Don't Walk Away

Why do we sometimes let “fear of failure” keep us from experiencing the more awesome moments in life? I admit making that mistake several times and then regretting it afterwards, so recently I said yes to a very difficult challenge and discovered something “good” about “fear”.

 

I’ve been playing baseball on the Halo Baseball Club for over 10 years. I never played little league as a kid, so in the beginning when I started out with HBC, I wasn’t very good…and trust me…that’s an understatement! But I fell in love with the sport and made so many great friends that I decided to stick with it and see if could learn to be a decent player.

 

Slowly, over time, I became a solid defensive player but really struggled with hitting. Rarely did I bat over .200 for a season and it became a source of embarrassment and frustration for me. It got so bad that 18 months ago I was on the verge of walking away from the sport for good. But I remember sitting on the end of the bench after striking out…and praying about it…and shortly afterwards a teammate told me about a new hitting coach. His friendship and support touched me so I decided to give it one more try. I signed up for weekly lessons and started going to additional practices and really putting the work in. I read books on hitting, watched videos, and studied the good hitters on my team. I truly gave it my best effort and slowly things began to turn around. This past season was my best ever (.325 BA) and I found myself going to the plate with a new found confidence. My hard work was paying off and I discovered that the reward for hard work was that I was having a lot more fun!

 

Then in July…I got the news. I had been picked to play on an elite team that would be going to the 2014 MSBL World Series in Phoenix in October and competing in the 55+ division. I was in shock because I had never come close to being picked for a World Series Team before. After the news sank in, the fear started up. Playing in a team sport is scary because if you make a mistake, or drop the ball, you let down the entire team. Plus I would be playing with guys that are probably much better than I am and that scared the heck out of me.

 

The more I thought about it, the more I worried about it. After a few weeks the “fear of failing” was beginning to give me serious stomachaches. I decided it was going to be too hard and too stressful so I typed out a text message to the Manager, thanking him for choosing me, but declining his offer. However, I never pressed “send”. It’s funny, every time I thought about playing in the MSBL World Series my stomach got butterflies and I thought about sending the text message. I was basically making myself sick worrying about it but I still never sent out that message. And then it was time to go….

 

Upon arriving in Phoenix and attending the initial team practice, I realized my fears were fully warranted. These guys are good! I barely slept that night knowing our first game was the next day and I was literally so nervous the next morning I could hardly put on my uniform (#29). I knelt down and said a long prayer before leaving the Hotel room and it calmed me down because I pictured Jesus kneeling down right next to me, in the same uniform (#1 of course), telling me that he was on my team…and that no matter what happened I couldn’t let Him down. How cool is that!

 

We fell behind early in our first game but came back to win it in the end. Although I only came off the bench for one at bat late in the game, I did get a solid hit and felt great that I got off to a good start. The next two games were eerily similar. We fell behind in the first inning but came back to win both games. I now had a total of three at bats, with two hits, but also played some defense and surprisingly…didn’t drop the ball! My confidence was growing.

 

Game four was played at Tempe Diablo Stadium, at night under the lights. It was going to be videotaped so that was added pressure. I think our Manager was getting more confident in us as a team (and in me as well) because I got to play more than half the game and got two really nice hits to help us win. 

 

We exploded during games five and six, scoring double digit runs. I was getting a lot more playing time and surprising myself by getting multiple hits in each game. We were all feeling good but we also realized that playing 6 games in 4 days had taken a toll on us physically. Our pitchers were tired and we lost one of our catchers to a torn hamstring. We only had one catcher now and we had to play a double header the next day, and win both games, in order to make it into the Championship Game.

 

We won the quarter-final game! But in the semi-final game we fell behind early (as usual) and it looked like we were going to be stopped short of our goal. When I came up to bat in the 7^th inning, we were down by two runs. As I approached the plate our third base coach took me aside. He reminded me I had been swinging a hot bat but he also reminded me to loosen my grip and, “Don’t swing for the fences, just try to make solid contact.” His advice worked and I drove in a run. We got another run in the 8^th inning to tie the game and a close friend of mine on the team got a walk off hit in the 9th to win the game! I was so excited for him and so excited for our team…we all rushed onto the field to celebrate. Now it was time to play the Championship Game!

 

As the Championship Game started I thought about how I almost quit before I started. I laughed at myself because I realized now that no matter what happened in the Championship Game, I was having the best time in my life and I was so glad I didn’t send that text message. The game began and of course we fell behind in the first inning 2-0, but we fought back and tied it up. Over the next 8 innings we went back and forth. I was one for two at the plate so far and felt good about that, but when we got to the bottom of the 9^th inning, tied up again, I was glad I wasn’t coming up with the game on the line. However, we stayed tied and went into extra innings and wouldn’t you know it…with two outs and two men on in the bottom of the 10^th, it was my turn to bat. I fell behind early (that’s the story of our team for sure) and with two strikes I was trying to guess what the pitcher would throw next and yet somehow stay relaxed. The pitch was a fastball, slightly up in the zone, and somehow I connected to drive it into left centerfield. The runner on second was our shortstop, who was a great base runner, so he took off for home and never hesitated. There was a close play at the plate…but the umpire called safe him safe… and then all hell broke loose! Our team exploded off the bench and tackled me on the infield. At the bottom of the pile I’m thinking I almost “walked away” from this challenge but instead got a “walk off” hit.  I’m going to remember this moment for the rest of my life!

 

On the way home from Phoenix I thought about everything that had happened. It seemed like a dream, a dream that would never have happened if I had given in to my fears. And yet, the fear of failure is what drove me to practice so hard and prepare so well. So maybe fear isn’t such a bad thing after all. If we use fear as motivation to work harder...it might just help us achieve dreams we never thought possible!

The So Cal Zephyrs win the 55+ World Series!

You block your dream when you allow
your fear to grow bigger than your faith. 
~ Mary Morrissey