The Holiday Season has ended and hopefully it was a joyous time
of celebration for you. It helps to
remember the reason for the season, but unfortunately it can also be a time of
heavy stress that can easily hinder your hope for peace and solitude. It was
like that for me, a lot of joy and happiness spending time with my family. But
there were also very difficult, even traumatic things that happened as well. And
yet I have so many reasons to celebrate.
It started as a cough and quickly turned into bronchitis. Bad timing for me to be the patriarch of a large family and be sick at Christmas time. But December is known as the start of the cold and flu season, and I definitely felt pretty miserable at times. Then I got word that my sister was extremely ill and hospitalized. She had been sick for a long time and apparently took a turn for the worse. The news sent a wave of emotions through me because, to be honest, my sister and I have never been close. In fact, we haven’t seen each other in over seven years, and she made it clear she didn’t want me to try.
It wasn’t always that way between us. There were plenty of good times when were little kids. So I would often wonder if I should keep trying to contact her. Funny thing is… I was thinking about her 6 months ago and decided on a whim to give her a call. She took my call, which was a surprise, and even more surprising was that we had the best conversation we have had in over 40 years. She was friendly and outgoing, although at one point she started to cry because she said she was so tired of being ill. I tried my best to cheer her up, but I knew her situation was serious, which made me sad. So I simply reminded her that she is loved… by her family, by me, and by God. I don’t know if it helped.
After thinking about it for days, and knowing she didn’t have much time, I decided to go visit her in the hospital. It was three days before Christmas and I had tons to do, but everything inside me screamed at me that I would regret it if I didn’t. So I got up very early the next morning and drove out to a hospital in Menifee. She was in the ICU, and the nurse told me she had been taken off life support, and was unconscious, but that if I talked to her she might be able to hear me. So I held her hand and talked about the good times we had. I reminded her again that she was loved, and then I kissed her goodbye, and left the room crying. She died that evening.
After 70 years of life on this planet, I can honestly say that I have plenty of regrets in plenty of areas. Maybe I should have tried harder to build a better relationship with my sister. Maybe I should have been more patient with her. Maybe I should have done more for her. Or maybe it’s just easy to have regrets if you go looking for them. But what I don’t regret is seeing her one last time and whispering in her ear, God loves you. I don’t know if it helped her, but I know it helped me.
I would
rather regret the things I’ve done, than regret than the things I haven’t.
~ Rory Cochrane
