Ardent and Fervent

Sometimes I wonder if what I am doing is right or wrong. Maybe for some people life is always black and white and things are always either right or wrong. But for me (and maybe it’s because I’m not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed) sometimes I have to think about those… you know… gray areas.

About a month ago I was feeling really strong for the first time in a long time. My back had been hurt, but now it felt strong, so I decided to get some serious projects done around my house. I bought a huge load of redwood and built a new seawall, tore out both planter areas and planted a dozen new trees, 10 colorful hybrid rosebushes, and assorted other plants, finishing off both areas with nice redwood edging boards. By the time I was done, everything looked great, but unfortunately, my back paid the price. As I limped around the house my wife warned me to take it easy, but I reminded her that I had signed up for a golf tournament that weekend. She told me not to go, but of course I didn’t listen and on the very first swing, it felt like I tore something in my spine. It hurt so bad I couldn’t even pick up a club to try a second shot. I went straight home and iced it, but by 10:00pm that evening, my wife had to call 911 to get an ambulance to take me to the hospital… and of course she threw in a couple of “I told you so’s”, which of course I totally deserved!

When the paramedics arrived, they injected me with pain medication twice on the way to the hospital, but it didn’t help. It felt like somebody was twisting a knife in my spine, and it started to really scare me. At that point I knew I was in trouble and decided to pray for help. I asked God to please take the pain away and I have to admit that prayer was one of the most ardent and fervent prayers I have ever offered up. It reminded me of the emotional prayers I spoke when my wife was in the hospital and most recently when my Mom was terminally ill. But in both those cases, I was praying for a loved one. In this case, I was praying for myself, for my own well-being, and for some reason it felt weird, like maybe it was wrong.

And that got me thinking… Obviously it’s good to pray for others, but when is it okay to pray for yourself? Is it okay to pray for a bigger home, a better car, more money, or in my case less pain? What about praying for your team to win a game? Or what about the reverse, praying for something bad to happen to your competition, or your enemies? When is prayer right and when is it wrong? Those are tough questions that I think each individual person needs to answer for themselves. As for me, it’s been two weeks now since I was in the hospital and the pain in my back is surprisingly almost gone. But then again, maybe it’s not surprising since that is what I prayed for! I’m still pondering the question of right and wrong prayers, but before I ponder another minute, I’m going to get down on my knees right now and make sure my “prayer of thanks” for the pain in my back being gone… is even more ardent and fervent than my prayer for help!

Don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines.

~ Satchel Paige