Selflessness (by Ken James)

I woke up several weeks ago thinking about a eulogy that I might be called upon to deliver.  I had talked to the wife of my friend Bob the night before.  Bob had gone into the hospital for a knee replacement two weeks earlier and some complications unassociated with the knee surgery were dogging him.  His wife had sounded discouraged on the phone and seemed to be saying that things did not look good and that Bob would never come home, at least to his earthly home.

I have eulogized my wife, father, mother, and a friend in past years.  In doing so I had started by thinking deeply about who they really were, what they meant to me, how they contributed to others, and how to be sure that all who attended their memorial service would go away knowing them better.

Bob spent his life as a Methodist minister.  Just like his dad and this grandfather.  He was the third, same name, same faith.  Bob and I reconnected eleven years ago after only seeing each other just a few times over the last fifty years.  I counted that reconnection as one of the greatest blessings of my life.  Bob had become my faith counselor. So, as I thought about what I would say about him, if this really was the end of his earthly journey, one word kept coming back to me, “selflessness”.  Bob’s number one priority was others.  He would drop everything if he was needed regardless of his plans or needs.  To the point that it had contributed to the break-up of his marriage after 30 years.  If he had a parishioner in need, he was there for them.

My wife Debbie and I made a trip to NYC recently.  We wanted to go to the 9/11 Museum and Memorial Pools, “Reflection of Absence”, now that they were finished and open.  It was an extremely moving experience.  Put it on your “bucket list”.  The organizers could not have done a more thorough job of holistically capturing every aspect of the tragedy and heroes that came from it.  One of the stories that you might remember was about an office worker in the South Tower named Remy. Remy worked below the impact in the South Tower and was able to escape quickly.  But despite his escape to life, when the North Tower was hit, he put a bandana over his mouth and charged in to North Tower to assist first responders to save workers in that building.  He did not survive the collapse of the North Tower soon after.

Part of the 9/11 museum is audio comments by survivors.  One lady hurrying down a stairwell in one of the towers spoke of a fireman coming up the stairs “who looked like he was 18.  I yelled at him to go back and save himself but he said it was his job.  I thought to myself, he was running up to die, I was running down to live”. I have never been in the military.  Never been in a situation where I could be harmed or killed “just doing my job”.  Never had to walk a road where an IED could be one step away.  Never had to live with the realization that today could be my last.

President Bush wrote a note to Morgan Kay Beamer, the new born daughter of Lisa Beamer, who was born four months after her dad, Todd Beamer, died on United Flight 93.  In that note The President wrote “His selfless efforts prevented additional loss of life on that tragic day”.  Todd is a hero.  Few would have done what he and others did.  But then Todd didn’t have much choice.

In thinking about my buddy Bob’s selflessness, what separates him and Remy, and our soldiers is they have a choice and they choose service to others.  They aren’t thinking about their own wellbeing and in some cases safety, they are thinking about the needs of others. And this got me to thinking.  I do things for others and feel good about it. But how often are my actions convenient to my life at the time. Do I really make any sacrifice?  Or do I weigh my options first and see how service to someone else will fit in?  Isn’t the essence of selflessness putting others first and above my wants and needs?

I am enough of an evolutionist to know that we are all “hard-wired” to protect ourselves first.  Self-preservation.  That is what makes it all the more amazing that some can put “self” aside.  Mothers are like that.  Their children and their wellbeing are the most important things in the world to them. Isn’t it true that if you are a Christian, Jesus Christ represented the highest form of selflessness to the point he gave his life. To all those who are able to disregard what is important to them at the moment and choose serving the needs of others over “self”, you are the real heroes and my inspiration to live a better life.

My buddy Bob is almost fully recovered now and back to serving the needs of others.  This is what has defined his life.  I am proud to know him and I will keep on taking notes, hopefully for a long time to come.

If any of you wants to be my follower, you must put aside your selfish ambition, 

shoulder your cross daily, and follow me.  If you try to keep your life for yourself, 

you will lose it.  But if you give up your life for me, you will find true life.

~ Luke 9:23-25

Reset Your Thinking (by Tony Sclafani)

We all spend a lot of time and energy at work. In fact, most of us spend more time at work than we do at home with our loved ones. So if you are like me, it is easy to get lost in all of the paperwork, hours of productive (and not so productive meetings) and endless hours of technical difficulties with computers and IT issues.  

In the apartment management business our job is to provide a quality living experience for our residents and guests. If we are doing our jobs well, we leave positive memories and experiences that will stick with our residents for a long time. Whether your business is sales, manufacturing, construction, or service it is good to step back from time to time and “Reset” our actions and think about what we do and how it affects those that we come in contact with us either directly or indirectly.

Recently one of our apartments vacated without anything unusual occurring, except that is until our maintenance team went into the vacant apartment and found two flowers and a hand written letter on the counter. The letter was written to the apartment home itself, not to any of the staff or management, but to the home that we provided to them. Please take a minute to read it. It was a unique and very strong reminder that everything that we do in our business could have a strong, long lasting and very deep effect on others.  

Our senior leaders in our company recently shared this letter with all of us as a reminder of why we are here.  It helped me reset my thinking. I'm sure that I will slip back into the routine of the day to day soon, but I will keep this letter close by to read and remember to reset once again.

It takes hands to build a house, but only hearts can build a home.

~ Anonymous

Focus on the Majors (by John Woodman)

This one is for all the golfers out there!  This past weekend was the first Major tournament of the year on the PGA Tour.  In my opinion, it is held at the most beautiful golf course in the world at Augusta National.  The way the azaleas colors of pink and yellow pop out on your TV screen, how green the fairways and greens are, how white the well-groomed sand traps catch your eyes, all surrounded by a variety of huge trees outlining the fairways that have been there longer than most of us reading this Monday Message.

It got me thinking how much a golf course like Augusta National is like the life we live every day.  Every hole is different and has its challenges and rewards, just like how every day we spend on this earth is different has its challenges and rewards.  There are also things on a golf course that are out of our control, like the weather, the hop your ball takes when it lands, and most of the time inches are the difference between a great shot or a horrible one.  Life is the same way, as many things that happen in our lives are out of our control too.

That leads me to believe that we shouldn’t focus on what we can’t control.  Easier said than done but I’m a firm believer that the most successful people put their focus on the Majors in their lives and don’t worry about what is out of their control.  What Major is most important to a golfer may change at times; sometimes it will be the U.S. Open, sometimes the British Open, and at other times it may be Augusta. Likewise, there are also times in your life when what you consider to be your most important Major will change.  Some may consider this falls into the “out of control” arena when this happens but if you take a step back and prioritize what you really consider to be your Majors and stay consistent with them… I believe everything in the long run will work out just fine.  The best golfers are considered to be consistent week in and week out, but even the best may falter from time to time.   Just watching four-time Major winner Ernie Els 6-putt the first hole at Augusta and 5^th ranked World Golf player Rickie Fowler shoot 80 in his first round, proves that.

We each have our own Majors in life but I try to keep mine very simple with just three, FAITH, FAMILY, and FORGIVENESS.  Just like each hole at Augusta has its own name, your Majors may differ.  I do find that it interesting that each hole at Augusta National is named after a flower or a tree that is God’s creation.  Even the three hardest holes (#11, #12, and #13) have been given the name “AMEN” corner.  Being an avid golfer and a Believer in Christ for the last 35 years, the one thing I have learned is that unfortunately, there is way more praying out on a golf course than there is inside of a church! Make it a great week!

The only time my prayers are not answered is on the golf course.

~ Reverend Billy Graham 

Unpacking God's Love (By Doug Stark)

About a year ago, my wife and I were having dinner with our daughter and son-in-law when they casually mentioned that they had made the decision to take a bold leap of faith. Kaila and Taylor had made the decision to quit their jobs, give up their wonderful (and very affordable) apartment, put their stuff in storage and take off to travel the world for an entire year.

The look on my face must have been quite a sight. My head was swimming with the classic parental discourse… Quit your jobs? Travel the world? Put all your belongings in my garage? Anyway, once my wife and I thought about it, we realized that this was indeed the perfect opportunity for them to journey like this before kids, mortgages and normal adult routine would make a trip like this an unlikely event. Now, I must admit that I am a softy and very protective when it comes to my daughter. I have never been out of touch with her for more than 3-4 days at a time since the day she was born so this was going to be a huge adjustment for me. This coupled with the nagging threat of terrorism had me very worried and praying constantly for God’s mercy to be upon her. Since He is the God of miracles, I knew that He could pull this one off.

The first miracle occurred when we discovered that they would be joined by their best friends in Thailand to begin their journey. They would be traveling together as a unit for the first six months of their walkabout. Yes… Safety in numbers! The second miracle occurred when my son-in-law called me. He told me that his employer had decided to hold his position open for him until he got back. I don’t know who these particular people are, but I want to thank them for seeing that Taylor is a more than worthy asset and well worth the wait!

Over the past year we watched the two of them scrimp and save and plan out their intended route. The discussion also included the perils and pitfalls of jamming their entire world into a smallish backpack to last an entire year. This time included an abundance of prayer for God to reveal Himself in a very real and powerful way in their lives. Also, for God to show them exactly what He had in store for them and lead them to witness and share with others the incredible peace and joy that exists in the love of Jesus Christ. With that said, here is a recent excerpt from their blog written in Thailand…

 “Despite the craziness of travel that our trip has introduced us to, the good we have already experienced outshines any of that and is exactly the reason why we chose this lifestyle. First off, being reunited with our best friends and being able to do this journey together has been one of the highlights of my life so far. I think we all just feel so grateful to experience this with each other and the memories we get to create and lessons we will learn will last us a lifetime. I know times will get tough and combining four personalities can make things tougher, but honestly I believe God has us here together for a reason and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but right here with these three people right now. I have loved every second of this journey so far and I cannot wait to see where it takes us. Bangkok gave us a nice warm welcome to our journey but we are already feeling the nomad spirit and ready to move on. Up next, the jungles of Chiang Mai!”.

The world is a book and those who do not travel, read only one page.

~ Saint Augustine

Second Surfer

My wife and I spent the last two weeks on the island of Kauai.  We don’t get very many vacations but this year we decided to rent a big house and invite several family members to join us. We really enjoy our family and what better place to have fun and bond then a place many people simply call “Paradise”.

Halfway into our vacation we visited one of the most beautiful beaches in Kauai called Secret Beach. The water changes shades of blue all day long and the sand glistens pristine white like a soft summer cloud. The only problem with Secret Beach (besides finding the steep trail to get there) is that the ocean is always really rough with huge waves, so only the top surfers in Kauai attempt to handle those treacherous waves.

We were only there for a few minutes when I spotted a young female surfer girl putting on a tremendous show. She was riding the huge waves like she was born on a board and was obviously a professional. As she started paddling back out I noticed there was a second surfer, also female, also extremely impressive. But there was something different about the second surfer. She too was shredding the gnarly waves but when she finished her ride…she only used one arm to pull herself back onto her board. In fact, she only used one arm to paddle back out as well. That’s when it dawned on me that I was watching Bethany Hamilton, the famous female surfer with only one arm.

I continued watching this amazing surfing exhibition and grabbed my phone to take a few photos. When they finally wore themselves out, Bethany came walking right up to where we were sitting on a beach towel. She was waving and of course I thought she was waving at me (stupid me), but she was actually waving at her husband who was standing behind us with their new little baby. No wonder she was smiling…she’s a professional surfer with a handsome husband and a beautiful baby boy.

But if you google Bethany Hamilton, you’ find out there is a lot more to her than her surfing prowess. She doesn’t like to talk about the shark attack that happened when she was only 13. On her website she says, “It's not because the ordeal was so painful, it’s because it takes the focus away from what really matters - the healing power of faith”. Bethany says that her faith in God played a crucial role in her physical, emotional and spiritual recovery. "I think God has a reason for our pain and He will always carry us through the hard times". Bethany says that her faith gave her the courage to get back on her board just one month after the shark attack, win a national title two years later and eventually become a pro surfer. What's more, she uses her story (including a movie made about her called Soul Surfer) to inspire people all over the world to never give up on their dreams despite their disabilities…and to never give up on God. 

I admit I was really impressed with Bethany’s surfing skills, but after reading about her on line, it’s obvious her faith is the most impressive thing about her. She is active in the “I Am Second” movement and recently made a video on YouTube where she says, “I wake up every day and try to honor God in everything that I do.” Who would have thought that riding a perfect wave in a place called paradise would be just one more way to honor God!

I’ve learned that life is a lot like surfing. 

When you get caught in the impact zone, you need to get right back up 

because you never know what’s over the next wave. 

And if you have faith, anything is possible, anything at all.

~ Bethany Hamilton 

The Power of Prayer

In 1984, at the age of 14, I became a golfer.  That was the year our family moved to a small town in central Illinois and my parents bought a home on a golf course making it very easy for me to take up the game.  I met my first friends in that town playing golf.  One Sunday afternoon one of my new friends invited me over to his grandmother’s home for lunch. His grandmother’s house was full of people gathered around the television watching golf. I had no idea golf was a televised sport or that people loved it so much they would gather to watch it like the Super Bowl. 

The memory of this particular Sunday afternoon stands out very clearly because the tournament being televised was “The Masters”. What would become more important later in life was that the tournament being played was held at Augusta National Golf Club. I don’t really remember much about the golfers on TV that day but the golf course I was being introduced to had me completely mesmerized. It looked like a fantasy golf course with impossibly long holes, diabolical greens, powdered sugar bunkers, and hidden creeks all surrounded by a magical forest of pine trees and exotic flowering bushes. If someone would have told me the course used indoor/outdoor carpet instead of grass for the fairways and greens, I would have believed without the slightest incredulity.

As my passion for playing golf continued so did my interest in the Masters golf tournament and Augusta National Golf Club. I would come to learn that Augusta National was possibly the most exclusive club in the world and the Masters the most coveted of all tournaments to win. Every year for the rest of my life the month of April would be synonymous with the Masters.

Tickets to attend the Masters tournament are nearly impossible to get.  At one time you could only get them if you or your family had annual passes, which were passed down from generation-to-generation. In recent years the members of Augusta National revised their ticket policy so the likelihood of getting tickets would change from impossible to highly unlikely by creating a lottery system open to every person on the planet regardless of their interest in the game or knowledge of Masters history. Over the last decade or so the lottery process was moved to an online system so prospective attendees could easily register for tickets. I have attempted to get tickets this way for many years and I would always ask friends, family and co-workers to register on my behalf. I always wondered if any of these people would actually give me the tickets if they were selected. To me it would be the emotional equivalent of a surrogate mother handing over her newborn baby to someone else to raise. 

I will always consider 2015 to be the luckiest year of my life because it is the year my favorite co-worker of all time, Ann Schuetz, won the opportunity to buy tickets through the lottery system. She was selected to purchase 4 tickets to the Wednesday practice round for the 2016 Masters. Ann called me immediately to let me know she was selected and to offer me the tickets. I was finally going to the Masters!

Oh yeah, 2015 will also be remembered as the year my wife gave birth to our beautiful baby girl, Jaden. 

Now back to my story about going to the Masters….

Last Wednesday, around 8:04 A.M. I walked through the gates of Augusta National with my Mom, Dad and 9-year-old son, Tony. I choked back tears when I saw the golf course for the first time. My mother was unable to choke them back.  I knew her tears were for me and the joy I was feeling having arrived at a place that meant so much to me. At last, her son’s dream had come true.

When we were driving to Augusta National that morning I wondered to myself what one thing would happen that day that would stand out as my favorite memory. I felt certain the memory would come from seeing a particular golf hole that had been etched in my memory for 20 or 30 years. Maybe it would be seeing “Amen Corner” holes 11 through 13, which have been the triumph and tragedy of so many competitors since the tournament began in 1934. Maybe it would be seeing Arnold Palmer wearing his green jacket or Tom Watson playing in the Par 3 Contest. 

There was one thing I was really hoping would happen at Augusta National that I had prayed for many times throughout my life. With me that day was my 1986 Sports Illustrated with Jack Nicklaus on the cover.  I was hoping I would have the opportunity to hold it out and have Jack take it from me and sign it.  I realized the likelihood of this happening was remote. I didn’t even know if Jack Nicklaus was going to be there. Why would he? Jack was 76 years old and had not played as a competitor for many years. There was a chance he would play in the annual Par 3 Contest held on Wednesdays. Often, but not always, many former champions return to attend the Champions Dinner and play in this Wednesday event. 

I pray regularly, but always before boarding an airplane. When I got to LAX to fly to Atlanta my prayer was primarily to ask God to keep us safe. I may have also asked God to include Jack Nicklaus in the field at the Par 3 Contest because I assume heaven is from where the invitations come.

Around 3:00 P.M. nearly all of the players had come and gone from the first tee and it looked as though my Sports Illustrated would continue to go un-autographed.  All of a sudden down the path to the first tee came Gary Player, the legendary Black Knight from South Africa who had won the Masters in 1961, 1974 and 1978. Following Gary down the path was Tom Watson a two-time winner of the Masters in 1977 and 1981. My prospects were looking good. All of the groups that day were threesomes and what better person to join Gary and Tom but the legend himself. 

Then I saw him! He was wearing a yellow golf shirt just as he had 30 years earlier when he won his sixth Masters title. Was this fate? Would he sign my magazine? As he came down the path I saw he was signing autographs, but not for everyone.  He was moving fast and the crowd was enormous. Would he make it down to me or just walk to the first tee? He moved closer and I held out my Sports Illustrated. He saw it but never looked up at me. Then he grabbed it. For only a second or two he paused to look at the cover. Then he signed it. Maybe it was my imagination but it looked like he was taking his time writing his name. I wondered if he appreciated that someone would have saved this particular magazine to have it signed on the 30^th anniversary of him winning his sixth Masters. I will never know but I’d like to think so.

On our drive back from Augusta to Atlanta, I was thinking about the question to myself about what one thing would be my favorite memory from the day.  Getting Jack’s autograph was high on the list, but it had tough competition.

I took a picture of my son Tony with Rory Mcllroy. In the picture Tony is holding the current issue of Golf Digest with Rory on the cover, which he had just signed.  My son wondered why I waited 30 years to get an autograph on a magazine cover?  “Look how easy it is, Dad!”

• We saw the spot Bubba Watson hit is famous shot out of the woods on the 10^th hole to win the 2012 Masters in a playoff. 
• We walked the most famous nine holes in golf (10 through 18) in the late afternoon and had the place practically to ourselves. 
• We watched a group of five Masters Champions that included Phil Mickelson, Bubba Watson, Jordan Spieth, Raymond Floyd and Vijay Singh warming up on the practice range while eating pimento and cheese sandwiches that only cost $1.50 each. 
• I heard nine famous “Augusta Roars” given each time a player scored a hole-in-one during the Par 3 Contest.  Nine is a record number of holes-in-one, five being the previous record.

So what was the best thing? Well, in a way it was none of these things individually and all of these things collectively. It was a day with my parents and my son sharing a lifelong dream. My parents introduced me to the game of golf as a child and now I am sharing it with my son. Our day at Augusta National was both a spiritual and physical passing down from one generation to another and to another again the love for a great sport. Golf has given me so much in life including a college scholarship, great friendships, job opportunities and career advancement.  

I don’t know if my son will choose to be a golfer or become passionate about the game of golf but whatever he chooses to do I hope it is something he loves as much as I love golf.  Whatever it is I hope it is something we can share together all of our lives and that he can share with his children someday, too.

Patience is bitter, but it’s fruit is sweet.

~ Aristotle

Friday Night at the Movies

My wife and I were really looking forward to celebrating our 21^st wedding anniversary on Saturday. So when I went to bed on Friday night I was reliving in my mind all the wonderful moments we have shared over the years. I went to bed smiling but woke up at midnight to a nightmare. My wife was bent over with severe stomach pain, shaking uncontrollably and asking me to take her to the hospital.

I threw on my clothes and got her to Mission Hospital within 15 minutes. I’ve actually had a lot of practice rushing her to the hospital so let me just say that I’m getting pretty good at it! (Just trying to find some kind of positive note at the time.) When we arrived the emergency room was totally packed. Apparently Friday nights at the ER are as popular as Friday nights at the movies. It was so crowded there were no chairs left, but we found a small bench in a nearby hallway and waited for her name to be called. And wait we did… five hours… as it wasn’t until after 5:00am that my wife was finally treated by a doctor.

Sitting in the Emergency Room for so many hours, watching all the different types of people come and go, was more than just interesting, it was enlightening.

• First, there was the middle aged woman whose hair and make-up had obviously been severely neglected, except for the bright red lipstick she was wearing. I have a feeling her female friend with her helped her to apply it at the last minute.
• Then there was the twenty something guy with a banged up and heavily bandaged ankle and his buddy helping him hobble in, but at the same time making fun of his gimpy walk.
• Then there was the young mother, alone with her tiny little three-year old son. The boy was really sick and kept having to throw up every few minutes, but he was trying hard to be brave for his mommy and not cry. I think his mom was in more pain over his pain than he was.
• Then there was the teenaged girl with the dyed blond hair and darkly painted eyes who was obviously high on drugs. Her female friend wrapped her in a blanket and lowered her carefully into a wheelchair while the blond just kept staring straight ahead with a sad tragic smile on her face.
• Lastly there was the young Hispanic man with his elderly mother. At one point he held on to her tightly and walked her over to the nurse’s window and explained in a panic that she was about to pass out. The nurse told him to find her a chair and he freaked out and started cursing loudly at the doctors and nurses. The nurse remained calm and helped him lower her into a chair and fortunately within about a minute they were able to take her in for treatment.

I have been to the emergency room with my wife many times and I’ve noticed that in recent years they always have a security guard stationed at the ER. I think it’s a good idea because it’s easy to see how people can get worked up and highly emotional when their loved ones are in pain. But I noticed something else as well… nobody in that room was alone. Every single person had a loving companion with them, helping them, caring for them, worrying about them, making sure they got the help they needed. If you want to find an example of people modeling the love and compassion that Jesus showed when he walked the earth, just visit any hospital…at any time… on any day. It’s much more moving than a movie!

Love is staying up all night with a sick child - or a healthy adult.

           ~ David Frost