friendship as well. Early on I discovered that although Dave might be gruff on the outside, he had a heart of gold on the inside. He often spoke lovingly about his wife and two adopted daughters, so when I ended up adopting a Hispanic child of my own in 1983, I named him “David” and told Dave I named my son after him. He knew that wasn’t true, but I think he still enjoyed it every time I mentioned something about my boy named David.

I hadn’t seen Dave in over 25 years, but last week a mutual friend called me. (Chris worked with Dave at the same company and is still a very good customer and very close friend of mine). Chris said he got a call from Dave who wanted get together for breakfast and reminisce about the good old days. I was surprised that Dave even remembered me, but quickly agreed and we met Monday morning at RJ’s in Dana Point Harbor. It was so great to see Dave again but quite surprising that he would drive 82 miles each way just to have breakfast with me. When I asked Dave why he drove all that way to see me, his eyes watered and his expression softened and he simply said, “I’m 76 now, I have a disease that I can’t shake, and seeing you again was on my bucket list.”

Driving home that evening I couldn’t stop thinking about what Dave said. As a young man, I looked up to Dave and appreciated all that he taught me as a young struggling salesman…and I truly enjoyed our time together immensely. But I had no idea how important I was to him. I do now… and it makes me realize that for every friend that disappoints us, there are plenty of others who just might have us on their “Bucket List”. 

The most I can do for my friend, is to simply be his friend.

~ Henry David Thoreau

Instruction Manual

After a hard day at work I really enjoy relaxing on the couch, watching a good movie. Last week my wife and I were watching a new movie called Bad Santa (whatever you do, don’t watch this one with kids!) when my wife asked if I would like some popcorn. I said, “Sure, but let me get it.” I got up and grabbed a box of microwave popcorn out of the pantry, but I’m no cook, so I asked my wife how long do I nuke this stuff?” She didn’t answer right away (because she was on her phone, which you know…never happens) but then she said, “about 4 minutes.”  

It was probably about 3 ½ minutes later that the fire started. I thought I smelled smoke, turned around and flames were shooting out of the microwave. I jumped off the couch and scrambled to shut that baby down (yelling expletives the whole time). Not only was the popcorn obliterated but it scorched the entire inside of the oven leaving a gooey residue that stunk so bad I was forced to dis-assemble the microwave from the cabinet that very evening and throw it outside into the yard. Guess I should have read the instructions!

So this week guess what? I purchased a new microwave! It took me forever to find the right one because it had to be a small “under-cabinet” style because we don’t have much counter space in our tiny beach house. I found one that would work, but the weird thing is the mounting holes were randomly positioned, which made figuring out where to drill the holes in the cabinet really difficult. I measured several times and finally drilled 4 holes. However, when I tried to mount the stupid thing, I could only get 3 screws to go in. I fought with it for over an hour and finally decided to drill a larger fourth hole and use a fender washer so that the screw wouldn’t fall through the hole. The next day as I was taking out the trash I heard something rumbling around inside the microwave box. It was the operating manual and inside the manual was a paper template for positioning the screw holes. Guess I should have read the instructions!

Maybe it’s a guy thing, but guys like me (you know us real men) don’t like to read instructions because we’re supposed to figure things out on our own, like MacGyver does, right? But then you might ask, “So, how’s that working out for you?”, and you would be right, it doesn’t always work out for me. Which got me thinking that there are always going to be problems in life that pop up (like popcorn) and need fixing. But where is the instruction manual for life? Where can I find the wisdom and direction I need to solve problems and be happy? What book has all the answers? Last night I figured it out as we were watching another movie. It was a really old Dino De Laurentiis movie starring George C. Scott. It was pretty good. It was called, “The Bible”.

All the misery and evil which men suffer from vice, 

crime, ambition, injustice, oppression, slavery and war, 

proceed from their neglect of the wisdom contained in the Bible.

~ Noah Webster