Pro-XL

I know I’m going to screw up… it’s just a matter of time! Let’s face it, I’m just your average Joe with lots of faults. You know, the typical guy who forgets to take out the trash, drags sand into the house every 5 minutes, and leaves dirty sponges on the counter. I don’t mean to screw up, but I’m human and all of us humans (sorry ladies) make mistakes and occasionally irritate each other sometimes. So it dawned on me that with the Coronavirus forcing a lot of us to stay home, my chances of irritating my spouse have exponentially increased. We are now starting our 7^th week of being home together 24/7, and even though we love each other very much… that much togetherness can be tough at times.

Realizing that I am not perfect and that I’m never going to be perfect, means I’m going to keep making mistakes no matter how hard I try. Bummer! But there is good news because there is something we can do about it, something that we can all do to help the situation. I’m going to call it Pro-XL, a “Proactive Expression of Love”. I got the idea from my wife!

This might sound a little gross, but bear with me. My wife uses the master bedroom bathroom, and I use the guest bathroom. (That way I stay out of her hair!) Recently we started running low on toilet paper, so I switched to Kleenex so she wouldn’t run out. Yesterday morning, I noticed my wife had refilled the toilet paper roll in my bathroom. A small gesture maybe, but I know how important toilet paper is to her, so I know it was a big sacrifice on her part. Maybe she still loves me in spite of my faults!

Later that day, our bad neighbor (remember my last Monday message) was making it difficult for us to sit on our own patio. So my wife asked me if we could take our beach chairs and go sit by the water. So while she was changing clothes, I got a beach towel and two chairs and set them up on the sand. Then I snuck out to our garden and picked the prettiest rose I could find and placed it in her chair as a surprise. A small gesture to some maybe, but as far as I am concerned it was a fun way to proactively express my love and make some brownie points, because let’s face it, I know I’m going to need them.

And that got me thinking… for many years I was in the lighting maintenance business and discovered that if I took a proactive approach to maintenance, meaning fixing things before they broke, my customers really appreciated it. So why can’t that work the same way in a marriage!

His!

Hers!

The love in your heart wasn’t put there to stay. Love isn’t love until you give it away.

~ Anonymous

Just a Thought

This past week I celebrated my 65^th birthday and thought, wow… how the heck did that happen? Obviously, it wasn’t a typical birthday celebration due to the Coronavirus, but I still thought it was great because one of my kids called me first thing in the morning to wish me Happy Birthday and then later on I got to actually see my other three kids (and assorted grandkids), albeit from a distance. My family is really important to me, so all day long my thoughts were on them, which was great because it kept me from having depressing thoughts about all the crazy Corona crap going on right now.

Thoughts. Isn’t it funny how important our thoughts are, especially in challenging times. Our thoughts are always in motion, always fluid, sometimes going in the right direction, sometimes going in the wrong direction. But thoughts always precede action and if they don’t, that’s when we’re usually in trouble. (Explains why…when I’m in trouble with my wife, I always say, “I’m sorry, honey, I just wasn’t thinking!)

So wouldn’t it be great if we could control our thoughts better and wash out the negative ones? For example, I keep having really bad thoughts about some really bad things I want to do to my neighbor. The problem is that we have a horrible neighbor who acts like there is no such thing as Covid-19. He and his wife sit on their back patio, just two feet away from our small patio, drinking every evening and smoking big cigars. Their cigar smoke blows right across our patio and into our home. So with the virus going on, every evening my wife (who is super high risk due to lung issues) and I have to retreat into our home and close all the windows. Talk about “cabin-fever”. But that’s not all. This same neighbor has a jacuzzi on the roof of their three-story mansion and two days ago they were up their partying at 1:00am in the morning, tossing empty beer cans down onto the roof of our house. And those are only two of the smaller problems they create for us on a regular basis.

But getting back to controlling my thoughts better. I haven’t acted on any of my bad thoughts…yet! But just having bad thoughts makes me feel rotten inside, like I’ve been poisoned by the bad actions of a few bad apples. I don’t want those bad apples to keep making me have bad thoughts, and I definitely don’t want to act on them because that would go against my Christian faith. So I did some research,

- The first concept I discovered is… “What we focus on, we magnify”. So, I guess we shouldn’t focus on the negative because when we do, we make the problem bigger than it really is.

- The second concept isn’t complicated either… “All people are flawed human beings, me included.” So, before I judge people, I guess I better stop and take a hard look at myself first.

Combining those two concepts led me to realize that the power doesn’t lie with my bad neighbor. I alone have the power to control my thoughts and my actions. So, from now on, when rotten apples (or beer cans) fall from the sky, I’m going to redirect my thoughts and focus on what an awesome family I have… And then I’m going to invite all of them over, hand out cigars, and turn up the freakin’ music! (Just kidding!)

Give people the grace to be human.

~ Max Lucado

I Can Only Imagine

Today marks the 30^th straight day that my wife and I have been “locked down” at home due to the Coronavirus. We’ve stopped complaining about it because we recognize that we are a lot better off than most people. I heard about a man yesterday who said, “My 81-year-old Mother has the virus and my Dad is in a convalescent home and I can’t visit either one of them. Plus, my wife and I both lost our jobs and we’re running out of money. That man is not alone, so my heart goes out to everyone struggling.

In fact, not only have we stopped complaining, we’ve even started using our time more wisely. For example, we made a calendar with our hopeful end date for the lock down. Then we taped it to the wall in our living room and started crossing off the days. Next, we surrounded it with large white cards with things we can do to make better use of our time, while also having some fun. Things like, learn a new language, work out, ride bikes, read a novel, paint a picture, watch movies, and play music.

Speaking of movies and music, on Saturday we watched a wonderful movie that combined music, hope and faith. It told the story of how one person overcame a horrible childhood through his love for music. It was called, “I Can Only Imagine” and not only did it change the life of the man who wrote the hit song of the same name, it also changed the lives of millions of listeners by helping them get through their tough times as well.

And that got me thinking… Yesterday was Easter Sunday. We couldn’t go to church. We couldn’t go visit our kids or grand kids. We couldn’t have my wife’s parents over for dinner or even go out for dinner. Obviously, our world is going through unprecedented times of trouble right now and we don’t know when it will end… but we do know that it will end! And when it does, I can only imagine the joy we will experience from getting to do all the little things that we love to do… with our loved ones!  

I can only imagine

What it will be like

When I walk by your side

I can only imagine

What my eyes will see

When your face is before me

I can only imagine

I can only imagine

~ Bart Millard 

Bright Spots

It was 20 years ago that my wife first started having trouble breathing. It seemed minor at first, but then it gradually got worse until one day she collapsed to the floor struggling to breathe. I rushed her to the hospital and after undergoing a lot of tests, she had laparoscopic surgery to repair a genetic lung disorder that created “blips” (small tears) in her lungs.

The surgery seemed to work, but a year later her lung issues came back, and they came back with a vengeance. I must have rushed her to the hospital at least 8 times and twice I had to call 911 for help. Unfortunately, the doctors couldn’t figure out what to do. Finally, in 2002, it got so bad that she ended up at the Mission Hospital ICU. That’s when our prayers were answered thanks to an older surgeon, Dr. Chino, who said he knew what to do. After the operation, my wife had to stay in the hospital for at least two weeks, so it was a super stressful time for us. With 4 children to take care of and a wife that may or may not recover, I found myself struggling to cope. But I started praying every day and somehow came up with the idea to start writing a journal. At first it was about how much I loved my wife, but as I wrote a story each day, it became life lessons that I could share with my kids. For 12 straight days I stayed at the hospital, sleeping on the floor next to her bed, holding her hand, praying for her to recover, and writing stories to take my mind off my worries. My wife survived thanks to Dr. Chino, my kids survived thanks to our in-laws, and I survived thanks to my faith and something that you might now recognize as Monday Messages.

Remembering that time got me thinking… We are in a super stressful time right now. Most of us are trapped in our homes, unable to visit friends, unable to go to work, unable to go to school, unable to socialize with anyone outside the people we live with. We are tired, bored and scared… and that fear we feel is valid because we don’t know what the future holds. But if I learned anything from that traumatic period I went through with my wife’s health problems, it’s that there will always be bright spots even in the darkest moments. Yesterday, for example, I wrote page one… of my first ever… full length book.

We must embrace trouble and pain… 

and burn them as fuel for our journey.

~ Kenji Miyazawa