Instruction Manual

After a hard day at work I really enjoy relaxing on the couch, watching a good movie. Last week my wife and I were watching a new movie called Bad Santa (whatever you do, don’t watch this one with kids!) when my wife asked if I would like some popcorn. I said, “Sure, but let me get it.” I got up and grabbed a box of microwave popcorn out of the pantry, but I’m no cook, so I asked my wife how long do I nuke this stuff?” She didn’t answer right away (because she was on her phone, which you know…never happens) but then she said, “about 4 minutes.”  

It was probably about 3 ½ minutes later that the fire started. I thought I smelled smoke, turned around and flames were shooting out of the microwave. I jumped off the couch and scrambled to shut that baby down (yelling expletives the whole time). Not only was the popcorn obliterated but it scorched the entire inside of the oven leaving a gooey residue that stunk so bad I was forced to dis-assemble the microwave from the cabinet that very evening and throw it outside into the yard. Guess I should have read the instructions!

So this week guess what? I purchased a new microwave! It took me forever to find the right one because it had to be a small “under-cabinet” style because we don’t have much counter space in our tiny beach house. I found one that would work, but the weird thing is the mounting holes were randomly positioned, which made figuring out where to drill the holes in the cabinet really difficult. I measured several times and finally drilled 4 holes. However, when I tried to mount the stupid thing, I could only get 3 screws to go in. I fought with it for over an hour and finally decided to drill a larger fourth hole and use a fender washer so that the screw wouldn’t fall through the hole. The next day as I was taking out the trash I heard something rumbling around inside the microwave box. It was the operating manual and inside the manual was a paper template for positioning the screw holes. Guess I should have read the instructions!

Maybe it’s a guy thing, but guys like me (you know us real men) don’t like to read instructions because we’re supposed to figure things out on our own, like MacGyver does, right? But then you might ask, “So, how’s that working out for you?”, and you would be right, it doesn’t always work out for me. Which got me thinking that there are always going to be problems in life that pop up (like popcorn) and need fixing. But where is the instruction manual for life? Where can I find the wisdom and direction I need to solve problems and be happy? What book has all the answers? Last night I figured it out as we were watching another movie. It was a really old Dino De Laurentiis movie starring George C. Scott. It was pretty good. It was called, “The Bible”.

All the misery and evil which men suffer from vice, 

crime, ambition, injustice, oppression, slavery and war, 

proceed from their neglect of the wisdom contained in the Bible.

~ Noah Webster