A Little Bit of Hangin

Can you believe that tomorrow marks the start of another new year! Hard to believe another year has gone by and as I reflect back on 2018, I have some questions for myself. Was I too busy to coach the team? To distracted to take a walk on the beach with my wife? To stressed to take the grandkids to the park? too focused on myself to notice the beautiful faces around me? It’s so easy to take people for granted, especially the ones we love.

Recently I read a book that included interesting stories about political figures. One story that caught my attention was about Abraham Lincoln. A mother of a soldier who was accused of treason, was begging the President to pardon her son. The boy was to be hanged but at the last minute, Lincoln granted the pardon. However, he left the mother with these parting words, “Still, I wish we could teach him a lesson. I wish we could give him just a little bit of hangin’”.

I think I know what old Honest Abe had in mind. When I was 29 years, I had a two-year-old baby boy. We were visiting our in-laws at their ranch house in Fallbrook, hanging out the pool enjoying a nice summer day. I was talking to a friend for just a moment, and when I turned around, I didn’t see my little boy anywhere. My heart stopped, but before I could even move, I saw a friend pulling the child from the pool, coughing, choking and spitting up a jacuzzi worth of water.

I was severely traumatized by what happened. For the rest of the day I held onto that baby as tightly as I could, wrapping my heart around his, and thanking God that I did not lose him. I recognize now that I had been taking him for granted and that if anything would have happened to him, it would have killed me. It truly was… a little bit of hangin’.

In my briefcase, I keep a picture of my wife and all four of our children. One of the pictures is of my youngest son, who is now fully grown. I have my arm wrapped around him with the ocean in the background. I keep that picture with me so I will remember what God doesn’t want me to forget, which is to cherish those I love. And you better believe I won’t forget it. I don’t want any more hangin’, not even a little bit!

The poison of the ordinary can deaden 

your senses to the magic of the moment.

~ Max Lucado

Invaluable

The Christmas season should be a time of joyful celebration, a time spent with family and friends, punctuated with delicious food and ever so sweet sweets. But for a lot of people, the holiday season can be a very stressful time filled with extra work and worry, too little time, and too little money.

I have a large family with four children and six grandchildren, so trust me I know about stress during the holiday season. My wife, bless her heart, always takes care of picking out the gifts so at least I don’t have that stress. But I still have to figure out where we’re going, how we’re going to get there, who we’re going to see, and when we’re going to see them. Not to mention dealing with certain relatives that are certainly not easy to deal with. And of course, paying for a bunch of gifts. However, that’s nothing compared to the stress of a single Mother I know who cleans homes for a living and can barely feed her 6 kids, let alone buy them presents. Or the sick friend I visited in the hospital on Saturday who will be there over Christmas and doesn’t even know when he will get out. Their stress levels are obviously a lot higher than mine.

But as I thought about all the reasons there are to be stressed out, it occurred to me that I actually stopped “stressing out” in 1988. Before that year, I had believed in God but kept him at a comfortable distance. I was a young man focused on his career, working crazy hours, and chasing crazy dreams albeit with slightly skewed priorities. Then the storm came; my health failed, my marriage went south, and my career started spiraling down the toilet. Career, status, titles… all of a sudden, they held no value. But it was at that moment, when I was at my lowest, that I realized what I really needed to value... my own personal relationship with God. Once I started trusting him and valuing him, he removed my stress and gave me the gift of inner peace and good will.

So this Christmas season as I shop for valuable gifts for my family, I won’t forget the most valuable gift I ever received… It’s the reason for the season!

"And there were shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flocks by night, and lo the angel of the lord came upon them and the glory of the lord shone round about them, and they were sore afraid, and the angel said unto them, fear not, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a savior who is Christ the Lord. And suddenly there was with the angels a multitude of the heavenly hosts, praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth - peace, good will toward men."

I Now Know

The Christmas season is here and for the first time in decades, most of our family is going out of town. I’m not saying that I’m afraid we’re going to be lonely, but when you have a huge family with four children and six grandchildren and lots of in-laws, Christmas is usually a big, chaotic, fun-filled, awesome event. So maybe what I’m really afraid of… is that my wife will be lonely. (Hopefully not!)

The fear of not having my family around reminds me of my worst Christmas ever. When I was 19 years old I moved up to San Francisco and was attending UC Berkeley, working two part time jobs, and engaged to my High School sweetheart. I was in love and thought my future looked very bright. Then it happened. Winter came, the skies turned dark, the city got fogged in, and my fiancé dumped me (and of course she kept the ring) causing me to go into a deep dark personal fog. The cold wet weather combined with the pain of being depressed and lonely in an unfamiliar city, was more than I could handle.

So I packed up my meager belongings, loaded them into my crappy old Datsun pickup truck, and headed back home to San Diego where I had grown up. Only I never made it that far because I ran out of money by the time I hit the Orange County line. It was cold and raining that first night, which made me wonder if the weather had followed me from San Francisco or if that was just a permanent black cloud hanging over my head. Either way, I was miserable. To make things worse, the only place I could afford to stay was the cheap Ambassador Inn on Harbor Boulevard in Costa Mesa. Trust me, my meager belongings and crappy old truck fit right in with the rest of the derelicts.

I was beyond depressed. I basically had no money, no friends, and no job. But since it was Christmas time, I decided to buy a tiny Christmas tree for my motel room thinking it might cheer me up. It didn’t. In fact, the only thing sadder in that room than me, was that tiny little tree. I can vividly remember sitting on the edge of the bed, praying to God for help. With the fear welling up on the inside of me, and the tears welling up on the outside of me, I was positive that I was going to be alone forever!

Somehow, I made it through that night… and the next one. A week later I landed a job at a gas station, made a few friends and got on with my life. But… I wish I had known then what I know now. I wish I could go back in time and tell that young man that nobody ever has to fear being alone. You see, my faith was just starting back then, but it has fully matured now. I now know that I was never alone. I now know that there was someone sitting right next to me on that cheap motel room bed all night long, with his loving arms draped around me. And I now know his heart ached for me as much as my heart ached with loneliness. More importantly, I also now know… that he knew all along… that I would be okay! 

The difficulties in life are designed to make us better, not bitter.

~ Anonymous

Followers

I saw a funny joke on Thanksgiving that got me thinking…  If Jesus were on social media today, how many followers would he have? I know He would have at least one!

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “Thank you”, that would be enough.

~ Meister Eckhart

Stepping Stones

I’ve noticed there are a lot of people on the Internet now who are referred to “Influencers”.  Most of them are posting videos of themselves in order to get attention, become famous, and make some money. And I grant you some of it is interesting, but a lot of it is just a waste of time and not a positive influence at all. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I can be an influencer myself. In fact, maybe we all can be… but can we always provide a positive influence?

When I was managing an MSBL Baseball Team in Phoenix a few weeks ago, a lot of the guys were new to the team. So when the tournament was over, I made sure to spend extra time talking to the players, letting them know how much I appreciated their hard work and the great effort they put forth. One of the guys, who turned out to be one of the best players on our team, told me an interesting story.

He said, “Back home I play on a local MSBL Baseball Team with guys of all ages, anywhere from 18 to 65 years old. And because I’m one of the older guys, I have to work harder, practice more often, and be extremely dedicated just to keep up with all them young bucks. But right before I left town for Phoenix, one of my teammates told me that the President of our league back home said I wasn’t a good player and that I wouldn’t do well at the MSBL World Series. I hate to admit it, but that remark hurt my confidence and made me question my ability when I first got here.” I immediately cut him off and said, “You gotta be kidding me! You were a super star on our team. That guy must be blind and whoever repeated that remark to you didn’t do you any favors either.” He responded back, “Fortunately, one of the guys on our team reminded me about all the hard work and practice I put in just to get here, so I decided to focus on those positive thoughts instead of letting somebody else’s stupid remarks influence my thinking.”

And that got me thinking… If you are a manager, a supervisor, a coach, a teacher, a parent, or just somebody’s friend… you are an influencer. Just keep in mind that if you criticize somebody in a negative manner, you may well create a stumbling block to their success. On the other hand, if you praise the hard work somebody is putting in, and then use your knowledge to give them pointers in the right direction, you may well become a stepping-stone to their success!

I create my success from within.

~ Deepak Chopra 

Want for Nothing

I attended a retirement party for a friend of mine, named Bob, on Saturday night. He is only 5 years older than me, so it kind of made me stop and think about my life in general and what I have accomplished so far. I found myself thinking, “What good have I accomplished, and have I truly made a strong effort to serve society? Or has my focus been more about my own wants and needs rather than the needs of others?”

Bob was in the Marine Corps back in the 60’s and is a full-fledged Vietnam Veteran. Coincidentally, the party on Saturday night, November 10^th, just happened to be the 242^nd birthday of the United States Marine Corps. So… Hoorah! Believe me, I admire Bob for his courage and I have great respect for anyone who has served in the military, police, or fire departments. What they do is extremely dangerous, extremely important, and extremely service oriented since everything they do is about protecting all the rest of us. So every time I see uniformed service personnel, I feel compelled to take a moment to thank them for their service… and they always seem to appreciate it!

Therefore, since today is Veterans Day, it seems only right to celebrate the people that serve our country and our communities. But let me make a point that you might not have considered. You don’t have to be in the military, or in the police or fire department for that matter, in order to serve others. There are hundreds of ways to serve others that will improve lives and make a good difference. Even in your own personal relationships, you can make a huge difference by putting others first and yourself second.

Here is an example. On Sunday my wife agreed to go golfing with me (even though she didn’t really want to) because she knew it would make me happy. As soon as we were done with golf and returned home, she made me a fabulous gourmet dinner. Then today, Monday morning, she cooked me breakfast and then made extra meals that we delivered to her elderly parents. Afterwards, around noon we stopped at a nursery where she picked up a potted plant to take to our Chinese Lady Friend, who is 94 years old and often lonely, but loves to garden. After visiting with our friend, Pao Chi Chen, I had some lighting work to do, so my wife went shopping at the mall, where she purchased a couple of Christmas gifts for our grandchildren. If I were to list all the things I did the last two days to help others, it would be a very short list. So obviously, my wife is the one who understands the importance of living life in the service of others; she is an inspiration to me and truly someone I desire to emulate. I am thankful for the example she sets for me and everyone else she serves.

So what’s my point… When we put ourselves first, we will often spend our days wanting. When we put others first, we will want for nothing!

May you live as long as you want,

And never want as long as you live.

~ Irish Blessing

Balancing Act

I just returned home from playing baseball in the MSBL World Series Tournament in Phoenix. And for the first time ever, I wasn’t just a player, I was actually the manager of the team as well. Wow… did that ever change my perspective on the game!

I’ve played in two previous World Series Tournaments and done fairly well but being a team manager requires a whole different skill set than being a player and it’s definitely a balancing act. All game long, a manager has to take three different sets of criteria into account.

1.       Physical – What are the current physical skills of each player and how are they holding up?

2.       Mental – What is the best position for each player in order to produce maximum results?

3.       Emotional – What can I do to keep each player feeling positive about their place on the team?

So, since this was a brand-new 19 player team, it took me two full games before I could accurately judge the skills of each player and unfortunately by that time we had lost both games. By the third game, we were starting to gel as a team. Unfortunately, we faced one of the top ranked teams in the league and although it was a close game, we lost that game as well. The next day we were scheduled to play a double-header and with a record of 0-3 and several players unhappy because they were on the bench most of game 3, the morale of the team was pretty low. One more loss meant we would not make the play-offs, so that forced me to make a tough decision. Do I play only the best 9 players in order to increase our odds of winning? Or do I play everybody to show respect to my players and hopefully boost morale as well?

As I ran that question through my head, I remembered something I heard from one of the top guys in my league back home before I left for the World Series. He told a friend of mine, “Thrailkill doesn’t know how to manage to win. He’ll be a loser as a manager.” That criticism didn’t bother me because the guy who said it is a “win at all costs” type of manager. But when I remembered his criticism, it did force me to think about my decision. How badly do I want to win, and am I willing to throw guys under the bus (or in this case under the bench) in order to do it?

As I looked around at all my players in the dugout, the decision became perfectly clear… Win or lose, we’re going to do it as a team. By the end of the day, after using all 19 players, we now had 2 wins and I have to say our morale was pretty damn high. Granted, we still had one more game to win to secure a spot in the playoffs, but our confidence was soaring.

In the final game of the round robin play, we faced a team that had a better record and that looked really impressive during warm ups. This was a must win situation, so the question about who to play came up once again. I decided to speak to everyone on my team and let them know that we had to field our strongest players, but that I would do my best to get other players into the game as well. I think they all understood the situation and appreciated my honest communication.

At first things looked really promising. We jumped out to a 7-1 lead, but by the 7^th inning, things started to fall apart. The other team kept pounding ground balls at us and my third baseman kept making errors. My assistant coach suggested I pull him, and I fully intended to do that as soon as the inning was over, but I couldn’t pull him out in the middle of an inning. It’s one of those unwritten rules that you just don’t do that to a ballplayer. Then he made a fourth error and my heart sunk for him. I’ve been in his shoes and it’s a terrible feeling, but eventually we got out of that inning. The bottom line is that you don’t lose a game based on the performance of any one player… and you don’t win a game based on any one player.

Even though we put out a very strong effort, we ended up losing that game and failed to make the play offs. So that league guy back home could easily gloat that he was right, “Thrailkill is a loser!” But in my opinion, none of the guys on my team went home feeling like a loser. They played hard, showed a lot of respect for each other, and won two games against veteran teams that were ranked much higher than us. In our team meeting after the final game, there wasn’t a single person moaning or complaining, just a bunch of guys shaking hands and sharing hugs after a hard-fought battle that included 6 tough games over 4 hot days in the Phoenix suburbs.  

I guess you could say my new perspective is that you don’t have to win a ring… to feel like a winner!

Respect your fellow human beings, treat them fairly, disagree with them honestly, 

enjoy their friendship, and work together with them for a common goal. 

You won’t believe what you can achieve… together.

~ Bill Bradley