The Four T's

Last week I ran into a friend that I hadn’t seen in years. We’ll call him George but that’s not his real name. George and I have been friends for over 35 years, so we sat and talked a while, catching up on each other’s lives. We laughed and joked about the good old days, and it felt really great to see him. But then my friend turned serious for a moment. He told me that he was upset with me… and then he told me why.

I think personal relationships, whether between family, friends, or a spouse are the most complicated things we have to navigate in life. But when it’s all said and done, relationships are what truly matter most. They determine our legacy and often, in some ways, mirror our relationship with God.

I read somewhere that relationships consist of the four T’s, and it starts with Trust.

Trust is crucial. Without trust their can be no relationship.

Time is important. If we don’t make time for our family, or friends, we won’t have any.

Talk helps. Whether on the phone or better yet in person, communication counts, especially listening.

Touch is also important as it can be loving and healing, and almost always helps to create a bond.

I like to think of myself as a good and loyal friend to all I know. I say that about myself because I know that whenever a family member or friend has ever called me for help, I have been there for them. I enjoy helping others, it just feels good as it should. But what if they don’t… call me?

About three years ago, George was going through a hard time. He called and told me he was really upset about his job. He said he was trying to buy a new home in a different county, but needed to step back from his job and either look for a new company to work for or switch industries. His Mother-in-Law just passed away, his brother also passed away, and his Father was elderly and really sick. We talked for a long time that day and I told him to call me if there was anything I could do. But you know what I didn’t do, I didn’t call him again to check on him for a really long time. For several years. Shame on me!

And that got me thinking… Being a good friend or spouse, father or mother, brother or sister, has to be an active verb. It has to mean action. It has to mean that people can trust you to make time for them when they need you, talk to them and listen to their troubles, and reach out and touch them to show that you care. I failed with George, but I learned a lesson… I will not fail to take action next time!

There is no friend like the old friend, who has shared our morning days.

No greeting like his welcome,  no homage like his praise.

Fame is the scentless sunflower, with gaudy crown of gold.

But friendship is the breathless rose, with sweets in every fold.

~ Oliver Wendell Holmes