Love Actually

My wife’s birthday was on Saturday and since we’ve been together for over 25 years, I wanted to do something special for her. I know this sounds corny, but it’s also kind of romantic. I bought her a diamond ring (actually a round bracelet with diamonds on it), and then I wrote out a marriage proposal (actually it was more like a will you stay married to me forever proposal), and then I got down on one knee and recited my proposal by memory (actually I messed it up at one point but then finally got through it). And guess what, she actually said Yes!

Why am I so happy to be married to this woman? I can give you a million reasons but let me just say that her wisdom far exceeds that of anyone I’ve ever met. She always gives me and everyone else great advice, and sometimes I actually take it! I can prove how wise she is because I asked her some difficult questions on her 40^th birthday (actually she might be older than 40 but I can’t put her real age down in writing). Her answers were quite telling.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received? If you don’t have something nice to say, don't say anything.

How should a person handle getting older? Naturally, gracefully, find your own voice.

What’s the best way to handle criticism? Thoughtfully.

What is the secret to a happy marriage? Being able to consistently put yourself second.

Is it ever okay to lie? No.

What role should vanity play in a person’s life? Give yourself 10 minutes in the morning, that’s it.

What human quality do you most admire? Generosity.

What human quality do you most deplore? Getting energy from hurting others.

What advice would you give your younger self? Leave mean people out of your life, family or not.

How should a person handle regret? Learn from it and move on.

What’s the best cure for heartache? Time, and maybe a little more time.

What adventure most changed your life? Meeting my husband.

Will you be my wife for the rest of my life? Yes.

Why? Love actually!

Love one another and you will be happy. It’s as simple and as difficult as that.

~ Michael Leunig 

Everyday Hero

As I write this, my wife and I are on vacation, staying in an awesome rental home on the beautiful island of Kauai. The stress started to melt away the moment we stepped off the plane and felt the warm tropical humidity and the smell of the sweet plumeria flowers. Not that regular life is all that tough, but when you combine going to work with fighting the Orange County traffic, caring for multiple grandchildren, helping out other family members, and visiting sick friends, life can get a bit overwhelming at times. So, when we get to take a vacation, we tend to really enjoy it!

However, this morning while we were sitting on the balcony watching a huge Cruise Ship leave the Harbor, we got a text message from a friend. He told us he was leaving on vacation as well, heading out to the Bahamas. What a lucky guy! Except his vacation will be a lot different than ours, because he is a lot different than us… and let me explain why.

I cannot use his real name because he works undercover for the DEA. So, let’s call him Rick. Rick is an amazing guy whose bravery is only surpassed by the size of his heart. In his job with the DEA he focuses on chasing the Mexican Drug Cartel. He has captured lots of really, really, bad guys and he has recovered millions in laundered money along with thousands of pounds of illegal drugs. For months he will disappear underground, and we won’t hear from him or be able to reach him. And then he will surface for a few days, and typically go to the beach with his dog “Sid” to catch a brief respite from what has to be one of the most dangerous jobs on earth. As a former Marine with several tours of duty in war torn areas before joining the DEA, Rick is able to handle extreme stress. But even Rick needs a vacation once in a while.

So lucky Rick is going to the Bahamas, except he’s not bringing his bathing suit. Instead, Rick will be flying with a group of military veterans and first responders known as Team Rubicon who are trained to deliver aid and relief supplies to areas hit hard by natural disasters. On September 1^st, the eye of Hurricane Dorian, a category 5 hurricane, made landfall on the Abaco Islands in the Bahamas with sustained winds of 185 mpg, making it the strongest hurricane ever on record to affect the Bahamas. More than 50 people lost their lives and the damage was so intense that it is estimated it will take more than $7 billion to rebuild. Rick will be one of the first… to get that rebuilding effort started.

Rick’s idea of a vacation is to go to disaster areas and help needy people. Is it fun and relaxing? No. So why does Rick do it? Because he tends to really enjoy it!

"Rick" doing his regular job... and doing it well!

Down in their hearts, wise men know this truth. 

The only way to help yourself is to help others.

  ~ Elbert Hubbard
 

                               

Boom!

A couple of days ago, my wife asked me to file some papers in our safe. As I was filing the paperwork, I accidentally dropped a folder that contained some of my old personal documents. My High School Diploma and my birth certificate fell out on the floor, along with a certificate showing that I had completed a membership class in 1971 at the Fallbrook Presbyterian Church.

Looking over that certificate brought back a lot of memories, some good, some not so good. I was only 16 at the time and my parents were getting ready to move to San Francisco, leaving me behind to finish High School on my own. I’m ashamed to admit it, but after my parents left, I stopped attending church. I was a Christian and I had faith, but my view of God at that time was that he was this master being, way up in the sky, watching over us to make sure we didn’t do wrong. (Kind of like my High School Vice Principal.) I believed in God at that young age, but I didn’t feel personally connected to Him because my perception was that he was so far away and basically unapproachable.

As a mature adult (okay, more like an old man now), my perception of God is very different. I’ll give you a few reasons why. The morning after finding that certificate on the floor, I was sitting by our sliding glass door that opens to the beach, silently praying. I was deep into thought, giving thanks and also asking for forgiveness for a specific mistake I had made, when I noticed one of those rare moments when the ocean goes completely silent, just for a second or two. The silence was followed by a huge “boom” from multiple waves crashing violently at the same time, so loud that it startled me. But what happened next gave me outright goose bumps. Maybe it was just a simple breeze, or maybe it was just wind created by the perfect timing of crashing waves. But whatever it was, it washed over me and enveloped me like a warm blanket and I absolutely knew at that moment, that God was right there with me. Oh, you can call me crazy, or I’m sure you can explain it in a hundred different scientific waves, but I’ve never had a feeling like that before… and I loved it!

Later that evening my wife and I attended a party at a friend’s house in Laguna Beach. Their home is absolutely stunning. It sits way up on top of Bluebird Canyon with a panoramic view of the ocean and Catalina Island. We had a wonderful dinner, and then went for a swim in the pool. At one point, I walked over to the far end of the pool by myself and stared out at the majestic view of a perfect sunset. Evening was falling and I was a bit cold from swimming in the pool, but as I stood there, I pictured God, not way up in heaven, but standing right there next to me… and it happened again. A warm blanket of God’s breath wrapped around me… and I loved it because I realized I was feeling His love. All I can say is, “Sometimes life goes Boom… and perceptions are shattered!”

Peace on the outside comes from knowing God on the inside.  

                              ~ Anonymous                                

Live and Give

Growing up, I can remember money being a problem for our family at times, yet my Dad always had a smile on his face. He was in the Marine Corps and his income was limited, so he worked weekends at a gas station. My Mom mainly stayed home to care of my sister and me, but sometimes, when money was tight, she would take night-time waitress jobs to supplement our income. So early on in life I learned the importance of working and providing for your family, but what I didn’t understand was the role of money.

As I grew into a teenager, I realized my parents couldn’t afford to buy me very much, so I got my first job at 14 pruning avocado trees for $1.25/hour. At 16, I got an after-school job at a gas station, making $1.75/hour and eventually saved up enough money to buy an old 1960 Chevy Pickup, which helped me get to school and work. It seemed like I had more money than my friends because most of them didn’t have jobs yet, and that gave me a certain feeling of confidence I had never experienced before. And I admit it felt good! The only problem was that in school, they don’t teach you how to manage money, so over the years, I made quite a few mistakes with money that I sure do regret.

What I don’t regret is being generous to my friends in school who didn’t have any money. I’ll never forget how fun it was the first time I treated two of my buddies to a night on the town. By that I mean driving into town in my truck, going to the A&W Root Beer for burgers, and then catching a movie at the Theater on Main Street. I paid for everything with my gas station money and all three of us enjoyed the heck out of it.

Fast forward, I’m 64 years old and I just recently discovered a radio program on financial matters hosted by Dave Ramsey. Dave teaches people how to manage money and stay out of debt. He is also a best-selling author whose books have helped over 5 million people become debt free. He guarantees anyone can become an “everyday millionaire” if they follow his seven simple steps to financial freedom. I’ve now read every single one of his books and love the fact that young people finally have a simple road map to managing money that was never available before.

But do you know what Dave’s number one rule is for achieving financial success? Be generous…and he’s right! When I think back about how cool it was to be able to buy that old Chevy Truck, it was nothing compared to being able to put some smiles on my friends faces!

Live like no one else so that you can 

live and give like no one else.

~ Dave Ramsey

No Accident (By Dr. Jim Kahal)

A friend of mine recently told me, “There are no accidents in life, only lessons to be learned” That statement goes well with my Monday Message below.

I have been happily living my life now for many years. I have a loving family, an awesome wife, a great career, and enough free time to not get totally burned out, but there was still something missing. I have never been able to put my finger on why… until I made a new friend. I am a dentist and the person I met was actually a patient of mine first, so I have known him for several years.

However, it was not until recently that I really got to know him and how he lives his life. He too has a wonderful family, an awesome wife, and plenty of free time. But unlike me he seems totally content with himself and his life. Unlike me, he starts every day with a prayer. He gives of himself and his money selflessly and he has great faith in God. It’s not that I don’t have faith, but it is not without question. I wonder why there are mass shootings almost every month, why there are so many homeless in such a rich country, and why as a culture we worship reality stars that can barely dent a seat cushion.

I guess you could say, I have “light faith”. But since I have met this man, I realize what the void is in my life. We all know that the trifecta of happiness is mind, body and spirit and my spirit and generosity are just not where they should be. Sure, I donate to a few charities and I help a patient in need occasionally, but that is easy. So now, I have decided to be committed to meditation and/or prayer every single day and I am going to try to be a more selfless person. I am going to work on my spirit!

By now, I have a feeling that you all know who I am talking about. He is the man behind the Monday Messages, and I want to thank him for showing me how I can enrich my life by going from “light faith” to “complete faith” in God. This was no accident!

One true friend can add more to our happiness 

than a thousand enemies add to our unhappiness.

~ Anonymous

Third Times

Do you ever wonder where those “old sayings” come from? You know what I mean, ones like “things always happen in threes”. I don’t know where that one came from, but it certainly came into play for me and some of my family members recently.

1. Three months ago, I wrote a Monday Message about losing my wallet. I wrote about how I felt like I was getting older and starting to lose things, and how the panic set in when I realized my wallet was missing. Fortunately, I found it two days later, but the damage was already done.

2. Three weeks ago, I got a phone call from my youngest son, David, who was in a panic. His first words were, “Dad, I’m in trouble”. All kinds of scary thoughts immediately went through my head and then he clarified it for me. “I can’t find my wallet!” Fortunately, later that evening his wallet turned up hiding in the cushions of the couch.

3. Three days ago, my wife and I met our kids and grandkids at the Del Mar Racetrack to celebrate my oldest son Cameron’s birthday. We had a great time, despite mostly losing every bet, but on the way home my wife suddenly yelled out in a panic. “I can’t find my wallet!” Sure enough, her wallet was missing from her purse and unfortunately it hasn’t turned up yet, but from some reason I am confident that it will.

That’s a pretty good example of things happening in threes for sure. But there are lots of old sayings and maybe they’re called “old sayings” because they come from stories in the Bible? For example, I remember reading in Luke about how Jesus said that Peter would deny knowing him three times before the rooster crowed. Maybe that’s where that particular saying about “things always happening in threes” came from?

I don’t know for sure, but it got me thinking… Isn’t there a story in the Bible about Jesus dying and being raised from the dead three days later. That story gave me an idea for another old saying we should always remember, one that I need to share with my wife right away to keep her hopes up about finding her wallet, “The third time is a charm!”

On the third day, He rose again from the dead.

~ Apostle’s Creed 12