Gift Giving

One of the best things about the Christmas Holiday Season is that you get to create your own special family traditions. My wife and I have started two new traditions in our family and hopefully both of them are creating great memories that will last a lifetime.

Our first new tradition is to take our grandchildren around town to look at Christmas light displays. Thanks to Siri and Google Maps it’s pretty easy to find the neighborhoods that have gone crazy with Christmas Lights. Last year, the entire time we were driving around, our three-year-old granddaughter, Penelope, led us in singing all the classic Christmas songs like Jingle Bells. Okay, so she didn’t know all the words, but she was really good at making up her own words, which cracked everyone up.

Our second new tradition involves the immediate members of our family including my wife, adult children, and their significant others. We usually start by meeting at a restaurant for Sunday Brunch and then the four girls leave to go shopping while the four guys leave to go golfing. Our family is so close and we have so much fun, that most of the time we even meet afterwards for another meal and a chance to laugh and share stories.

I love my family very much, but at Christmas time I do tend to get stressed out over one issue. I hate to admit it, but I have always struggled with gift giving for some reason. It’s not that I don’t care or that I don’t put the time into it, I’m just not very creative compared to other people when it comes to gift giving, so I really stress out about it. Christmas is almost here, so I have already started agonizing over who wants what and what color and what size, and “Can they bring it back if they don’t like it”, etc. I know I am worrying more than I should.

And that got me thinking… It dawned on me that I have already given my family one of the best gifts possible…the gift of time spent with people you love…and I didn’t even have to stand in line or request a stupid gift receipt!

"And there were shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flocks by night, 

and lo the angel of the lord came upon them and the glory of the lord shone round about them, 

and they were sore afraid, and the angel said unto them, fear not, for behold, 

I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. 

For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a savior who is Christ the Lord. 

And suddenly there was with the angels a multitude of the heavenly hosts, 

praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth - peace, good will toward men."

Somebody's Bucket List

I started working in the lighting industry in 1974 and believe it or not, I’m still in it 42 years later. Over all that time I have been extremely fortunate to develop a lot of customers who have become close friends. Unfortunately, they sometimes move on to other companies or retire, soI lose track of them. But last week I saw a friend I hadn’t seen in a really long time.

I first met Dave when I was only 20 years old. He was working for a large firm in Irvine as a Maintenance Supervisor and I was a skinny long-haired kid who was trying to sell light bulbs. I remember being intimidated by Dave at first because he had an important position with a very prestigious company. However, my boss told me that Dave’s company represented huge potential for us as a customer, soI better not be scared and I better not blow it. (I must say my boss at that time had an interesting style of motivating his employees.)

When I first med Dave, he appeared to me to be this big tough Hispanic guy, with a gruff exterior. He would often speak to his staff in Spanish and then turn around and speak to me so fast that I had trouble understanding him. But despite my youth, my inexperience and the fact that I kept saying, “Huh?” every time he spoke, he gave me multiples chances to bid on his projects. Over time I earned Dave’s trust and began to do a lot of business with him, while developing a close friendship as well. Early on I discovered that although Dave might be gruff on the outside, he had a heart of gold on the inside. He often spoke lovingly about his wife and two adopted daughters, so when I ended up adopting a Hispanic child of my own in 1983, I named him “David” and told Dave I named my son after him. He knew that wasn’t true, but I think he still enjoyed it every time I mentioned something about my boy named David.

I hadn’t seen Dave in over 25 years, but last week a mutual friend called me. (Chris worked with Dave at the same company and is still a very good customer and very close friend of mine). Chris said he got a call from Dave who wanted get together for breakfast and reminisce about the good old days. I was surprised that Dave even remembered me, but quickly agreed and we met Monday morning at RJ’s in Dana Point Harbor. It was so great to see Dave again but quite surprising that he would drive 82 miles each way just to have breakfast with me. When I asked Dave why he drove all that way to see me, his eyes watered and his expression softened and he simply said, “I’m 76 now, I have a disease that I can’t shake, and seeing you again was on my bucket list.”

Driving home that evening I couldn’t stop thinking about what Dave said. As a young man, I looked up to Dave and appreciated all that he taught me as a young struggling salesman…and I truly enjoyed our time together immensely. But I had no idea how important I was to him. I do now… and it makes me realize that for every friend that disappoints us, there are plenty of others who just might have us on their “Bucket List”. 

The most I can do for my friend, is to simply be his friend.

~ Henry David Thoreau

Instruction Manual

After a hard day at work I really enjoy relaxing on the couch, watching a good movie. Last week my wife and I were watching a new movie called Bad Santa (whatever you do, don’t watch this one with kids!) when my wife asked if I would like some popcorn. I said, “Sure, but let me get it.” I got up and grabbed a box of microwave popcorn out of the pantry, but I’m no cook, so I asked my wife how long do I nuke this stuff?” She didn’t answer right away (because she was on her phone, which you know…never happens) but then she said, “about 4 minutes.”  

It was probably about 3 ½ minutes later that the fire started. I thought I smelled smoke, turned around and flames were shooting out of the microwave. I jumped off the couch and scrambled to shut that baby down (yelling expletives the whole time). Not only was the popcorn obliterated but it scorched the entire inside of the oven leaving a gooey residue that stunk so bad I was forced to dis-assemble the microwave from the cabinet that very evening and throw it outside into the yard. Guess I should have read the instructions!

So this week guess what? I purchased a new microwave! It took me forever to find the right one because it had to be a small “under-cabinet” style because we don’t have much counter space in our tiny beach house. I found one that would work, but the weird thing is the mounting holes were randomly positioned, which made figuring out where to drill the holes in the cabinet really difficult. I measured several times and finally drilled 4 holes. However, when I tried to mount the stupid thing, I could only get 3 screws to go in. I fought with it for over an hour and finally decided to drill a larger fourth hole and use a fender washer so that the screw wouldn’t fall through the hole. The next day as I was taking out the trash I heard something rumbling around inside the microwave box. It was the operating manual and inside the manual was a paper template for positioning the screw holes. Guess I should have read the instructions!

Maybe it’s a guy thing, but guys like me (you know us real men) don’t like to read instructions because we’re supposed to figure things out on our own, like MacGyver does, right? But then you might ask, “So, how’s that working out for you?”, and you would be right, it doesn’t always work out for me. Which got me thinking that there are always going to be problems in life that pop up (like popcorn) and need fixing. But where is the instruction manual for life? Where can I find the wisdom and direction I need to solve problems and be happy? What book has all the answers? Last night I figured it out as we were watching another movie. It was a really old Dino De Laurentiis movie starring George C. Scott. It was pretty good. It was called, “The Bible”.

All the misery and evil which men suffer from vice, 

crime, ambition, injustice, oppression, slavery and war, 

proceed from their neglect of the wisdom contained in the Bible.

~ Noah Webster

7-Day Exercise Program

When our kids were growing up we had a tradition at dinner time that became especially meaningful during the Thanksgiving holiday season. We would ask each person at the table to relate their “good thing” and their “bad thing” that happened to them that day or that week. It was a great way to get the communication going with the kids and it helped us to teach them that life will always have some bad moments, but there will be plenty of good ones to be thankful for too. And more importantly, as hard as it might be, we can even be thankful for the bad things if we allow ourselves to learn from them.

Since I am writing over the Thanksgiving weekend, it seems only appropriate that I continue the tradition. So, if you don’t mind, I would like to tell you my “good thing” and my “bad thing”.

My bad thing first. My 82-year-old Mom wanted to go up to Fresno to visit her sister for Thanksgiving, but she was going to have to take a bus from Riverside to Bakersfield and then a train from Bakersfield to Fresno. At 82 I didn’t want her to have to ride a bus so I volunteered to drive her to the Bakersfield Amtrak Station on Tuesday before Thanksgiving. We had a great time together so I was happy I was able to help, but on the way back I hit the worst traffic I’ve ever seen in my life. Altogether I changed freeways 11 times in 5 hours trying to make find my way back home but the weird thing is I never really got upset about it. I think the fact that I did something good to help someone I love.. kind of took away my frustration and turned it into a good day after all.

Now my good thing. I’ve had a serious back pain issue for 6 months and although I’ve seen multiple doctors and had two painful needle procedures done, the pain was still pretty bad. So my doctor advised me to get spine surgery. That didn’t sound like fun, so I continued to pray for healing, which I have been doing for months. But this time I changed up my prayers to include a thank you to God for all the good things going on in my life, despite my stupid back pain. And I guess it worked because two weeks ago, the pain completely disappeared and it hasn’t come back!

Being thankful doesn’t necessarily come easy for most of us, but it should. Here’s an idea. Tomorrow morning when you climb out of bed, think of one specific thing you can be thankful for. Do it every day for a solid week, thinking of different things to be thankful for each day. How you feel in the morning affects how you feel throughout the day so this simple 7-day exercise program will probably heighten your focus on the good things. It might even help you realize that “not focusing on a bad thing” is a “good thing”!

One of my many good things... the girls in my life!

It is not what we say about our blessings, 

but how we use them, that is the true measure of our thanksgiving.

~ W. T. Purkiser

Why on Earth?

Thanksgiving is just around the corner! So, I’ve been thinking about all the things I am thankful for and how I could wrap that theme into a cool Monday Message. I even went as far as to make a list of 10 things I’m thankful for and shared it with my wife. But as I thought about being thankful, a question came to mind. If I am truly thankful, then what am I going to do about it? Which led to how can I give back for all that has been given to me? Which then led to the biggest question of all, “What truly is my purpose in life?”

So I figured I would take my question to an expert. "Lord, I am sorry to bother you but I have a question, Why am I here Lord? I know that I am uniquely made and I appreciate that You blessed me with a life, but I don’t totally know for sure why I’m here? When you created us it’s obvious you wanted us to not only live a life here on earth, but also to create more life on earth or you wouldn’t have given us the ability to multiply...and multiply we have! But that can’t be our sole purpose. Can it?”

As I pondered that question, a Facebook message popped up on my phone. When the message showed up I figured it was obviously God answering my question, right? But actually, it turned out to be a message and a photo about a friend of mine that was posted by his son. It said very simply, yet very eloquently….

“So my dad goes from surfing 20 foot waves in Indonesia, to winning multiple championships in his baseball league, to now playing lead guitar in his first gig coming up at Thanksgiving… all while being one of the best financial advisers in California. What can’t he do??? Love ya, Dad!

It’s not unusual for a parent to love their child and be proud of them. But it is rare that a child will express their pride and love for a parent so openly. When I saw that message the answer to life’s biggest question became obvious. “Why on earth are we here on earth? To love each other!

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!

There is no surprise more magical than the surprise 

of being loved. It is God’s finger on man’s shoulder.

~ Charles Morgan

Only Time Will Tell

When I woke up this morning a crazy thought came to mind, which then turned into several interesting questions. The name of the new President Elect of the United States, surprisingly, is billionaire businessman Donald Trump, a non-politician, who apparently doesn’t worry about being politically correct either. How did that happen and is it is going to be good for our country or is it going to be bad for our country?

Kind of reminds me of a story I read by Max Lucado. Once upon a time there was an old man who was considered the poorest man in the village. He had but one possession, a beautiful white stallion that he highly treasured. The people in the village kept telling him he should sell the horse and make some serious money, but he would not part with his beloved white horse. One day the horse ran away and the village people told the old man, “See, we told you to sell that horse and now he is gone. This is really bad for you.” But the old man disagreed saying, “I don’t know if it is bad or good, only time will tell.”

A week later the white Stallion returned to the stable with 12 wild horses following him. The townspeople cried, “You were right! This is a really good situation. Now you will be rich and happy!” But the old man disagreed saying, “I don’t know if it is good or bad, only time will tell.” Sure enough, a week later the old man’s only son fell while trying to tame one of the wild horses and broke both his legs. Once again the village people hollered at the old man, “See, this is a bad situation for you. Without your son to help there is no one to break in the wild horses.” But the old man disagreed saying, “I don’t know if it is bad or good, only time will tell.”

Shortly afterwards war broke out in the area and all the young men from the village were sent off to war. However, the old man’s son was disabled so he had to stay home. The elders of the village were distraught because they knew their sons would most likely die in the war, so they yelled at the old man one more time, “See, it is a good thing that your son broke his legs.” Once more the old man yelled back, “You people just don’t get it, do you… Only time will tell!”

Will Donald Trump turn out to be a good President or a bad President? Obviously, a lot of people voted for him and yet there are also a lot of people who didn’t vote for him who are now protesting his election. So I truly do not know what’s going to happen. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life, it’s that things are rarely ever what they seem…and if I jump to a conclusion, I am usually wrong. Maybe this is a good time to stop, think and be patient and remember what a wise old man once said, “Only time will tell!”

I’ve worked very, very hard. I’ve created thousands and thousands of jobs and built great structures. I’ve had tremendous success. I think I’ve done a lot…and I’m not done.

~ Donald Trump

Outright Obedience

This past weekend my youngest daughter asked us to babysit her new puppy named “Fitzgerald”. He’s a small French Bull Dog with a huge amount of personality but he’s also about the best-behaved puppy I have ever seen. So watching him is easy and fun… and always entertaining.

Fitz woke me up with the tiniest whine on Sunday morning. He does that when he needs to go out, so I grabbed his leash so we could take a walk along the beach. There are so many different objects and smells in the sand at the beach that Fitz was just loving it. He couldn’t go two feet without jamming his nose into the sand and sniffing up a storm. For some reason, he would suddenly start digging super-fast throwing giant amounts of sand between his legs up into the air. I’m not sure what he was digging for but then again, I doubt he was either.

After about twenty minutes I was ready to head back in, but Fitz spotted something buried in the sand. As he started sniffing around it I realized it was a crusty old fish head, covered with flies and smelling like well… a dead fish. It was gross, but to Fitz’s nose it was a prickly piece of heaven. I yelled, “No Fitz, let’s go” and normally that’s all I have to do to get him to start walking. But not this time. He turned and looked at me, then he looked at that fish-head. Then he looked at me again and then he looked at that fish-head again. I yelled at him again to leave it alone and tugged his leash, but he didn’t budge. I could tell he was thinking and considering his options. And then he did something that I have never seen him do before… he outright disobeyed me. He jammed his nose and teeth right into the heart of that disgusting chunck of ocean scum like it was a piece of cake. It surprised me and angered me just a little, which meant that my voice got loud and my tone got harsh, and he could tell I wasn’t going to be ignored.    

Fitz immediately stopped chewing and sat back on his hind legs. He glanced awkwardly at me for a moment then turned and slowly walked back towards me with his head hanging down the whole way. The excitement of the filthy fish-head discovery had been replaced by the guilt of disobedience. As we approached our patio his head was still hanging low but my heart had softened up, so I stopped and knelt down beside him. As I looked at his face and rubbed his ears, I think he could sense forgiveness, which made him jump straight up into my lap. I didn’t say anything and he didn’t need me to. His crime was forgiven and all was good again in both our lives.

I have to admit I don’t really know if a dog can feel guilt. But I do know that humans can (at least the good ones with character and a conscience can). But despite the sting of guilt, even the best of us can’t be outright obedient 100% of the time, which got me thinking…Wouldn’t it be great if we had someone that would take us into their lap, rub our heads and constantly forgive us our sins (even if we stink like a dead fish) insuring that despite disobedience, things can still turn out right? I think maybe we do!

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.

~ Paul Boese

Outright Obedience

This past weekend my youngest daughter asked us to babysit her new puppy named “Fitzgerald”. He’s a small French Bull Dog with a huge amount of personality but he’s also about the best-behaved puppy I have ever seen. So watching him is easy and fun… and always entertaining.

Fitz woke me up with the tiniest whine on Sunday morning. He does that when he needs to go out, so I grabbed his leash so we could take a walk along the beach. There are so many different objects and smells in the sand at the beach that Fitz was just loving it. He couldn’t go two feet without jamming his nose into the sand and sniffing up a storm. For some reason, he would suddenly start digging super-fast throwing giant amounts of sand between his legs up into the air. I’m not sure what he was digging for but then again, I doubt he was either.

After about twenty minutes I was ready to head back in, but Fitz spotted something buried in the sand. As he started sniffing around it I realized it was a crusty old fish head, covered with flies and smelling like well… a dead fish. It was gross, but to Fitz’s nose it was a prickly piece of heaven. I yelled, “No Fitz, let’s go” and normally that’s all I have to do to get him to start walking. But not this time. He turned and looked at me, then he looked at that fish-head. Then he looked at me again and then he looked at that fish-head again. I yelled at him again to leave it alone and tugged his leash, but he didn’t budge. I could tell he was thinking and considering his options. And then he did something that I have never seen him do before… he outright disobeyed me. He jammed his nose and teeth right into the heart of that disgusting chunck of ocean scum like it was a piece of cake. It surprised me and angered me just a little, which meant that my voice got loud and my tone got harsh, and he could tell I wasn’t going to be ignored.    

Fitz immediately stopped chewing and sat back on his hind legs. He glanced awkwardly at me for a moment then turned and slowly walked back towards me with his head hanging down the whole way. The excitement of the filthy fish-head discovery had been replaced by the guilt of disobedience. As we approached our patio his head was still hanging low but my heart had softened up, so I stopped and knelt down beside him. As I looked at his face and rubbed his ears, I think he could sense forgiveness, which made him jump straight up into my lap. I didn’t say anything and he didn’t need me to. His crime was forgiven and all was good again in both our lives.

I have to admit I don’t really know if a dog can feel guilt. But I do know that humans can (at least the good ones with character and a conscience can). But despite the sting of guilt, even the best of us can’t be outright obedient 100% of the time, which got me thinking…Wouldn’t it be great if we had someone that would take us into their lap, rub our heads and constantly forgive us our sins (even if we stink like a dead fish) insuring that despite disobedience, things can still turn out right? I think maybe we do!

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.

~ Paul Boese

The Power of Praise

My wife and I like to go for long bike rides because it’s fun exercise and it also gives us a chance to talk and share our thoughts and ideas. Last week she told me about an article she read on building relationships with people and it stated there are five specific things that people react most strongly to. One of those things was praise (or the opposite - criticism), which got me thinking about last week…

On Friday I started work at 6am so that I could get off a little early and play 9 holes of golf. I walked on at Rancho San Joaquin and got paired up with a young man named Mike. He was super nice and a great golfer but when I asked him about his work, a big frown crossed his face. He said he has been working at a medical device company for 12 years and loves it. He had worked himself up to a supervisory position, but recently they got a new CEO who treats people badly. Mike says the CEO micro-manages everybody and is quick to criticize, so he has already started looking for a new job.

Over the weekend I went to a baseball practice with several of my Halo Baseball  teammates. I haven’t played a game in 4 months (due to a back issue) or practiced hardly at all, so it was really great to see my friends. These guys are awesome teammates. Every one of them acted happy to see me with huge hugs and high fives all around just for showing up. I only practiced for an hour but I constantly heard them yelling, “Great play, nice throw, that a ’boy” and more. As I got ready to leave my friend Gaston says, “Killer, I love turning double plays with you!” Trust me, I left with a big smile, feeling blessed and happy.

On Sunday my grandson Jack had a party to celebrate his 10^th birthday. Earlier in the week his mom told me that he has a lot of tools and loves to build things, but he needed a cabinet or a workbench for all his stuff. A workbench is an unusual request for a birthday present but Jack is an unusual boy who is truly gifted mechanically. So Jack and I went shopping Sunday morning and picked out a garage cabinet with a wooden work bench top, a vise, and some pegboard to organize and display all his cool tools. We assembled the workbench, the vise and the pegboard with Jack doing most of the work and I couldn’t help but praise his efforts and the awesome result. In return, Jack gave me the best smile I have ever seen. What a nice gift… for me!

I actually learned the power of praise a long time ago and will often try to catch somebody “doing something right” at work and then praise them in front of the whole group. However, as great as praise is, I sometimes forget that criticism can be just as powerful. So the next time I am tempted to be critical, I am going to remember that I should offer praise whenever possible, and that it is always possible!

If you were paid 10 cents for every kind word you said to someone, 

but had to pay 10 cents for every unkind word, would you be rich or poor?

~ Jacob Mr. Braude

Transformative Moments

Halloween is coming up soon and with it the focus is on being scared. Being scared in a freaky Halloween way is fun, but being truly afraid is not. True fear is a bad thing that tends to hold us back and it can manifest itself it in a lot of different forms. For me, I’ve noticed that most of the time when I’m afraid, it’s because I’m worried about the outcome of something and therefore have self-doubt. I guess doubting yourself is normal at times, but it’s a choice that is never good and almost always impossible to overcome.

However, I recently read a story about the ingenious founder of GoDaddy.com that really helped to put self-doubt in the right perspective. Before Bob Parsons became a successful businessman, he was a Marine rifleman in Vietnam. The day he arrived in a combat zone - as a green replacement in a squad that had just lost five men in an ambush - he confronted the likelihood that he would not make it out alive. He sat down on the wall of the old French fort his unit occupied and “had what I believe was the only anxiety attack of my life,” he recalls. He finally overcame his terror by resolving to do the best job he could and be satisfied with it regardless of the outcome. It was a transformative moment that helped him to develop the discipline and courage needed to succeed as a businessman. “If you can accept the worst that can happen to you and live with it,” he says, “you become like a superman or superwoman, meaning you can do anything because your mind doesn’t get in your way.” Self-doubt will hold people back in life, but if you can accept the worst and still commit to doing the best job you can, you’ll find yourself accomplishing more than you’ve ever dreamed.

Looking back on my life I can see there were many times that I was truly scared. Like when I had to give a speech in front of hundreds of people at the Bren Center, or when I quit my job to start my own company, or when I asked my wife if she would marry me, or when I was up to bat in the bottom of the 10^th inning in a championship baseball game, or when I stood up at Church to share my story of faith with the congregation, or when my Dad was dying from cancer and I knew no matter what I would never be able to fill his shoes. When I think back about each one of those scary times, I realize that I often focused on my faith and asked God for his help… and He never once turned me down! I realize now that God believed in me whether I did or not. After reading Bob Parsons story I had a transformative moment myself. Why would I ever choose to doubt myself, when God has never once chosen to doubt me!  

   

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.

~ General Lewis William Walt, Vietnam War Veteran 

Trust the Little Things

I admit it, sometimes I let “little things” annoy me and get me frustrated. You know what I’m talking about. You’re late for a meeting and the car in front of you is going really slow for no apparent reason. The checker at the grocery store tosses your groceries into little plastic bags like they are footballs. The waitress at the restaurant brings you water but never comes back to take your order, so you have to ask a bus boy if she passed away or something. Little things that somehow creep into our everyday lives like centipedes on steroids. It can be really frustrating, leaving us constantly asking… why is this happening to me?

I was talking with a friend the other day who is a grandmother to three small children. She told me about a little thing that happened to her last week that was really frustrating… at first. She had volunteered to take her three small grandchildren to Disneyland. Her plan was to meet up at the entrance with another friend who had a small child so they could spend the day together. On the way to Disneyland her GPS pointed her to an unfamiliar street. She got nervous, pulled over and put the address back into the GPS again to double check it. It gave her the same unfamiliar route but she decided to take it anyway, although the fear of getting lost or parking in the wrong area was creeping into her thoughts in a big way. Sure enough the route took her to a long term parking lot that required a shuttle to actually get to the entrance to the theme park. She was already late to meet up with her friend, the kids were getting restless and unhappy in the back seat, and she was parking in a “foreign land” instead of “Disneyland”.

As you can imagine, with three small children to deal with her frustration level was pretty high as she got the three kids out of the car.  That is until she noticed a familiar face just three spaces away. Here friend had accidentally taken the same route and ended up in the same parking structure at the exact same time.

You can call it a coincidence or you can call it a miracle… Or you can simply decide that perhaps the reason that God doesn’t always give us the answers to the “whys” in our lives is because sometimes we don’t have the capacity to understand the answer. Maybe that’s a good reason to relax and trust that things, even the little things, will always work out.

Disneyland Entrance (circa 1965)

In learning to trust God, we must accept that we may not know 

all the answers, but we do know who knows the answers.

 ~ Max Lucado 

Just Saying

I am a huge sports fan so there’s no better time of the year than October. The NBA has preseason games, the NHL starts in mid-October, baseball playoff games are being hotly contested and the National Football League, America’s most popular sport, is going strong with more games played on more days than ever before.

Watching sports, especially Football on Sunday afternoon, brings back a lot of good memories for me. It was usually the one day of the week that my father and I could truly relax and sit on the couch together and do some serious bonding over our love of sports. There would always be lots of snacks to be had, plus great smells coming from the kitchen thanks to my Mom. Even now when I hear the sound of a Football game on the TV it brings a smile to my face and a growl to my stomach.

But I have two questions.

First question…. What could be more American than watching football with your Dad? In fact, when they played the star spangled banner on TV, my dad - a United States Marine - would stand and always salute the flag. I loved that about him and greatly respected him, so you can bet whenever I am at home or at a game, I will always stand with my hand over my heart out of deep respect and love for our great country.

Second question… When have two wrongs ever created a right? In fact, I remember my Dad quoting that old cliché many times when I acted up as a kid. So, in my opinion, two wrongs will never make a right.

I guess you know by now what I ‘m referring to, athletes protesting in a questionable manner. Trust me, I know our country isn’t perfect and that bad things do happen to good people sometimes. (As a matter of fact, I wrote about that in my last Monday Message.) But when there’s a problem that needs to be solved, I don’t agree that disrespecting our Flag, our Country, our Military, or our Police is the right way to solve that or any other problem. I’m no genius so I don’t have a brilliant solution for this particular problem - where innocent people are being killed on both sides - but I do have a suggestion. Why not work to bring people together, all races, all ethnicities, and all types of occupations… instead of creating a divisive atmosphere that tears them apart. If there’s a problem that needs to be solved, then I agree, we should draw attention to it and focus on finding a solution. That seems to me like it would be a lot more productive than protesting in a disrespectful manner.

Like I said, I don’t have a brilliant solution, but I do have an idea. First off, I know you’re not supposed to leave your hat on during the national anthem, but what if a football player (or any high profile athlete) donned a policeman’s cap during the national anthem to show support for the police? And then the next week, wore an Army beret to show support for our military, and then the next week a Fireman’s helmet to show support for our Fire Fighters, and the next week a Hard Hat in support of construction workers, etc. When you’re in a high profile position, what you do and what you say can have a lot of influence. So I’m “Just saying…”

I like to see a man proud of the place in which he lives. 

And I like to see a man live so that his place will be proud of him.

~ Abraham Lincoln 

Just A Moment

I had a second back procedure done two weeks ago hoping for better results. The doctor spent a lot of time trying to remove a cyst from my spine, explaining afterwards that it was in a really difficult, tight location. Immediately afterwards the pain was mostly gone and it felt like I was walking on air.

In fact, I felt so good I decided to go to a baseball practice over the weekend. I mostly wanted to see my friends, but I also wanted to test out my body and see if I was able to move around good enough to play catch, take some grounders and/or hopefully swing a bat. It was so great to see my baseball buddies because I haven’t played a game in over 4 months and I’ve missed those guys terribly. But as soon as I started practicing, I was like a kid in a candy store, grinning from ear to ear as I caught fly balls in the outfield and then hit fly balls to the outfield. Just to be able to run around on a baseball diamond and smell the green grass was absolutely magical for me. I didn’t realize I missed it so much.

After practice I was excited to spend time catching up with my friends, but I was shocked by what I heard. I thought I was the only one having a medical issue but to my surprise and sadness, almost everyone there was dealing with a really difficult problem. One friend had a brain tumor several years ago, and unfortunately it has now come back. Another friend needs an operation on both of his eyes but found out his insurance won’t cover the high cost of the procedure. A third friend has an internal issue that is causing him a great deal of pain but he doesn’t have any insurance so he can only try over the counter herbs, which aren’t really helping. And a fourth friend couldn’t make the practice because he had to have neck surgery.

I realize I’m 61 years old, so I am bound to have some medical issues. But most of my friends are not that old, they’re only in their forties or early fifties, so why are so many bad things happening to them right now? Why are these guys, all of whom are outstanding, honest, hardworking family men, having to suffer so much? I guess the basic question is, why do bad things happen to good people? All the way home that question kept burning through my brain… and hurting my heart.

When I got home I offered up a prayer for myself and my friends. I obviously prayed for healing but I also prayed for understanding, that no matter what happens here on earth we are able to handle it by focusing on the positive and remembering that are time here is short, that we are truly only here for “just a moment”. I guess it was good to pray for understanding because within a few more days my back and leg pain came roaring back.

I'm not a minister or a bible scholar or even all that smart, so I can't tell you why we have to suffer during our time here on earth. But when I think about the blessings I have been given and the ultimate blessing of life everlasting, it helps me to maintain the right perspective. Especially if I look at it this way... I can be sick for "just a moment". I can have pain for "just a moment". I can be lonely for "just a moment".  I can struggle for "just a moment". Why? Because it's not about me anyway... and it's certainly not about now!

Life is like a tree and its root is faith. 

Once we tend to the root, the tree as a whole will be healthy.

 ~ Deepak Chopra 

Outside the Zone

I’ve been a business owner for 36 years, so I understand how important “leadership” is to the success of a business. I take this role seriously and do my best to lead my team with strength, compassion and vision so that all of us can have a better future. But providing leadership isn’t just important at the office. As a husband, father and grandfather, it has to permeate my personal life as well, especially in terms of providing “spiritual leadership” for my family.

I have to laugh because my awesome Mother-In-Law sometimes refers to me as “Prayer Boy”. That’s because whenever we get our large family together for a meal I encourage everyone to stop and offer a blessing before we eat. I pray because I’m thankful for my family, I pray because I’m thankful for the food on the table, and I pray because it’s an opportunity to share my faith and set a good example for my family. That’s what leadership is all about, setting a good example not just in your words - but in your actions as well.

However, having the responsibility of spiritual leadership isn’t easy. I’m not a pastor by any means and I’m far from perfect (just ask the noisy neighbor that I yelled at mercilessly yesterday). Toughest of all is that it sometimes forces me to step outside my comfort zone. But I accept the role because it’s in my heart to do so and I can’t ignore it. And if I struggle or get scared I turn to the Bible or an inspirational book by amazing authors like Og Mandino or Max Lucado who remind me that all I need to do is look to Jesus for the best example of spiritual leadership that ever existed.

Several days ago I read a short story by Max Lucado about Jesus that truly touched me. It reenergized that feeling in my heart that I should always try to be a good spiritual leader. In fact, it moved me so much that I decided to share it with my wife. It was still very early in the morning and she was just waking up so I sat on the edge of the bed and read the story aloud to her. About three quarters the way through I got emotional and had to choke back tears. I struggled to keep reading and I’m not totally sure why that happened. It might have been because I have a lot going on in my life right now that is really stressful. But more likely, I think it was a combination of me relating to the powerful message in the story about the “stench of sin” because I, unfortunately, have been there…and yet being willing to share that message with someone I love so very much. Maybe that’s the essence of true leadership… caring enough about the comfort of others to step outside your own comfort zone! 

Date Night with my wonderful wife!

Nothing proves a man’s ability to lead others 

as what he does from day to day to lead himself. 

~ Thomas J. Watson

From “And the Angels Were Silent” by Max Lucado

Lord?

Yes.

I may be stepping out of line by saying this, but I need to tell you something.

Go ahead.

I don’t like this verse. “My God, My God, why have You abandoned Me?” It doesn’t sound like You, or sound like something You would say. Usually I love it when you speak. I imagine the power of Your voice and the thunder of Your commands. That’s what I like to hear. Like when You ordained the waves to splash and they roared, or when You declared that the stars be flung and they flew, or when You proclaimed that life be alive and it all began. When You whispered breath into the clay-caked Adam, that was You at Your best. That’s the voice I love to hear… and that’s why I don’t like this verse.

Look at the sentence. There is a “why” at the beginning and a question mark at the end. You don’t ask questions. And as long as I’m shooting straight with You… I don’t like to see the word “abandon” either. The Source of Life… abandoned? The Giver of love… alone? The Father of it all… isolated? Come on. Surely You don’t mean it. Could we change the sentence a bit? Not much, just the verb.

What would you suggest?

How about challenge? “My God, My God, why did you challenge me?” Isn’t that better? Now we can applaud. Now we can lift banners for Your dedication. Now we can explain it to our children. It makes sense now, You a hero. History is full of heroes. And who is a hero but someone who survives a challenge. Or if that’s not acceptable, how about “afflict?” “My God, My God, why did you afflict me?” Yes, that’s it. Now You are a martyr, taking a stand for truth. A patriot, pierced by evil. A noble soldier who took the sword all the way to the hilt, bloody and beaten, but victorious. Afflicted is much better than abandoned. You are a martyr. Right up there with Patrick Henry and Abe Lincoln.

You are God, Jesus! You couldn’t be abandoned. You couldn’t be left alone. You couldn’t be deserted in Your most painful moment. Abandonment is the punishment for a criminal. Abandonment is the suffering borne by the most evil. Abandonment is for the vile, not for You. Not You, the King of kings. After all, didn’t John call you “The Lamb of God who has come to take away the sins of the world?”

Wait a minute! “To take away the sins… “I’d never thought about those words before. I’d read them but never truly thought about them. I thought You just, I don’t know, sent sin away. Banished it. I thought You just stood in front of the mountains of our sins and told them to be gone. Just like You did to the demons. Just like you did to the hypocrites in the temple. I just thought you commanded the evil out. I never noticed that You took it out. It never occurred to me that You actually touched it – or worse yet – that it touched You!

That must have been a horrible moment. I know what it’s like to be touched by sin. I know what it’s like to smell the stench of that stuff. Remember what I used to be like? Before I knew You, I wallowed in that mire. I didn’t just touch sin, I loved it. I drank it. I danced with it. I was in the middle of it. But why am I telling You? You remember. You were the one who saw me. You were the one who found me. I was lonely and afraid. Remember? “Why? Why me? Why has all this hurt happened to me?”

                I know it wasn’t much of a question. But it was all I knew to ask. You see, God, I felt so confused. So desolate. Sin will do that to you. Sin leaves you shipwrecked, orphaned, adrift., Sin leaves you aban …

                Oh. Oh, my goodness, God. Is that what happened? You mean sin did the same thing to You that it did to me? Oh, I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t understand. You really were alone, weren’t You? Your question was real, wasn’t it Jesus? You really were afraid. You really were alone. Just like I was. Only, I deserved it. You didn’t!

                Forgive me, I spoke out of turn.

Behind Closed Doors

My wife and I were on vacation last week and traveled to several unique locations. Since we live in a very small house, whenever we go on vacation we like to rent really big houses and invite friends and family to join us. So our vacation last week included a large lake view home in Zephyr Cove at South Lake Tahoe and a mountain top home on an oak covered ridge in the wine country of Sonoma.

Both houses were totally awesome but part of the fun is finding out what lies behind that front door when you finally arrive at your vacation destination. Sure there are photos on line, but the exciting part for us is when we open the front door for the first time, step inside and explore our new (albeit temporary) home. You never really know what you are going to find and obviously you won’t know if you never open that door… and isn’t that a basic principal of life? If you’re afraid to open the next door, take the next step, start the next chapter in your life, you just might miss out on a really great adventure!

Thinking about opening a “closed door” reminds me of the story in the bible about the two Mary’s who went to visit Jesus’s tomb. When they got there the huge rock blocking the entrance was moved and the tomb was open. They didn’t know that the rock would be moved so I am not sure what they planned to do when they got there, but they still went anyway. Even more interesting is that the rock was moved at all. Jesus didn’t need the rock to be moved. Jesus could come and go as he pleased. So I think the reason the rock was moved was so that both Mary Magdalene and Mary (the mother of James) could see that Jesus was gone. It was moved so that through that “open door” they could see for the first time ever, that a true miracle had occurred, a truly everlasting resurrection. Had they not had the courage to go, despite there being a “closed door”, the world would not be the same today.

In our everyday lives we face a lot of “closed doors” and every time we do, we have to decide whether or not we have the courage to open them. So if you’re wondering whether you should open that new door in your life and worrying about it, stop worrying. The surest way to escape anxiety and defeat despair is action and when we commit to action, the stress becomes manageable, and even better… sometimes we get to see things we never thought possible!

The incredible beauty of Zephyr Cove at South Lake Tahoe

Action is the antidote to despair.

~ Joan Baez

Labor of Love

I have a soft spot in my heart for the working class people in this world. People who get up every day and go off to their jobs like clockwork, doing their best all day long to support themselves and/or their families, truly impress me. It doesn’t matter what the job is, if you’re giving it your best effort and take pride in your work, you deserve respect. Hey, maybe that’s why they came up with a holiday called “Labor Day”!

Last Thursday I had to drive to a job site meeting in Huntington Beach. When I stopped at a red light on Brookhurst Street, I noticed a construction crew working on the street lights. (For some reason I’m always checking out the lighting, even in the daytime, I just can’t help it!) When I glanced out my window I noticed a construction worker putting the finishing touches on a new section of concrete curb. He was bent over in the hot sun at 3:00pm in the afternoon totally focused on his work. What caught my attention was that the rest of the curb, in both directions, looked terrible. The old curb was cracked and broken but this dedicated construction worker was doing his best to make sure this small new section looked great.

I spent about a half hour at my meeting and then headed back down Brookhurst towards the freeway. As I stopped again at the same red light, there was that same construction worker, still bent over using his trowel to make sure the smooth new concrete was absolutely finished to perfection. It made me stop and think, first about how some people are born with a strong work ethic and second that almost everyone is born with an innate sense of right and wrong. I’m not just talking about taking pride in our work, I’m talking about how even as little children we somehow knew it was wrong to hurt people and right to help them. Our parents may or may not have tried to teach us to do right, but somehow there seems to be an internal magnet that pulls the needles on the compass of our conscience towards right and repels us away from wrong.

It seems to me that common virtues connect us. Societies all over the world applaud sacrifice and honor courage, while punishing selfishness and dishonesty. Even people who have never heard of God sense His law within them. I guess it’s called having a “conscience” and maybe, just maybe… it’s one more proof of His existence!

God give me work, till my life shall end. And life, till my work is done.

~ Epitath of Winifred Holtby

True Courage

I made a big mistake this weekend by over focusing on my own needs and thereby demonstrating a lack of courage.  Thinking about it is embarrassing enough, so writing about it to hundreds of readers is super humiliating for sure. However, I learned something from it, so maybe if I share it, you can learn from it too.

But before I tell you what I did wrong, let me “back up” a bit and give you the “back story”. If you’ve been reading my Monday Messages over the past few months you know that I have been struggling with a tough back pain issue for the last 7 weeks. I finally got an MRI and the doctor determined that I need to have a special procedure done. But when I went in last Monday morning to have the procedure done, I found out the doctor injured his hand over the weekend and can’t do any procedures for a month. So I spent most of last week trying to find another doctor who could perform the procedure, but struck out at every turn, which is really frustrating because the pain never goes away. I can’t walk any distance, stand for any length of time or lift anything without pain. For a guy who is fairly athletic, life has really come to a crawl! (Literally!)

Fast forward to this past Saturday. I’m trying to put my pants on but the pain is pretty bad at that moment, so I have to sit down to do it. As I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, I slip and fall and hit my head on the nightstand. Here’s the picture… I’m lying on the floor with my pants halfway on, my back is hurting, my head is hurting and I’m totally pissed off. So I lose it and get real upset. I was so frustrated and so tired of the pain that I started feeling sorry for myself and that’s normally a big “No-No” in my book. To make things worse my wife came in the room and I let her see how upset I was. So I made a second mistake by pouring out all my sadness and feelings of frustration onto her. (Fortunately for me, I have an awesome wife who is always there to support me.)

Let’s face it, everyone has a problem of some kind and there a lot of people out there who are way worse off than me. So first, for me to “lose it” was a big mistake because there are a thousand things going right in my life. God has blessed me in so many ways, that I should absolutely never complain about anything. Second, my Dad taught me all about true courage in the face of pain. Before passing away, he suffered with esophageal cancer for six months and never, ever complained even once about the pain or about being terminally ill. He was truly a man of character and courage and never wanted to burden my Mom or us kids with his pain or problems.

After I regained my composure, I immediately regretted my moment of weakness. I thought about my Dad and all that he taught me. I thought about my wife and how she depends on me to be strong and always have a good attitude. And I thought about the legacy I want to leave for my children. So I came to a conclusion. A moment of weakness will not define me, but it will remind me… True courage is all about putting yourself and your own needs second… to the needs of others!

Don’t let a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life.

 ~ Anonymous