Pro-XL

I know I’m going to screw up… it’s just a matter of time! Let’s face it, I’m just your average Joe with lots of faults. You know, the typical guy who forgets to take out the trash, drags sand into the house every 5 minutes, and leaves dirty sponges on the counter. I don’t mean to screw up, but I’m human and all of us humans (sorry ladies) make mistakes and occasionally irritate each other sometimes. So it dawned on me that with the Coronavirus forcing a lot of us to stay home, my chances of irritating my spouse have exponentially increased. We are now starting our 7^th week of being home together 24/7, and even though we love each other very much… that much togetherness can be tough at times.

Realizing that I am not perfect and that I’m never going to be perfect, means I’m going to keep making mistakes no matter how hard I try. Bummer! But there is good news because there is something we can do about it, something that we can all do to help the situation. I’m going to call it Pro-XL, a “Proactive Expression of Love”. I got the idea from my wife!

This might sound a little gross, but bear with me. My wife uses the master bedroom bathroom, and I use the guest bathroom. (That way I stay out of her hair!) Recently we started running low on toilet paper, so I switched to Kleenex so she wouldn’t run out. Yesterday morning, I noticed my wife had refilled the toilet paper roll in my bathroom. A small gesture maybe, but I know how important toilet paper is to her, so I know it was a big sacrifice on her part. Maybe she still loves me in spite of my faults!

Later that day, our bad neighbor (remember my last Monday message) was making it difficult for us to sit on our own patio. So my wife asked me if we could take our beach chairs and go sit by the water. So while she was changing clothes, I got a beach towel and two chairs and set them up on the sand. Then I snuck out to our garden and picked the prettiest rose I could find and placed it in her chair as a surprise. A small gesture to some maybe, but as far as I am concerned it was a fun way to proactively express my love and make some brownie points, because let’s face it, I know I’m going to need them.

And that got me thinking… for many years I was in the lighting maintenance business and discovered that if I took a proactive approach to maintenance, meaning fixing things before they broke, my customers really appreciated it. So why can’t that work the same way in a marriage!

His!

Hers!

The love in your heart wasn’t put there to stay. Love isn’t love until you give it away.

~ Anonymous

Just a Thought

This past week I celebrated my 65^th birthday and thought, wow… how the heck did that happen? Obviously, it wasn’t a typical birthday celebration due to the Coronavirus, but I still thought it was great because one of my kids called me first thing in the morning to wish me Happy Birthday and then later on I got to actually see my other three kids (and assorted grandkids), albeit from a distance. My family is really important to me, so all day long my thoughts were on them, which was great because it kept me from having depressing thoughts about all the crazy Corona crap going on right now.

Thoughts. Isn’t it funny how important our thoughts are, especially in challenging times. Our thoughts are always in motion, always fluid, sometimes going in the right direction, sometimes going in the wrong direction. But thoughts always precede action and if they don’t, that’s when we’re usually in trouble. (Explains why…when I’m in trouble with my wife, I always say, “I’m sorry, honey, I just wasn’t thinking!)

So wouldn’t it be great if we could control our thoughts better and wash out the negative ones? For example, I keep having really bad thoughts about some really bad things I want to do to my neighbor. The problem is that we have a horrible neighbor who acts like there is no such thing as Covid-19. He and his wife sit on their back patio, just two feet away from our small patio, drinking every evening and smoking big cigars. Their cigar smoke blows right across our patio and into our home. So with the virus going on, every evening my wife (who is super high risk due to lung issues) and I have to retreat into our home and close all the windows. Talk about “cabin-fever”. But that’s not all. This same neighbor has a jacuzzi on the roof of their three-story mansion and two days ago they were up their partying at 1:00am in the morning, tossing empty beer cans down onto the roof of our house. And those are only two of the smaller problems they create for us on a regular basis.

But getting back to controlling my thoughts better. I haven’t acted on any of my bad thoughts…yet! But just having bad thoughts makes me feel rotten inside, like I’ve been poisoned by the bad actions of a few bad apples. I don’t want those bad apples to keep making me have bad thoughts, and I definitely don’t want to act on them because that would go against my Christian faith. So I did some research,

- The first concept I discovered is… “What we focus on, we magnify”. So, I guess we shouldn’t focus on the negative because when we do, we make the problem bigger than it really is.

- The second concept isn’t complicated either… “All people are flawed human beings, me included.” So, before I judge people, I guess I better stop and take a hard look at myself first.

Combining those two concepts led me to realize that the power doesn’t lie with my bad neighbor. I alone have the power to control my thoughts and my actions. So, from now on, when rotten apples (or beer cans) fall from the sky, I’m going to redirect my thoughts and focus on what an awesome family I have… And then I’m going to invite all of them over, hand out cigars, and turn up the freakin’ music! (Just kidding!)

Give people the grace to be human.

~ Max Lucado

I Can Only Imagine

Today marks the 30^th straight day that my wife and I have been “locked down” at home due to the Coronavirus. We’ve stopped complaining about it because we recognize that we are a lot better off than most people. I heard about a man yesterday who said, “My 81-year-old Mother has the virus and my Dad is in a convalescent home and I can’t visit either one of them. Plus, my wife and I both lost our jobs and we’re running out of money. That man is not alone, so my heart goes out to everyone struggling.

In fact, not only have we stopped complaining, we’ve even started using our time more wisely. For example, we made a calendar with our hopeful end date for the lock down. Then we taped it to the wall in our living room and started crossing off the days. Next, we surrounded it with large white cards with things we can do to make better use of our time, while also having some fun. Things like, learn a new language, work out, ride bikes, read a novel, paint a picture, watch movies, and play music.

Speaking of movies and music, on Saturday we watched a wonderful movie that combined music, hope and faith. It told the story of how one person overcame a horrible childhood through his love for music. It was called, “I Can Only Imagine” and not only did it change the life of the man who wrote the hit song of the same name, it also changed the lives of millions of listeners by helping them get through their tough times as well.

And that got me thinking… Yesterday was Easter Sunday. We couldn’t go to church. We couldn’t go visit our kids or grand kids. We couldn’t have my wife’s parents over for dinner or even go out for dinner. Obviously, our world is going through unprecedented times of trouble right now and we don’t know when it will end… but we do know that it will end! And when it does, I can only imagine the joy we will experience from getting to do all the little things that we love to do… with our loved ones!  

I can only imagine

What it will be like

When I walk by your side

I can only imagine

What my eyes will see

When your face is before me

I can only imagine

I can only imagine

~ Bart Millard 

Bright Spots

It was 20 years ago that my wife first started having trouble breathing. It seemed minor at first, but then it gradually got worse until one day she collapsed to the floor struggling to breathe. I rushed her to the hospital and after undergoing a lot of tests, she had laparoscopic surgery to repair a genetic lung disorder that created “blips” (small tears) in her lungs.

The surgery seemed to work, but a year later her lung issues came back, and they came back with a vengeance. I must have rushed her to the hospital at least 8 times and twice I had to call 911 for help. Unfortunately, the doctors couldn’t figure out what to do. Finally, in 2002, it got so bad that she ended up at the Mission Hospital ICU. That’s when our prayers were answered thanks to an older surgeon, Dr. Chino, who said he knew what to do. After the operation, my wife had to stay in the hospital for at least two weeks, so it was a super stressful time for us. With 4 children to take care of and a wife that may or may not recover, I found myself struggling to cope. But I started praying every day and somehow came up with the idea to start writing a journal. At first it was about how much I loved my wife, but as I wrote a story each day, it became life lessons that I could share with my kids. For 12 straight days I stayed at the hospital, sleeping on the floor next to her bed, holding her hand, praying for her to recover, and writing stories to take my mind off my worries. My wife survived thanks to Dr. Chino, my kids survived thanks to our in-laws, and I survived thanks to my faith and something that you might now recognize as Monday Messages.

Remembering that time got me thinking… We are in a super stressful time right now. Most of us are trapped in our homes, unable to visit friends, unable to go to work, unable to go to school, unable to socialize with anyone outside the people we live with. We are tired, bored and scared… and that fear we feel is valid because we don’t know what the future holds. But if I learned anything from that traumatic period I went through with my wife’s health problems, it’s that there will always be bright spots even in the darkest moments. Yesterday, for example, I wrote page one… of my first ever… full length book.

We must embrace trouble and pain… 

and burn them as fuel for our journey.

~ Kenji Miyazawa

Monday Morning

It’s Monday morning, day 14 of lockdown. So, looking around I see that my house is totally neat and organized, my bed is made, my bathroom is clean, my patio is swept, my weeds are pulled, my tools are organized and dang it, I’ve just about run out of things to do. All I have left is to empty the trash, and then what am I gonna do? Stupid Coronavirus!

Where we live, garbage pickup service happens every Monday Morning. This Monday morning, just like clockwork, I noticed the garbage truck coming down our street right on time at 7:30am. Except this time his truck was the only truck around. And there were no other vehicles, or people for that matter. Just an eerie early morning calm, broken up only by the sound of the beeping trash truck in action.

And that got me thinking… As difficult as things are, there are things to be appreciated. God bless those people who are still working because their jobs are essential. That includes doctors, nurses, policemen, firemen… and you guessed it… garbage men!

I’m a garbageman. I can’t work from home, but my job is an essential city service that must get done. 

It’s a tough job, from getting up pre-dawn to the physical toll it takes on my body to the monotonous 

nature of the job. At times it’s hard to keep on going. Right now though, right now I am feeling an 

extra sense of pride and purpose as I do my work. I see the people, my people, the people of my city, 

peeking out their windows at me. They’re scared, we’re scared. Scared but resilient. Us garbagemen 

are gonna keep collecting the garbage, doctors and nurses are gonna keep doctoring and nurse-ering. 

It’s gonna be ok, we’re gonna make it be ok. I love my city. I love my country. I love my planet Earth. 

Be good to each other and we’ll get through this.

                                                                              ~ Jester D, Garbageman, Planet Earth

Finding Funny

My world is very different at the moment, but not just my world, the whole freakin’ entire world is different! If you would have told me a month ago, that in March we would run out of toilet paper and paper towels, that we would be confined to our homes with most of us not allowed to go to work, that we would have to keep 6’ away from every other human being… I would have said you are crazy!

But sometimes truth really is stranger than fiction and that’s the world we’re living in at the moment. And that’s the important thing to remember. That it is only for the moment. That things will change. It will take time for sure, but things will change and eventually we will get our normal lives back. Although, we may have a “new normal” in some ways.

In the meantime, we have to make the best of it and focus on the positive. So with that in mind, this morning when I sat down on my couch to say my morning prayers, I focused on all the blessings that God has bestowed on me throughout my life. Good parents, good schools and teachers, living in a plywood shack for a year to learn humility and resourcefulness, living in a big beautiful home in the country, being successful in business multiple times, falling in love, raising a family, overcoming illness and injuries, spending time with six wonderfully different grandchildren, and friends, more great friends than I could ever deserve.

This went on for quite a while because I really have been blessed in thousands of ways. But when I was finally finished, I raised my head and was going to look out at the ocean through our sliding glass doors when I noticed my view was blocked. Standing there, smiling, was our dog. (Okay, it’s not our dog, it’s the neighbor’s dog, but he thinks he’s our dog, so… so do we!) Tucker was standing there smiling and wagging his tail but somehow, he looked different. Somebody in Tucker’s family must have gotten really bored and decided to paint white eyebrows onto his face. Poor dog aged 10 years overnight! I’ve never seen anything like that before but like I said in the beginning of this story, the world is a little crazy at the moment, so maybe “finding funny” things to do, isn’t such a bad idea.

One day this is going to be over – can you imagine that day? 

How we’ll come out into the sun and laugh and hug and sing and dance and hold hands! 

I am living for that day. It’ll be like nothing we’ve ever experienced before!

~ Glennon Doyle 

Broader Shoulders

Everywhere you go right now, and everything you see and read is about the Coronavirus problem. It’s definitely a very serious issue because in my lifetime I have never seen everything come to a halt like it has right now. There will be no final tournaments for the basketball season and no start to the baseball season. I am bummed that the Masters Golf Tournament isn’t going to happen, and that every other sporting event, concert, and entertainment experience is a no go too. How crazy is that? Talk about bumps in the road, this is a big bump in the road!

This is a life-threatening situation for sure. So we would be totally justified to focus on the problem to the point of making ourselves miserable. But is that really the right approach? What if instead, we remember that God is always with us, molding us, testing us, and helping us grow. What if we took a different perspective…?

Dear Lord,

• I am so thankful we have dedicated doctors and nurses attending to the sick and needy.
• I am so thankful that we have first responders, firemen, and policemen who are willing to put themselves in harm’s way to help those in need.
• I am so thankful, that we have government officials who are taking massive amounts of action to slow down the spread of this disease.
• I am so thankful that we have dozens of different ways that we can communicate with each other without actually having to be face to face.
• And I am so thankful that when I woke up this morning and looked outside… I didn’t see a world in panic. Instead I saw a whisper of light rain falling onto beautiful rolling green hills in front of me and the sparkling blue pacific ocean behind me. A reminder from you that our blessings are far more plentiful than our struggles.

There are always going to be bumps in the road of life, some of them bigger than others. But we don’t have to let them steal our joy, or our thankfulness. I think we should realize that those bumps are there for a reason, a reminder that we shouldn’t ask God for a lighter burden, we should simply ask God for broader shoulders!

We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking, 

only to learn that it is God who is shaking them.

~ Charles C. West