When Life Changes (By Debby Thrailkill)

With a few harsh words, his life changed forever. He hadn’t meant the cursory string of consonants and vowels that slipped quietly past his lips, and unfortunately into the ears of nearby coworkers. It was forgotten instantly, an almost thoughtless moment, as quick as the sting of a bee… the result far more painful.

My friend’s ill-timed utterance cost him a highly valued job at a premier California destination Resort. It was his dream job, one that he competed for and worked hard at for many years. He loved it to his core. And just like that it was gone. For weeks he was devastated, angry at himself, shocked, empty, motionless.

Before this happened, life hadn’t exactly been a bed of roses. He worked tirelessly six days a week at two jobs; The second job provided extra money so that he could afford to keep the coveted lower paying position at the Resort that he loved. And then his father suddenly passed away just as he was on a transcontinental flight to be with his Dad over the holidays. The time meant for a family reunion and celebration… was instead spent in crisis management and grieving.

We never know what tomorrow will bring. My friend certainly never expected this turn of events. I know it’s important to try to help others when they are in need, but after listening to his story, offering support was the best I could do. But then I was pleased to hear that he was taking steps to forge a new path. Although it was an unwanted fresh start, he was bravely holding his head up and beginning to move on. I am proud of him for facing this challenge head on.

We all face great challenges when life suddenly changes. All God given days, every second of them, are the greatest blessing. And knowing you have a friend to listen and encourage you can be important to healing. So remember, when your day is going great, finding time to be a friend will fill your heart, as well as theirs.

If you need me, I am here. If you don’t, I will still be here.

~ Anonymous

Standing Tall

In honor of Father’s Day…

No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.

                                           ~ Abraham Lincoln

My Best Work

I was born one month prematurely and have been in a hurry ever since. I guess you could say I’ve always had a lot of energy and maybe that’s why my wife calls me the energizer bunny. I just can’t sit still when I’m at home and always need to be doing something. That’s great for productivity but it isn’t always great for relationships or life in general. However, I have noticed that certain things about me have slowed down in a good way as I’ve gotten older.

Yesterday brought that thought into clarity. I was driving my truck and accidentally hit one of the buttons on the steering wheel. It changed my “view” on my dashboard and brought up “engine conditions”, which is something I have never looked at before. The first thing I noticed was that my total driving hours to date were 908 hours and my total idling hours were 298. Apparently I’m spending nearly one-third of my time just idling. That’s a way higher percentage than I would have guessed and at first it made me think of all the time I’m wasting, and that really annoyed me.

But the more I thought about it, the more it occurred to me that I do my best thinking when I am idling. In fact, when I’m stuck in a traffic jam, I often take a moment to put my hands together at the top of my steering wheel and talk to God. I like to ask Him how he’s doing. I converse with Him, let him know I appreciate his help, and ask Him to watch over my friends and family. And I always end the conversation by listing all the blessings I am thankful for. And when I do that, and realize how truly blessed I am, the traffic issues never seem so bad.

So what am I saying? I guess I am saying that I realize I have a limited amount of time on this earth and it’s good to be productive. But sometimes, when it’s quiet and the world slows down just for a little bit, that’s when I do my best work!

We spend half our life trying to find something to do - 

with the time we have rushed through life - 

trying to save.

~ Will Rogers

Decisions, Decisions

I have seven grandchildren and three of them are now teenagers. Being around them reminds me of when I was a teenager, and I have to say… that was a really difficult time in my life. A time when I had to make a lot of difficult decisions.

When I was 16, my parents moved from San Diego to San Francisco. I chose to stay behind… and they let me. I stayed in High School and for the most part I still got good grades. But I had to work every single day after school and most weekends just to have enough money to survive. Working and living on my own exposed me to a lot of adult situations that I was too young to handle. I saw things I didn’t want to see, like my drunk boss at a gas station rip people off. And I experienced things I should never have experienced at 16, like having the Iron Horsemen motorcycle gang come into the gas station where I worked alone, late at night, and gas up without paying.

Being young, naïve, and inexperienced was a handicap. But so was living on my own without parents. Sure I would call them once in a while, but I never wanted them to know I was scared and struggling, so I would just say I was fine. But I wasn’t fine and some of the decisions I made were terrible. I still cringe when I think about my stupid mistakes, but I also realize that if I would have had an older person to talk to, someone I trusted to give me advice, I could have avoided a lot of painful mistakes. I wish I would have had a “Mr. Miyagi” like in “The Karate Kid” to give me advice, but I didn’t.

Mr. Miyagi dolled out some pretty sage advice. For example, “First learn stand, then learn fly.” That was his advice to take things one step at a time. I didn’t have a mentor back then, but I can be a mentor now. And if you have a few young people in your life, don’t be afraid to reach out and offer them some sage advice. They may not take it… but then again… they might!

Some of the wiser advice I have received over the years…

•  Forget the mistakes of others and forgive yourself the mistakes you make.
•  Keep your temper and shoulder the blame when appropriate.
•  Think first, act accordingly, and maintain high standards.
•  Put the needs of others before your own.
•  And lastly, listen to advice!

“Never put passion in front of principle. Even if you win, you lose."

~ Mr. Miyagi

Never Coming Back

One of the first Monday Messages I ever wrote was just before Memorial Day in 2007. It was 17 years ago, but the message is still just as profound and important today. God bless our servicemen and women, and their families who sacrifice so much for the rest of us!

 

May 28th, 2007

Monday Message #21 – Never Coming Back

I live in a very nice home located in a gated community. I wear nice clothes, drive a nice car, and have a wonderful family including my four children and three grandchildren. My friend, Bill, has a life that is pretty much the same. He is a Senior Vice President at Vineyard Bank, lives in a beautiful neighborhood, drives a nice car, and has a wonderful family as well, including his two beloved sons.

Except there is one difference between us. I have two sons and two daughters and Bill only has two sons. And there is one other difference. Three years ago Bill’s oldest son, Justin, joined the Army and at age 21 went off to fight in the war in Iraq. But Justin didn’t come back… and he is never coming back!

The good news is that Bill has another son, Cameron, his baby. Cameron is a good young man, but he hasn’t been the same since his brother died. I gave Cameron a job working for my company, and he worked hard. But his heart wasn’t in it and he quit two weeks ago. Cameron always looked up to his big brother, loved his big brother, and admired his big brother. Bill says Cameron decided to follow in his brother’s footsteps and just completed basic training. He will be shipping out to Iraq shortly. I couldn’t believe it at first. I saw the pain in Bill’s eyes and heard the crack in his voice when he told me he his son had been killed. His suffering was so severe and so transparent, I could taste it. And now he is watching his baby, his only other child, go off to war again. I don’t ask why… I just offer my support.

My grandfather was a Major in the USMC, and my father served as a Captain in the USMC, so I support our military and all they stand for. I understand the need to defend our country and to defend the world from terrorism. But the one thing I don’t understand, because it hasn’t happened to me, is what it feels like to lose a child, to lose a loved one in a war. And that got me thinking…

 If everyone single person on earth understood what it’s like to have a child killed in war,

then perhaps there wouldn’t be any more wars!

                        

 

You Just Never Know

I realized many years ago that life is a series of decisions. In the beginning, Adam and Eve were gifted with the power of choice, and for a while they used good judgement and made many good decisions… there was that one time when they used really bad judgement, and it has haunted them (and us) ever since!

But here we are, with the power to choose, to decide, and to judge everything (and everyone for that matter) all day long. It is a necessary evil, but not necessarily evil. I think the difference might be in when we judge, and not why we judge.

Let me give you an example. My wife bid on a round of golf at the exclusive Shady Canyon Golf Club in Irvine at a charity auction. It was expensive, but the money was going to charity and she and I love to golf. We ended up winning the bid and were contacted by the Member who donated the round. I was glad to get a chance to play golf at such a prestigious golf course, but then I found out we would have to play with the Member and not on our own. When I found out the Member was 76 years old, my first thought was, “This guy is either going to be a really slow-moving oldster, or he’s going to be one of those rich, arrogant guys, who looks down his nose at us “public” riff raff golfers. And in my infinite wisdom I was thinking this may not be very much fun. But then again, I was prejudging someone I had never met, and that’s a bad decision on my part.

The gentleman that joined us for golf, we’ll call him “Mister B”, was absolutely amazing! He was polite, courteous, and helpful when we arrived. He toured us around the facility, cracking clever jokes, smiling and shaking hands with everyone we came across. He was obviously well liked, and well known, and when we started playing golf, I discovered that he’s also one hell of a golfer. The man shot 39 on the front nine alone, while focusing on us and providing us with entertainment and golf tips all along the way. It was one of the most enjoyable rounds of golf I have ever experienced, and it was totally due to the kindness and over-the-top attention shown to us by Mister B.

But that wasn’t all. After the round we sat down for a few minutes and Mister B told us about his passion for doing charity work and especially anything that involves helping children. He then asked my wife about her charity that provides clothing and essentials for foster children and before we had even gotten up from the table, Mister B had given my wife a very generous donation for her charity. Wow! I could not have been more wrong about someone, and I learned something. We should never “prejudge” anyone before we meet them, because people are like a box of chocolates, you just never know what you’re gonna get!

Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are.

~ Wayne Dyer

Make A Difference

When my wife and I owned our first company, it grew to where we had over 100 employees. Some employees were really great, they cared about their jobs, and they cared about the customers we served. They made a difference! Other employees would struggle, and I remember my wife saying, “They’re just not engaged with their job.” Kind of a funny expression, but I get what she meant. 

I thought about that term this past week because I’m starting to realize the importance of being “engaged” with the strangers we meet. For example, I was at a Dollar Tree Store on Tuesday, picking up dozens and dozens of toothbrushes, toothpaste, combs, hairbrushes, etc. for my wife’s foster child program. Normally, the cashiers are pretty slow and kind of groan when I approach with a cart that has over a hundred items. But the young lady that waited on me smiled when I approached. On top of that, she was lightning fast and great at bagging it all up. When she was done, I took a minute to complement her and explain how foster children are really going to appreciate all the goodies and clothes packed in their new suitcases. The cashier went quiet for a minute, then smiled at me and said, “I was a foster kid and it really sucked. So you’re doing a good thing.” I smiled at that and left thinking, I just made a new friend.

Another example was on Friday when I made a quick stop at a liquor store in Mission Viejo to buy some milk and eggs. When I was paying for it, I mentioned to the clerk, who was a middle eastern man, that my wife was a really good cook, and for that matter a really great woman. Basically way too good for the likes of me. He laughed and said, “Same with me!” And then somehow we got into a conversation about people and faith, and he asked me if I was a Christian. I answered yes, and he said, “Me too.” It surprised me and he explained to me that a lot of Muslim people have converted to Christianity. He then asked me questions about my faith, and I ended up telling him the story of how I helped install a 33’ cross of top of a mountain. That’s when he smiled and showed me the gold cross hanging around his neck. Here again, I left feeling like I just made a new friend.

I see people everywhere on their cell phones and  constantly checking and posting on social media. And I think it’s great that we have a powerful tool that enables us to communicate so easily. But real power comes when we actually engage with people face to face, that’s when each and every one of us can truly make a difference! 

Strangers are just friends, waiting to happen. 

~ Rod McKuen