15 Minutes

Last week I wrote about how people can be annoying sometimes, and I’m sure that includes me as well. But after writing that story, I had two completely opposite experiences that are helping shape me into a better person.

On Sunday my wife and I went shopping at our local grocery store. While we were in the produce department, my wife asked me to find some fresh strawberries while she went elsewhere. As I grabbed the first container of strawberries I saw (because of course I’m not much of a “shopper”) a lady stopped me and said you don’t want those strawberries. I just stood there with a blank stare like, “why are you talking to me?” But she went on to explain how these other strawberries are a better deal. Then she went on to explain about how her coupon cutting helps her save money. Then she went on to explain about which days are the best to shop to get the freshest produce. Then she went on about her grandson, and her bad back… and then she just went on and on for like forever. My wife saw what was happening and yelled over to me that she needed my help, and to hurry. So I told the elderly lady that I had to go and yet as I was walking away she just kept talking like I was still there. I felt bad for walking away, but was glad that my wife saved me because that was 15 minutes of my life I will never get back.

On Monday I went golfing at San Clemente Municipal Golf Course. After my round, as I was putting my clubs in my truck, I heard a loud but friendly voice behind me yell something. “Hey, did you have a good round?”. I turned around and saw this huge young man who was smiling at me. His hair was a mess, and his face was sweating, and he was missing a front tooth, but he was beaming like he had just won the US Open. I explained that, yes I did. I noticed his speech was slightly off, which when combined with the missing tooth, made his grinning smile even more engaging. He kept politely asking me questions and genuinely seemed concerned that I had a good time. He kept talking to me, and I kept listening because I was reminded of the lonely old lady in the grocery store. But this young man was different… in more ways than one. He was so upbeat and never stopped smiling. And he was so excited when he explained that he had just shot 41 for nine holes! I smiled and said, “Wow! That’s a great score on this course!” He then proudly told me how he was practicing for the Special Olympics.

We talked for quite a while, and then he put out his hand and said, “My name is Billy.” I replied, “My name is Joe." Billy said, “See ya Joe!”, and then got in his car to leave. I stood there and waved as an older man drove away with Billy, who kept excitedly waving back at me. But before I got in my car, I thought to myself, that was 15 minutes of my life that Billy "gave back" to me. And that is a lesson well learned!

Never mind searching for who you are. Search for the person you aspire to be.

                                                        ~ Robert Brault                   

The True Story

There are a lot of things in life that can be annoying. Taxes, gas prices, and people for example. But maybe we wouldn’t get so annoyed with people if we had more information… because it seems to me… everyone has a story.

For three weeks now our street has been under construction. Since I can’t drive on our street, I can’t drive home. Which means I typically have to park blocks away and carry heavy groceries and all the stuff that we need back to our house. Talk about annoying!

So last week, there I am carrying groceries and some of my tools down the road when I see a car parked in front of the cones that block off our street. The car is also blocking my way, so I figure it’s some inconsiderate idiot that’s confused by the road block. Instead, I see it’s an older woman behind the wheel. So I ask her if she needs help. She explains to me that she is an 88 year old widow who lives alone and has trouble walking. She said the construction crew put in a special ramp at her house so she could pull into her driveway and they were supposed to move the cones for her, but they must have forgotten. Now I feel like the idiot! So I offered to move the cones for her and then put them back. She was sweet and super thankful and reminded me of my Mom who passed away at 85. I’ll bet at 88 she has a lot of stories she could share if someone would take the time to listen.

Also last week, our new next door neighbors were out on their patio late one night. They were talking and laughing and generally being noisy, which was annoying because I needed to be up early at 4:45am the next day. I didn’t say anything to them or complain about the noise, and I’m really glad I didn’t because I ran into my new neighbor the next day as we were both carrying heavy loads on our way home. He asked me about my wife wearing a knee brace, so I explained how she got hurt a few weeks ago. He then made a comment that it’s always tough when someone we love is hurt or suffering. He then explained how his wife just went through breast cancer treatments including a double mastectomy and yet was doing her best to recover and stay positive. He said, “I try to keep her happy and I am so grateful that she can still laugh and smile!”

And that got me thinking… I too am grateful. Grateful that every person on this earth is different, each one with their own unique individual story. Grateful that they’re sometimes willing to bless me with their personal stories.

The true story of every person in this world is not the story you see, the

external story. The true story of each person is the journey of their heart.

                                   ~ John Eldredge                   

The Start of a Journey

For most people, traveling is fun because the journey often feels like an adventure. In fact, two friends of mine just returned from a journey to the “Great Wall of China” and had a fantastic time. I am in fact on a journey myself right now. However, I’m not actually leaving the country.

Earlier this year, I saw my regular doctor for an annual physical and he ordered some blood work. The results weren’t great, so he sent me to see a cardiologist and a pulmonologist. The cardiologist tested my blood pressure, ordered blood work, and put me through a heart stress test. The results were a little bit alarming. I then went to see a pulmonologist who performed a spirometry test on my lungs and ordered x-rays and a cat scan. Again the results were a little bit alarming. That was three months ago, and I was supposed to go back to my regular doctor for a follow up visit to discuss the “alarming results”, but of course I haven’t found the time to do that. I did, however, start putting my health issues into my nightly prayers.

Six weeks ago I sat down with my wife and together we decided I needed to go on a “Fitness Journey”. Funny thing is I’ve always been fairly fit and not overweight. I’m 5’11” and have weighed 180 pounds for the past 30 years. But I am also, apparently, pre-diabetic with elevated blood pressure, intermittent cardiac arrythmia and very high cholesterol. Fortunately, my wife is a great cook and immediately helped me by suggesting a “Fitness AP” that tracks your calories as well as the percentages of Carbs, Fats, and Protein you need each day. She also recommended I increase my exercise program and start swimming because our bodies are a cherished gift from God, temples that we should take care of in order to honor Him. Smart lady… good advice!

It’s kind of embarrassing to share this information with you, but I’m actually excited about this journey I’ve started! So far I’ve lost 11 pounds, feel stronger, and have more energy. Who knows, I might even end up with a decent set of ABs! More importantly, I am no longer praying for good health. Instead I am giving thanks for the good health I have and a God who is always guiding me in the right direction. And for this journey… I don’t even need a compass or a passport!

Men usually take better care of their boots than of their stomachs.

~ James Lendall Basford   

                     The Philosopher’s Stone, 1882                     

It has been said that the game of golf is a lot like the game of life. I think that is so true when it comes to relating to people… especially strangers.

Four weeks ago I was paired up with a man close to my own age named Jim. I met him for the first time on the first tee and noticed right away that he had a really great golf swing. During the round we talked a little bit about golf, our families, our jobs and after 18 holes I had made a new friend! Jim is outgoing, funny, interesting, and despite being a very good golfer… humble. He never talks about his game, instead he constantly offers up praise for good shots by others. I like Jim and have now golfed with him three more times.

Three weeks ago I got paired up with a stranger named Brandon who was not a good golfer and not fun to be around at all. Throughout the entire round he complained heavily about his bad shots, constantly whining and putting himself down. He kept telling me how bad he was, telling me how he couldn’t possibly hit the ball straight, and wearing me out with his self-centered focus. If he would have paid attention, he would have noticed that the rest of us also hit bad shots, but we would just brush it off and keep playing with a positive attitude. Truth is, I tried to give the guy some praise when he did something right, but he would have none of it because instead of paying attention to our foursome, he was completely and totally focused on his own mistakes.

Last week as I headed down the freeway to go golfing again, I offered up a prayer. “Lord I hope I don’t get paired up with another Brandon. Or if I do please help me to be patient and somehow make it fun for both of us.” Unfortunately, I got paired up again with a rookie golfer named Doug, and when he told me that he had just retired and is taking up golf as a new hobby, memories of Brandon ran through my head. But instead, when Doug hit bad shots, he never complained about them. And when he hit a good shot, I would get excited for him and go out of my way to offer up my praise. I think Doug has the potential to be a very good golfer and I told him so… and when we were done with the round he said something that really caught my attention. “It was really fun to golf with you, and I hope we get paired up again soon.”

After shaking hands with Doug, I almost laughed out loud. “Lord, I love how you manage to teach me things in the most interesting (and funny) ways. Thank you for showing me that self-centered focus can be hurtful not only to one’s self, but also to those around us. And that a little bit of praise, even in small ways, can go a very long way!”

If you want to make a big difference, demonstrate your right relationship with God in even the small ways.

                                                                                        ~ Max Lucado                                

On Purpose

I will turn 71 years old in a few days and find myself asking the same question over and over. Why am I here?

I am basically wondering at this stage of the game… Why did God create me? It’s a tough question because it makes me look back at my life, which then leads to a whole bunch more questions. Like… What have I accomplished that really matters? Who have I helped? Who have I hurt? Why do I still make dumb mistakes when I am supposedly at the age of wisdom? What’s my purpose? Or even more mysterious, why does my wife still say she loves me?

So I gave it some serious thought and came up with a lot of things that might help me find the answer. At the age of 16 I lived on my own in a plywood shack that didn’t even have running water. I quickly learned to be very resourceful and overcome huge obstacles. So… was I put here to teach others how to turn lemons into lemonade? In 1980 I started my first company that grew large enough to have over 100 employees. So… was I put here to help create jobs for people? In 1988 I helped install a huge two-ton 33’ Cruciform Steel Cross on top of Battle Mountain. So… was that what our Creator created me to do? Or is it that I played baseball in Angel Stadium 10 times, making at least that many errors per game, and yet still left the field smiling every time because of  the great teammates I had. So… was I was put here to teach people how to survive very humbling situations by recognizing that friendships are what really matter!  No, I seriously doubt any of those events are it.

But yesterday I figured it out and it doesn’t have anything to do with the events listed above. I was at the grocery store, and I noticed the checker seemed to be in a really sad mood. So I thought I would help him out by bagging my own groceries. Except, I did a crappy job and ripped the first bag wide open because I put too much in it. Then I looked up and noticed the checker was smiling. (Okay, maybe he was laughing at me, because he said, “I got this”.) So when it was all said and done, I told him, “Man you’re really good at your job!” I said that to cheer him up, to lift another human being up when he needed it… and I did it on purpose!

The four most important words in the English language, “How can I help?”

                                                                  ~ Anonymous                                

Better Times

 

I was struggling to come up with a fresh idea for a Monday Message last night. So I spent some time going back and reading through some of my older Monday Messages. I found one written almost exactly six years ago, during a very dark time. Reading it reminded me how much better life is now, and how grateful I should be for better times! 

I hope it helps you feel the same way!

Ask and You Shall Receive

I spent some time on Saturday with a man that I love and care about very much. In fact, I consider myself very blessed because I have so many friends and family members that I truly love and care about. Every single one of them is a unique and special gift from God in their own way.

So on Saturday, we sat down and talked. This young man is at a point in his life where he needs to make a really important decision, a potentially life changing decision. And I felt like he wanted my advice (although he didn’t ask for it - which is another whole Monday Message in itself).

So we talked about his life and all that he has been through. I brought up his younger years when he was always so happy and outgoing, not to mention gifted both athletically and musically. (The opposite of me!) Then we talked about his years of pain and struggle, his dark years when I worried I might never see him alive again. Which brought us to the last six years, a very bright time in his life. A time of health and happiness. A time of hope and promise. And then we talked about this big decision he needs to make and all I could come up with was… “Maybe you should look at the big picture, the long term pros and cons.”

He was quiet for a moment. Then he looked up and said, “You forgot something important that happened in my life.” I wasn’t sure what he meant, but he explained it with a smile. “You forgot to mention that I got baptized!”

Now I was quiet for a moment. I was quiet because I was thinking how could I forget that he got baptized… I was there! How could I forget about all the hard times he went through for so many years, and how he then formed a personal relationship with God and turned it all around. How could I forget that getting baptized was one of the brightest moments in his life. The… life changing moment!

I thought about it this morning and decided to call him and change my advice. “If you trusted your faith in God enough to get baptized, then simply ask God what He thinks you should do. Ask Him for wisdom. Ask and you shall receive.”

Ask and it will be given to you. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened to you.

                                                                        ~ Matthew 7:7                                

Stop Whining

Sometimes I think my job is really hard. Sorry for whining, but here I am at 70 years old, still working 4-5 days a week. I don’t have any salespeople, or any full time employees for that matter. I don’t even have an administrative assistant or an accounting person. So guess who gets to do those jobs. Lucky me! And I have to do those jobs right because the buck begins and ends with me! 

Fortunately, I love the work I do. I get to travel all over Southern California, sometimes to really beautiful and iconic sites, and it feels good to be contributing something positive to the community. But I do get tired sometimes, my hands get all cut up, my back aches, and the traffic can really suck. Sorry, there I go whining again… and that ain’t good. Which got me thinking…

Today is a holiday… President’s Day! A day officially designated to honor and remember the leaders who have shaped the history and future of America.  And although I haven’t been fond of every President we have had during my lifetime, I do think it’s good to celebrate not only the Presidents of our country, but also to celebrate how great our country really is.

The United States is considered a premier global power. We are recognized for our massive economy (approx. 25% of the world total), unmatched military strength, and significant cultural influence through media. But what I recognize and would like to celebrate is that our country is a bright shining beacon of opportunity. I started my first company (related to contracting) in my garage at the young age of 25 with no college education. That company became very successful employing 110 people at 5 different branches throughout Southern California. I started another company (related to distribution) in 2007 that was also successful and rewarding, and I am currently on company #4, which is related to metals inspection. All four have become very successful because I live in America, where there is freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and the freedom to start any business you want at any time. I even have the freedom to whine and complain at any time I want. But you know what… I think it’s time to stop whining!

While we are contending for our own liberty, we should be cautious not to violate the rights of others, ever considering that God alone is the judge of the hearts of men.

~ George Washington, September 14^th, 1775

COMMUNICATING AS ONE

My wife and I attended a celebration of life event on Saturday. Mind you, it wasn’t a funeral. It was truly a celebration. A celebration of someone who was an absolutely amazing woman! 

Sara was only 48 years old and left behind a loving husband and two teenage boys. And although she passed on way too young… Sara lives on… in the lives of the hundreds of people who were there to share their memories and express their love and gratitude to a young woman who undeniably gave way more than she took.

I just sat there and watched and listened in amazement. Dozens of people stepped up to the podium to tell you how special Sara was. How much she meant to them. How much love and energy, time and text messages, she would send out every single day just to make sure her family and friends were okay. And I admit it, I was touched to the point of non-stop tears forcing my wife to have to hand me a Kleenex. But I wasn’t embarrassed, I just felt blessed to have been invited to such a special event.

I was invited by Sara’s Father, Bob, one of the best friends I have in this world. And I am truly thankful for his 20 years of friendship and all the great times we had practicing and playing baseball together. But when Bob got up to speak about his daughter, I saw a special side of Bob that I had never seen before, and I could instantly see where Sara got her strength, character, and faith from.

Bob was composed and articulate, funny and yet super sincere, on what was likely one of the hardest days of his life. But what really got me was when Bob spoke to the audience about how grateful he was for all the prayers people sent out for Sara and her family. Bob wanted all of us to know, in no uncertain terms, that those prayers worked… and that they are still working! That may seem confusing since Sara is no longer here on earth. But Bob explained that people’s prayers gave Sara and her family strength at a time when they needed it most and those prayers… well, they’re working still!  

I am positive that Bob’s love for his daughter and passionate words of gratitude touched the hearts of everyone in that room. But I also believe that I witnessed something very special that day. I felt like I wasn’t just seeing and listening to Bob… it was as if father and daughter were there together, communicating as one.

Sometimes the answer to our prayers is to become the answer to everyone else’s prayers. 

                               ~ Robert Brault

What's in Your Wallet

A little over a year ago, my wife and I took a trip to Kauai. We were having a wonderful vacation until I lost my wallet, which meant… no money, no credit cards, no debit card and no driver’s license. Which also meant no way to get on a plane to go home. Super stressful! I prayed that the wallet would turn up and it did. (I was so thankful and happy I wrote a Monday Message about it!) 

Fast forward to this past Christmas. My wife knows I am prone to losing things, so she bought me a very thin wallet with a strong magnet that attaches tightly to the back of your phone. Great idea, and a great gift for a guy like me because now if I lose my phone/wallet, I can track its location.

So problem solved. Right? Not quite. This past weekend I spent hours working at our home in Ladera Ranch getting it ready to rent. Lots of hard work, up and down ladders, inside and outside the house. When I finished I felt great! Unfortunately, upon arriving home I noticed something funny. The wallet was no longer attached to my phone, nor anywhere in sight. I immediately got back in my truck and drove back to our rental home, praying all the way for the Lord to help me find it.

I started with the front yard. Then I searched the back yard, the side yards, the BBQ area, the shed, and both garages. No wallet! So then I searched inside the house, upstairs, downstairs, and every single bedroom, but no luck. At that point I resigned myself to the fact that the wallet was gone. However, I thought about the last place I worked, which was putting shelf paper on the bottom shelf in the pantry. I went back inside, looked around and then knelt down in front of the pantry to look inside. Nothing there. Feeling defeated and deflated, I called my wife to give her the bad news. But as I started to tell her I couldn’t find it, I stepped on something right in front of the pantry. I looked down and it was my wallet! I yelled into the phone, “OMG… I just stepped on it!” She asked me where I was and I explained I am standing right in front of the pantry. But when I was here a few minutes ago, there was no wallet on the floor. She asked, “Well, how can that be?”

And that got me thinking… I pray a lot and sometimes my prayers are answered in very unique ways. Kind of makes me think God has a since of humor as well as a heart full of grace. Maybe He just wanted to remind me that I might be a loopy loser who loses things, but since I never lose my faith, He helps me out. Or maybe He just wanted to remind me that what’s in my wallet isn’t what’s important.

Give thanks even in the worst of times, for it is during those times that our faith makes us whole.

                                                           ~ Grace de Vera                                 

No Regrets

The Holiday Season has ended and hopefully it was a joyous time of celebration for you. It helps to remember the reason for the season, but unfortunately it can also be a time of heavy stress that can easily hinder your hope for peace and solitude. It was like that for me, a lot of joy and happiness spending time with my family. But there were also very difficult, even traumatic things that happened as well. And yet I have so many reasons to celebrate.

It started as a cough and quickly turned into bronchitis. Bad timing for me to be the patriarch of a large family and be sick at Christmas time. But December is known as the start of the cold and flu season, and I definitely felt pretty miserable at times. Then I got word that my sister was extremely ill and hospitalized. She had been sick for a long time and apparently took a turn for the worse. The news sent a wave of emotions through me because, to be honest, my sister and I have never been close. In fact, we haven’t seen each other in over seven years, and she made it clear she didn’t want me to try.

It wasn’t always that way between us. There were plenty of good times when were little kids. So I would often wonder if I should keep trying to contact her. Funny thing is… I was thinking about her 6 months ago and decided on a whim to give her a call. She took my call, which was a surprise, and even more surprising was that we had the best conversation we have had in over 40 years. She was friendly and outgoing, although at one point she started to cry because she said she was so tired of being ill. I tried my best to cheer her up, but I knew her situation was serious, which made me sad. So I simply reminded her that she is loved… by her family, by me, and by God. I don’t know if it helped.

After thinking about it for days, and knowing she didn’t have much time, I decided to go visit her in the hospital. It was three days before Christmas and I had tons to do, but everything inside me screamed at me that I would regret it if I didn’t. So I got up very early the next morning and drove out to a hospital in Menifee. She was in the ICU, and the nurse told me she had been taken off life support, and was unconscious, but that if I talked to her she might be able to hear me. So I held her hand and talked about the good times we had. I reminded her again that she was loved, and then I kissed her goodbye, and left the room crying. She died that evening.

After 70 years of life on this planet, I can honestly say that I have plenty of regrets in plenty of areas. Maybe I should have tried harder to build a better relationship with my sister. Maybe I should have been more patient with her. Maybe I should have done more for her. Or maybe it’s just easy to have regrets if you go looking for them. But what I don’t regret is seeing her one last time and whispering in her ear, God loves you. I don’t know if it helped her, but I know it helped me.

I would rather regret the things I’ve done, than regret than the things I haven’t.

                                                                           ~ Rory Cochrane