A Way of Life

Do you ever get the feeling that somebody is trying to tell you something? Like somebody up above is sending you a message? Sometimes I get that feeling, but unfortunately it can take me a while to catch on.

I recently played in a golf tournament to raise money for the Fullerton College Baseball Team. My Halo Baseball Club shares the same field, so a lot of us ballplayers sign up to support this cause. I had the privilege of playing with one of my teammates, Danny, who has been a close friend of mine for 10 years. I have always admired Danny because he is such a great baseball player, but more importantly because he is such a great Christian guy. Humble and kind are the best words I can use to describe him. He never brings up the fact that he has won an MSBL World Series Ring, but instead focuses on finding ways to praise his teammates. Me, on the other hand, I almost always find some way to bring up the story of how I won a World Series Ring, even if the people listening don’t even like baseball. Sure, I mention how practice and prayer were the keys to my success, but humility is obviously not my strong point.

Last week I was searching for some corporate books at my office when I came across something unusual, a military sword and picture. I had forgotten that I those items were at my office and I’m not even sure why I brought them there. But the picture of my Dad in his USMC dress white uniform and his beautiful military sword brought back a flood of memories. My Dad was the humblest, kindest person I have ever known. Even though he won the Navy/Marine Corps Medal of Valor, he never once talked about it, preferring to listen to others and/or give them the shirt off his back if they needed it.

On Friday I received Sports Illustrated in the mail with a picture of Mike Trout on the cover. Mike is the best player on the LA Angels and the best player in all of baseball. In his first five years, he has finished 1^st or 2^nd in the MVP voting every single year. Nobody else has ever even come close. But Mike doesn’t talk about that fact, instead he takes the time to sign hundreds of autographs before and after every game. He doesn’t seek the spotlight and in fact, he declined to talk about himself in the Sports Illustrated article, so the writers had to get most of their information for the story from scouts and coaches. In 2015 Mike heard about a family that had a fire in their house at Christmastime. On his own he purchased gifts for them and dropped them by their house, even though they were strangers. Had the family not said anything about it, nobody would have ever known. Mike low-keyed it like he always does.  

After thinking about these three events, it began to dawn on me that somebody was sending me a message about humility and kindness. So I looked up the meaning of those words in the original Hebrew language and discovered that those words carried an added idea that the English words don’t. They both refer to an act of grace and a person who is “useful”. Apparently, humility and kindness are much more than adjectives. For some people, they are a way of life!

Humility doesn’t mean you think less of yourself, but that you think of yourself less.

 ~ Max Lucado

Karma Chain

Maybe I’m different than a lot of guys, but I actually like going to the grocery store sometimes. I know it can be a pain in the butt but I enjoy helping my wife and I also enjoy picking out great snacks to eat during the week. In fact, I find going to the grocery store can be an enlightening experience because there are all types of people there, for all different types of reasons, forming a basic microcosm of society in general.

Last week I had to go to the Ralphs in San Clemente by myself and as I drove there I listened to the news on the radio. Most of it was bad. Actually, all of it was bad, including robberies in Beverly Hills, dui accidents that injured people, and the innocent death of a child hit by a stray bullet. It made we wonder how people can be so heartless. I was glad to get to the store and not have to listen to the news anymore. When I was ready to check out I had a lot of items in my shopping cart and there was an older lady coming up behind me with only a few items, so I offered to let her go in front of me. She nodded her head and mumbled something but I couldn’t understand her. As she stepped in front of me I noticed that her clothes were dirty and her hair was a mess and that she kept mumbling to herself as she sat her basket down. It was obvious that she was a homeless person and not doing very well.

When the cashier asked her to pay, the homeless lady fumbled with several credit cards but couldn’t get any to work. This went on for about 5 minutes but the cashier was patient and politely kept telling her that her credit cards didn’t work. After about 10 minutes the cashier said, “Don’t worry about it. I’ve got you covered”. The elderly lady said thank you several times, and then kept on mumbling as she grabbed her bag and shuffled out the door.

When I was checking out I told the cashier that what she did was really nice and I asked her how much the bill was. The cashier said, “It was only $20.00. I’ve seen her around before and I guess I just kind of feel bad for her.” The cashier also said, “Maybe it will bring me some good Karma.” When she finished checking me out, I handed her a $10.00 bill and said, “Let me split it with you. I wouldn’t mind having some of that Karma stuff myself.” The cashier laughed and said that was nice of me and accepted my help. As the bag boy finished putting my groceries in my cart, I heard the lady behind me say, “Here’s another $10.00. I want a piece of that Karma too.” I had to laugh at the chain reaction going on and I’m pretty sure I smiled to myself all the way home as I listened to music… instead of the news!

By the way, if you look up the definition of Karma, you will find it is a Buddhist belief that means a person’s actions and conduct can influence their destiny. Well, I’m not Buddhist, but maybe they should modify the meaning to include… A person’s actions and conduct can also influence those around them!

How people treat you is their Karma. How you react, is yours.

~ Wayne Dyer 

God's Garden

I have a hard-working friend who owns her own Hair Salon. I have been going to her for years because I really like the way she cuts my hair, but I also go to her because over the years we’ve developed a close friendship. Hairdressers are in a unique profession because if they do their job well, they can get you to relax, which in turn opens you up for conversation. I think my hairdresser probably knows more about me than most of my family and I have made it a point to get to know a lot about her as well.

One of the things I know about her is that she is a Christian and the other thing I know about her is that she is on her feet 10-12 hours a day. She is also the sole support of her family and at nearly 60 years of age, she gets really tired and stressed out at times. She told me the thing she loves the most, the thing that relaxes her and relieves her stress the best, is her garden. Apparently, she has this large plot of land in the back of her property where she grows all types of awesome fruits and vegetables. In fact, last year she won dozens of blue ribbons at the Orange County Fair for her lush and colorful produce.

But this year has been especially difficult for her and for her garden. She is trying to grow her business, so she leased a larger space and hired more people to assist with the salon. The new people haven’t worked out so well but she still has to pay rent. So she has been working even more than normal. In addition to a lack of time, with all the rain and storms we’ve had this year she hasn’t been able to tend to her garden. For the past several months she hasn’t gone out back and just assumed the storms had destroyed her precious plants.

Last week she finally got the time and the nerve to go survey the damage. What she found was that her formerly perfect plot of land was now overwhelmed with enormous weeds, some towering over 4’ in the air. It was disheartening to say the least, but she said she stopped, took a deep breath, and decided to tackle it. As she started to pull the enormous weeds at the perimeter of the garden, an amazing site began to unfold. The fruits and vegetables were not washed away, nor were they strangled by the weeds. As a matter of fact, they were in perfect condition. It was almost as if the weeds had formed a protective blanket around her vibrant little green and red babies, protecting them from the wind and rain. She told me she couldn’t believe what she was saw. By the time she was done, her garden looked like it was going to yield her best crop ever.

Maybe when you spend so much time on your feet, you enjoy gardening because you get to be on your knees for a change. I’m not sure, but what I do know is that when she was done cleaning up her garden she stayed on her knees for a very long time… thankful for the help she received… without even asking! 

The best place to seek God is in a garden. You can always dig for him there.

~ George Bernard Shaw

Trust Factor

If you’re like me, you’ve probably developed friendships over the years that have enriched your life and brought you a significant amount of happiness. However, if you’re like me, you’ve probably also had some of those friends betray your friendship and break your trust. It’s so sad when it happens because relationships are built on trust, and when that trust is broken, it can be devastating and confusing. I guess if we chose to never trust anyone, then we wouldn’t have to worry about it. But then again, life sure would be lonely. So it’s a tough question. One that was brought to my attention recently by a wounded sea duck.

My wife and I got home early last Thursday and decided to sit out on our beach and enjoy the sunset. As we were talking, my wife suddenly bolted upright in her chair and asked me, “What the heck is that?” I turned towards the ocean and immediately saw a large red-billed Cormorant (sea duck) that had climbed up to our elevated beach area and was parading slowly by in front of us, only a few feet away. It was the weirdest thing because birds are always so skittish of people. But this brave duck purposely climbed up a steep embankment of sand just so he could walk by in front of us. Then I noticed it. He had a length of fishing line caught in his wing with weights hanging from it. The other end was stuck in his belly preventing him from moving his wing and obviously making it impossible to fly.

The Cormorant kept walking and when a neighbor’s dog barked he scrambled down closer to the water. My wife suggested calling animal control for help, but the first problem would be to catch him. So with my brilliant mind I decided to get a sheet out of our linen closet and go after him, hoping to throw it over him like a net. I chased that fellow for over a mile, but every time I got close, he ran into the water. At one point, I dropped my shoes and phone on the sand and went wading in after him. He dove under the water for about a minute and I couldn’t find him… until suddenly he popped up right between my legs! It scared the crap out of both of us. I was so startled I failed to throw the sheet at him and the wounded duck scrambled even farther out into the water. I eventually gave up trying to help him because it was obvious he was never going to trust me enough to get close to him. I felt so sorry for him because I knew I could cut the fishing line in a few seconds and free him, but his natural instincts and lack of trust kept him away.

Maybe human beings and animals are not that different after all. Maybe we both have a natural instinct to distrust each other as a means of self-preservation, but it shouldn’t be that way. The only way we are ever going to find happiness and love is to embrace the trust factor… and truly go for it. I know that wounded red-billed sea duck has probably passed away by now, but he left an indelible impression on me. He reminded me that we are never so vulnerable as when we trust someone, but paradoxically, if don’t allow ourselves to trust, then we will never find love or happiness.

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody… is to trust them.

    ~ Ernest Hemingway 

Help Wanted (by Anonymous)

My life’s journey has been interesting and exciting to say the least. But it really took off when I found a career in Human Resources. I enjoyed every minute of the interviewing, recruiting, and event planning, especially when I was able to find the right people to help our company succeed. I always believed that if I found the right person for the job, most of the details could be learned, and that proved to be true. However, I have to say recruiting was never an easy task.

I spent a lot of time pouring through resumes, conversing with people on the phone, and interviewing them in person. Sometimes resumes would be too brief or too casual and at other times, they would be packed with too many words (indicative of a person who may like to talk a little too much). One time, the encounter was really strange when an older male candidate I was meeting in person pointed out to me that he was breathing at the same pace I was – in his effort to bond with me! Since team chemistry is also important, I would do my best to select the resumes of people who potentially possessed the right skill sets to do the job, but who also seemed like they’d be a good fit for our team.

Sometimes I would be surprised when a person came in for the interview because they would turn out to be much more complex and interesting than their resume suggested. So I learned to get to know the person for who they are and not what they put on paper. It’s easy to look at someone and think we know them by what we see on the surface, but quite often that impression is wrong. I found that if I am patient enough to dig deep, people would often surprise me in a good way. When recruiting, I also discovered it’s important to understand what motivates a person to do a good job. That way I could make sure they would be happy, challenged and fulfilled in their new position.

As I reflected on my career in Human Resources, I spotted my Bible which I try to read on a regular basis. It is a version that is in chronological order, so it helps me to have a better understanding of the history of it all and get it to stick in my little brain. I’m near the end now and have been reading about the day that Jesus was crucified and all the events that unfolded with His disciples. As someone committed to recruiting people, it occurred to me that part of Jesus’s job on earth was to recruit people. But even more important, He was sent here to enlighten His disciples and the rest of the entire world with a singular message.

“A new commandment I give unto you. As I have loved you, so shall you love one another.”

That message really hit home with me. Loving one another means getting to know people at a deeper level, accepting their differences, and giving them an opportunity to make a positive difference, in our company… or in our lives.

Find something you love to do and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.

~ Anonymous

My Plate

My daughter, Brooke, is quite a bit younger than our other three children so she truly was the baby of the family growing up. But at three years old she developed this booming voice and outsized personality that would crack us all up. In my mind, I see her as this tiny little girl who slept in a tiny plastic bed and said the funniest things in the loudest voice. Actually, that loud voice served her well when she became a high school soccer star, because referees would sometimes blow a call and she would be forced to let them have it.

She was so cute and so funny and that included at dinner time as well. She somehow got this idea that she had to finish everything on her plate or she would get in trouble. We never asked her to finish her meal, but if there was any food left on her plate, she would get all stressed out about it, saying, “I’m tired. My stomach hurts. Daddy, will you finish my steak?” (Or my hamburger, my mashed potatoes, my ice cream, or whatever it was.) And of course, being a loving father, I was always willing to make those tough sacrifices. I’m surprised I didn’t blow up like a balloon trying to ease her stress over having too much on her plate.

Which reminds me of that old saying, “I’ve got too much on my plate”. I don’t know where it came from but it certainly applies to most adults, especially those of us living in Southern California. When we are kids, life is simple. But the minute we make a friend, life becomes more complicated because all of sudden we have to learn to share. Then we grow up and take on a spouse and things become even more complicated because we have to learn to compromise. The next step of course is having children of our own. Now we have to learn to share, to compromise and to sacrifice. And if that’s not enough, we have to go to work in high paced environment, fight traffic, get along with our neighbors and pick up the dog poop. And if you’re a typical wife and mother, you have to do all of that and also feed your family a delicious meal every night, while of course, making sure you don’t put too much on their plate!

I don’t know what the best solution is when you have “too much on your plate”, but I was definitely feeling that way yesterday and stressing out about it. But isn’t there another old saying that goes something like, “God won’t give us more than we can handle”. Well, that may or may not be true, but I think it will only work if we fully trust Him. I mean think about it the next time you have problems to solve and too much on your plate… If He truly is our heavenly Father, then He probably won’t mind at all helping us with our steak, our mashed potatoes, or our ice cream. (Or any other problem we may have!)

 One day, someone showed me a glass of water that was half full. 

And he said, “Is it half full or half empty?” 

So I drank the water. Solved that problem!

~ Alexander Jodorowsky

Love Letters

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and although it’s meant to be a happy time, for most men it can create major stress. If we don’t have a loving wife or girlfriend, Valentine’s Day is simply a sad reminder of how lost and lonely we feel. On the other hand, if we do have a loving mate, how can we possibly come up with a gift that is so awesome, it will totally express our love and appreciation? This is a huge problem!

I fall into the latter group. I not only have a loving wife, she is also my best friend, constant companion, business partner, family psychologist, helpful adviser, teammate, partner in crime, fellow adventurer, and mother of my children. How can I possibly express my love for this insanely beautiful super woman who brings such passion into my life? What can I buy her, what can I do for her, where can I take her, what can I say to her? But wait….That’s it! Women like to talk and they like to hear what we think and how we feel. If I could find just the right words to express my love, I’m sure it would be a great gift. But we men are just not good at expressing our feelings. We would rather “build things” or “fix things” than “talk about things”.

Last night my wife made me (I mean asked me to) watch the movie “Sex in the City” with her. At one point the potential groom (Mr. Big) tells his fiancé (Carrie) that he is having trouble writing his vows. Carrie makes it simple and suggests that all he has to do is write, “I will always love you”. She’s means well and it’s a good suggestion, but Mr. Big still gets so flustered he ends up bailing out on the wedding. I told you, it’s hard for us men to express our feelings. But wait!...That’s it! It’s hard to do! And that’s what makes it so special. If it were easy to write a love letter, women wouldn’t appreciate it so much. Yes, it’s hard and it takes guts to put your feelings out there for the whole world to see. (Let’s face it, you know your wife or girlfriend is going to share what you give her with her girlfriends.) But if we truly love her as we say we do, and if we appreciate her as much as she deserves, then we have to find the courage to write her a love letter.

Do you need inspiration to write a decent love letter? If so, it might help to think about the first time you told her you loved her and more importantly, how she answered you back in the same way. Think about how happy you were at that moment and how nothing else mattered. When she said, “I love you”, you knew you could then do anything, conquer any mountain, overcome any problem. The love of a woman has motivated many a man to overcome his greatest fears and accomplish his wildest dreams. If women can do that for us, then we should be able create a simple, sweet love letter for them. Or at least try!

If you still need some inspiration, I will share with you the passionate love letter I wrote for my wife this year. But wait…Forget it! That’s way too personal and you’re not getting off that easy. I will however, share with you a letter I wrote my wife a long time ago, when my Dad was terminally ill and I was having a hard time coping with the stress. My Dad died 11 days after I wrote the letter, but expressing my love and appreciation for my wife at that time, was not only a great gift to her…in a way it was a gift I gave myself because it made me feel so much better and stronger inside. So Gentlemen, may I suggest you start writing! (And make sure that Valentine's Day is not the only time she gets a love letter from you!)

One word frees us from all the weight and pain of life;

That word is love.

~ Sophocles

February 1^st, 2001

Dear Debby,

I Now Know

That a very difficult situation lies ahead.

That it will be hard and that I will need your help, your love, and your utmost patience. I will be strong for I am a warrior. So whether or not I make it through this situation is not even a question, because with you, I know I can make it through anything.

Although I do not know what the future holds, I do know that you have always been there for me, to listen, to talk, to share, and to love with all of your heart….and I love you with all of mine. We can and will endure together!

My Wish For Us

Is that we will continue to share new interests and adventures

And allow each other the freedom to develop as individuals.

That our faith won’t be shaken by occasional feelings of hurt or anger.

That we will continue to acknowledge our differences openly,

And see them as opportunities to learn and grow closer.

That we will find in each disagreement the patience to listen,

The courage to trust, and the strength to forgive.

That we will find in each difficult situation that plaques our lives,

The wisdom to work together, to find the right answers.

May We Never Forget

The qualities that first attracted us to each other

And how much we still appreciate them.

To always inspire each other, applauding successes,

Nurturing strengths, believing in each other’s dreams,

And working as one to make them come true.

To look into each other’s hearts and see the true love that exists.

That “If Ever Two Were One…Then Surely We”

All my Love,

Joseph