Gift Giving

One of the best things about the Christmas Holiday Season is that you get to create your own special family traditions. My wife and I have started two new traditions in our family and hopefully both of them are creating great memories that will last a lifetime.

Our first new tradition is to take our grandchildren around town to look at Christmas light displays. Thanks to Siri and Google Maps it’s pretty easy to find the neighborhoods that have gone crazy with Christmas Lights. Last year, the entire time we were driving around, our three-year-old granddaughter, Penelope, led us in singing all the classic Christmas songs like Jingle Bells. Okay, so she didn’t know all the words, but she was really good at making up her own words, which cracked everyone up.

Our second new tradition involves the immediate members of our family including my wife, adult children, and their significant others. We usually start by meeting at a restaurant for Sunday Brunch and then the four girls leave to go shopping while the four guys leave to go golfing. Our family is so close and we have so much fun, that most of the time we even meet afterwards for another meal and a chance to laugh and share stories.

I love my family very much, but at Christmas time I do tend to get stressed out over one issue. I hate to admit it, but I have always struggled with gift giving for some reason. It’s not that I don’t care or that I don’t put the time into it, I’m just not very creative compared to other people when it comes to gift giving, so I really stress out about it. Christmas is almost here, so I have already started agonizing over who wants what and what color and what size, and “Can they bring it back if they don’t like it”, etc. I know I am worrying more than I should.

And that got me thinking… It dawned on me that I have already given my family one of the best gifts possible…the gift of time spent with people you love…and I didn’t even have to stand in line or request a stupid gift receipt!

"And there were shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flocks by night, 

and lo the angel of the lord came upon them and the glory of the lord shone round about them, 

and they were sore afraid, and the angel said unto them, fear not, for behold, 

I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. 

For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a savior who is Christ the Lord. 

And suddenly there was with the angels a multitude of the heavenly hosts, 

praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth - peace, good will toward men."

Somebody's Bucket List

I started working in the lighting industry in 1974 and believe it or not, I’m still in it 42 years later. Over all that time I have been extremely fortunate to develop a lot of customers who have become close friends. Unfortunately, they sometimes move on to other companies or retire, soI lose track of them. But last week I saw a friend I hadn’t seen in a really long time.

I first met Dave when I was only 20 years old. He was working for a large firm in Irvine as a Maintenance Supervisor and I was a skinny long-haired kid who was trying to sell light bulbs. I remember being intimidated by Dave at first because he had an important position with a very prestigious company. However, my boss told me that Dave’s company represented huge potential for us as a customer, soI better not be scared and I better not blow it. (I must say my boss at that time had an interesting style of motivating his employees.)

When I first med Dave, he appeared to me to be this big tough Hispanic guy, with a gruff exterior. He would often speak to his staff in Spanish and then turn around and speak to me so fast that I had trouble understanding him. But despite my youth, my inexperience and the fact that I kept saying, “Huh?” every time he spoke, he gave me multiples chances to bid on his projects. Over time I earned Dave’s trust and began to do a lot of business with him, while developing a close friendship as well. Early on I discovered that although Dave might be gruff on the outside, he had a heart of gold on the inside. He often spoke lovingly about his wife and two adopted daughters, so when I ended up adopting a Hispanic child of my own in 1983, I named him “David” and told Dave I named my son after him. He knew that wasn’t true, but I think he still enjoyed it every time I mentioned something about my boy named David.

I hadn’t seen Dave in over 25 years, but last week a mutual friend called me. (Chris worked with Dave at the same company and is still a very good customer and very close friend of mine). Chris said he got a call from Dave who wanted get together for breakfast and reminisce about the good old days. I was surprised that Dave even remembered me, but quickly agreed and we met Monday morning at RJ’s in Dana Point Harbor. It was so great to see Dave again but quite surprising that he would drive 82 miles each way just to have breakfast with me. When I asked Dave why he drove all that way to see me, his eyes watered and his expression softened and he simply said, “I’m 76 now, I have a disease that I can’t shake, and seeing you again was on my bucket list.”

Driving home that evening I couldn’t stop thinking about what Dave said. As a young man, I looked up to Dave and appreciated all that he taught me as a young struggling salesman…and I truly enjoyed our time together immensely. But I had no idea how important I was to him. I do now… and it makes me realize that for every friend that disappoints us, there are plenty of others who just might have us on their “Bucket List”. 

The most I can do for my friend, is to simply be his friend.

~ Henry David Thoreau

Instruction Manual

After a hard day at work I really enjoy relaxing on the couch, watching a good movie. Last week my wife and I were watching a new movie called Bad Santa (whatever you do, don’t watch this one with kids!) when my wife asked if I would like some popcorn. I said, “Sure, but let me get it.” I got up and grabbed a box of microwave popcorn out of the pantry, but I’m no cook, so I asked my wife how long do I nuke this stuff?” She didn’t answer right away (because she was on her phone, which you know…never happens) but then she said, “about 4 minutes.”  

It was probably about 3 ½ minutes later that the fire started. I thought I smelled smoke, turned around and flames were shooting out of the microwave. I jumped off the couch and scrambled to shut that baby down (yelling expletives the whole time). Not only was the popcorn obliterated but it scorched the entire inside of the oven leaving a gooey residue that stunk so bad I was forced to dis-assemble the microwave from the cabinet that very evening and throw it outside into the yard. Guess I should have read the instructions!

So this week guess what? I purchased a new microwave! It took me forever to find the right one because it had to be a small “under-cabinet” style because we don’t have much counter space in our tiny beach house. I found one that would work, but the weird thing is the mounting holes were randomly positioned, which made figuring out where to drill the holes in the cabinet really difficult. I measured several times and finally drilled 4 holes. However, when I tried to mount the stupid thing, I could only get 3 screws to go in. I fought with it for over an hour and finally decided to drill a larger fourth hole and use a fender washer so that the screw wouldn’t fall through the hole. The next day as I was taking out the trash I heard something rumbling around inside the microwave box. It was the operating manual and inside the manual was a paper template for positioning the screw holes. Guess I should have read the instructions!

Maybe it’s a guy thing, but guys like me (you know us real men) don’t like to read instructions because we’re supposed to figure things out on our own, like MacGyver does, right? But then you might ask, “So, how’s that working out for you?”, and you would be right, it doesn’t always work out for me. Which got me thinking that there are always going to be problems in life that pop up (like popcorn) and need fixing. But where is the instruction manual for life? Where can I find the wisdom and direction I need to solve problems and be happy? What book has all the answers? Last night I figured it out as we were watching another movie. It was a really old Dino De Laurentiis movie starring George C. Scott. It was pretty good. It was called, “The Bible”.

All the misery and evil which men suffer from vice, 

crime, ambition, injustice, oppression, slavery and war, 

proceed from their neglect of the wisdom contained in the Bible.

~ Noah Webster

7-Day Exercise Program

When our kids were growing up we had a tradition at dinner time that became especially meaningful during the Thanksgiving holiday season. We would ask each person at the table to relate their “good thing” and their “bad thing” that happened to them that day or that week. It was a great way to get the communication going with the kids and it helped us to teach them that life will always have some bad moments, but there will be plenty of good ones to be thankful for too. And more importantly, as hard as it might be, we can even be thankful for the bad things if we allow ourselves to learn from them.

Since I am writing over the Thanksgiving weekend, it seems only appropriate that I continue the tradition. So, if you don’t mind, I would like to tell you my “good thing” and my “bad thing”.

My bad thing first. My 82-year-old Mom wanted to go up to Fresno to visit her sister for Thanksgiving, but she was going to have to take a bus from Riverside to Bakersfield and then a train from Bakersfield to Fresno. At 82 I didn’t want her to have to ride a bus so I volunteered to drive her to the Bakersfield Amtrak Station on Tuesday before Thanksgiving. We had a great time together so I was happy I was able to help, but on the way back I hit the worst traffic I’ve ever seen in my life. Altogether I changed freeways 11 times in 5 hours trying to make find my way back home but the weird thing is I never really got upset about it. I think the fact that I did something good to help someone I love.. kind of took away my frustration and turned it into a good day after all.

Now my good thing. I’ve had a serious back pain issue for 6 months and although I’ve seen multiple doctors and had two painful needle procedures done, the pain was still pretty bad. So my doctor advised me to get spine surgery. That didn’t sound like fun, so I continued to pray for healing, which I have been doing for months. But this time I changed up my prayers to include a thank you to God for all the good things going on in my life, despite my stupid back pain. And I guess it worked because two weeks ago, the pain completely disappeared and it hasn’t come back!

Being thankful doesn’t necessarily come easy for most of us, but it should. Here’s an idea. Tomorrow morning when you climb out of bed, think of one specific thing you can be thankful for. Do it every day for a solid week, thinking of different things to be thankful for each day. How you feel in the morning affects how you feel throughout the day so this simple 7-day exercise program will probably heighten your focus on the good things. It might even help you realize that “not focusing on a bad thing” is a “good thing”!

One of my many good things... the girls in my life!

It is not what we say about our blessings, 

but how we use them, that is the true measure of our thanksgiving.

~ W. T. Purkiser

Why on Earth?

Thanksgiving is just around the corner! So, I’ve been thinking about all the things I am thankful for and how I could wrap that theme into a cool Monday Message. I even went as far as to make a list of 10 things I’m thankful for and shared it with my wife. But as I thought about being thankful, a question came to mind. If I am truly thankful, then what am I going to do about it? Which led to how can I give back for all that has been given to me? Which then led to the biggest question of all, “What truly is my purpose in life?”

So I figured I would take my question to an expert. "Lord, I am sorry to bother you but I have a question, Why am I here Lord? I know that I am uniquely made and I appreciate that You blessed me with a life, but I don’t totally know for sure why I’m here? When you created us it’s obvious you wanted us to not only live a life here on earth, but also to create more life on earth or you wouldn’t have given us the ability to multiply...and multiply we have! But that can’t be our sole purpose. Can it?”

As I pondered that question, a Facebook message popped up on my phone. When the message showed up I figured it was obviously God answering my question, right? But actually, it turned out to be a message and a photo about a friend of mine that was posted by his son. It said very simply, yet very eloquently….

“So my dad goes from surfing 20 foot waves in Indonesia, to winning multiple championships in his baseball league, to now playing lead guitar in his first gig coming up at Thanksgiving… all while being one of the best financial advisers in California. What can’t he do??? Love ya, Dad!

It’s not unusual for a parent to love their child and be proud of them. But it is rare that a child will express their pride and love for a parent so openly. When I saw that message the answer to life’s biggest question became obvious. “Why on earth are we here on earth? To love each other!

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!

There is no surprise more magical than the surprise 

of being loved. It is God’s finger on man’s shoulder.

~ Charles Morgan

Only Time Will Tell

When I woke up this morning a crazy thought came to mind, which then turned into several interesting questions. The name of the new President Elect of the United States, surprisingly, is billionaire businessman Donald Trump, a non-politician, who apparently doesn’t worry about being politically correct either. How did that happen and is it is going to be good for our country or is it going to be bad for our country?

Kind of reminds me of a story I read by Max Lucado. Once upon a time there was an old man who was considered the poorest man in the village. He had but one possession, a beautiful white stallion that he highly treasured. The people in the village kept telling him he should sell the horse and make some serious money, but he would not part with his beloved white horse. One day the horse ran away and the village people told the old man, “See, we told you to sell that horse and now he is gone. This is really bad for you.” But the old man disagreed saying, “I don’t know if it is bad or good, only time will tell.”

A week later the white Stallion returned to the stable with 12 wild horses following him. The townspeople cried, “You were right! This is a really good situation. Now you will be rich and happy!” But the old man disagreed saying, “I don’t know if it is good or bad, only time will tell.” Sure enough, a week later the old man’s only son fell while trying to tame one of the wild horses and broke both his legs. Once again the village people hollered at the old man, “See, this is a bad situation for you. Without your son to help there is no one to break in the wild horses.” But the old man disagreed saying, “I don’t know if it is bad or good, only time will tell.”

Shortly afterwards war broke out in the area and all the young men from the village were sent off to war. However, the old man’s son was disabled so he had to stay home. The elders of the village were distraught because they knew their sons would most likely die in the war, so they yelled at the old man one more time, “See, it is a good thing that your son broke his legs.” Once more the old man yelled back, “You people just don’t get it, do you… Only time will tell!”

Will Donald Trump turn out to be a good President or a bad President? Obviously, a lot of people voted for him and yet there are also a lot of people who didn’t vote for him who are now protesting his election. So I truly do not know what’s going to happen. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life, it’s that things are rarely ever what they seem…and if I jump to a conclusion, I am usually wrong. Maybe this is a good time to stop, think and be patient and remember what a wise old man once said, “Only time will tell!”

I’ve worked very, very hard. I’ve created thousands and thousands of jobs and built great structures. I’ve had tremendous success. I think I’ve done a lot…and I’m not done.

~ Donald Trump

Outright Obedience

This past weekend my youngest daughter asked us to babysit her new puppy named “Fitzgerald”. He’s a small French Bull Dog with a huge amount of personality but he’s also about the best-behaved puppy I have ever seen. So watching him is easy and fun… and always entertaining.

Fitz woke me up with the tiniest whine on Sunday morning. He does that when he needs to go out, so I grabbed his leash so we could take a walk along the beach. There are so many different objects and smells in the sand at the beach that Fitz was just loving it. He couldn’t go two feet without jamming his nose into the sand and sniffing up a storm. For some reason, he would suddenly start digging super-fast throwing giant amounts of sand between his legs up into the air. I’m not sure what he was digging for but then again, I doubt he was either.

After about twenty minutes I was ready to head back in, but Fitz spotted something buried in the sand. As he started sniffing around it I realized it was a crusty old fish head, covered with flies and smelling like well… a dead fish. It was gross, but to Fitz’s nose it was a prickly piece of heaven. I yelled, “No Fitz, let’s go” and normally that’s all I have to do to get him to start walking. But not this time. He turned and looked at me, then he looked at that fish-head. Then he looked at me again and then he looked at that fish-head again. I yelled at him again to leave it alone and tugged his leash, but he didn’t budge. I could tell he was thinking and considering his options. And then he did something that I have never seen him do before… he outright disobeyed me. He jammed his nose and teeth right into the heart of that disgusting chunck of ocean scum like it was a piece of cake. It surprised me and angered me just a little, which meant that my voice got loud and my tone got harsh, and he could tell I wasn’t going to be ignored.    

Fitz immediately stopped chewing and sat back on his hind legs. He glanced awkwardly at me for a moment then turned and slowly walked back towards me with his head hanging down the whole way. The excitement of the filthy fish-head discovery had been replaced by the guilt of disobedience. As we approached our patio his head was still hanging low but my heart had softened up, so I stopped and knelt down beside him. As I looked at his face and rubbed his ears, I think he could sense forgiveness, which made him jump straight up into my lap. I didn’t say anything and he didn’t need me to. His crime was forgiven and all was good again in both our lives.

I have to admit I don’t really know if a dog can feel guilt. But I do know that humans can (at least the good ones with character and a conscience can). But despite the sting of guilt, even the best of us can’t be outright obedient 100% of the time, which got me thinking…Wouldn’t it be great if we had someone that would take us into their lap, rub our heads and constantly forgive us our sins (even if we stink like a dead fish) insuring that despite disobedience, things can still turn out right? I think maybe we do!

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.

~ Paul Boese