See the Value (by Debby Thrailkill)

She came into my life quickly, serendipitously, splendidly. I needed something and I wasn't quite sure what it was, but I was watching and waiting for it. I was keenly aware that my next new passion was ahead of me, but I had yet to find it. Then I met Carmen.

Carmen is an internationally accomplished fine art painter from Spain. She has a glorious repertoire of work that spans more than forty years. I inquired about painting lessons at a local art studio and Carmen answered. She invited me to join her morning classes two days a week and described the classes as "Joyful". A few days later, I met Carmen in person to try my hand at oil painting… for the very first time.

My first impression of Carmen was her passion for life and art in every sense. A mature, beautiful, and strong woman with colorful streaks of lavender and pink in her hair, and matching color on her eyelids. Carmen speaks with a heavy accent and a singing, positive spirit, encouraging growth from students of all levels of ability. Having zero experience, I found myself armed with a pallet, brushes, paints, easel, and canvas on my very first day. Carmen guided to me to sketch a vignette she had created, which was posed in front of me under a natural skylight. I was challenged in every sense because although I consider myself creative, I have never been artsy. Carmen explained that I must learn to see the colors, the life, the energy of the scene, in order to re-create it with a brush and vibrant colors.

As Carmen helped me mix the oil paints, I could tell I was in an accelerated program with a master. Watching her take shades of Veronese greens, cobalt yellows and blues, and mix them effortlessly into a spectrum of beautiful colors instantly enthralled me. She showed me how to use my brush using small sideways strokes to work the entire canvas all at once, and to see the very subtle but kaleidoscopic like colors in a simple vase of tulips. Where I was seeing green, Carmen was seeing green and lilac and yellow and purple and even a touch of red. Carmen told me that I must learn to see the shadow, the color, and the value (relative lightness or darkness) in everything. Carmen teaches there are no strict edges, that colors overlap when near each other.

Ever since that very first art class, I see so much more of the “value” of everything in front of me. Carmen is teaching me to see all of the subtleties I had missed before, and with that comes so much more beauty. I laugh when Carmen tells me to, "Stop thinking and just do", because that is not how I normally go through life. But I am starting to realize there is so much more to see. Life is glorious, people are breathtaking, and emotion is in everything… if only you will allow yourself to see the value!

Art is not truth. 

Art is a lie that helps us to realize the truth.

~ Pablo Picasso

Overflowing Cups

I think it’s important to be able to look at ourselves honestly. But it’s also important to hear the viewpoint of what others think about us as well, as long they are people we respect. So, I’m wondering... Is your opinion of yourself the most important thing, or are other people’s opinions more important?

At this time of year, a lot of our family members drive up to a large cabin in Lake Arrowhead to celebrate Easter. The group can range from 12-16 people and despite the close quarters and utter chaos at times, we usually have a blast. This year was different though…

I’m not saying we didn’t have a blast because we did. For one thing, we ate really well, mainly because we took turns cooking awesome gourmet meals. We also played lots of board games, watched movies, shot pool and played cornhole, went on hikes, and visited an arboretum. Easter morning, I made biscuits and gravy as usual and offered up a short but heartfelt prayer to God for his grace, sacrifice, and blessings.  But it was my wife that made this trip different than any other.

Debby is a very caring person and a loving wife, but she is also clever and thoughtful. Easter morning she set out 14 cups, each labeled with a different family member’s name. After a hearty breakfast, Debby announced that the paper cups are “Positive Affirmation Cups”. Not knowing what the heck she meant, we asked, “What up with the cups? She said, “If you feel it in your heart to say something nice about a family member, write it down and put it in their cup.” Of course, my first thought was, “Oh Man, I hope I don’t end up with an empty cup!” My second thought was, “Wow! What a great way to show people some love.”

I have often wished that I could see myself the way others see me because I know I could learn a lot from both the good and the bad comments. In fact, to give an analogy, I recently decided to take golf lessons at Golftec where they have state of the art video equipment. I thought I had a solid grip, great stance and fairly smooth swing. After seeing myself on video and hearing what the instructor had to say, I discovered that I suck! I had at least 10 things wrong and yet, my view of myself was very different.

I guess the only way to know how we are really doing in life is to take an honest look at ourselves and then be humble enough to blend in what others think about us as well. The picture may not always be pretty, but honest self-reflection can bring major improvement. Plus, who knows, one positive affirmation card given out at just the right moment, might change someone else’s life for the better!

P.S. In response to the opening question above… No matter what we think of ourselves, or what others may think about us, we should always remember that there is someone up above who always thinks highly of us! That thought alone filled my positive affirmation cup to overflowing!

I have the power to create change in my life... 

and in the lives of others.

~ Ruby Fremon 

One Stubborn Duck

I don’t know why weird things are always happening to me, but they do. Last week was no exception.

I was sweeping out my carport Wednesday morning when I noticed a car stopped in front of my house. Upon closer inspection, I realized he was stopped because there was a large Cormorant (Sea Duck) sitting in the middle of the street, not moving, blocking his way. This duck was huge, at least 3’ feet tall, with a slender curved neck, and a long sharp beak. I went to shoo him away but apparently, he was injured and couldn’t fly. In fact, he could barely walk so it was a struggle to get him over to the curb.

I went back to sweeping, but sure enough “Donald” hobbled right back into the middle of the street and sat down again. (I named him Donald in honor of our President because he obviously has his same stubborn streak.) I wasn’t sure what to do, so I got a beach towel to try to wrap him up and carry him back to the beach. However, when I tried to wrap him up in the beach towel, he jabbed his beak at me and slashed the back of my hand. With blood dripping, I gave up and walked back to my carport repeating that old saying in my head, “No good deed goes unpunished.”

I guess you could say I’m a little stubborn myself, so after thinking about it for a while, I decided to try one more to save this stubborn beast from being smashed flat in the street. I went inside and got a really large beach towel, walked up close to Donald, and threw it over the top of his head. It worked and as he struggled inside the beach towel, I was able to grab the four corners and start walking with him. Unfortunately, As I headed down my sidewalk towards the beach he managed to escape from the towel and started squawking at me. At that point, he stared me down, while I tried to explain that I was only trying to help him. Unfortunately, he didn’t seem to appreciate my good intentions.

After shutting the gate and setting up some carboard boxes to block Donald from escaping, I called San Clemente Animal Control. They sent a young lady down within the hour and she showed up with an animal net and a special box to carry Donald away. However, when she got her first look at him, she was surprised by how large he was and had to go back to her truck and get a bigger box. I noticed that Donald didn’t seem to appreciate her help any more then he had mine, squawking and jabbing his beak at her the whole time.

That got me thinking about how sometimes when people need help, they are reluctant to ask. Think about it. If we stubbornly wait for someone to ask us for help, before we act, it just might be too late!

If you’re not sure what to do, ask yourself,

"What happens if I do nothing?”  

~ Robert Brault 

Growing in Love

It's springtime again, which reminds me that every person born on this earth is born with a desire for love. It’s an innate desire and a gift from God to experience true love for someone and have them in turn truly love you back. Let’s face it, what could be better than that feeling of “falling in love”!

Both of my daughters fell in love not too long ago and they both got married. One was married in 2017 and her sister a year later in 2018. It was easy to see that they were in love with their fiancés before they were married, but now that they have been married for a little while, I am so happy to see that their love is stronger than ever. Watching their love grow reminds me of my own relationship.

On Friday of last week, I took my wife back to the Newport Diagnostic Center for a second Mammogram. The first mammogram turned up something suspicious and although she said it was probably nothing, the doctor still wanted a recheck done. As she got out of the car, I had this overwhelming feeling of “being in love” with her. I don’t know how to explain it, but as I watched her walk away from the car, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She is so beautiful and so precious to me! My heart pounded and my knuckles turned white as I gripped the steering wheel way too tight. I’m not sure what was happening, but we’ve been through so much the past 25 years, so many good times, so many difficult times, but always striving to take our relationship to the next level. Maybe it’s because I almost lost her when she had a serious lung disorder that I appreciate her so much. But I know that coming close to losing her is actually only one small part of it. The main reason our love keeps growing is because we work hard to strengthen it, every single day. In fact, we both have several banker’s boxes filled with hundreds of love notes and cards that we’ve given each other over time. Small little reminders that our love is a gift that is not to be taken for granted.

I can’t really explain the secret to growing in love, I just know that you have to work at it every single day. You have to wake up thinking, “What can I do to make this person’s life better today?” You have to put your own needs on hold at times and show that you care more about the other person than yourself. Write them a love note, tell them how you feel, or maybe even buy them a stupid coffee mug! Wait…. I just realized the answer! What could be better than falling in love… Growing in love!

Gravity is not the reason people fall in love.

~ Albert Einstein 

In the Blink of an Eye

(1962) Even though the teacher moved me up to the front of the class, I can’t see the chalkboard very well. My Mom says I have to get fitted for glasses tomorrow and I know all the kids in my second-grade class are going to make fun of me for sure and call me “Four-Eyes”. My life is over!

(1967) Junior High is turning out to be a better than I thought it was going to be! First, there are two really cute girls that sit behind me in class. Bonnie Blanton and Beverly Brumley are the “BB” (beautiful bombshell) girls, at least that’s what I call them. Second, my Mom says I am getting fitted for contact lenses tomorrow. She says my Aunt got a job at an optometrist place and now we can get a discount. Maybe if I lose the glasses, I’ll finally get the guts to go talk to the BB girls!

(1971) I got my driver’s license last week. So, Saturday night I was able to load my motorcycle into my truck and drive to Elsinore Racetrack on my own. I had a great night of racing and made it into the finals. Unfortunately, I got some dirt in my eyes and my hard contact lenses started really bothering me. As I entered the hairpin curve at the top of the straightaway on the final lap, I couldn’t see at all and lost control, flying off the track at 60 mph. I hate these stupid hard contact lenses, but now that I have a part time job at a gas station, I am going to save up to get a new kind called “soft contact lenses”.

(1995) I can’t believe how gorgeous my fiancé is! Her dress, her hair, her makeup, everything about her is breathtakingly beautiful. I always hoped I would get married to the girl of my dreams before the age of 40 and now it’s finally happening. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry today as I read my vows, but my emotions are getting the best of me, and my contact lenses aren’t helping either. I am trying hard to blink back the tears, but as I finish my last vow to her, I can feel the tears start falling from my eyes.

(2001) I feel really blessed the way things have gone this past year. My wife is awesome, my kids are healthy, and my business is finally booming here in Orange County. About six months ago, I had a little extra money, so I decided to ditch my contact lenses and get Lasik surgery. I was a little nervous about it, but my Dad said he would give me a ride and take me home after the surgery. My Dad is such a great guy. He’s always been there for me, steady and consistent, my rock and my hero. Unfortunately, tomorrow is his memorial service and I can’t stop crying. I won’t cry at the ceremony, I’ll be strong for my Mom, but despite my great new Lasik vision, it’s hard to visualize what the world is going to look like… without my Dad.

(2019) I golfed yesterday with my buddy Stacy and got frustrated several times because I can’t follow the flight of the ball. It’s been 18 years since I had Lasik and I’m at the point where I now need reading glasses for close up and a second pair for seeing far away. I remember thinking my life was over back when I was 7 years old and had to get those stupid glasses. Now I’m 63 and have to get those stupid glasses once again and I’m wondering the same thing. Is my life truly over now? I don’t know. But somehow my life seems to have gone full circle… in the blink of an eye!

As each day comes with fresh morning dew, 

so does my gratitude itself renew. 

~ Joe Thrailkill 

The Lady in Red

I’m not sure whether I should feel guilty or ashamed or what? I did something last week that felt bad, or should I say… I didn’t do something last week that felt bad. Please let me explain.

I was at Jerome’s furniture with my wife shopping for a sofa bed. We picked one out and while she continued shopping, I went to the check out area to pay for it. There was a young couple ahead of me, so I waited in line. I stood there patiently for about 10 minutes and as I stood there, I overheard some of the conversation going on. Apparently, the couple was waiting for change on their cash purchase, but the cashier didn’t have anything but a $100 bill. I heard her say she needed to go to her car to get change, but she had to wait until another cashier could relieve her. The couple looked frustrated, so I checked my wallet and saw that I had change for $100 and offered it up to the cashier.  She smiled, the couple smiled, problem solved. It didn’t cost me anything to help out, but it did require me to notice what was going on around me, and to pay attention to other people… instead of having my face in my phone and my head in the clouds.

But that’s not the thing that I didn’t do that is making me feel bad. Please let me explain further.

It’s been raining more this winter than in many, many years. I love that we are getting this much-needed rain but I’m also kind of tired of being cold and wet every day, so I’ve started carrying an umbrella with me everywhere I go. My wife and I went to the grocery store on Wednesday and it was really pouring, so I drove up close to the entrance and dropped her off. After I parked, I grabbed my umbrella and headed over to the store. As I approached the entrance, I noticed an older lady standing near the doorway. She was very noticeable because she was wearing a really funky red hat with a feather in it, tall red boots, and a big heavy red coat. She was carrying a bag of groceries and just standing there staring at the heavy rain. My thought was to offer to walk her to her car with my umbrella, but I was in a hurry to catch up with my wife and help her with her grocery shopping. So I walked right by that cute little old lady and said nothing. As soon as I got inside, I felt like a jerk, but when I turned around to go back, I saw that the lady in red was already slowly shuffling her way across the parking lot, getting totally drenched by the rain. It wouldn’t have cost me anything to help her, except a little time, but I didn’t do it. Problem not solved!

It’s not that I did something wrong, so I guess I don’t need to feel guilty. It’s just that I didn’t do what I know I should have done… something that would have made someone else’s day a little better! I know for a fact there are going to be situations every single day where I could bring a little sunshine into another person’s rainy day. And yet too often I am more focused on my phone than my fellow human beings. Shame on me!

Action is the antidote to despair.

~ Joan Baez 

A Kick

Monday Messages are meant to inspire and remind us of the things in life that are important. But I thought I would try something a little different this time and I thought you might get a kick out of it!

This week… there is no written Monday Message… just a simple photo. Take a look and if you can guess what is going on in the photo, email me. If you’re right, I will send you a Free “In-N-Out” Gift Card!

Hint: The Quote below the photo is a clue!

I don’t care how poor a man is; if he has family, he’s rich.

~ Thad Mumford

(From the TV Show - M*A*S*H) 

Note: Family Members are not eligible for this contest.