All's Fair in Love and Grief

Here is a riddle. What five letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? (The answer is at the end of this Monday Message.)

Life is short. We’ve all heard that saying at one time or another. If that’s true, then it would be extremely important to embrace the positives in every difficult situation, however unexpected. Take grief for example. Grief is a part of life, perhaps today more than ever. Many people are suffering from illness, job loss, the loss of a loved one, or loss of their old lifestyle. We are all yearning for the good old days of 2019. So… How can we find anything positive in grief?

Feel it! If you find yourself facing grief for one reason or another, why not give yourself some time to feel it, wallow in it, even take a day to cry your eyes out. Take long fitful naps, cuddle under your covers, wear your pjs all day, and eat with abandon! Throw your stuff on the floor, sit in the dark, stare aimlessly, scream into your pillow. Let your tears flow, let your anger and your sadness have their day.

On day two, take a walk, breathe deeply, meditate on your grief. What exactly have you suffered or lost? What did it mean to you? Why did this happen? And then, how will I deal with this? Look for any positive angle. Pray for strength of character. Even with this loss, there must have been something great associated with it, so whatever the positives, whatever the associated blessings that came with this, add them up, write them down, appreciate them.

On day three, get creative with the positives. Look for ways to turn them into something that you can embrace, a new challenge, a new path. Here is my own personal example. Recently, I found out that two of my grandkids (ages 7 and 10) were relocating 1200 miles away, very soon. Devastation set in, grief, sadness, and thoughts of all I was losing. You might picture me going through all of the above in my grief. Still when I wore myself out with my sorrow, I knew I must find the positives in the situation.

On my own day three, my sweet little granddaughter “face-timed me” early in the morning. Being able to look into her eyes and take in her sweet freckled cheeks and red bobbed hair, made me realize I could do that with her whether near or far away. Suddenly I realized there were more positives I could build on. I could talk to her as much as I want and stay close even from far away if I just put a little effort into it. We could plan vacations for the family together, laugh together, and have our own secrets. I started to feel better. I made her a special travel kit for her long drive that included homemade apple cinnamon muffins, a hand mirror with our picture taped to the back of it, a small travel pillow, and a hand written card all tucked into a cute little duffle bag with clouds on it. I’m determined to stay connected to her and her brother and secretly plan to encourage them to attend college back in my own hometown!

Grief can be long, or grief can be made shorter, if we count our blessings in any situation. By the way, the answer to the riddle… Short!

Grief is simply love expressed in tears.

~ Terri Guillemets