Invisible Scars

There is nothing special about me at all. I am just an ordinary guy. But I have had some extraordinary experiences in my life. Some amazingly wonderful. Some extremely painful. So I am about to tell you about the most horrifically painful thing that ever happened to me, one that scarred me for life, in the hope that it won’t happen to you.

But first, let’s talk about what’s going on in our world for just a moment. We are in the middle of an extremely serious, world-wide pandemic. If you don’t think so, then you must not watch TV, listen to the radio, or read any current newspapers. You would actually have to be in a coma right now to not know that people everywhere are getting sick, suffering, going into a coma, and then dying. And if that’s not bad enough, the reason people are dying is actually because of other people.

But let me stop there for a moment and tell you my worst story. On Friday, May 18^th, 2012, I was driving through a residential area in Irvine. I pulled into a small shopping center. It was lunchtime, it was crowded, and I was having trouble finding a parking spot. I wasn’t drinking, I wasn’t texting, I wasn’t talking on my phone, but I was distracted in my head, thinking about my work, my wife, and my kids. Then it happened. I accidentally ran over an 88-year-old woman, crushing both of her legs. I was devastated! All I could think of was that I just killed an innocent little old lady. She was rushed to a hospital, so I rushed to the hospital as well, crying the whole way and feeling the worst emotional pain I had ever experienced in my life. She survived the night and was then moved to UCI Medical Center where she was operated on and given multiple skin grafts. She should have died several times over, so every time I went to visit her, I prayed she would still be there in that bed. It was more than 6 months before she was well enough to leave. And it was by far, the absolute worst 6 months of my life.

I am telling you this story because I know what it feels like to hurt someone, to nearly cause them to die, and I don’t want it to happen to you. When you look at me you don’t see the invisible scar that I carry inside me. But trust me, it is there, and it will never go away. And It hurts so bad that I never want anything like that to happen ever again, to me or to anyone else.

So please be careful! Stay home. If you have to go out, wear a mask every time you leave your house. Wash your hands 10 times a day, remember social distancing, and maybe save a life. You don’t want to be one of those people, like me, who carry around forever an invisible scar that will never heal.  

Better to light a candle, than to curse the darkness.

Chinese Proverb (often quoted by my late friend Pao Chi Chen) 

True Strength

When I was a very young child, I sometimes did bad things. I guess we all do, but there’s one situation in particular that stands out in my mind. It was 1963, I was 8 years old, and my Dad was overseas on a tour of duty with the Marines Corps. My Dad and I were very close and since he had now been gone for more than a year, I was missing him more than ever. Fortunately, he was due to come home soon.

In the meantime, I spent a lot of time on my own exploring the desert and the sand dunes around our small home in Yuma, Arizona. Since my father was gone and I was a very curious child who loved to explore and learn about things, I had to learn a lot on my own. One of the things I was curious about was fire, so being young and not very smart yet, I developed an unhealthy interest in fire and started playing with matches. I knew it was wrong, but my curiosity got the better of me.

My Dad finally returned from Japan and I was thrilled to have him home again, but I still kept playing with matches. One day I was in the back yard, playing in my “homemade fort” next to our rickety old wooden fence. I had graduated to adding gasoline to the mix now and had no idea how dangerous the situation had become. When I lit the cup of gas on fire you can imagine what happened. There was a huge ball of flame that scared me so bad I dropped the cup, which then set the fort on fire, which then set our fence on fire! I ran screaming into the house for my Dad to help me. “The fence is on fire!”

My Dad took immediate action, first putting out the fire, and then second lighting into me. He spanked me and then yelled at me in a really loud and angry voice. His anger scared me worse than the spanking because he kept on yelling. But then suddenly, he stopped. He saw how scared I was… and I think he realized he was scared too. He grabbed me, put his arms around me and hugged me for the longest time. Then, in a really soft voice, with his strong arms still locked around me, he said “You could have been killed and I would have lost you forever. I love you so much. Please don’t ever do that again”. I promised I would not, and I meant it.

On this Father’s Day, June 21^st, 2020, remembering that story about my Dad got me thinking. Maybe one of the reasons my Dad was so special to me was because he set not just an earthly example for me, he also set a heavenly example… by always making me feel loved in spite of my mistakes.

PFC Allen B. Thrailkill - Nagasaki, Japan, 1963

The true measure of a Father’s strength isn’t how much he can lift, 

it’s how tight he can hold on. 

~ Anonymous

2020 Vision

On New Year’s Eve 2019, I remember wondering what the new year was going to be like. I tried to envision 2020. Would it be a good year or a bad year? Would we become grandparents again, would my new company blossom, would my wife able to focus on her newfound passion for painting, would I finally be able to get my golf index into single digits? So many important (and some not so important) questions ran through my mind. But now that it’s nearly halfway over, it’s obvious that my view was blurred and that I had nowhere near 2020 vision.

I think when I was asking myself those questions, what I was really asking was one simple question. Will I be happy? It seems like happiness is at the core of every question that ever comes up in my life, because as humans happiness is what we all seek.

So here we are in the middle of 2020 and we’re in the middle of a worldwide pandemic. As of today, more than 7 million people have contracted the Coronavirus and nearly half a million people have died. Over 2 million people in the United States alone have contracted the virus and the numbers are still increasing at a dramatic rate. So this morning, I asked myself a new question, how can we possibly be happy under these conditions?

I thought about it for a long time and I even did some research on happiness. I found out that a scientific study was done and they determined that happiness typically peaks in humans at age 20. From that point it decreases until we reach the age of 70. From that point on our happiness usually increases. Or at least that is what the study says.

I strongly disagree! Yes, when I was in my 20’s and 30’s I was unhappy a lot of the time. I was trying to make my way in the world and let’s face it, this world is one tough place to live. I was scared and lonely some of the time, and totally lost most of the time. But then something happened when I was 33. I began to see that I was missing a connection with God, so I asked Him for help. It wasn’t immediate, but over the next few years, my relationship with my heavenly Father grew stronger and stronger and my level of happiness grew larger and larger. So I don’t think happiness has anything to do with age. It has to do with being able to see… to see what’s really important…and in that area my vision is totally 2020!

A truly happy person is one who can 

enjoy the scenery while on a detour.

~ Anonymous

One Good Choice

I am having a problem with control. I mean, I never really thought about it much before, but now with the Coronavirus making such a huge impact on our lives, it’s obvious that we really don’t have much control over anything in this world. And I have a problem with that because it can be really hard and frustrating to feel out of control.

Here’s an example of something else besides the virus that I can’t control. My wife and I recently moved from our tiny beach cottage on the sand to a larger duplex home, taking the unit on top. One of the benefits is that we don’t have to keep worrying about the waves attacking our home because now we are upstairs. Well, wouldn’t you know it, on Thursday of this week,  the tide was so high, and the moon was so full, and the waves were so strong, that they bounced off the huge boulders in front of our house and flew all the way up onto our balcony and through the screen door into our house. There wasn’t much damage, but still it made me realize that we don’t have any control over the wind, the waves, or anything else related to mother nature.

After that happened two nights in a row, I really started feeling like my life was out of control. I’m stuck at home most of the time, I can’t see my kids or my grand kids, I can’t visit my friends, I can’t work hardly at all so there’s no money coming in, and I can’t even watch sports on TV because there aren’t any sports. My world is completely out of control!

Or is it? As I was mopping the rocks and debris off my upper deck, I slipped and fell hard. It hurt, but it was also pretty funny because it dawned on me that I am “on my ass” because mother nature decided I needed to be shown that she is in control and not me. And that’s when I got it! I accept that I may not be in control of everything, but I definitely have control over the most important things in life… because I have the power of choice!

·         I can choose to laugh when life knocks me down.

·         I can choose to cry when I feel sad.

·         I can choose to sing when my heart feels happy.

·         I can choose to forgive when I have been wronged.

·         I can choose to love rather than hate.

·         And most important of all… I can choose to have faith in God no matter what happens to me.

And that got me thinking… I guess I really am in control!

Giant waves attack our second story balcony

One good choice for eternity can offset 

a thousand bad ones on earth.

~ Max Lucado

Simple Advice for Life

These are strange times for sure and it is affecting both young and old alike. In fact, I doubt there is a single person on earth that hasn’t been affected in some way by this ongoing worldwide plague.

For example, last week my 21-year-old grandson graduated from Northern Arizona University. We had planned to drive out there and stay a few days to watch the graduation ceremony and to celebrate his accomplishment. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a graduation ceremony for any of the students and that’s such a shame. I know my grandson, Jared, worked really hard to graduate in only four years, so I wish our family could have come together to show him how proud we are of him.

But since that wasn’t possible, I decided that I should at least write him a letter. I want him to know I’m proud of him, especially since I never finished college myself so I know how hard college can be. But I would also like to give him some advice as he begins his journey out into the real world. It cannot be easy for any young person to be job hunting right now and that’s just one of a hundred hurdles that Jared will have to negotiate as he ventures forth. But what wisdom can a 65-year-old man impart to his grandson that will really help? What have I learned… that I would like to share… with someone I love?

Before I list my advice, I just want to say that I think young people are facing a much different world than I did in the mid-1970s. So I decided to distill my advice down to a few simple suggestions that could apply to any generation. Here they are.

·    You should only drink champagne twice in your life, when you’re in love and when you’re not.

·     When driving always weave a little and the other cars will stay away from you.

·     If you see a bear in the woods and you don’t have time to run, hug it because bears cannot scratch their stomachs.

Okay… sorry… just kidding. My real advice to my grandson is below.

Simple Advice for Life

1. Decide for yourself who you are and what you stand for, and then write it down and refer to it often.

2. Stay in touch with family and friends and do your best to always do right by them.

3. Be honest in your work, fair to those you work for, and good to those you work with.

4. Avoid debt like the plague. Once you start down that slippery slope, it’s hard to stop.

5. Commit to being healthy and remember “all things in moderation” is a great motto.

6. Practice patience, which is especially hard when you’re young, but it will keep you from making a lot of mistakes.

7. If you meet someone who is so awesome that there is absolutely no way that they could ever love you, but somehow they do, then and only then is it okay to consider getting married. Otherwise, stay single!

8. Communication is the single most important factor for success in any relationship.

9. Humility is an extremely attractive trait. Arrogance never will be.

10. Keep in touch with your Creator, make time to read the  Bible, and give thanks daily for your blessings.

Jared begins the ultimate journey

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer... 
but wish we didn’t.

~ Erica Jong