With My Heart

I celebrated my 70th birthday recently and I think I had an epiphany. Or perhaps I just realized something that I actually already knew.

My wife set up a birthday celebration for 40 of our closest family and friends at the beautiful Prego’s Restaurant in the District in Tustin. We had a huge room all to ourselves and I remember coming back from the restroom and stopping just outside the door. As I looked in at all the people filling the room with smiles and laughter, I didn’t see a group of people. A stranger looking in would have seen just that, a large group of people. But that’s not what I saw, because I wasn’t looking with my eyes, I was looking with my heart.

For starters, these were obviously people who were very important to me. But more importantly… they were people who (for some crazy reason) thought that I was important! 

And that got me thinking about a passage in Max Lucado’s Study Bible that I just read this morning. Back In the time of King David, he didn’t start out as a King. He started out as a lowly shepherd caring for his flock of sheep. And whenever David looked out at his flock, he didn’t see a flock of sheep all looking exactly alike, making the same sounds, and moving in the same direction. David saw each one separately, and loved each one uniquely, because each one was truly special to him. And when I looked out at my friends and family, that’s exactly what I saw… with my heart. 

I saw Scott, my golf buddy who is a tough competitor and yet always willing to give good advice to his competitors. And the beautiful lady with him, an animal lover who cherishes all creatures. I saw Steve and Ceci, he a gifted designer/builder, and she a great cook who loves nothing better than sharing her gorgeous home with as many friends as possible. I saw Kim a devoted nurse and her husband Marvin, a doctor who has spent whole his life delivering at risk babies. They were cracking jokes with Jeff and Brenda, the most charity minded couple I have ever met. Next to them was Brad, an avid ocean swimmer who volunteers with the Sheriff’s department to help keep our community safer. Speaking of community service, sitting across from me was Bill, my baseball buddy, who is a successful yet humble businessman who has won numerous awards for his civic contributions. Tom and Susan were there, who drove all the way from San Diego despite Tom being 84 years old. And sitting next to me was Chris, my best and most loyal friend for well over 50 years now. So many truly special and unique people were there, including my beautiful wife and awesome children who stood up and made speeches about me and yet not once did they mention my awful Dad Jokes. They did, however, almost bring me to tears.

There are too many wonderful people in my life to mention here, but the point is every single one them is unique and special. But I wouldn’t know that… if I just looked at them with my eyes.

It is in the heart that the value’s lie. I wish I could make him understand 

that a loving heart is riches, and riches enough, and that without it, intellect is poverty.

                                                                       ~ Mark Twain                                                            

Defining True Love

My wife and I just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary on April 2nd. We didn’t buy each other anything, but we did go out for a romantic dinner at a really nice restaurant in our small town. We sat on the patio, which was softly illuminated with old fashioned incandescent lights hanging over head. 

The ambiance was perfect, and my wife looked absolutely beautiful in the soft evening light. We found ourselves holding hands, which we often do while we waited for the waitress to bring us our drinks. I had an idea and suggested we make a list of the 10 most memorable things that have happened to us over the past 30 years.

It was a great idea because the truth is, we have enjoyed a really great life. Yes, there have been a few bumps in the road and unfortunately a few tragedies. But mostly, it has been a life filled with laughter and fun, family and friends, faith and trust, and passion, lots of passion! We had so much fun making the “10 Best Things List” that it actually turned into a baker’s dozen. And if we had a little more time, I bet we could have come up with so many more things, so many more blessings to be grateful for.

When dinner was over and we got ready to head home, I looked at my wife one more time and asked her a question. “Are you happy?” She smiled and said, “Of course, and I hope I’ve made you feel as loved as I have felt for the past 30 years”, which made me smile back.

And that got me thinking about the definition of true love… When making him (or her) happy makes you happy!

The Right Place at the Right Time

Exactly one month ago I wrote a Monday Message about timing. On Saturday, I lived that message.

My son, David, and I had a couple of Saturday morning pole inspection projects in Temecula. After picking him up in Rancho Santa Margarita, I suggested we take Ortega Highway because I hadn’t been that way in a long time, and scenery is really beautiful. My GPS would not pick up that route, so I asked my son to check his phone to see if Ortega Highway was open. He checked, it said it was, so off we went. Unfortunately, after 40 minutes and reaching the top of Ortega Highway, we came to a complete stop because there was a construction crew working on a bridge and a CHP Officer turning traffic around.

That was a mistake on my part, because when we first got on Ortega Highway, there was a sign that said, “Through traffic only”. It should have said, “No traffic only” and/or I should have heeded the warning, but for some reason I just kept going.

By the time we reached Temecula, we were more than an hour behind schedule. Fortunately, the first job went really well, so we made up some of the lost time. Unfortunately, as I was pushing my tool cart towards the last Light Pole in the Shopping Center, I saw a locked car, with a little boy inside. He could not have been more than 3 years old, and he was banging on the window at me. It was 75 degrees out and starting to get much warmer, and the little boy looked scared, which scared me!

I looked around for the parents and then checked the doors and the windows, but they were all closed and locked. I didn’t like what I saw, so I quickly headed to the nearest store to see if I could locate his parents. As I started inside the nail salon, a lady walked out of the coffee shop next door. I quickly asked her if that was her silver Honda in the parking lot and she smiled and said yes. I immediately responded with, “What the H… is wrong with you?!!!” There’s a toddler locked inside that hot car, and he was banging on the window for my help!” She laughed and said, “I was only gone for a few minutes”. That did it for me. I totally lost my cool and screamed at the woman, saying, “It’s not funny! There’s nothing funny about putting a child in danger - and you’re an idiot! Get that car opened up right now, and you’re lucky I don’t call the cops and report what you did!”

I was angry and I was harsh, but I don’t regret it. I think sometimes it’s okay to get angry. Especially if you need to get someone’s attention who is making a huge mistake and putting others in danger. And I’m pretty sure I got that lady’s attention in a big way, so hopefully she won’t make that mistake ever again.

Went I got home I asked my wife if she thought I did the right thing. She said, “You were in the right place, at the right time, and did the right thing. She must be right, because she’s no idiot!

It’s not enough to be in the right place at the right time. 

You have to be the right person at the right place at the right time.

                                                                       ~ T. Harv Eker                                                          

A Reason for Seasons

When I looked out my bedroom window last week, there was a beautiful site. It reminded me of the change of seasons and that Spring is right around the corner. I like that there are different seasons, but is there a reason for seasons?

I think I may have come up with the answer to that question when I visited the Dentist on Thursday. I haven’t been to the Dentist in a very long time. Four years ago, Covid kept me away. Two years ago, my Dentist, who is also a good friend of mine, passed away at a young age from stomach cancer. So just driving by Jim’s office would make me really sad. Jim was an extraordinary man, kind, compassionate, funny. A man of faith and a very good friend. We both enjoyed playing guitar, and we often played golfed together, went out to dinner together, and laughed together… a lot. His passing left a huge hole in my heart.

But I recently developed a toothache, so I made an appointment with Jim’s partner. Jim and Bill shared a dental practice at the same location for 23 years. They were not just partners, but the best of friends as well. So when I sat down in the dental chair and Bill walked in, it all felt a little strange. Bill and I talked about my tooth issue, but we also got into a conversation about Jim and what he meant to both of us. At one point I shared a story about Jim that I will never forget. It was about six months before he died. We met at a golf course to chip golf balls and mostly just hang out together. Jim was an outstanding golfer, and his chipping advice was spot on. As we were walking back to our cars, I told Jim how impressed I was with how he was handling his terminal cancer diagnosis. His courage and positive attitude never wavered, and his answer was simple, yet profound. I am not worried or scared, because I know who walks with me.

Just trying to tell that story choked me up and when I looked, I could see that Bill was close to tears as well. He thanked me for sharing that story and then we both sat in silence for a few moments.

And that got me thinking… People often come into our lives for a reason and that reason may only last a short season. But the impact can sometimes last even beyond their lifetime.

Saddleback Snow

Despite the forecast, live like it is Spring. 

                                                               ~ Lilly Pulitzer                                                 

Perfect Timing

You’ve probably heard the saying, “Timing is everything”. But my question is… who’s timing?

Last Thursday I had a huge load of boxes that I needed to drop off at UPS. I had nine large boxes, so I took my folding roll cart to save wear and tear on my back. As I approached the door of the UPS Store, a lady came out, glanced at me, let the door shut behind her and walked right on past. I won’t tell you what I said about her in my head, but it’s pretty difficult to maneuver a roll cart that is top heavy with boxes through a closed door. But just as I reached for the door handle, a tiny little Hispanic lady stepped in front of me. She said, “Let me help you.” In my head I said, “Great timing”, but with my voice I said, “Thank you so much, I really appreciate it!”

After unloading my roll cart, I headed back to my truck which was parked far away due to 5:00pm traffic at a busy shopping center. As I reached my truck, I noticed a large white Chevy Suburban parked next to me. A lady was behind it unloading a bunch of heavy looking boxes and struggling to set them on the ground. I looked down at my empty roll cart, back up at the struggling lady, and said, “Would you like some help with those boxes?” She looked really surprised to see me standing there with my empty roll cart and a huge smile crossed her face. “You know, I’m in a hurry and I was just trying to figure out how I was going to carry all these boxes in one load all that way. So yes! If you don’t mind.” I loaded up her boxes, walked with her to the UPS Store and unloaded the cart for her as well. Her response, was, “Thank you, I just can’t believe you appeared at exactly the right time.

On my way home, I thought about how that nice little old lady helped me out right when I needed it. And how good it felt to pay it forward and help out someone else right when they needed it. It’s crazy that sometimes things happen at exactly the right time. My last thought was, was it my timing that was perfect? Or was it their timing that was perfect? Or was it maybe… His timing that is always perfect!

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.

                                                                           ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1                                                            

Life Has Its Challenges

Life has its challenges, that’s for sure. But I think one of the hardest challenges is trying to always look for the good in people. I mean, It’s easy to be cynical, judgmental, and impatient with people because, you know, they’re people. But as a Christian, I feel an obligation to be patient and kind, and yet sometimes its really hard! 

Two weeks ago, I pulled into the parking lot at Saddleback Church in Rancho Capistrano around 7:00am on Monday morning. My job was to inspect the Light Poles at the nearby Soccer Field and since it was early, the parking lot was empty. I had just dropped my tailgate and put on my yellow work vest when I heard a man screaming at the top of his lungs. I looked in the direction of the sound and a man in his thirties was careening towards me at full speed on a bicycle, yelling and cursing, and screaming that he was going to kill me. I was shocked and stood still for a moment, but when he reached me and threw his bike down onto the asphalt, and charged towards screaming, “You’re a dead man!”, I slowly reached for my hammer on top of my toolbox in the back of my truck. As he charged at me, cursing me at the top of his lungs, I squeezed the handle of that hammer, hoping… no praying… that I wouldn’t have to use it.

But somehow, I remained calm, looked directly into his eyes, and surprisingly he stopped 5’ in front of me. And yet he kept yelling, “I’m going to kill you!” My heart was beating out of my chest,  but I could tell he was high on drugs, so I kept my mouth shut and stayed calm. I think it confused him, because for just a few seconds he stopped yelling. Then he started up again, telling me I would be dead before the end of the day. But then, thankfully, he got back on his bike and rode away. I called 911 and let the Sheriffs know what happened because the man was obviously dangerous and deranged, and the Church parking lot would soon be filled with innocent people.

One week later, I completed a Light Pole Inspection at a Stater Brothers Shopping Center in a not so great area of San Dimas. As I sat in my truck filling out paperwork, there was a loud rapping on my driver’s side window. I turned and was startled to see a very large, crazy looking woman with braided corn rows shooting out in every direction on top of her head. She was wide eyed and disheveled looking and kept knocking away. My first thought was, “Here we go again!” But as I rolled down my window, just a little, she asked me a question. “Mister, did you lose a tool?”

She then explained that she saw a sharp tool lying next to one of my tires. She said she kicked it away because she didn’t want me to run over it. I got out of my truck, and she pointed to a cold chisel about 20’ away. Sure enough, it had fallen out of my tool bucket. I picked it up and thanked her and she said, in a very soft and kind voice, “Well, I just didn’t want you to get a flat tire and have a bad day.” Turns out she was a very sweet woman who was simply trying to do a good deed.

When I got back in my truck, I instantly felt bad that I let an experience with a bad person cause me to temporarily think poorly of a good person. So I guess I failed that challenge. And yet, if you ask me, success in life comes from learning from our mistakes… and better yet… sharing what we learn with others! 

Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are.

                                                                        ~ Wayne Dyer                                                            

 

 

Learning To Fly

When I was a young boy I dreamed of flying. I wanted to learn how to fly, blasting off from the earth, soaring high in the sky, and bursting through the clouds at the speed of sound. That seemed to me like the ultimate thrill. Being a pilot seemed like the total dream job.

Alas, back in those days you had to have 20/20 vision to be a pilot and there was no such thing as Lasik surgery. So I gave up that goal, but I never stopped dreaming. Every night, as I knelt down to say my prayers, I would ask God to “Make me a bird and fly me far, far away”. Okay, sorry, that’s a line from the Forrest Gump movie… but you get the idea. Pilots were always tall and strong and brave and trustworthy, and very, very cool.

So when I received a photo of my granddaughter last week, it really put my head in the clouds. There she was, sitting at the controls of a jumbo jet liner headed for the east coast. Lights and buttons and switches surrounding her on every side, a smile on her face beaming confidence and joy. She was living the dream!

But wait, I forgot to mention that she is only two years old… and yet she is already living the dream! So maybe she wasn’t actually flying the plane, but she wasn’t scared either because even at only two years old she knew the man in the cockpit would control the plane, keep everyone safe, and get everyone to where they want to go.

Seeing that photo of her got me thinking… Knowing there is someone in control who will get us to where we want to go, is so awesome. But we have to make a choice. Do we board that plane and trust that pilot. Or even more important… Do we kneel down and trust the Lord to get us to where we want to go, or do we try to do it on our own? I know what I choice I would make!

Faith is the act of magnifying God, enlarging our vision of Him. 

Step into the cockpit to see where He sits and observe how He works. 

                                                                                       ~ Max Lucado                                                           

A Cool New Tool

When I do my job inspecting light poles with my ultrasonic equipment, sometimes the poles are buried in thick hedges or behind bushes. It can be a real nightmare. So I thought about it and decided to buy myself a really cool battery operated hedge trimmer… and it totally solved the problem! Which reminds me of what my Dad used to tell me, the right tool makes all the difference.

When I told my wife about my cool new tool, she kind of laughed and said, “You’ve always had a problem with bushes.” I wasn’t sure what she meant, so she explained that I often “beat around the bush” when I talk to people. You know what…she is right! However, I don’t think my cool new tool will help me with that problem.

My mistake is that I need to stop worrying so much about what people think and be more direct. My wife is a good example for me to follow because she is very straight forward and upfront with people. And I think people appreciate that because she is considerate, but also true to herself and very consistent.

So one of my New Year’s resolutions is to try to be more assertive and direct with people. And by that I mean communicating openly and honestly, expressing my thoughts and feelings clearly without beating around the bush, essentially saying exactly what I mean without trying to sugarcoat it or avoid sensitive topics. I already know it won’t be easy for me, because I was born “a salesman”. But as I mentioned in my last Monday Message, I value my relationships with people a lot, so anything I can do to improve in that area will be worth it. And to help me achieve that goal, I placed a small sticker on the back of my phone that simply says “BMD”(be more direct) as a reminder. I consider it to be the right tool and a cool new tool as well!

I think naturally, if you’re an actor, there’s a high level of assertiveness

 that you need to have to survive in this business. 

There’s boldness in being assertive, and there’s strength and confidence. 

~ Bryan Cranston