Was God Testing Me?

In April I wrote a Monday Message about my Chinese friend, Pao Chi Chen. I explained that I met her when I ran her over with my truck and nearly killed her eight years ago. I wrote about how we became best friends, inspiring each other to do things we love, even when it might be difficult.

I also mentioned that Pao Chi had developed cancer, yet still managed to come up with a wonderful birthday present for me. I knew her 95^th birthday was coming up in June so I was really hoping that I would be able to give her a beautiful birthday present in return on her birthday. Well, I am happy to report that Pao Chi Chen celebrated her 95^th birthday with her family on Tuesday June 11^th, so I made plans to bring her a gift the following day. When I arrived, her son greeted me at the door and graciously accepted the beautifully wrapped gift my wife helped me prepare. Unfortunately, he explained that Pao Chi was asleep, so I was not able to see her at that time and give her a big hug. But I knew I could always come back another day.

Pao Chi never woke up… so another day will never come. I will never be able to give her another hug, or see her beautiful face, the wisdom in her eyes, or tell her how much she has meant to me. The only thing I can do now, is wonder…Why did that accident happen, why did Pao Chi come into my life, and what was God trying to teach me?

Some people believe that God orchestrates every moment of our lives. I do not believe that. I believe that God can orchestrate and do anything he wants anytime he wants, but I also believe He gave us free will for a reason and that we are free to make our own choices. Eight years ago, I chose to be distracted in my head and failed to pay attention. So in essence, it was my bad choices that caused me to run over a tiny little old lady who was simply trying to walk to the store for groceries. Was God trying to tell me something? I don’t know. But I do know he didn’t cause that horrible accident to happen. I did. And as horrible and traumatic as those first few moments were, the really difficult part was deciding what to do from that point on.

Maybe God was testing me? Would I follow the ambulance to the hospital? Would I meet with her family and apologize to her for my carelessness? Would I continue to visit her in the hospital for months? Would I spend hours with her every week for the next 8 years, going for walks, discussing nature, and sharing our views on religion? Would I do the right thing after doing the wrong thing?

Immediately after the accident, I prayed for Pao Chi Chen to live and walk again, and God answered my prayer far beyond my wildest dreams. He spared her life and changed mine. I learned that we all fall short at times in our lives. But it’s not that we fall, it’s what we do with our lives once we get back up that matters.

Prayer is when we talk to God. Life is when God talks to us.

~ Diana Robinson