Selflessness (by Ken James)

I woke up several weeks ago thinking about a eulogy that I might be called upon to deliver.  I had talked to the wife of my friend Bob the night before.  Bob had gone into the hospital for a knee replacement two weeks earlier and some complications unassociated with the knee surgery were dogging him.  His wife had sounded discouraged on the phone and seemed to be saying that things did not look good and that Bob would never come home, at least to his earthly home.

I have eulogized my wife, father, mother, and a friend in past years.  In doing so I had started by thinking deeply about who they really were, what they meant to me, how they contributed to others, and how to be sure that all who attended their memorial service would go away knowing them better.

Bob spent his life as a Methodist minister.  Just like his dad and this grandfather.  He was the third, same name, same faith.  Bob and I reconnected eleven years ago after only seeing each other just a few times over the last fifty years.  I counted that reconnection as one of the greatest blessings of my life.  Bob had become my faith counselor. So, as I thought about what I would say about him, if this really was the end of his earthly journey, one word kept coming back to me, “selflessness”.  Bob’s number one priority was others.  He would drop everything if he was needed regardless of his plans or needs.  To the point that it had contributed to the break-up of his marriage after 30 years.  If he had a parishioner in need, he was there for them.

My wife Debbie and I made a trip to NYC recently.  We wanted to go to the 9/11 Museum and Memorial Pools, “Reflection of Absence”, now that they were finished and open.  It was an extremely moving experience.  Put it on your “bucket list”.  The organizers could not have done a more thorough job of holistically capturing every aspect of the tragedy and heroes that came from it.  One of the stories that you might remember was about an office worker in the South Tower named Remy. Remy worked below the impact in the South Tower and was able to escape quickly.  But despite his escape to life, when the North Tower was hit, he put a bandana over his mouth and charged in to North Tower to assist first responders to save workers in that building.  He did not survive the collapse of the North Tower soon after.

Part of the 9/11 museum is audio comments by survivors.  One lady hurrying down a stairwell in one of the towers spoke of a fireman coming up the stairs “who looked like he was 18.  I yelled at him to go back and save himself but he said it was his job.  I thought to myself, he was running up to die, I was running down to live”. I have never been in the military.  Never been in a situation where I could be harmed or killed “just doing my job”.  Never had to walk a road where an IED could be one step away.  Never had to live with the realization that today could be my last.

President Bush wrote a note to Morgan Kay Beamer, the new born daughter of Lisa Beamer, who was born four months after her dad, Todd Beamer, died on United Flight 93.  In that note The President wrote “His selfless efforts prevented additional loss of life on that tragic day”.  Todd is a hero.  Few would have done what he and others did.  But then Todd didn’t have much choice.

In thinking about my buddy Bob’s selflessness, what separates him and Remy, and our soldiers is they have a choice and they choose service to others.  They aren’t thinking about their own wellbeing and in some cases safety, they are thinking about the needs of others. And this got me to thinking.  I do things for others and feel good about it. But how often are my actions convenient to my life at the time. Do I really make any sacrifice?  Or do I weigh my options first and see how service to someone else will fit in?  Isn’t the essence of selflessness putting others first and above my wants and needs?

I am enough of an evolutionist to know that we are all “hard-wired” to protect ourselves first.  Self-preservation.  That is what makes it all the more amazing that some can put “self” aside.  Mothers are like that.  Their children and their wellbeing are the most important things in the world to them. Isn’t it true that if you are a Christian, Jesus Christ represented the highest form of selflessness to the point he gave his life. To all those who are able to disregard what is important to them at the moment and choose serving the needs of others over “self”, you are the real heroes and my inspiration to live a better life.

My buddy Bob is almost fully recovered now and back to serving the needs of others.  This is what has defined his life.  I am proud to know him and I will keep on taking notes, hopefully for a long time to come.

If any of you wants to be my follower, you must put aside your selfish ambition, 

shoulder your cross daily, and follow me.  If you try to keep your life for yourself, 

you will lose it.  But if you give up your life for me, you will find true life.

~ Luke 9:23-25