Listen and Laugh

Yesterday was Father’s Day and I remember getting a greeting card one time that explained how Father’s Day was invented. Apparently, it started a few days after the very first Mother’s Day Celebration when several men got together and said, “Hey, wait a minute!”

That might be funny, but I actually take being a father rather seriously. I’ll never forget one time when a friend (who didn’t have kids) asked me what it’s like being a father. I had to ponder that question for a moment before answering, but I think I said something like, “It’s a lot of work, but worth every bit of it.” And I remember going on to explain that to be a good father you have to be able to do two things really well. What are those two things? I’ll give you two examples as hints.

One of my children is an Hispanic boy that I adopted at birth with my first wife. When he was 5 years old, I went to Father/Son Day at his kindergarten class, and we sat next to another little boy and his Dad. At one point the little boy across the table asked my dark-haired son, “How come you don’t look like your Dad?” My son thought about it for a moment and then responded, “I don’t know. How come your Dad is so fat?” I just about choked up my food but had to laugh at the obvious reality of both questions. Later on, when his Mom and I got divorced, it was really hard on him. But over time I discovered that if I sat quietly and listened to his concerns, it made a very positive difference in our relationship.

When one of my daughters was a budding teenager, I heard her screaming at the top of her lungs early one morning. I charged into her bathroom to find her blow dryer on the floor, flames blowing out the front, and the carpet starting to catch fire. I reached over and unplugged the blow dryer and she said, “Oh, I didn’t think to do that.” Later on, when she was a young mother with children of her own, struggling to make ends meet while going to Law School, I would often want to jump in and solve all her problems. But I realized not all problems can be solved, so I made sure she knew I was there for her if she needed me. Sometimes just listening and letting them you know you care is a huge help.

Yesterday most of our family was able to gather for a fun outdoor BBQ at my nephew’s house. We talked, we listened, we laughed, and we shared stories. And as I looked around at my family, I realized more than ever that God has truly blessed me with the best that life has to offer.

So what are the two traits you need to have as a father… You need to be able to shut off the advice sometimes… and simply listen. And you always need to have a sense of humor because kids will say and do the darnedest things!

He didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, 

and let me watch him do it. 

~ Clarence Budington