All Is Not Lost

I once heard a famous psychologist on the radio say, “Hope is simply delayed disappointment”.  I am not a psychologist, but I respectfully disagree. Furthermore, I believe that hope is a form of optimism that is better defined as,  “A desire for a certain thing to happen”. And it’s that desire… that often leads to action… which can then often lead to the desired result. Here are two examples.

Several weeks ago, my wife got a call from our youngest daughter. She was in a panic because she was at the San Diego Zoo and somehow the diamond in her wedding ring broke off and was missing. I heard my wife say, “Don’t give up hope, maybe you will find it.” Not likely in such a crowded place packed with strangers. But my daughter never gave up hope, and sure enough a stranger found the diamond and turned it into the lost and found. (Now there’s a miracle!)

That very same weekend, my wife and I also found ourselves searching and struggling, hoping to find a lost ring. My wife’s wedding ring! We had just returned from a long vacation in Kauai. But before we left, my wife decided not to take her ring and possibly lose it while swimming. So she asked me to hide it somewhere in our house. Being a man, I of course hid it in the garage. Weeks later, upon catching a late flight home and arriving around 1:30 in the morning, my wife immediately asked me to go get her wedding ring. I went to the garage, got the ring, and gave it to her. Or… at least I thought I did. We were both so tired, I’m not sure what I did.

The next day, Saturday morning, she asked me about the ring. I explained, “I think I went downstairs and got it for you last night.” She looked at me and said, “Okay, so where is it?” Uh oh! My only thought was, I sure hope I can find it! I started with the garage and checked it thoroughly. Then I checked our closet, nightstands, dressers, bathroom and even the kitchen. I I hate to say it, but I started to lose hope.

On Sunday, I prayed. I prayed for help because I didn’t want to be the stupid loser husband who hides his wife’s wedding ring and then can’t find it. Sure enough, God answered me right away. I think He said something like, “Well, I sure hope you find it because I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes if you don’t!” (Gotta love God’s sense of humor!)

Sunday morning I decided it had to be in the master bedroom closet. I took every single thing, including the clothing out of the closet. I even searched the pockets of every item of clothing. When my wife came upstairs, she immediately saw the disappointment in my face. “No luck?” I just shook my head and felt hopeless. Then she asked, what about the metal box where we keep important papers? I answered, “That was one of the first things I checked yesterday. But since I was running out of ideas as fast as I was running out of hope, I decided to check it one more time. All is not lost!

Hope is the thing with feathers –

That perches in the soul –

And sings the tune without the words –

And never stops at all…

                                                                    ~ Emily Dickinson                                                  

Just A Moment

I had cataract surgery recently and it didn’t go as planned. The follow up treatments were painful and took forever and although my right eye is really good, my left eye will never have 20/20 vision due to optic nerve damage. But don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled with my vision because being blind would be so difficult. And yet there are times when I am, unfortunately, totally blind.  

My wife’s Charity, called “Project Foster”, finally moved out of our garage and into a real office building in San Juan Capistrano. For weeks now we have been erecting shelving, organizing the office, and moving hundreds of bins of clothing and hygiene products for children into the building. We are close to being done and last week I loaded the last stack of cardboard into my truck and drove it over to the nearby dumpster.

When I pulled around the corner, the large steel door to the dumpster area was already open. It was open because there was someone in there pulling out aluminum cans. She was a tiny little thing, less than 5’ tall, and totally bundled up in a heavy old coat with a tattered scarf over her head. All I could really see were her big brown eyes. She wasn’t young by any means, and yet I bet a hard life had added years to her that she probably didn’t deserve.

In my broken Spanish, I said, “Disculpeme un momento” (excuse me for a moment). She didn’t utter a word, just backed out and stood to the side with her head down. I didn’t want to make things any harder for her, so I flattened out the boxes and shoved them to the very back of the dumpster, which I figured was a good thing to do. Then I drove away, which was a bad thing to do.

As soon as I got on the freeway, I thought to myself, “You are such a jerk!” I could have easily handed that little old lady a $20 bill and I’m sure it would have made her day. Why didn’t I think of that… or why didn’t I at least make the effort to say something to her, to truly look at her, look into those sad brown eyes and say something nice. There was so much I could have done, so much to see right in front of me, but I was blind.

Yes, I looked at her. But in reality, I looked right through her because my mind was on other things. It would have only taken a moment, just a moment, to show kindness. It won’t happen again, and you know why? Because I am going to remember that there is something amazing about taking the time to truly “see” a person.

You know who could use some kindness right now? Probably everyone.

                                                               ~ Dr. Sun Wolf                                                     

Kharma Kicks In

You’ve probably heard the saying that “Kharma is a Bi$#*%”. But I’m not so sure about that. I think it depends on which side of the Kharma you land on. 

I’ll give you a recent example. My wife and I were on vacation in Kauai last month and we decided to play golf at an upscale golf course called “Hokuala”. We were able to play as a “two-some” so that was nice, but my wife only signed up for 9 holes, so she sat out the front nine.

Basically being a “single” meant that I was playing a lot faster than the four-some in front of us. And for the first four holes I was waiting at each tee box for an extended period of time. I didn’t mind that so much, but they noticed that I was always waiting around for them to finish up on the green as well. So my wife suggested we skip the 5^th hole and drive around them. That sounded like a good plan because I didn’t want to annoy them by being so close behind them all day.

Since they were still on the 5^th tee box after I finished the 4^th hole, I quickly drove up and asked them, “Is there a group right in front of you?” It was an innocent question, because I was about to explain how I would be happy to skip the 5^th hole so that I wasn’t on their tail anymore. Unfortunately, they took my question the wrong way and assumed I was criticizing them for slow play. Two different guys mouthed off to me and gave me a hard time and were still yelling at me as they drove away. My wife gave me a look like, “Why didn’t you respond to those jerks?”

I thought about it. Then I explained that at 70 years old, I’ve learned that keeping my mouth shut lessens the chance of me coming off like a jerk myself. An attribute that has served me well many times in my old age!

On the 8^th hole, a PAR 3 over water, Kharma kicks in. As I’m leaving the green, I notice someone left their really nice Scotty Cameron Putter Cover behind. I knew instantly it must belong to one of those jerks up ahead, so of course my first thought was to toss it into the lake. And sure enough, a minute later they come driving up in their golf cart asking if I found a red putter cover. Having not thrown it into the lake, I still had it in my hand. But before handing it over, I took time to explain to them how my question was meant to benefit them so that I wouldn’t be on their ass all day. Now they were the ones who kept their mouths shut, driving away with Kharma kicking their ass and not mine!

How people treat you is their Kharma. How you react is yours.

                                                                 ~ Wayne Dyer                                                     

A Different Approach

This is different. In fact it’s not a Monday Message at all, it’s a letter to a friend. A friend who is suffering deeply.

Dear William,

I have been wanting to write to you for the past two weeks. But I couldn’t find the right words.

The horrible things that have happened to you and your family are beyond comprehension. I know you must have been scared out of your mind!

Your wife disappearing, rolling her vehicle with your two small children inside, her despair, her lack of communication. Having to go to court to get temporary custody of the kids, another car wreck, money missing. And the list goes on and on. You said your life feels completely upside down. An understatement for sure!

But the way you have handled things is absolutely amazing to me. You took a different approach than most people would have. In your letter to me, you described all the horrible things that happened and then told me about three events that happened that felt miraculous to you. Events that you believe were a sign of God’s love in the midst of the storm. And you ended the letter sounding strong and hopeful, saying, “With God I have nothing to fear”.

I just want you to know that when I read your letter I was shocked, and yet so inspired because your approach to an extremely difficult situation was so different. It was based on faith, hope, and love. Faith creates the foundation, hope sustains us in difficult times, and love is the guiding principle that binds all three. You, my friend, exhibited all three of those virtues at a time when most people would have crumbled. Thank you for sharing your story with me and for reminding me that God also takes “a different approach” in that He always stands by us when we need Him most. Bless you.

Your friend, Joe

Good For The Soul

I grew up on an avocado ranch in rural San Diego County and absolutely loved it. Evey day during the summer months I would hike the hills, swim in the ponds, and scout for squirrels, rabbits, and snakes. I truly connected with Mother Nature and loved being outdoors. I think that’s maybe why I also love playing golf so much. The smell of the morning dew on perfect green grass and the beautiful tall trees reaching up through wispy white clouds as if attempting to touch heaven, makes me feel like my soul has its own little personal piece of heaven.

My wife grew up a lot like I did, playing outdoors from morning till night. She discovered softball as a little girl and played it all the way through high school. She also fell in love with swimming and would put in hours at the pool swimming laps over and over again to her heart’s delight. She became an extraordinary swimmer and still is. In fact, when I married her I promised her I would build her a beautiful home with a large swimming pool, and I did. And she loved it!

To this day, I still play golf and enjoy it more than ever. It’s where I’m most at peace. Sadly though, due to a recurring medical condition, my wife had to give up swimming about five years ago. It was devastating to her and robbed her of her own little personal piece of heaven. It broke my heart to see her have to give up something she loves so much. I found myself praying for her condition to change and wondering why it is that bad things have to happen to such good people.

That’s a question a lot of us ask when bad things happen. A question that is not easy to answer.  And trust me, I don’t have the answer. But I do have faith, and my faith tells me that although I may not understand why everything happens, God does, and God always does what is best for us. So I do my best to keep that perspective at all times.

Two months ago, my wife found a new doctor, a specialist, who recommended a new type of medicine for her condition. She has been taking it for a while and now and decided to try swimming again. She was excited and scared, but yesterday as I watched her swim all four different types of strokes, barely rippling the water, I practically cried. She is beautiful out of the water, but in the water she is absolutely glorious! Later in the evening I wrapped my arms around her and told her how happy I was to see her swimming again. Her simple reply, “It’s good for my soul.”

Life is like swimming; sometimes you hit a wall, turn around, and just keep going. 

                                                                                  ~ Anonymous                                                  

People Are Not Perfect

My wife and I had dinner with another couple on Friday night. They’re really close friends of ours that we haven’t seen for a while, so it was nice to spend time with them in person. And of course the first thing Steve asked me was, “How’s life been treating you?”

I thought about that question for just a moment and then answered him honestly. “My life is really good. I feel blessed in so many ways I can’t even count them all. So yeah, life is great!”

But as I said that I thought about something that had happened earlier that day. I lost my temper, really lost it, and yelled at someone. I haven’t done that in years, and it was a complete stranger, a young person who worked at a store. I use the term “worked” loosely because although she saw me standing at the cash register, she ignored me despite glancing over at me multiple times. After 10 minutes I started to get upset and after 15 minutes I was really frustrated, and after 20 minutes, I totally lost it and yelled at her to get her attention.  

I left that store really angry. My wife had been waiting in the car for what should have been a quick five minute stop, so when I got back to the car she immediately asked me, “What happened?” I was so mad I could hardly get the words out. I apologized for keeping her waiting and then told her about the really bad experience I just had with some “stupid, %&*#@, idiot”.

When I got home, and had time to think about it, I felt like a real jerk. Which is exactly what I am, “a stupid, %&*#@, jerk” for getting so angry at a young person who probably hasn’t been trained properly. For a moment in time, I forgot to count my blessings. To be thankful for my family, my home, my job, my health, and the hundreds of other good things going on in my life. I forgot to be thankful and chose to be angry.

The next time I feel myself getting angry, I’m going to remember that incident. My importantly, I am going to remember to have more patience, because people are not perfect… especially me!  

 

Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one. 

                                                                ~ Benjamin Franklin                                                  

Drink Up

On Tuesday morning I woke up feeling miserable. I was still really tired, my head was hurting, and I couldn’t remember anything about the night before, which I am sure is completely my own fault. Plus I had this sharp mystery pain pulsating behind my left knee, which I’m sure was also my fault as well.

But the previous night was a complete fog bank, and I knew it wasn’t going to lift anytime soon. So I stood up and tried to walk it off. The more I walked, the worse I felt, and what the heck is causing that throbbing pain in my left leg?!! After a cold shower and two large cups of hot black tea, my head still hurt, and my left leg felt like I was plugged into an electrical outlet. WTH!!!

After two hours of torture I finally drove to a nearby urgent care. I told the Doc about my mystery pain, and he asked me what I did the day before. I had to think about it, but then mumbled something about swimming in the morning, working in the field at my job for 5 hours in the afternoon, and then playing catch at a baseball field with one of my sons. His next question was, “Were you drinking yesterday?” I answered, “Just a few beers, Doc”, which was probably not totally accurate, and his immediate response was not what I wanted to hear. “I think you have a serious drinking problem!”

Ouch!!! Those were not words I wanted to hear. “But Doc”, I protested… and he cut me off saying, “Let me explain something to you. Do you realize you’re over 70 years old? Do you realize how active you are and that it has been over 90 degrees outside every day this week? Your problem is you don’t drink enough!” (Music to my ears!) “Water”, he said. “Oh”, I said. “You are displaying the classic symptoms of severe dehydration. Don’t you know you should be having at least 90 ounces of water a day? No wonder you’re in a fog and your body is cramping up.” As a glass half-full kind of guy, I responded immediately with, “Sure Doc, I think I can probably fill that prescription all by myself.”

And that got me thinking… Being thirsty isn’t a good thing. But sometimes we find ourselves thirsty in a different way. Thirsty for love, thirsty for friendship, thirsty for acceptance. If you find yourself thirsty, and your glass is half empty, maybe try seeing a doctor, better yet speak to the Divine Physician, who once said, “It is not the healthy that need a doctor, but the sick.”

Then He said to him, “Rise and go your way; your faith has made you well.”

                                                                                        ~ Luke 17:19