Extra Extraordinary

My wife and I were on vacation recently in Kauai and the weather, the sunshine, the ocean, and the rainbows were the best we have ever experienced. For a lot of reasons, our vacation was extra extraordinary! 

Unfortunately, my wife has been having a health issue for the last 6 weeks and it didn’t go away during the time we were on vacation. I felt so bad for her because she really needed a relaxing vacation after all the hard work she has done for her charity this year. I also felt lost and worthless because there was nothing I could do to help her. Let’s face it, if you are a loving partner, the worst thing in the world is to have to stand by and watch your spouse (or children) suffer.

That’s the thing about being a spouse or a parent. Your focus is on your loved ones, and it can be really difficult when things are not going well, especially when there’s nothing you can do about it. Or is there?

Last night, after cleaning up the garage and taking a shower, I thought about my wife and my family and how much they mean to me. But I’m just your average Joe, and I can’t fix everything that is wrong. And it’s so damn frustrating! But as I was thinking about my limitations, I also thought about a minor health issue going on with me that is freaking me out, on top of my worries about my wife. It was at that moment that a thought popped into my head. I don’t know where it came from, but it gave me goose bumps and made me feel a whole lot better. That simple thought was… “Don’t worry, God is with you”. I know that sounds overly simple, but I think that’s what I like about it. When you break it all down, there’s nothing to worry about if you have faith in an extra extraordinary God!

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7

Never Be Lonely

I saw a bumper sticker on a car last week that was pretty funny. It said, “If I give you a straw will you go suck the joy out of someone else’s life.” It reminded me of a time in my life when I had a really nice car… but a really hard life. It also reminded me of how I should live my life.

I was only 17 years old and living on my own in Fallbrook, California. After school I worked at a gas station out in the boonies on the corner of Hwy 76 and 395. I learned a lot about cars working there and since it was 1973 there were a lot of nice cars coming through the station. I saw Camaro’s, Mustangs, Dusters, Super Bee’s, and this one really cool Plymouth Road Runner that had a “For Sale” sign on it. I talked to the young Marine that owned it and he explained that he was being shipped overseas and needed to sell it fast. I made him an offer and later that day I was the proud owner of a metallic gold Road Runner with a 4-speed on the floor, chrome Cragar rims, and big Micky Thompson Indy tires. It looked like a race car, but rode like junker. But hey… I figured it might be a great girl magnet.

Truth is, my life was really hard at that time, living on my own, with no parents around. I went hungry a lot, and I was lonely all the time, but that car had one feature that made it stand out. It had a big red bumper sticker that said, “God is Love”. I thought about taking that bumper sticker off (because the kids at school would think I wasn’t cool), but every time I looked at it, it made me feel better and little less lonely, and that my life wasn’t really all that bad. I left that bumper sticker on until I finally sold that car, and as it drove away, I knew I would never be lonely again!

The best way to find love is to find God.

~ Anonymous

Things Are Looking Up

Twice a week I help my wife with babysitting our 2-year-old granddaughter. This past week I took her to a park area with a playground a couple of times and it was really fun for her…and surprisingly fun for me too. Seeing her eyes light up when she spots things she hasn’t seen before or hearing her laugh when she watches a little lizard run by, makes me laugh too.

However, I noticed something when she dropped her Mickey Mouse Doll and couldn’t find it. I didn’t know where it went, but she pointed it out to me underneath the slide because her viewpoint is so much closer to the ground than mine. So I looked where her finger was pointing, and then had to crawl on my stomach to reach the toy. While I’m down there, I realize that this is basically her current view of the world. I mean, when you’re only 28” tall, everything you see is mostly at ground level. That’s probably why we spent a lot of time looking at plants and flowers, picking up sticks, using the sticks to draw in the dirt, checking out the rocks, and laughing at the bugs and butterflies.

And that got me thinking… When we are young, we tend to focus on things down low and get excited by Mother Nature, and that’s a very a cool introduction to the world. But when we get older and have to face the all the difficult issues that come with adult life, we need to start looking up and get excited about Father God!

I thank God for this most amazing day, 

for the leaping greenly spirits of trees and a true-blue dream of sky. 

And for everything which is natural… which is infinite… which is He.

~ E. E. Cummings

It's Who You Know

I’ve been on vacation in Kauai for a couple of weeks, so I haven’t put out a Monday Message lately. But actually, being on vacation in such a uniquely beautiful place has given me a lot of ideas for future Monday Messages. 

For example… I love to golf at the Makai Course in Princeville, Kauai. It’s probably one of the top 10 most beautiful golf courses on earth. So I’ve played quite a few rounds while also getting to know a lot of the people that work there. Yesterday, I was paired up with a young couple that had never been to the Makai Course before. As we waited around for the starter to send us off, three different Makai employees walked by us and everyone of them said, “Aloha, Joe, how you doing?” And when the starter, Hideki, said we were good to go, he said, “Joe, will you please lead this young couple out to the 10^th tee box for me?” (The front nine was closed for construction).

On the way to the 10^th Tee box, an employee in a golf cart stopped and offered us some fresh pineapple. I took a few minutes to talk to her and thank her for the good treats. When we finally got to the 10^th tee and got ready to play, a maintenance worker also drove by us and said “Hi Joe” to me. I guess all that friendliness made an impression on the young couple I was with, because the young man said, “Wow! Does every person on this island know you?”

My response was - Well, the thing is, this is their home, this is where they live, work, and play. I’m just a visitor here. So I feel like it’s not important that they get to know me. What is important… is that I take the time to get to know them. Which is what I try to do.

And that got me thinking… You can expend a lot of energy trying to get noticed, or you can simply smile and be nice to people and their energy will often come right back to you!

Makai Golf Course, Princeville, Kauai

What can one person do? One person can prove false the notion that nobody cares.

 ~ Robert Brault

The Heat Is On

This has been the hottest summer I can ever remember. Problem is, my wife and I are both super busy and we can’t really avoid the heat. I have a parking lot light pole inspection business which includes pushing a heavy tool cart 10,000 steps a day on hot asphalt. And my wife has a charity which involves filling at least 100 suitcases each month with clothing and essentials for foster children, which she does in our hot garage.

Okay, I’m basically a guy’s guy, so I’m not about to complain about a little bit of heat. Although the other day it was 110 degrees at Westlake Village Plaza and the sole on my right shoe basically melted and separated, which then made flapping noises as I walked. I looked and sounded stupid for quite a while but then hey… there’s nothing a little duct tape can’t fix!

Anyway, that’s not the problem. The problem is that I worry about my wife overheating while lifting heavy suitcases in our garage. So I decided that I would write her a love poem on my way home and my plan was to get her an ice-cold glass of tea and then recite the poem to her as soon as she came in from the garage to cheer her up. I must say the idea had merit, but unfortunately the execution was lacking … mainly because the poem sucked! But you know what… the heat was on then, and the heat is on now!

 

When we first met it’s like you were the universe
and I was merely some dust

who got to experience your beauty,
once I shook off the rust.

 

So I extended my hand to this angel from heaven

and was very surprised to find,

that it was instantly met by another 

so soft, warm, and kind.

Make Your Bed

I love my wife because she’s beautiful inside and out and makes me happy in so many ways. But one thing I’ve noticed over the years is that although we are alike in some ways, we are very different in others.

For example, she likes to do laundry every single day. If it were up to me it would probably be once a month. Sometimes I can’t even get both legs out of my pants before she is trying to throw them in the washing machine. And when it comes to the sheets on our bed, she washes them at least every other day, which seems to me like a lot of work…but I don’t argue I just follow directions. Besides, it makes her happy and that’s a big part of my job as her husband!

So she washes the sheets, and I help her by making the bed. And when I do I make it right and pull it tight. I’m guess I’m kind of a perfectionist that way. But it’s also because my Dad was a Captain in the Marine Corps and that’s the way he taught me to do it. But then last week, I read something written by a Navy Seal and it finally explains why making your bed is so important. Who knew?

“Every morning in basic SEAL training, my instructors, who at the time were all Viet Nam veterans, would show up in my barracks room and the first thing they would do was inspect our beds. If you did it right, the corners would be square, the covers pulled tight, the pillow centered just under the headboard and the extra blanket folded neatly at the foot of the rack—rack—that’s Navy talk for bed.

It was a simple task - mundane at best. But every morning we were required to make our bed to perfection. It seemed a little ridiculous at the time, particularly in light of the fact that were aspiring to be real warriors, tough battle-hardened SEALs - but the wisdom of this simple act has been proven to me many times over.

If you make your bed every morning you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another.

By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter. Let’s face it - If you can’t do the little things right, you will never do the big things right.

And, if by chance you have a miserable day, you will come home to a bed that is made—that you made—and a made bed gives you encouragement that tomorrow will be better. If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed!”

So this morning I made the bed, and my wife did the laundry, and I thought…If you truly find the right person to share your life and labor with… you’ve got a much better chance of changing the world!

Without labor, nothing prospers. 

~ Sophocles

Perfect Timing

Have you ever heard the saying, “Timing is everything”? I have, and I believe it applies to a lot of things in life, both good and bad.

Just over four years ago, Covid slammed headfirst into us and put a halt to just about everything that was formally part of our normal lives. The work stoppage happened immediately, confounding my efforts to get a new business off the ground. I couldn’t visit clients for fear of contracting (or spreading) the virus, so I found myself floundering and frustrated. That’s when my golf journey truly started.

I couldn’t work, but I could go to the golf course and work out my frustrations on a little white ball. I had played golf on and off for years, and really liked it. So I was glad to have it as a fun option. Problem was finding someone to golf with. That’s where the timing thing comes in.

I showed up extremely early one morning knowing I would get paired up with strangers. Strangers who may or may not want me joining their group. In fact, the previous week I got paired up with a father and son. But the father asked me not to play so he could spend quality time with his son. I understood, but I also has to stand there for over an hour before finally getting paired up with a three-some that didn’t speak English. Not a lot of fun. But this time, instead of strangers, one of my best friends from my Halo Baseball Club days was standing on the first tee with his wife and another buddy. They needed a fourth and as luck (and timing) would have it, I was at the right place at the right time.

Our foursome has now played golf together almost every single Wednesday since that fateful day we “accidentally” got paired up. And every time we play a round of golf, I love it more and more. Our friendships have grown, my golf game has improved, and my outlook on life is more positive for several reasons, not the least of which is I get to play a game outdoors, in a beautiful environment, with people I really enjoy. I look forward to it every week. But was it “divine timing”, or was it an accident?

Hard to say for sure, but I remember another saying that’s popular. “When one door closes, another one opens.” Covid may have shut the door on a lot of our normal social activities, and it may have temporarily closed the door on my business at the worst possible time. But it was no accident that I got paired up with the perfect people because I’m pretty sure God is a scratch golfer whose His timing is always perfect!   

“Few golfers are born with the natural talent for hitting the ball, 

but every player is blessed with the God-given ability to throw a club.”

~ Henry Beard

The Future Looks Bright

Not long ago I sat at my desk for a very long time and wrote a compelling Monday Message about the Millennial Generation. I wrote it because I wanted to make a point about work ethic and how important it is for the future of our society. Unfortunately, Millennials have been characterized as being entitled and wanting all the benefits without having to work hard. I don’t believe that’s necessarily a fair characterization because as the father of four Millennial children, all four have made their way in this world, faced a ton of trials, and ended up as extremely productive citizens that I am very proud of. 

Okay, so maybe some Millennials are hard workers, and some not so much. But I’ve also noticed some are very smart. In fact, if you look up the definition of Millennials you will find they are often characterized as being progressive, tech-savvy, and the most socially connected generation of all time. I think only time will tell if they are able to use their technology and social media connections to truly better the world. I, for one, am rooting for them.

But just in case they don’t, there is another generation, Gen Z, following close behind them that is already showing tremendous potential. How do I know that? Because I have several grandchildren that age who are kind and considerate. Okay, so you think I’m prejudiced, and maybe I am just a little. But yesterday there were two young Gen Z kids in my garage (not members of my family) dropping off big fat envelopes of cash to wife for her charity program that supports Foster Children. Apparently, they got together, along with another friend, and came up with the idea to set up a lemonade stand as a way to raise money. And I don’t know if it was the lemonade, or their cute faces, or the flyers explaining the reason behind their efforts that got them so much attention. But whatever it was, it worked!

It's impossible to predict what the future will look like. But from where I sit, it looks pretty bright to me!

“Be humble. Be hungry. And always be the hardest worker in the room.”

                                                                                                                    ~ Dwayne Johnson

She Seemed Happy

I try not to judge people because I know it’s wrong. But it’s a hard thing not to do sometimes.

For example, last week my wife and I went to the R&D Restaurant at Fashion Island in Newport Beach for lunch. They are famous for their exceptional cuisine, and we haven’t been there in years, so we were really looking forward to it.  Unfortunately, it was super crowded with the all of the high finance and upper-level businesspeople that work in the super tall ivory skyscrapers that encircle Newport Center.

So we thought about it and decided to order “lunch to go”. Like I said, it was really busy, and every table was full, so we waited outside the entrance. I didn’t really mind waiting because the people-watching was undeniably interesting. There was the guy with perfectly groomed hair and perfectly trimmed nails, wearing an expensive suit, but I think he forgot to put socks on. Oh wait, that’s a style, right? And there were numerous young women dressed to the nines, wearing uncomfortably high shoes, carrying uncomfortably expensive purses. Funny thing was… none of them were smiling. In fact, at times it almost seemed like a contest and the stress of “looking best” was getting to them. None of them seemed happy.

But when I got up to stretch my legs, I noticed a woman all by herself. She wasn’t heading into the R&D Restaurant. She was instead busy working in the courtyard next to it. She was an older woman, with a gray ponytail under a gray baseball cap, and instead of a Versace handbag, she had a broom in her hand. She was sweeping leaves off of the courtyard but there was a bit of a breeze, so every time she swept the leaves one step forward, they would blow two steps back. I saw her dilemma, but I also noticed her determination. She swept faster, and she swept harder, and after 15 minutes she finally got all those leaves back into the planter area.

When our lunch was ready we picked it up and headed to the parking lot. As we passed by the ritzy Neiman Marcus Store and the fancy Lugano Diamonds Store with their high-priced jewelry on display, I saw her again. She was emptying a trash can next to the sidewalk. As I walked by, I thought about her work ethic, how even though most of the time nobody notices her, she probably works hard all the time, taking pride in doing a good job. As I walked by, she looked up and smiled. She seemed happy.

There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes.

~ William J. Bennet

Better Days

I messed up last week and had a bad day. And it’s not the first time.

It started when I was just a little kid playing with matches. I told my Dad a lie, that it wasn’t me. It felt bad to lie to my Dad, but I was scared and didn’t want him to be mad at me.

As I grew to become a teenager, my sins grew as well. One time, I “borrowed” the neighbor’s jeep when he was on vacation and took it for a quick joy ride. He noticed it had been driven, said something to my Dad about it, but I never confessed. My Dad was a good man, my neighbor was a good man. But I was not a man yet. And that wasn’t the only thing I did wrong as a teenager.

When I finally became a man, with a wife and child, I changed a lot. And so did my sins. My mistakes were now wrapped around things like greed, lust, and jealousy. You know, adult type sins. Bigger sins. Sins that at times, made me very ashamed of myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never been what you would consider a bad person. I never intentionally hurt anyone, or stole from anyone, or tried to cause anybody a problem. In fact, I went out of my way to be generous and help others with my time, money, and energy. Still do. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t mess up then and that I don’t mess up now. And when I do, I always think back and ask myself, “Why did I do that?” Knowing the answer to that question is extremely important.

I found the answer to that question one day when I was still in my thirties. I’ll never forget that day, nor the sin that I committed. I was super upset at myself, super sad, and feeling completely alone. So I went for a walk, a very long walk, until I finally sat down on a huge rock on the side of the road. I was in a lot of pain. I felt lost and couldn’t stop crying. I felt so totally alone, but then I remembered what the pastor at our church told us, “We are never truly alone.” So I bowed my head, confessed my sin, and asked for forgiveness. I also prayed for the wisdom and strength to avoid that type of mistake again. It felt good to confess and to admit the reason I messed up. I realized that day that knowing why we make mistakes is the first step to avoiding them. I also realized that I don’t need to be scared that He will be mad at me. The very next day… was a much better day!

And you asked me what I want this year

And I’ll try to make this kind and clear

Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud
'Cause everyone is forgiven now
Tonight's the night the world begins again.

~ from the song "Better Days" by the Goo Goo Dolls

LIFE LESSON NUMBER ONE

My two grandchildren who live in Spokane, WA, have been staying with us for the past two weeks as part of their summer vacation. They are 11 and 14, which are fun ages, and just to prove it… we have already been to Wild Rivers, Laser Tag, Disneyland, and of course “In-And-Out” Burger multiple times. My wallet might be empty, but my stomach sure is full! 

We’ve had a lot of fun and we’ve talked a ton, and I have to say that I’ve learned a few things from both of them. For example I now know more about Taylor Swift than I ever thought possible, and I learned that the wrong type of mouse when you are gaming can make you less than swift. But as I learned things from them, I also pondered what can I teach them in return? What one important life lesson could I share with them that might help them the most as they grow into adults and get hit by raging real world reality?

Yesterday, my grandson and I were talking about baseball, and he asked to see my MSBL World Series Ring. I said, “Sure”, happy to show off that big shiny ring and regale him with stories about the thrill of victory. However, I had to think about where it was. I hadn’t taken it out or looked at it for years, but when I finally found it in the bottom of my sock drawer, it gave me an idea for a truly important life lesson.

I had already shared with my grandson the story of my own personal baseball journey. How I sucked at it for 10 straight years until one day, when I made three errors and struck out three times in a row and said to myself… that’s the last time I’m gonna fail! I hired myself a coach, took a thousand ground balls, and hit baseballs until my hands bled, and eventually got good enough to be asked to join a select team of ballplayers headed to the MSBL World Series in Phoenix.

That’s a good life lesson in itself, that practice and hard work can lead to success. But that’s not the important lesson. The real lesson, the most important lesson that I learned from playing baseball, had to do with relationships, not RBI’s. I made friends on my baseball team who will be my friends for life. They picked me up when I was down, and I did the same for them. Many times we went home bleeding, but smiling, sharing a love for the game, and a love for each other. To this day, if any one of my baseball buddies called me and needed my help, I would be there for them faster than a four-seamer down the middle. To this day we still stay in touch, we still love baseball, and we still love each other. Rings can rust and trophies can get trashed, but a true friend is better than a “Double-Double with Animal Fries” any day!

Remember two things, play hard and have fun!

~ Tony Gwynn, Hall of Fame Baseball Player

Long Distance Connections

My wife and I were recently on vacation in South Lake Tahoe, and for the first time in months we were truly relaxing. The first morning I woke up at 5:24am and I realized I am not working - for a change - so my hands were empty. Instead of busy hands, I was staring out the window of a country style cabin with a gorgeous view of Lake Tahoe. The air was clear, the pine trees were tall, and the water was the brightest blue I have ever seen. It was so pretty there I couldn’t wait for my family to wake up and join me for a hike to a beautiful little hidden gem called Lake Angora. 

I felt blessed and happy because about half of my children and grandchildren were able to join up with us. My oldest daughter and her family drove up from Orange County. They have three children plus a new 20-month-old baby daughter who is absolutely overflowing with personality. And my oldest son and his wife and two awesome kids drove almost 900 miles from Spokane, Washington, to join us. We don’t get to see them very often, so we were excited to spend time with them. I mean, we call, and we text, and we facetime with them, but it’s not the same as actually spending time together. Being long distance from the people you love, and friends you care about, can make it hard to feel connected.  

So now that I am back home, I know I need to make the effort to stay in touch with my family and friends. Especially with my grandson who lives in Denver that I only get to see once or twice a year, and my other grandson who lives not too far away in Riverside, but I still don’t see him enough. I love them both and would love to spend more time with them, but I struggle to make that happen. I don’t want to lose my connection with them or my connection with my grandkids in Spokane, nor do I want to lose my connection with so many of my family and friends who have moved away. Why? Because when I think about it, being connected to people I care about brings me a lot of joy!

Not long ago, I wrote a Monday Message where I criticized people for being on their phones so much. But now that I think about it, I’m glad we can have our phones in our hands so that we can use them to talk to and feel connected to our loved ones. But I am also grateful that I don’t even need a phone to connect with God, I just need my two hands empty… clasped together.

Angora Lake

The strange thing about seeing someone for the first time in ten years, is the way they look totally different, just for a second, a split second, and then they look like they always have, as if no time has passed between you.

~ Rainbow Rowell

 

When Life Changes (By Debby Thrailkill)

With a few harsh words, his life changed forever. He hadn’t meant the cursory string of consonants and vowels that slipped quietly past his lips, and unfortunately into the ears of nearby coworkers. It was forgotten instantly, an almost thoughtless moment, as quick as the sting of a bee… the result far more painful.

My friend’s ill-timed utterance cost him a highly valued job at a premier California destination Resort. It was his dream job, one that he competed for and worked hard at for many years. He loved it to his core. And just like that it was gone. For weeks he was devastated, angry at himself, shocked, empty, motionless.

Before this happened, life hadn’t exactly been a bed of roses. He worked tirelessly six days a week at two jobs; The second job provided extra money so that he could afford to keep the coveted lower paying position at the Resort that he loved. And then his father suddenly passed away just as he was on a transcontinental flight to be with his Dad over the holidays. The time meant for a family reunion and celebration… was instead spent in crisis management and grieving.

We never know what tomorrow will bring. My friend certainly never expected this turn of events. I know it’s important to try to help others when they are in need, but after listening to his story, offering support was the best I could do. But then I was pleased to hear that he was taking steps to forge a new path. Although it was an unwanted fresh start, he was bravely holding his head up and beginning to move on. I am proud of him for facing this challenge head on.

We all face great challenges when life suddenly changes. All God given days, every second of them, are the greatest blessing. And knowing you have a friend to listen and encourage you can be important to healing. So remember, when your day is going great, finding time to be a friend will fill your heart, as well as theirs.

If you need me, I am here. If you don’t, I will still be here.

~ Anonymous

Standing Tall

In honor of Father’s Day…

No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.

                                           ~ Abraham Lincoln

My Best Work

I was born one month prematurely and have been in a hurry ever since. I guess you could say I’ve always had a lot of energy and maybe that’s why my wife calls me the energizer bunny. I just can’t sit still when I’m at home and always need to be doing something. That’s great for productivity but it isn’t always great for relationships or life in general. However, I have noticed that certain things about me have slowed down in a good way as I’ve gotten older.

Yesterday brought that thought into clarity. I was driving my truck and accidentally hit one of the buttons on the steering wheel. It changed my “view” on my dashboard and brought up “engine conditions”, which is something I have never looked at before. The first thing I noticed was that my total driving hours to date were 908 hours and my total idling hours were 298. Apparently I’m spending nearly one-third of my time just idling. That’s a way higher percentage than I would have guessed and at first it made me think of all the time I’m wasting, and that really annoyed me.

But the more I thought about it, the more it occurred to me that I do my best thinking when I am idling. In fact, when I’m stuck in a traffic jam, I often take a moment to put my hands together at the top of my steering wheel and talk to God. I like to ask Him how he’s doing. I converse with Him, let him know I appreciate his help, and ask Him to watch over my friends and family. And I always end the conversation by listing all the blessings I am thankful for. And when I do that, and realize how truly blessed I am, the traffic issues never seem so bad.

So what am I saying? I guess I am saying that I realize I have a limited amount of time on this earth and it’s good to be productive. But sometimes, when it’s quiet and the world slows down just for a little bit, that’s when I do my best work!

We spend half our life trying to find something to do - 

with the time we have rushed through life - 

trying to save.

~ Will Rogers

Decisions, Decisions

I have seven grandchildren and three of them are now teenagers. Being around them reminds me of when I was a teenager, and I have to say… that was a really difficult time in my life. A time when I had to make a lot of difficult decisions.

When I was 16, my parents moved from San Diego to San Francisco. I chose to stay behind… and they let me. I stayed in High School and for the most part I still got good grades. But I had to work every single day after school and most weekends just to have enough money to survive. Working and living on my own exposed me to a lot of adult situations that I was too young to handle. I saw things I didn’t want to see, like my drunk boss at a gas station rip people off. And I experienced things I should never have experienced at 16, like having the Iron Horsemen motorcycle gang come into the gas station where I worked alone, late at night, and gas up without paying.

Being young, naïve, and inexperienced was a handicap. But so was living on my own without parents. Sure I would call them once in a while, but I never wanted them to know I was scared and struggling, so I would just say I was fine. But I wasn’t fine and some of the decisions I made were terrible. I still cringe when I think about my stupid mistakes, but I also realize that if I would have had an older person to talk to, someone I trusted to give me advice, I could have avoided a lot of painful mistakes. I wish I would have had a “Mr. Miyagi” like in “The Karate Kid” to give me advice, but I didn’t.

Mr. Miyagi dolled out some pretty sage advice. For example, “First learn stand, then learn fly.” That was his advice to take things one step at a time. I didn’t have a mentor back then, but I can be a mentor now. And if you have a few young people in your life, don’t be afraid to reach out and offer them some sage advice. They may not take it… but then again… they might!

Some of the wiser advice I have received over the years…

•  Forget the mistakes of others and forgive yourself the mistakes you make.
•  Keep your temper and shoulder the blame when appropriate.
•  Think first, act accordingly, and maintain high standards.
•  Put the needs of others before your own.
•  And lastly, listen to advice!

“Never put passion in front of principle. Even if you win, you lose."

~ Mr. Miyagi

Never Coming Back

One of the first Monday Messages I ever wrote was just before Memorial Day in 2007. It was 17 years ago, but the message is still just as profound and important today. God bless our servicemen and women, and their families who sacrifice so much for the rest of us!

 

May 28th, 2007

Monday Message #21 – Never Coming Back

I live in a very nice home located in a gated community. I wear nice clothes, drive a nice car, and have a wonderful family including my four children and three grandchildren. My friend, Bill, has a life that is pretty much the same. He is a Senior Vice President at Vineyard Bank, lives in a beautiful neighborhood, drives a nice car, and has a wonderful family as well, including his two beloved sons.

Except there is one difference between us. I have two sons and two daughters and Bill only has two sons. And there is one other difference. Three years ago Bill’s oldest son, Justin, joined the Army and at age 21 went off to fight in the war in Iraq. But Justin didn’t come back… and he is never coming back!

The good news is that Bill has another son, Cameron, his baby. Cameron is a good young man, but he hasn’t been the same since his brother died. I gave Cameron a job working for my company, and he worked hard. But his heart wasn’t in it and he quit two weeks ago. Cameron always looked up to his big brother, loved his big brother, and admired his big brother. Bill says Cameron decided to follow in his brother’s footsteps and just completed basic training. He will be shipping out to Iraq shortly. I couldn’t believe it at first. I saw the pain in Bill’s eyes and heard the crack in his voice when he told me he his son had been killed. His suffering was so severe and so transparent, I could taste it. And now he is watching his baby, his only other child, go off to war again. I don’t ask why… I just offer my support.

My grandfather was a Major in the USMC, and my father served as a Captain in the USMC, so I support our military and all they stand for. I understand the need to defend our country and to defend the world from terrorism. But the one thing I don’t understand, because it hasn’t happened to me, is what it feels like to lose a child, to lose a loved one in a war. And that got me thinking…

 If everyone single person on earth understood what it’s like to have a child killed in war,

then perhaps there wouldn’t be any more wars!

                        

 

You Just Never Know

I realized many years ago that life is a series of decisions. In the beginning, Adam and Eve were gifted with the power of choice, and for a while they used good judgement and made many good decisions… there was that one time when they used really bad judgement, and it has haunted them (and us) ever since!

But here we are, with the power to choose, to decide, and to judge everything (and everyone for that matter) all day long. It is a necessary evil, but not necessarily evil. I think the difference might be in when we judge, and not why we judge.

Let me give you an example. My wife bid on a round of golf at the exclusive Shady Canyon Golf Club in Irvine at a charity auction. It was expensive, but the money was going to charity and she and I love to golf. We ended up winning the bid and were contacted by the Member who donated the round. I was glad to get a chance to play golf at such a prestigious golf course, but then I found out we would have to play with the Member and not on our own. When I found out the Member was 76 years old, my first thought was, “This guy is either going to be a really slow-moving oldster, or he’s going to be one of those rich, arrogant guys, who looks down his nose at us “public” riff raff golfers. And in my infinite wisdom I was thinking this may not be very much fun. But then again, I was prejudging someone I had never met, and that’s a bad decision on my part.

The gentleman that joined us for golf, we’ll call him “Mister B”, was absolutely amazing! He was polite, courteous, and helpful when we arrived. He toured us around the facility, cracking clever jokes, smiling and shaking hands with everyone we came across. He was obviously well liked, and well known, and when we started playing golf, I discovered that he’s also one hell of a golfer. The man shot 39 on the front nine alone, while focusing on us and providing us with entertainment and golf tips all along the way. It was one of the most enjoyable rounds of golf I have ever experienced, and it was totally due to the kindness and over-the-top attention shown to us by Mister B.

But that wasn’t all. After the round we sat down for a few minutes and Mister B told us about his passion for doing charity work and especially anything that involves helping children. He then asked my wife about her charity that provides clothing and essentials for foster children and before we had even gotten up from the table, Mister B had given my wife a very generous donation for her charity. Wow! I could not have been more wrong about someone, and I learned something. We should never “prejudge” anyone before we meet them, because people are like a box of chocolates, you just never know what you’re gonna get!

Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are.

~ Wayne Dyer

Make A Difference

When my wife and I owned our first company, it grew to where we had over 100 employees. Some employees were really great, they cared about their jobs, and they cared about the customers we served. They made a difference! Other employees would struggle, and I remember my wife saying, “They’re just not engaged with their job.” Kind of a funny expression, but I get what she meant. 

I thought about that term this past week because I’m starting to realize the importance of being “engaged” with the strangers we meet. For example, I was at a Dollar Tree Store on Tuesday, picking up dozens and dozens of toothbrushes, toothpaste, combs, hairbrushes, etc. for my wife’s foster child program. Normally, the cashiers are pretty slow and kind of groan when I approach with a cart that has over a hundred items. But the young lady that waited on me smiled when I approached. On top of that, she was lightning fast and great at bagging it all up. When she was done, I took a minute to complement her and explain how foster children are really going to appreciate all the goodies and clothes packed in their new suitcases. The cashier went quiet for a minute, then smiled at me and said, “I was a foster kid and it really sucked. So you’re doing a good thing.” I smiled at that and left thinking, I just made a new friend.

Another example was on Friday when I made a quick stop at a liquor store in Mission Viejo to buy some milk and eggs. When I was paying for it, I mentioned to the clerk, who was a middle eastern man, that my wife was a really good cook, and for that matter a really great woman. Basically way too good for the likes of me. He laughed and said, “Same with me!” And then somehow we got into a conversation about people and faith, and he asked me if I was a Christian. I answered yes, and he said, “Me too.” It surprised me and he explained to me that a lot of Muslim people have converted to Christianity. He then asked me questions about my faith, and I ended up telling him the story of how I helped install a 33’ cross of top of a mountain. That’s when he smiled and showed me the gold cross hanging around his neck. Here again, I left feeling like I just made a new friend.

I see people everywhere on their cell phones and  constantly checking and posting on social media. And I think it’s great that we have a powerful tool that enables us to communicate so easily. But real power comes when we actually engage with people face to face, that’s when each and every one of us can truly make a difference! 

Strangers are just friends, waiting to happen. 

~ Rod McKuen