No Pressure

This not so wonderful year of 2020 is almost over. And I’m sure you would agree that this has been one of the most stressful years that any of us has ever lived through.

Stress and pressure are really painful emotions. In fact, I was feeling especially stressed and worried recently when I went for a walk on the beach. As I started my walk, I stopped near my neighbor’s house which has huge boulders placed on the beach side to protect it from high surf and waves. Each boulder probably weighs over a 1000 pounds, and that’s what I felt like I was carrying on each one of my shoulders.

I guess I was letting the pressure of work, money, family, and loneliness (thank you Covid!) weigh all too heavily on me when I spotted something unusual. There was a huge boulder sitting on top of another huge boulder at an angle. The top boulder should have rolled off, but it didn’t because there was a small rock caught underneath it at just the right spot. I stared at that tiny little rock and laughed, thinking, “Wow, that little guy has way more pressure on him then I ever will.”

Laughing made me feel better. In fact, I immediately started thinking about some of the things that are going right in my life, instead of focusing on all the things going wrong caused by the pandemic. I decided to try to come up with a list of just a few of the good things that exist in my life, things I should be happy about and appreciate. Within 10 minutes I had come up with a list of 10 things that are going right that create happiness in my life.

And that got me thinking… The entire time I was thinking about the good things in my life, I never once felt any pressure about the bad things going on in my life. So here is my suggestion for the New Year. Spend your time focusing on the good in your life, and you won’t have any time left for the bad! 

Ten Blessings I Appreciate

I have a loving wife with a generous heart who constantly inspires me

 

My Children and Grandchildren are healthy and well

 

I have a job that I enjoy, one that makes me feel productive

 

I have a safe vehicle to drive and decent roads to drive on

 

I can have food safely delivered to my home during this pandemic

 

I have a home filled with love inside and a beautiful view outside

 

My back is sketchy, but I can still play the game of golf that I love

 

I get to share my faith and ideas through my weekly Monday Messages

 

The beauty of nature that surrounds me is an amazing source of joy

 

I have confidence that I can overcome any burden I face because 

no problem I have is greater than the God I have!

Problems and Promises

With the year of 2020 soon coming to a close, a thought occurred to me. The world has changed. Or at least my world has changed, and it will never be the same again.

For most of my adult life I lived what you would consider a normal life. I fell in love, got married, raised children, and worked 5 days a week. I attended my children’s school events, took my family to church on Sundays, played on a men’s baseball team and occasionally golfed on weekends. My wife and I went to concerts with friends and had friends over to visit. And I really enjoyed going out to dinner with my wife, where we would hold hands and smile, look deep into the eyes of one another, and talk about our wild and crazy, adventure filled life, with its multitude of problems and promises.  

However, this year has obviously been very different, and we now have a new normal. A new normal that does not include any of those fun filled activities listed above... except for maybe the last one. 2020 may have taken away the pleasure of going out to eat at a nice restaurant, but for 9 months now, my wife and I have gotten to enjoy every single breakfast, lunch, and dinner together - every single day! That has been the bright spot in an otherwise very dark year.

2020 may have forced us to stay home, but it has also allowed us to spend more time together than ever before. I think that’s probably true for a lot of husbands and wives and families. In our case, spending so much time together has caused our love to grow deeper and stronger than I ever thought possible. The bond that we now share is a blessing beyond blessings and it’s taught me a valuable lesson that is especially poignant at Christmas time. The greatest gift ever given to mankind was when God showed us his love by sending his son to spend time with us here on earth. Which means that no matter what problems we may have - spending time with the ones we love - will help us overcome them. And that’s a promise!

"And there were shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flocks by night, and lo the angel of the lord came upon them and the glory of the lord shone round about them, and they were sore afraid, and the angel said unto them, fear not, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a savior who is Christ the Lord. And suddenly there was with the angels a multitude of the heavenly hosts, praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth - peace, good will toward men."

   “And that’s the real meaning of Christmas – Charlie Brown!”

Binge Love (By Debby Thrailkill)

Part of our coping strategy during 2020 has been to binge watch new television shows on Netflix as suggested by our 30 something family members. So far, we’ve watched The Marvelous Ms. Maisel (a dream escape), Downton Abbey (glorious in character), Fleabag (eye opening humor) Schitt’s Creek (hilarious and heartfelt), and lately we’ve been watching Grace and Frankie and I’m absolutely mesmerized.

Grace and Frankie (Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin) are unceremoniously dumped by their long-time husbands in the first episode. Their husbands who are business partners have fallen in love with each other over the years and have determined they are gay. This throws Grace and Frankie into a tailspin together… but together they weather the storm.

What has touched me the most in these fictional characters is how Frankie is so free spirited and artistic, a mother with a loving soul. I want to be more like Frankie in 2021 and beyond. Currently I see a lot of myself in Grace, but what I see in Frankie truly inspires me. While Grace and her husband fought after the disclosure, Frankie and her soon to be ex-husband Sol, held each other close, embracing the moment together. Frankie is passionate, forgiving, and creative, sometimes with wild disregard for common sense. Her love and passion are what endear her to the audience.

Frankie demonstrates the essence of someone living in the moment, loving those around her in spite of their faults, and always seeing the positive of that. Frankie gets more out of life because she sees more than what is obvious. She thinks deeper and she feels stronger. Every character in the show is drawn to Frankie because she is interesting and spontaneous and funny. And mostly because she is real.

And that got me thinking… From now on, I want to be as “in the moment” as possible. I want to notice what others may not see and I want to appreciate it, out loud! I want to love others like no one else has, and hope that my loved ones will feel the strength of that love and know that they can depend on my love. What matters most in life is how you treat others, so let’s “binge love” each other… and perhaps together we can weather any storm!

If there is a day to act on the love in your soul, 

it is today, it is this moment.

~ Mike Dolan

Beautiful Noise

I made a serious mistake Saturday night. Right before I went to sleep, I watched the news. Oh my gosh, I shouldn’t have done that! It was so depressing. More virus infections than ever, more people out of work than ever, more deaths than ever before. Doctors and nurses stretched beyond belief. Made it so hard to go to sleep.

When I woke up Sunday morning, it was really early and the sun wasn’t up yet, but the waves sure were. The ocean was making its presence known. The waves were absolutely pounding the shore, over and over again, crashing and banging, never ending, sometimes crazy loud, sometimes so powerful they made our house shake (I know, hard to believe, but we’re on the second story and the house really does rock and roll at times.) I laid there listening to a noise that was frightening at times… and yet absolutely beautiful in its own right.

Later that day, my wife and I went for a long bike ride up and down Beach Road. She told me how she wanted to give away some money before the end of the year. I figured she meant shopping at Nordstroms, but what she actually meant was doing something to help others in need. Duh! I listened to her thoughts and ideas and she told me some stories, like how our Pastor has an elderly friend who lost her husband and had to move into a trailer with a stranger. She said there are hundreds of hardship stories out there right now and I guess her point was… if we can help even one of those people in need, it will be a great way to finish out the year, a year that has been harder than we could have ever imagined.

And that got me thinking… There are only 21 days left in this F#^!@*ing year of 2020. How are we going to spend those final days? What if... What if we found someone worse off than ourselves and gave them a helping hand? What if we finished the year out with a crash and a bang, just like those crazy waves crashing on the beach by my house. What if we finished out the year by making some beautiful noise? Trust me, it wouldn’t be a mistake!  

A problem is always… a chance for you to do your best!

~ Duke Ellington

A Candle for Every Corner

Thanksgiving sure was different this year… but then this is 2020! Members of our family cooked food at home and then we all came together in a small little park by my oldest daughter’s home. She went to a lot of trouble to set up four separate tables 20 feet apart, where we were able to eat, and talk, and laugh together. It wasn’t as intimate as indoors and it wasn’t always easy to hear what people were saying from so far away, but it was still really wonderful. And as it started to get dark, I found myself wishing that we had brought a candle for each table, so that we could stay longer and continue to enjoy the abounding love that we have for each other. But the important thing was that we were able to be together and do it safely. For that I am very thankful!

Maybe that’s the most important lesson this pandemic has taught me so far. To be thankful for each and every moment spent with family and friends, and to never take those moments for granted. So when I woke up this morning, I thanked God for every member of my family, naming each one out loud. And I even thanked Him for each and every one of my friends, because I truly am thankful for all the wonderful people in my life, maybe more today than ever, because I miss them all so much.

And that got me thinking… Our world may seem a little dark right now, and candles may seem a little hard to find, but if you have faith, family, and a few good friends, you have everything you need!

You have a God who hears you,

The power of love behind you,

The Holy Spirit within you,

And all of Heaven ahead of you.

 

If you have the Shepherd,

You have grace for every sin,

Direction for every turn,

An anchor for every storm,

And a candle for every corner.

 

You have everything you need.

                            ~ Max Lucado

An Unexpected Answer

Thanksgiving is this week and I have a feeling that a lot of people might be finding it hard to be thankful. Between the horrible pandemic going on, the economy being shaky, and a lot of people out of work, it probably is really hard to find things to be thankful for. Or maybe not?

I remember it like it happened yesterday, but it was actually 28 years ago. A close friend of mine asked me to ride mountain bikes with him after work on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. It was going to be a long tough ride for both of us, but we figured it would be a great way to work up an appetite for the upcoming Thanksgiving feast!

At that point in my life, my business (Sundown Lighting) was really taking off. I had been in business for over five years and had 12 outstanding employees, hundreds of customers, and dozens of loyal vendors. My friend was thinking about leaving his job as an electrician and starting his own Electrical Contracting business and I didn’t realize it at the time, but his main reason for wanting to ride bikes together was so that he could pick my brain about running a business.

At first, we talked about all the work involved with starting a business from scratch. Then he hit me with a question that I wasn’t expecting. “What is the secret of your success?” It kind of caught me off guard because I hadn’t really thought about it before, but the answer rolled off my lips almost instantly. “My connection with God.”

He responded with, “Really?” (Guess he wasn’t expecting that answer.) I explained, “Yeah, It’s really simple. There was a time when my life was really messed up. I was at rock bottom but decided to talk to God and ask Him for His help. From that day forward, my life turned around and just kept getting better and better. So I made it a point to start every day with a prayer of thanks and I have continued that habit to this day. And believe me - I am thankful - because I discovered that having a strong connection with God, talking to him daily, and appreciating and thanking Him for even the smallest things going right in my life made me happy. It also made we want to give back and do right by others the way God was always doing right by me. Simply put, having a heavenly connection brought me joy. And my joy, the love for life that I’ve had ever since, seems to flow outward to my family, friends, employees, customers, and vendors. And guess what? It then seems to come right back in the form of success, for all of us!”

I probably should have asked him for his definition of success before answering. But the heavenly connection that I am so thankful for, the one that brings me great joy… that’s my definition of success!

May the light of God’s love shine upon you

And guide you where ere you may be,

Making lighter earth’s burdens and sorrows

Keeping your soul joyous and free.

~ Gertrude Buckingham, 1948

It's A No Painer

This pandemic has been going on way too long, but there may be some light at the end of the tunnel. News about a potential vaccine being ready in the next few months gives me hope that we are going to be able to conquer this virus eventually. But if and when a vaccine is ready, who should get the vaccine first? To me the answer was made “painfully” obvious by something that happened to me recently.

I’ve been really good about following the rules, wearing a mask, and social distancing for over 8 months now. Which means I don’t go inside stores or restaurants, but I do occasionally drive thru somewhere to grab lunch when I am out doing pole inspection work. Two weeks ago, I was really hungry, so I drove through a Carl’s Jr to get a quick hamburger. Unfortunately, when I bit down halfway through the sandwich, I hit something hard like a piece of bone. I heard a loud crack and when I spit out the food, I also spit out half of a tooth!

I pulled over immediately and called my dentist, Dr. James Kahal in Laguna Hills, to try to get in for an emergency visit. Dr. Kahal is the best dentist I know, and he made an appointment for me the very next morning, which was great because the pain in my tooth was really bad. However, I was nervous about going because it meant being inside a building in close quarters with other people. Fortunately, this dental office goes to great lengths to protect its patients. When I arrived, I was told to wait in my car in the parking lot and they would call me when the lobby was empty and the doctor was ready. I was in and out of that office in under 40 minutes, but while I was inside, the dentist and his assistant wore masks and face shields to protect me. It made their job harder, but it made my experience way better.

As I was leaving, it dawned on me what a jerk I am because I had only been worried about myself! I hadn’t once thought about how people like doctors, dentists and nurses are constantly exposed to people who are not wearing a mask, just in order to do their jobs. They don’t really have a choice - or maybe I should say - people who choose to be in the medical profession, make that choice because they have an overwhelming desire to help others. So God bless them!

And that got me thinking… It’s a no brainer! (Or should I say no painer!) People who risk their lives to protect us from pain in our lives (including front liners like doctors, nurses, dentists, police officers, firemen, etc.), are the ones that should be vaccinated first. Let’s make a plan to prevent their pandemic pain... instead of being a pain!

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothaches.

~ Anonymous

I'll Be There for U (By Debby Thrailkill)

Thank goodness for good news on a Monday! Especially the second Monday in Joevember. (That’s my nick name for November, more on that follows). The good news we woke up to today was that a prospective Covid vaccine has now been tested out to be 90% effective in reducing the effects of the virus on humans. Well, thank the Lord and thank U (the medical community and everyone helping out during this crisis) if this proves out and we can be together again without restrictions. I would like to hug U once again, without worry, and with much love.

Joevember followed Joetober, which is the month I dedicated to making my husband a front and center priority in my life and showing him so repeatedly, so he never forgets that he is my number one. It turns out that he liked the extra attention very much, and deservedly so. I mean, wouldn’t U? Make sure to give a meaningful hug to the people in your household who have become your rock and your hard place at times (jk, but this togetherness is a thing isn’t it?).

Joevember also brought the election and all of its ugliness. U seemed to forget that our differences are what make U and I so great together. Our differences are what attracted U and I. When I need U, it’s usually because U are better at certain things than I am. When I am uncertain, U see things differently and U give me insight and confidence and direction. U and I have lived different lives and we were born to be U Nique. If all babies born were the exact same, and if people were the exact same after their experiences, what fun would that be? One of the greatest pleasures in life is meeting new people from around the world and getting to know and love them, their cultures and differences!

You are U Nique and I thank God for your differences. I am U Nique, and I thank God for the ability and freedom to be so.

And that got me thinking… The fact that I am here on earth and able to love U today is everything. I’ll be there for U so don’t U forget it!

I’ll be there to comfort you,

Build my world of dreams around you.

I’m so glad that I found you

I’ll be there with a love that’s strong

I’ll be your strength, I’ll keep holdin on.

~ Michael Jackson

Window of Fear

Halloween was Saturday and with that tradition, the focus is always on being scared. Being scared in a freaky Halloween way is fun, but truly being afraid is never fun, and considering the Covid situation we’re all facing, there is definitely a lot to be afraid of these days.

But fear is a bad thing that tends to hold us back and it can manifest itself it in a lot of different ways. For me, I’ve noticed that when I’m afraid, it’s usually because I’m worried about the outcome of something and therefore have self-doubt. I guess doubting yourself is normal at times, but it’s a choice that is usually not good, and besides, isn’t our faith supposed to overcome our fear?

Recently I read a story about the founder of GoDaddy.com that addressed the problems of fear and self-doubt. Before Bob Parsons became a successful businessman, he was a Marine rifleman in Vietnam. The day he arrived in a combat zone as a rookie replacement in a squad that had just lost five men in an ambush, he confronted the likelihood that he would not make it out alive. He says he sat down next to the window inside an old French fort his unit was occupying and had the first (and only) anxiety attack of his life. He finally overcame his terror by resolving to do the best job he could and be satisfied with it regardless of the outcome. It was a transformative moment that helped him to develop the courage needed to succeed as a soldier and as a businessman. He made the statement, “If you can accept the worst that can happen to you and live with it, you can move forward with confidence because your mind won’t get in the way and you’ll find yourself accomplishing more than you’ve ever dreamed.”

I like Bob’s perspective of “accepting the worst that can happen - so you can move forward”. But I have something to add. Looking back on my life I can see there were many times that I was truly scared and full of self-doubt. Like when I quit a good job to start my very first company, or when I stood up at Church to share my story of faith, or especially when I asked my wife if she would marry me!  When I think back about those moments, I remember being scared and full of self-doubt, but I also remember focusing on my faith and asking God for help… and He has never once let me down.  

So, if I take’s Bob perspective of overcoming self-doubt through commitment and combine it with my perspective of replacing doubt with faith, I’m pretty sure fear goes right out the window. I mean, why would I ever choose to doubt myself, when God has never once chosen to doubt me! 

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.

~ General Lewis William Walt, 

Vietnam War Veteran

Take Dead Aim - Part Two

Last week I wrote a story about an old-time golf coach, Harvey Penick, and how his best golf tip was to always take dead aim. I mentioned how Harvey’s advice will help your golf game, and how staying focused can also help you in the game of life. So I guess we should always be super focused on our goals… or should we?

The business world is extremely competitive, even more so now due to the restrictions caused by the Coronavirus. Fortunately for me, one of the services I provide in my company is to inspect parking lot light poles and that’s something I can do without having to be around other people. I work totally alone, but I still have to work fast and do a good job, or my customers will hire a different inspection company.

So over the past two years I’ve developed a very efficient methodology to my inspection process. My paperwork is streamlined, my tools are top of the line, and once I get started, I usually get into a pretty intense and highly focused rhythm. There are eight steps I have to perform at each pole location, so I try not to get distracted because if I miss even just one step, it can really slow me down.

Last week I was on a job that was not only far away, it was a really difficult project. The unique design of the light poles was making it hard for me to do my inspection work and I was getting frustrated at falling behind. Not to mention, the temperature was over 100 degrees that day! As I started working on Pole #15 (when I should have already been on Pole #25), I heard a crash of glass behind me. I turned around and saw an elderly woman standing next to the trunk of her car looking really upset. I could tell right away what happened. There was a huge pile of colorful broken glass on the ground near her car and the poor old lady looked like she was going to cry.

I had two choices. A) I could stay focused on my work or B) I could stop working and go help the elderly woman by sweeping up the broken glass. I admit I hesitated for a moment, but the look of despair on that lady’s face was too much for me. I chose B, grabbed a broom out of my truck and swept up the mess. The lady thanked me profusely, saying she really appreciated my help, and I’m pretty sure she was smiling behind her mask. As I walked away, I was smiling behind my own mask too, because I realized something. The most important part about being focused, is being focused on doing the right thing!

Don’t get so busy accomplishing your agenda 

that you miss the opportunity to surrender… and serve.

~ Max Lucado

Take Dead Aim - Part One

I would like to be a better golfer. (Actually, I would like to be a better man overall, but that’s a whole ‘nother Monday Message.) So I have been reading Harvey Penick’s “Little Red Book”, which is chock full of useful golf tips that he accumulated during his storied career as a golfer and golf coach.

Harvey was born in 1904 and began caddying at the Austin Country Club at the ripe old age of 8. Later on in life he became an extremely revered golf coach and when asked by professional golfers for his best golf tip, he would always say the same thing, “Take dead aim”. Harvey liked to keep things simple, but he also knew the importance of staying focused on every single shot.

Staying focused isn’t easy, but it’s a critical factor if you want to accomplish just about anything important in life. When I was younger and really busy with work and my family, I made it a point to stay focused on the task at hand. But now that I’m older and life is a lot simpler, I seem to have trouble staying focused and I think it’s totally related to not being as busy as I used to be.

For example, I like to help my wife out sometimes by doing chores around the house. Yesterday morning a smoke detector started beeping in the back bedroom. So I took it down, pressed on the button, and it stopped chirping. I noticed it was one of those “sealed 10-year-life” units that was obviously nearing the end of its life. Our washer and dryer are in the garage, so I tossed the smoke detector on top of the laundry basket full of clothes, intending to throw it away when I got down to the garage. Unfortunately, I lost focus and dumped the full basket of clothes into the washing machine. An hour later I went to the garage to move the laundry around and the washing machine was making a funny beeping noise. I couldn’t figure out what it was until I unloaded the laundry and there was that old smoke detector, chirping ever so faintly, at the bottom of the washing machine.

I was about to toss it into the trash when it dawned on me that it might just keep on beeping. So I did the smart thing. I dropped it on the ground and stepped on it. It was a ornery little bugger and just started chirping louder. So I stomped on it really hard and it chirped even louder. I stomped it again, no luck, it just got louder. So I started stomping the heck out of it and after seven hard smashes it was still beeping. I got really frustrated… but I also got focused. I picked it up, spotted a huge boulder on the other side of the fence near the railroad tracks, took dead aim, and threw that sucker as hard as I could, whereupon it smashed into tiny little pieces never to be heard from again. I guess Harvey was right, if you want to accomplish anything important, take dead aim!

Harvey is as comfortable as an old pair of jeans, as unpretentious as a young child, 

smart as a whip, and the most contented man I have ever known.

~ Ben Crenshaw, Pro Golfer

    Referring to Harvey Penick

Advice From an Old Man

I was listening to a radio talk show this week and something the host said caught my attention. She asked her audience to share the most important advice they heard while growing up.

I thought that question was interesting because many times as a young man, I found myself making the stupid decision to learn things the hard way. Which basically means I didn’t pay attention to the good advice my parents and other intelligent older people were constantly bestowing upon me. My Dad was a good man, honest, hard working and well respected. So why would I ever ignore his advice? Why is it we human beings have to learn things the hard way before we finally get it? Sadly, I don’t have the answer to that question.

However, ironically here I am now, a successful business owner, father of four, grandfather of six, and a man with a wealth of life experience. But do you think my kids or grandkids want my advice? Probably not. But just in case they might be reading this…. Here are a few of the more obscure life lessons I wish someone would have shared with me many years ago. 

• If you borrow something more than twice, buy one for yourself.
• Don’t get caught glancing at your watch when you’re talking to someone.
• Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
• Remember that bad luck as well as good luck seldom lasts long.
• Give people a second chance, but never a third.
• Be a good winner and a good loser.
• Marry only for love. 

And my personal favorite… Don’t be afraid to share good advice, you never know when someone might actually be listening!

Good advice is something a man gives

when he is too old to set a bad example.

~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Surprising Ways

Have you ever had one of those days where life surprises you and everything goes right? You know, you wake up and your hair is perfect and doesn’t even need combing. Your favorite jeans and shirt just happen to be clean and ready to wear, traffic is unusually light, work goes smoothly, and when you come home your wife has an even better surprise - twin lobster tails and a perfectly cooked filet - ready for dinner! I had a day like that earlier this year and I remember taking time before I went to bed to say a quick prayer. I think I said something like, “Lord, thank you so much for a wonderful day… full of so many nice surprises.”

Last Thursday I had a day like that again! Except, when I woke up my hair was sticking out all over the place (and missing altogether in some places), and when I put my favorite jeans on they had stains on them so I had to change, but at least I had a brand new shirt to put on. On the way to work I hit every single red light in existence, and when I finally got on the freeway, I got cut off by a lady talking on her cell phone, which forced me to slam on my brakes, which then sent my briefcase flying onto the floor spilling my paperwork everywhere. When I got to work, I had to load up 12 heavy boxes into my truck but the last one slipped off my tailgate and landed corner first onto my big toe. Ouch! But it wasn’t all bad, because when I got home, my loving wife had a great dinner ready for me, a tasty home-made hamburger with a side of mac and cheese. Comfort food! Except when I took the first bite of that juicy hamburger, I was a little too comfortable, and a huge blob of ketchup plopped out onto my brand-new shirt. What a day!

So right before I went to bed Thursday night, I decided a prayer was in order again, but perhaps a little longer one. “Dear Lord, thank you for such a wonderful day, so full of surprisingly educational experiences. I learned that looks are not everything, patience is important, and so is a sense of humor. And that having a wife who is really good at cooking and getting stains out of shirts is truly a blessing too. Also Lord, I know you are with me everywhere I go, so thank you that I still have hair, that I didn’t crash on the way to work, that I have a job I enjoy, and a wife that I love, and a God who will never stop blessing me… in so many surprising ways!

Every happening, great or small, is a parable whereby God speaks to us. 

And the art of life is to get the message.

~ Malcolm Muggeridge

Relationship Success

I have a feeling that this ugly Covid19 situation is going to be either really good for personal relationships, or really bad. It’s just a theory I have. If you’re relationship with your spouse is kind of shaky anyway, and now you’re faced with all the trouble caused by the Coronavirus, your relationship could easily fall apart. But if you’re relationship is really strong to begin with, chances are problems are only going to bring the two of you together as you tackle your troubles as a team.  That theory got me thinking about my own marriage.

It’s late Sunday evening and I’m struggling to I get this story ready for Monday morning. However, tomorrow is my wife’s birthday and I am totally stressed out! First, you have to understand that I absolutely adore my wife, so I always want to show her my love on her birthday by taking her shopping and letting her pick out really nice gifts. She always fights me on it, but over the years, I’ve managed to talk her into things like a diamond necklace, earrings, and even a vacation to Hawaii.

But that was back when times were good and there was no world-wide pandemic going on. So, I’m stressed now because I can’t go shopping like normal and I can’t even take her on a nice vacation. Plus, she keeps insisting that I don’t spend money on her this year because money is tighter than ever. But that’s also one of the reasons I love her so much. She never thinks about herself because she is always too busy doing nice things for other people. So how do I demonstrate my love to someone so deserving when I can’t take her shopping like normal?

Then it hit me - relationships are all about communication! In fact, I believe that communication is the single most important factor for creating a successful relationship. So maybe I can’t celebrate her birthday as I normally do, but I can definitely communicate my love to her… in writing! I know it might not be as fun as a vacation, but it will certainly last longer and possibly mean more. Truth is I’ve written her lots of love letters, but this year with how difficult everything has been, she deserves my absolute best effort. So, I poured my heart out to her using my very best prose and I’m hoping it will brighten her day tomorrow. And I thought, “What if there’s another guy out there struggling with communication?” If that’s you, take a look at the “Love Letter Template” attached. Maybe it will give you some ideas… that will lead you to relationship success!  

Love must be as much a light as a flame.

~ Henry David Thoreau

LOVE LETTER TEMPLATE

 

My Dearest _______ (Fill in your cutest pet name for her) ___________,

Thinking about you reminds me that I have someone in my life that I love very much who actually loves me back. Which is quite the miracle! Our love is very ___ (special, unique, tempestuous) ___ , for you express your love very clearly to me every single day. And I am always trying to show you my love as well through my daily _____ (words, deeds, mistakes) _______.

We’ve been together now, hand in hand, truly in love, truly and fully committed to each other, for ___ (20 years, 20 months, 20 minutes) ____.  There have been far more good times than bad, far more happy moments than problems. And yet even during the toughest times, I have always known your heart and you have always known mine, and our love has grown stronger with each passing _____ (year, day, minute) _____. For that I feel very blessed!

Is it crazy that my eyes still light up and my heart still skips a beat, every time you ____ (enter the room, leave the room) ____? Is it crazy that I can’t be away from you for even a few hours without missing you and wishing you were by my side? Is it crazy that I am willing to confide my deepest thoughts and silliest fears to you, despite always wanting to impress you with my ____ (strength, courage, hot dog eating ability) ____? Is it crazy that I am willing to share my sensitive side with you, and yet know fully and without a doubt that I would give my life without hesitation for you in a heartbeat? It’s not crazy, it’s called true love!

      ·         I love it when we sleep ___ (in together, through movies, in separate rooms) ___.

·         I love it when we go for bike rides and talk about ___ (our love, our in-laws, nothing) ___.

·         I love it when we spend time together with ___ (our children, neighbors, the police) ___.

·         I love it when we ____ (hold each other, kiss each other, smack each other) ____.

·         I love it when I go to sleep with my __ (arms, legs, lips) ___wrapped so tightly around you.

·         I love our love, for it is like no other.

As your ___ (husband, lover, boyfriend, best friend, best friend’s husband) ___, I promise to try hard to be everything you want and need me to be. I will try to remember that you have your own personal struggles, your own pains and worries, and make sure you get my best attitude and my best love every single day. And I want you to know that this will not be a hard promise to keep because I enjoy it very much. But then again, isn’t that what true love is truly all about.

Thank you for your love and for all the sacrifices you continuously make for me!

 

All my Love,

                                                                                                     

Your __ (Fill in the name you wish she would call you) ___                                                

                                                                                                  

 

 

Fear Less

My wife and I ride our bicycles up and down Beach Road almost every day. We have been doing that ever since the Coronavirus hit. We can’t really go places like we used to and we can’t visit with family and friends like we love to do, so instead we go for bike rides and talk a lot. And we have these really great talks, about life, about love, about our hopes and dreams and fears. I joke that we try to solve the world’s problems during our bike rides. And I do so wish we could!

Unfortunately, we can’t. But the one thing we can do, is we can stop worrying about things and stop being afraid… but yet still be smart! At first, we were really fearful of getting the virus and/or spreading it and that’s normal. We were scared for our children, our parents, our friends, ourselves. But over time we’ve come to realize that worry is a wasted emotion and  fear is simply weakness. So we’ve switched from being afraid to simply understanding what we can and can’t do and make it a point to be careful, wear a mask, and social distance at all times… while still making the most of life.

Yesterday, as we rode our bikes, we talked about how living through this pandemic has changed our lives. Not all of it has been for the worse. It has made us smarter and stronger. And we’ve learned some really important life lessons. Mainly that we don’t have to live in fear, we simply need to be smart about how we live, while protecting other lives at the same time.

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood and now more than ever is the time to understand more, so that we fear less.

~ Marie Curie, Physicist, 1920