The Unexpected

People like surprises and people like thoughtfulness. Sometimes those two things can go together quite nicely!

My wife, Debby, is a master at it. She is always thinking about others and doing nice things for people. Me not so often. She is also willing to sacrifice her time to put in time for others. Me not so much. She is also really clever and gifted at gift giving. Me not at all!

Debby sets a really good example. So on Saturday morning I decided I would try, in some small way, to follow her lead. Unfortunately, I’m not good at picking out gifts. In fact, I am the worst gift “picker outer” in the world, which I get from my Mom. She once gave my youngest daughter a fur trimmed blouse for Christmas. We still laugh about that “fuzzy squirrel shirt” 20 years later.  

It took me a while to figure things out, but it finally dawned on me that the best gifts are the ones you make yourself. And although I can’t really cook, there is one thing that my wonderful, thoughtful Mother (trying to make up for slamming my Mom above) taught me, how to make really tasty southern style Biscuits and Gravy. The secret is to start with two pounds of bacon (because everything tastes better with bacon) and a whole lot of continuous stirring as you make the gravy. Throw in the right amount of salt and pepper and voila! Lead sinkers!

After creating a huge batch of biscuits and gravy, possibly my best batch ever, I packed the goodies into three separate snap-ware bowls and headed out the door. My goal was to surprise and delight my three adult children and their families who live nearby. Needless to say, I made their day, and even surprised myself in a way!

Making a tasty breakfast and driving it all over town wasn’t easy. But I learned something. Sometimes doing the unexpected can be really fun and satisfying… for the people on both ends!

He who gives when he is asked, has waited too long. 

Give when it is unexpected.

~ Seneca

There Must Be A Reason

I was awarded a Metals Inspection Project last week for street light poles on Alta Knoll Drive in Santa Clarita. I knew it was going to be a long drive, but since there were only 22 poles to inspect, I thought it would be a fairly quick and easy project. I couldn’t have been more wrong!

The job consisted of inspecting the metal at the base of each street light pole. Unfortunately, I had to push a heavy roll cart filled with tools and the poles were spaced about a hundred yards apart. That may not seem so bad, but 22 poles equals 2200 yards, which is 1 ½ miles! And not only, I discovered when I got there that Alta Knoll Drive is one heck of a super steep, extremely narrow, winding mountain road with “No Parking” signs the entire length.

I had to park at one end or the other, so I chose to park at the top of the street and work my way down with my roll cart. Pretty smart, right! The other smart thing was that I took orange safety cones with me and although several cars tried to squash me into the guard rail, I somehow managed to survive. Now my problem was I had to leave my roll cart behind and hike back up the long road. I decided to carry some of my more expensive tools and equipment with me so they wouldn’t get stolen, but by the time I was halfway up the mountain, I was gassed! By the time I finally got to my truck at the top of the road, my legs were burning, my lungs were burning, and my throat was on fire. I drank an entire bottle of water in 10 seconds. Then I sat there exhausted and thought to myself, “This is really hard work and you’re not young anymore, so why are you doing this? There must be a reason!”

When I got home my wife made a great meal and we sat out on our patio to enjoy the view. She asked me if we could talk about Christmas, which was interesting because Christmas is months away. But she explained she was worried about our budget this year, and since I am only working part-time, she wanted to plan ahead to make sure there was enough money to cover everyone on our list. (My wife loves to buy thoughtful presents for deserving people!) As I reviewed her list, I saw a name I hadn’t seen on our Christmas list before, Nelia, who is the caretaker we hired to help my wife’s mother who has Alzheimer’s. Nelia is an amazing woman with a heart of gold who is providing outstanding care to someone we love, at a time when she really needs it. I agree with my wife that we should buy her something really nice at Christmas time. In fact, I think her generous nature is one of the things I love most about her.

So why I am still working hard at age 66 to make a little extra money? I think I figured out the reason!

There are three things in life that should be important.

The first is to be thoughtful. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be generous.

        ~ Henry James

Worldly Wisdom

I have a problem. Okay, some people would say I have a lot of problems, but there is one problem in particular that has plagued me my whole life. I allow myself to be “too busy”, and it’s not a good thing!

Actually, I think it’s good to work hard and be productive. But it’s also important to lead a balanced life putting faith, family, and friends first, and work second. But even when it comes to faith, family, and friends, it’s easy for me to get overloaded. So with the holidays coming up, arguably the busiest time of year for everyone, I have decided to try to slow my life down a little and enjoy myself more.

As I write that decision down and think about it, I find myself thinking about my friend Pao Chi Chen. She was 88  years old when I ran her over with my truck. Somehow she survived and we became very close friends. She lived to be 95 years old, and her life was incredibly hard at times, but she also became a famous artist who traveled the world and spoke four languages. Over the years, she amassed an amazing amount of life experience as well as worldly wisdom and yet one of her main passions was gardening. She spoke of several beautiful garden exhibits in China that she loved to visit as a little girl. She said she enjoyed the beauty of a garden and that it helped her to “slow down”. I will never forget when she told me that, because she was looking straight into my eyes at the time, trying to impart some wisdom to this middle-aged businessman with his head up his butt.

Pao Chi Chen passed away at 95, but I will never forget her or her wonderful words of wisdom. Earlier this morning, I was reading and came across a story about a beautiful garden in Peking, China. Instantly I thought about Pao Chi Chen and wondered if this was one of the gardens she visited as a child. The book described the garden in great detail. It was enclosed by a high wall. In the center on a stone wall, surrounded by twining red and white flowers, was a brass plate almost two feet long. The words on the brass plate were in Mandarin Chinese.

When translated into English: 

Enjoy Yourself

It's Later Than You Think!

Time For This One To Come Home

Life is full of surprises, mainly because things are always changing. For example, my wife and I have been renting a home on Beach Road for 10 years now, and have really been happy living here. But unfortunately, our home was just sold, and the new owners are planning to radically increase the rent, which means we will be moving soon. I wonder if we can find a new home that we will be happy with?

When I was 14, I lived with my parents in a nice home in a little town called Fallbrook. They took me to church every Sunday, where the very first seeds of my faith were sown. I was happy there.  

When I was 16, my parents moved to San Francisco. I ended up living in a tiny plywood shack with no electricity, no running water, and no bathroom. To me it was an adventure, and I was happy living there.

When I was 24, I bought my first home. It was in a newly constructed area off El Toro Road, built for low-income people like me, and therefore affordable. It was just a small simple home, with no yard or landscaping, not even a fence. I had to work really hard to fix it up, but I was happy living there.

When I got divorced at 37, I was living in a brand new four-bedroom view home with a pool. I had to sell it at a loss, and move temporarily to one of those extended stay Motels in Irvine. It was just a room, but it was mine, and I was happy there.

When I was 48 and remarried, my loving wife and I built a custom home in Coto de Caza. It was a three-story Tuscan Estate on an acre of land with a gorgeous view. It had four bedrooms, plus an office, a gym, a movie theater room, and a pool with a spa. Needless to say, I was happy there, and so was she.

When I was 56 and our four children were all grown and gone, we decided to downsize. My wife thought it would be fun to rent a house at the beach for a month while we looked for a new home to buy. However, we never made time to look for a new home because we immediately fell in love with the beach. She was right, it has been fun, and I have been really happy here.

At the age of 66, I am used to things changing. While I do not know where I will end up next, and I do not know what my next home will look like, I do know I will always be happy no matter where my home is. Why? I think it’s because I have always known where my final home is going to be!

Drizzle, Drazzle, Druzzle, Drome; time for this one to come home.

~ from the 1960’s Cartoon "Tooter Turtle" 

Moments In Time

Being bold is hard. Have you ever been asked to speak in public? Or called on in the classroom to give an answer? Or asked to give a toast at a wedding? Having the courage to speak up in front of others is never easy. But there are times when it is really important to speak up or find some way to share your opinion or an important message that might benefit others.

That is in essence the purpose of my Monday Messages, to relate an inspiring message without sounding like I am preaching. But it’s very difficult at times. I want to inspire people to think about the important things in life, yet I am not a pastor, and therefore not qualified to preach. I have however, lived a life made incredibly amazing by my faith. So how do I boldly share my faith with my wife, my family, my friends, and even strangers… without turning them off? The answer isn’t that difficult!

This weekend, my wife and I went wine tasting in Temecula. My youngest daughter’s birthday is today, and my wife’s birthday is tomorrow. So we wanted to spend time this weekend, with both of our daughters and their husbands, celebrating birthdays. Six of us got together (with me as the designated driver - bummer dude!) and visited several wineries off of Rancho California Road. At the first stop, Miramonte Vineyards, we were seated on couches in a really classy private Cabana with a table filled with charcuterie and excellent wine flights. Before we tasted anything, my wife handed me a piece of paper and asked the group if “Dad” could read something before we started. What she handed me was an inspiring parable about the importance of all the unique passengers we meet as we “ride through the different train stations of life”. We didn’t realize the waitress was listening nearby, but afterwards, she commented that she admired a family that started their wine tasting with an inspiring parable!

Our second stop was at Doffo Vineyards, which was a very different vibe. More of a biker gang hangout, with dozens of antique motorcycles on display. After the heavily tattooed waitress approached our table and took our order, she asked me a question. “What does the I Am Second on your bracelet mean?” She laughed and said, “Does it mean You Are Second to None?” I laughed and said, “No. It’s a reminder that I should always consider myself second to God, and put Him first.” She smiled thoughtfully… and said, “I like that!”

There were a couple of unique moments in time this weekend, where I didn’t stand up in front of a crowd and I didn’t preach either. Or just maybe I did!

Faith makes things possible, not easy.

~ Anonymous 

Random Acts

What is the cost of a random act of kindness? Probably not very much.

Last Monday I was leaving my house with my wife, and we were running late. As I pulled out from my parking spot on the street, I noticed a jogger running by. What I didn’t notice was that I was bumping into a trash can. Which then knocked over another trash can. Which then spilled the contents of both trash cans all over the street. I pulled over, but before I even got back. the jogger had turned around and was picking up the trash for me.

On Tuesday, I was working on a Light Pole Inspection Project at a large shopping center. I was having trouble with the poles along the perimeter because of thick hedges and heavy brush, when I suddenly noticed movement. I thought it was an animal, but when I parted the bushes to take a look, I saw a woman and a young child laying on an old blanket on the ground, trying to stay in the shade. They didn’t notice me, and I didn’t want to scare them, so I walked away. But then I walked over to the In-And-Out Restaurant nearby, bought a couple of gift cards, and took them back and dropped them over the fence.

On Wednesday, when I went to my regular weekly golf match with my buddy Scott, I forgot my Yeti Bag with my food and drinks. It was really hot out, and I was getting thirsty. When we made the turn and were on the back nine, my competitor, without me even asking, walked over and handed me a large Gatorade.

On Thursday I was having a really rough day. I was having trouble getting an insurance certificate approved from my insurance company, one of my ultrasonic machines was acting up and was obviously going to need some expensive repair work, and my back was hurting me way more than usual. Around 9:00pm I just wanted to call it a day and go to bed, when I got a random text from one of my kids that simply said, “Love you Dad.”

What is a random act of kindness worth? Probably more than you think!

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

~ Aesop 

The Love In Your Heart

I love playing golf because it’s always outdoors in a beautiful environment, and most often played with good friends or family. The other benefit is that you can often discover a lot of life lessons from playing the game. In fact, today’s Monday Message was inspired by golf, not so much by playing it, as by not being able to play it. Let me explain…

The past couple of weeks I have been struggling with back pain. So, I’ve had to limit the amount of golf I play. Granted, most people my age have problems with back pain, but luckily mine seems intermittent. (Although some would say that I am a pain in the ass all the time!) Fortunately, most of the time, even when I struggle to get out of bed in the morning, I can still swing a golf club. But not this past Saturday.

My wife and I were scheduled to play golf with my daughter, Nikki, and her husband, Andrew. I was really looking forward to it because I love golf and I love my son-in-law. He is an amazing young man, a hard worker who treats my daughter with a ton of respect, while always treating her like he is madly in love with her. We are blessed to have him in our lives, and since it was his birthday coming up, I really wanted to show him (and her) a good time.

When we arrived at the golf course, I did not do my usual warm up routine. Mainly because after only two practice swings, my back started barking very loudly at me. But then Andrew and Nikki pulled up, laughing and smiling, just two young people in love out to have a good time together. I thought about bailing out, but after seeing their big smiles I decided to suck it up instead and play for as long as possible because Saturday wasn’t about me, it was about showing love to others.

On the first tee, I somehow hit one of the best drives I’ve ever hit on that hole and made PAR. More importantly, my back only hurt a little. On the second tee, I drove the ball straighter and farther than I ever have on that hole, and made PAR again. Nikki and Andrew were having fun too. Nikki doesn’t golf much, but on Saturday she was hitting drives off the tee like a pro. We were all laughing and having a great time. By the time 9 holes were over my back was killing me, but I had just played some of the best golf of my life. More importantly, I got to spend time with people I care about and show them my love.

Even though my back was hurting, and I wasn’t able to finish the round, I had a great time and hopefully my family enjoyed it even more. Despite the pain, on the drive home I was really happy! But I kept thinking, “How on earth was I able to hit so many great drives with such a screwed up back?” And then I remembered the lesson from last week’s Monday Message. “To find happiness, we must seek for it in a focus outside ourselves.”

The love in your heart wasn’t put there to stay, 

love isn’t love until you give it away.

~ Oscar Hammerstein