Window of Fear

Halloween was Saturday and with that tradition, the focus is always on being scared. Being scared in a freaky Halloween way is fun, but truly being afraid is never fun, and considering the Covid situation we’re all facing, there is definitely a lot to be afraid of these days.

But fear is a bad thing that tends to hold us back and it can manifest itself it in a lot of different ways. For me, I’ve noticed that when I’m afraid, it’s usually because I’m worried about the outcome of something and therefore have self-doubt. I guess doubting yourself is normal at times, but it’s a choice that is usually not good, and besides, isn’t our faith supposed to overcome our fear?

Recently I read a story about the founder of GoDaddy.com that addressed the problems of fear and self-doubt. Before Bob Parsons became a successful businessman, he was a Marine rifleman in Vietnam. The day he arrived in a combat zone as a rookie replacement in a squad that had just lost five men in an ambush, he confronted the likelihood that he would not make it out alive. He says he sat down next to the window inside an old French fort his unit was occupying and had the first (and only) anxiety attack of his life. He finally overcame his terror by resolving to do the best job he could and be satisfied with it regardless of the outcome. It was a transformative moment that helped him to develop the courage needed to succeed as a soldier and as a businessman. He made the statement, “If you can accept the worst that can happen to you and live with it, you can move forward with confidence because your mind won’t get in the way and you’ll find yourself accomplishing more than you’ve ever dreamed.”

I like Bob’s perspective of “accepting the worst that can happen - so you can move forward”. But I have something to add. Looking back on my life I can see there were many times that I was truly scared and full of self-doubt. Like when I quit a good job to start my very first company, or when I stood up at Church to share my story of faith, or especially when I asked my wife if she would marry me!  When I think back about those moments, I remember being scared and full of self-doubt, but I also remember focusing on my faith and asking God for help… and He has never once let me down.  

So, if I take’s Bob perspective of overcoming self-doubt through commitment and combine it with my perspective of replacing doubt with faith, I’m pretty sure fear goes right out the window. I mean, why would I ever choose to doubt myself, when God has never once chosen to doubt me! 

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.

~ General Lewis William Walt, 

Vietnam War Veteran

Take Dead Aim - Part Two

Last week I wrote a story about an old-time golf coach, Harvey Penick, and how his best golf tip was to always take dead aim. I mentioned how Harvey’s advice will help your golf game, and how staying focused can also help you in the game of life. So I guess we should always be super focused on our goals… or should we?

The business world is extremely competitive, even more so now due to the restrictions caused by the Coronavirus. Fortunately for me, one of the services I provide in my company is to inspect parking lot light poles and that’s something I can do without having to be around other people. I work totally alone, but I still have to work fast and do a good job, or my customers will hire a different inspection company.

So over the past two years I’ve developed a very efficient methodology to my inspection process. My paperwork is streamlined, my tools are top of the line, and once I get started, I usually get into a pretty intense and highly focused rhythm. There are eight steps I have to perform at each pole location, so I try not to get distracted because if I miss even just one step, it can really slow me down.

Last week I was on a job that was not only far away, it was a really difficult project. The unique design of the light poles was making it hard for me to do my inspection work and I was getting frustrated at falling behind. Not to mention, the temperature was over 100 degrees that day! As I started working on Pole #15 (when I should have already been on Pole #25), I heard a crash of glass behind me. I turned around and saw an elderly woman standing next to the trunk of her car looking really upset. I could tell right away what happened. There was a huge pile of colorful broken glass on the ground near her car and the poor old lady looked like she was going to cry.

I had two choices. A) I could stay focused on my work or B) I could stop working and go help the elderly woman by sweeping up the broken glass. I admit I hesitated for a moment, but the look of despair on that lady’s face was too much for me. I chose B, grabbed a broom out of my truck and swept up the mess. The lady thanked me profusely, saying she really appreciated my help, and I’m pretty sure she was smiling behind her mask. As I walked away, I was smiling behind my own mask too, because I realized something. The most important part about being focused, is being focused on doing the right thing!

Don’t get so busy accomplishing your agenda 

that you miss the opportunity to surrender… and serve.

~ Max Lucado

Take Dead Aim - Part One

I would like to be a better golfer. (Actually, I would like to be a better man overall, but that’s a whole ‘nother Monday Message.) So I have been reading Harvey Penick’s “Little Red Book”, which is chock full of useful golf tips that he accumulated during his storied career as a golfer and golf coach.

Harvey was born in 1904 and began caddying at the Austin Country Club at the ripe old age of 8. Later on in life he became an extremely revered golf coach and when asked by professional golfers for his best golf tip, he would always say the same thing, “Take dead aim”. Harvey liked to keep things simple, but he also knew the importance of staying focused on every single shot.

Staying focused isn’t easy, but it’s a critical factor if you want to accomplish just about anything important in life. When I was younger and really busy with work and my family, I made it a point to stay focused on the task at hand. But now that I’m older and life is a lot simpler, I seem to have trouble staying focused and I think it’s totally related to not being as busy as I used to be.

For example, I like to help my wife out sometimes by doing chores around the house. Yesterday morning a smoke detector started beeping in the back bedroom. So I took it down, pressed on the button, and it stopped chirping. I noticed it was one of those “sealed 10-year-life” units that was obviously nearing the end of its life. Our washer and dryer are in the garage, so I tossed the smoke detector on top of the laundry basket full of clothes, intending to throw it away when I got down to the garage. Unfortunately, I lost focus and dumped the full basket of clothes into the washing machine. An hour later I went to the garage to move the laundry around and the washing machine was making a funny beeping noise. I couldn’t figure out what it was until I unloaded the laundry and there was that old smoke detector, chirping ever so faintly, at the bottom of the washing machine.

I was about to toss it into the trash when it dawned on me that it might just keep on beeping. So I did the smart thing. I dropped it on the ground and stepped on it. It was a ornery little bugger and just started chirping louder. So I stomped on it really hard and it chirped even louder. I stomped it again, no luck, it just got louder. So I started stomping the heck out of it and after seven hard smashes it was still beeping. I got really frustrated… but I also got focused. I picked it up, spotted a huge boulder on the other side of the fence near the railroad tracks, took dead aim, and threw that sucker as hard as I could, whereupon it smashed into tiny little pieces never to be heard from again. I guess Harvey was right, if you want to accomplish anything important, take dead aim!

Harvey is as comfortable as an old pair of jeans, as unpretentious as a young child, 

smart as a whip, and the most contented man I have ever known.

~ Ben Crenshaw, Pro Golfer

    Referring to Harvey Penick

Advice From an Old Man

I was listening to a radio talk show this week and something the host said caught my attention. She asked her audience to share the most important advice they heard while growing up.

I thought that question was interesting because many times as a young man, I found myself making the stupid decision to learn things the hard way. Which basically means I didn’t pay attention to the good advice my parents and other intelligent older people were constantly bestowing upon me. My Dad was a good man, honest, hard working and well respected. So why would I ever ignore his advice? Why is it we human beings have to learn things the hard way before we finally get it? Sadly, I don’t have the answer to that question.

However, ironically here I am now, a successful business owner, father of four, grandfather of six, and a man with a wealth of life experience. But do you think my kids or grandkids want my advice? Probably not. But just in case they might be reading this…. Here are a few of the more obscure life lessons I wish someone would have shared with me many years ago. 

• If you borrow something more than twice, buy one for yourself.
• Don’t get caught glancing at your watch when you’re talking to someone.
• Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
• Remember that bad luck as well as good luck seldom lasts long.
• Give people a second chance, but never a third.
• Be a good winner and a good loser.
• Marry only for love. 

And my personal favorite… Don’t be afraid to share good advice, you never know when someone might actually be listening!

Good advice is something a man gives

when he is too old to set a bad example.

~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Surprising Ways

Have you ever had one of those days where life surprises you and everything goes right? You know, you wake up and your hair is perfect and doesn’t even need combing. Your favorite jeans and shirt just happen to be clean and ready to wear, traffic is unusually light, work goes smoothly, and when you come home your wife has an even better surprise - twin lobster tails and a perfectly cooked filet - ready for dinner! I had a day like that earlier this year and I remember taking time before I went to bed to say a quick prayer. I think I said something like, “Lord, thank you so much for a wonderful day… full of so many nice surprises.”

Last Thursday I had a day like that again! Except, when I woke up my hair was sticking out all over the place (and missing altogether in some places), and when I put my favorite jeans on they had stains on them so I had to change, but at least I had a brand new shirt to put on. On the way to work I hit every single red light in existence, and when I finally got on the freeway, I got cut off by a lady talking on her cell phone, which forced me to slam on my brakes, which then sent my briefcase flying onto the floor spilling my paperwork everywhere. When I got to work, I had to load up 12 heavy boxes into my truck but the last one slipped off my tailgate and landed corner first onto my big toe. Ouch! But it wasn’t all bad, because when I got home, my loving wife had a great dinner ready for me, a tasty home-made hamburger with a side of mac and cheese. Comfort food! Except when I took the first bite of that juicy hamburger, I was a little too comfortable, and a huge blob of ketchup plopped out onto my brand-new shirt. What a day!

So right before I went to bed Thursday night, I decided a prayer was in order again, but perhaps a little longer one. “Dear Lord, thank you for such a wonderful day, so full of surprisingly educational experiences. I learned that looks are not everything, patience is important, and so is a sense of humor. And that having a wife who is really good at cooking and getting stains out of shirts is truly a blessing too. Also Lord, I know you are with me everywhere I go, so thank you that I still have hair, that I didn’t crash on the way to work, that I have a job I enjoy, and a wife that I love, and a God who will never stop blessing me… in so many surprising ways!

Every happening, great or small, is a parable whereby God speaks to us. 

And the art of life is to get the message.

~ Malcolm Muggeridge

Relationship Success

I have a feeling that this ugly Covid19 situation is going to be either really good for personal relationships, or really bad. It’s just a theory I have. If you’re relationship with your spouse is kind of shaky anyway, and now you’re faced with all the trouble caused by the Coronavirus, your relationship could easily fall apart. But if you’re relationship is really strong to begin with, chances are problems are only going to bring the two of you together as you tackle your troubles as a team.  That theory got me thinking about my own marriage.

It’s late Sunday evening and I’m struggling to I get this story ready for Monday morning. However, tomorrow is my wife’s birthday and I am totally stressed out! First, you have to understand that I absolutely adore my wife, so I always want to show her my love on her birthday by taking her shopping and letting her pick out really nice gifts. She always fights me on it, but over the years, I’ve managed to talk her into things like a diamond necklace, earrings, and even a vacation to Hawaii.

But that was back when times were good and there was no world-wide pandemic going on. So, I’m stressed now because I can’t go shopping like normal and I can’t even take her on a nice vacation. Plus, she keeps insisting that I don’t spend money on her this year because money is tighter than ever. But that’s also one of the reasons I love her so much. She never thinks about herself because she is always too busy doing nice things for other people. So how do I demonstrate my love to someone so deserving when I can’t take her shopping like normal?

Then it hit me - relationships are all about communication! In fact, I believe that communication is the single most important factor for creating a successful relationship. So maybe I can’t celebrate her birthday as I normally do, but I can definitely communicate my love to her… in writing! I know it might not be as fun as a vacation, but it will certainly last longer and possibly mean more. Truth is I’ve written her lots of love letters, but this year with how difficult everything has been, she deserves my absolute best effort. So, I poured my heart out to her using my very best prose and I’m hoping it will brighten her day tomorrow. And I thought, “What if there’s another guy out there struggling with communication?” If that’s you, take a look at the “Love Letter Template” attached. Maybe it will give you some ideas… that will lead you to relationship success!  

Love must be as much a light as a flame.

~ Henry David Thoreau

LOVE LETTER TEMPLATE

 

My Dearest _______ (Fill in your cutest pet name for her) ___________,

Thinking about you reminds me that I have someone in my life that I love very much who actually loves me back. Which is quite the miracle! Our love is very ___ (special, unique, tempestuous) ___ , for you express your love very clearly to me every single day. And I am always trying to show you my love as well through my daily _____ (words, deeds, mistakes) _______.

We’ve been together now, hand in hand, truly in love, truly and fully committed to each other, for ___ (20 years, 20 months, 20 minutes) ____.  There have been far more good times than bad, far more happy moments than problems. And yet even during the toughest times, I have always known your heart and you have always known mine, and our love has grown stronger with each passing _____ (year, day, minute) _____. For that I feel very blessed!

Is it crazy that my eyes still light up and my heart still skips a beat, every time you ____ (enter the room, leave the room) ____? Is it crazy that I can’t be away from you for even a few hours without missing you and wishing you were by my side? Is it crazy that I am willing to confide my deepest thoughts and silliest fears to you, despite always wanting to impress you with my ____ (strength, courage, hot dog eating ability) ____? Is it crazy that I am willing to share my sensitive side with you, and yet know fully and without a doubt that I would give my life without hesitation for you in a heartbeat? It’s not crazy, it’s called true love!

      ·         I love it when we sleep ___ (in together, through movies, in separate rooms) ___.

·         I love it when we go for bike rides and talk about ___ (our love, our in-laws, nothing) ___.

·         I love it when we spend time together with ___ (our children, neighbors, the police) ___.

·         I love it when we ____ (hold each other, kiss each other, smack each other) ____.

·         I love it when I go to sleep with my __ (arms, legs, lips) ___wrapped so tightly around you.

·         I love our love, for it is like no other.

As your ___ (husband, lover, boyfriend, best friend, best friend’s husband) ___, I promise to try hard to be everything you want and need me to be. I will try to remember that you have your own personal struggles, your own pains and worries, and make sure you get my best attitude and my best love every single day. And I want you to know that this will not be a hard promise to keep because I enjoy it very much. But then again, isn’t that what true love is truly all about.

Thank you for your love and for all the sacrifices you continuously make for me!

 

All my Love,

                                                                                                     

Your __ (Fill in the name you wish she would call you) ___                                                

                                                                                                  

 

 

Fear Less

My wife and I ride our bicycles up and down Beach Road almost every day. We have been doing that ever since the Coronavirus hit. We can’t really go places like we used to and we can’t visit with family and friends like we love to do, so instead we go for bike rides and talk a lot. And we have these really great talks, about life, about love, about our hopes and dreams and fears. I joke that we try to solve the world’s problems during our bike rides. And I do so wish we could!

Unfortunately, we can’t. But the one thing we can do, is we can stop worrying about things and stop being afraid… but yet still be smart! At first, we were really fearful of getting the virus and/or spreading it and that’s normal. We were scared for our children, our parents, our friends, ourselves. But over time we’ve come to realize that worry is a wasted emotion and  fear is simply weakness. So we’ve switched from being afraid to simply understanding what we can and can’t do and make it a point to be careful, wear a mask, and social distance at all times… while still making the most of life.

Yesterday, as we rode our bikes, we talked about how living through this pandemic has changed our lives. Not all of it has been for the worse. It has made us smarter and stronger. And we’ve learned some really important life lessons. Mainly that we don’t have to live in fear, we simply need to be smart about how we live, while protecting other lives at the same time.

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood and now more than ever is the time to understand more, so that we fear less.

~ Marie Curie, Physicist, 1920