Never Coming Back

One of the first Monday Messages I ever wrote was just before Memorial Day in 2007. It was 17 years ago, but the message is still just as profound and important today. God bless our servicemen and women, and their families who sacrifice so much for the rest of us!

 

May 28th, 2007

Monday Message #21 – Never Coming Back

I live in a very nice home located in a gated community. I wear nice clothes, drive a nice car, and have a wonderful family including my four children and three grandchildren. My friend, Bill, has a life that is pretty much the same. He is a Senior Vice President at Vineyard Bank, lives in a beautiful neighborhood, drives a nice car, and has a wonderful family as well, including his two beloved sons.

Except there is one difference between us. I have two sons and two daughters and Bill only has two sons. And there is one other difference. Three years ago Bill’s oldest son, Justin, joined the Army and at age 21 went off to fight in the war in Iraq. But Justin didn’t come back… and he is never coming back!

The good news is that Bill has another son, Cameron, his baby. Cameron is a good young man, but he hasn’t been the same since his brother died. I gave Cameron a job working for my company, and he worked hard. But his heart wasn’t in it and he quit two weeks ago. Cameron always looked up to his big brother, loved his big brother, and admired his big brother. Bill says Cameron decided to follow in his brother’s footsteps and just completed basic training. He will be shipping out to Iraq shortly. I couldn’t believe it at first. I saw the pain in Bill’s eyes and heard the crack in his voice when he told me he his son had been killed. His suffering was so severe and so transparent, I could taste it. And now he is watching his baby, his only other child, go off to war again. I don’t ask why… I just offer my support.

My grandfather was a Major in the USMC, and my father served as a Captain in the USMC, so I support our military and all they stand for. I understand the need to defend our country and to defend the world from terrorism. But the one thing I don’t understand, because it hasn’t happened to me, is what it feels like to lose a child, to lose a loved one in a war. And that got me thinking…

 If everyone single person on earth understood what it’s like to have a child killed in war,

then perhaps there wouldn’t be any more wars!

                        

 

You Just Never Know

I realized many years ago that life is a series of decisions. In the beginning, Adam and Eve were gifted with the power of choice, and for a while they used good judgement and made many good decisions… there was that one time when they used really bad judgement, and it has haunted them (and us) ever since!

But here we are, with the power to choose, to decide, and to judge everything (and everyone for that matter) all day long. It is a necessary evil, but not necessarily evil. I think the difference might be in when we judge, and not why we judge.

Let me give you an example. My wife bid on a round of golf at the exclusive Shady Canyon Golf Club in Irvine at a charity auction. It was expensive, but the money was going to charity and she and I love to golf. We ended up winning the bid and were contacted by the Member who donated the round. I was glad to get a chance to play golf at such a prestigious golf course, but then I found out we would have to play with the Member and not on our own. When I found out the Member was 76 years old, my first thought was, “This guy is either going to be a really slow-moving oldster, or he’s going to be one of those rich, arrogant guys, who looks down his nose at us “public” riff raff golfers. And in my infinite wisdom I was thinking this may not be very much fun. But then again, I was prejudging someone I had never met, and that’s a bad decision on my part.

The gentleman that joined us for golf, we’ll call him “Mister B”, was absolutely amazing! He was polite, courteous, and helpful when we arrived. He toured us around the facility, cracking clever jokes, smiling and shaking hands with everyone we came across. He was obviously well liked, and well known, and when we started playing golf, I discovered that he’s also one hell of a golfer. The man shot 39 on the front nine alone, while focusing on us and providing us with entertainment and golf tips all along the way. It was one of the most enjoyable rounds of golf I have ever experienced, and it was totally due to the kindness and over-the-top attention shown to us by Mister B.

But that wasn’t all. After the round we sat down for a few minutes and Mister B told us about his passion for doing charity work and especially anything that involves helping children. He then asked my wife about her charity that provides clothing and essentials for foster children and before we had even gotten up from the table, Mister B had given my wife a very generous donation for her charity. Wow! I could not have been more wrong about someone, and I learned something. We should never “prejudge” anyone before we meet them, because people are like a box of chocolates, you just never know what you’re gonna get!

Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are.

~ Wayne Dyer

Make A Difference

When my wife and I owned our first company, it grew to where we had over 100 employees. Some employees were really great, they cared about their jobs, and they cared about the customers we served. They made a difference! Other employees would struggle, and I remember my wife saying, “They’re just not engaged with their job.” Kind of a funny expression, but I get what she meant. 

I thought about that term this past week because I’m starting to realize the importance of being “engaged” with the strangers we meet. For example, I was at a Dollar Tree Store on Tuesday, picking up dozens and dozens of toothbrushes, toothpaste, combs, hairbrushes, etc. for my wife’s foster child program. Normally, the cashiers are pretty slow and kind of groan when I approach with a cart that has over a hundred items. But the young lady that waited on me smiled when I approached. On top of that, she was lightning fast and great at bagging it all up. When she was done, I took a minute to complement her and explain how foster children are really going to appreciate all the goodies and clothes packed in their new suitcases. The cashier went quiet for a minute, then smiled at me and said, “I was a foster kid and it really sucked. So you’re doing a good thing.” I smiled at that and left thinking, I just made a new friend.

Another example was on Friday when I made a quick stop at a liquor store in Mission Viejo to buy some milk and eggs. When I was paying for it, I mentioned to the clerk, who was a middle eastern man, that my wife was a really good cook, and for that matter a really great woman. Basically way too good for the likes of me. He laughed and said, “Same with me!” And then somehow we got into a conversation about people and faith, and he asked me if I was a Christian. I answered yes, and he said, “Me too.” It surprised me and he explained to me that a lot of Muslim people have converted to Christianity. He then asked me questions about my faith, and I ended up telling him the story of how I helped install a 33’ cross of top of a mountain. That’s when he smiled and showed me the gold cross hanging around his neck. Here again, I left feeling like I just made a new friend.

I see people everywhere on their cell phones and  constantly checking and posting on social media. And I think it’s great that we have a powerful tool that enables us to communicate so easily. But real power comes when we actually engage with people face to face, that’s when each and every one of us can truly make a difference! 

Strangers are just friends, waiting to happen. 

~ Rod McKuen

Its About Everything

We have a desk in our kitchen and as I sit down to write, late in the afternoon on a Sunday, I realize I have nothing to write about. So I guess today’s Monday Message is about nothing.

Sometimes the ideas come easy and the words flow. Other times, like now, I am lost. So I look out the window towards the golf course behind our house and notice that the red roses in our planter are suddenly in full bloom. Despite the sun drifting low in the sky, the roses are still bursting with color. I am reminded that roses are beautiful, but they are weak and fragile, and they are unfortunately temporary.

Looking past the roses is a magnificent Oak Tree. It must be 60’ high and at least 50’ wide. A truly beautiful specimen that might be close to a hundred years old. It is the opposite of a rose, large enough to hold hundreds of birds at one time and sturdy enough to withstand our Santa Ana winds. Surely a symbol of the strength and creativity of Mother Nature, and not so temporary.

Then I look past the Oak Tree, and I see the most beautiful sight of all. Late in the day, with no one around on the golf course, a father and son are playing catch with a baseball. It makes me smile to watch them laugh and play and bond. And I am reminded that although I may have been fragile and weak when I was young, I became sturdy and strong as a man. And the strength of my faith guarantees me that while my life on this earth may be temporary, I will live on.

So maybe this story isn’t about nothing after all. Maybe it’s about everything.

“You're only here for a short visit. Don't hurry. Don't worry.

And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.”

~ Walter Hagen, American Professional Golfer

What You Make of It

Whew! Mid-March to mid-April is a super busy time for our family. We celebrate seven birthdays, our own wedding anniversary, Easter, and spring break. As the person in the family who does most of the entertaining, I especially enjoy figuring out how to celebrate our special days and creating moments together that will be fun and memorable. 

As I grew up, my Mom taught me how to cook and I learned a lot as she hosted many parties. Year after year, we did the party planning together, and a full year could be as many as 40 events. My mom was deeply creative, fun, and she would always find ways to make each time unique. I miss her deeply.

We hosted all the usual celebrations plus… golf tournaments, parties with surprise guests, poker and casino nights, jewelry and fashion parties, holiday high teas, wine tastings, 3 course chocolate dinners, Santa visits, BBQs at the beach, wedding and baby showers, block parties, taco and movie nights, and many more. We demonstrated our love to others by feeding their hearts. Hosting is so much more fun when shared, so now I look forward to sharing that experience with my own children and grandchildren.

Recently, for a double birthday dinner and poker party, I cooked a carnitas dinner. We had 12 guests and so I set one long table. During dinner I glanced around. My Dad and his girlfriend were to my left, next to my husband. Across the table was my oldest daughter and husband, to my right were my youngest daughter and her husband. At the far right were the youngest members of the family, teenagers 17, 16, and our little Blakely Rae at 18 months. In that moment the generations were lined up; those in life’s undeniable and yet wise and beautiful twilight years (including me); next to the 35-45 aged group each bustling and dazzling gorgeous superstars in their own right; and the sunny glow of our youth smiling and laughing, untouched by life beyond 20.

I sat and wondered about the meaning of it all for just a minute. And then I said a prayer of thank you to God for blessing me with such a beautiful life, and the freedom to make of it anything I want it to be. That’s the secret I thought… it’s all in what you make of it!

The door to my life is within me and I hold the key, no one else does.

                                 ~ Anonymous

Wise Beyond His Years

In February, I wrote in a Monday Message that I was going to send letters of encouragement every week to people who might need them. Since then I’ve written six letters of encouragement and this evening I will write another one.

I don’t know for sure if my handwritten letters are received because I don’t always hear back. But that’s not the point. The point is to put some goodwill out there and hope that it truly does do some good.

On Friday of last week, I did receive a letter in the mail. But it wasn’t from someone that I sent a letter of encouragement to. It was from my Grandson, Colin, who lives up in Liberty Lake, Washington. Colin is only 13 years old, but he is on my Monday Message list, and apparently he not only reads my Monday Messages, he says, “They give me a lot to think about.”

Colin’s letter surprised me, excited me, and touched me deeply. He may only be thirteen, but his writing is exceptional and so is his heart. He wrote, “Your reminder to think of others, even when things are tough, really resonated with me.” He went on to explain, “I was hoping to do a good thing like you, so I put another letter in this envelope that I hope Grandma can use in one of the suitcases she donates to Foster children. And I even talked my little sister into writing a letter of encouragement for a Foster child too.”

The last part of Colin’s letter practically made my heart burst. He said, “Thank you Grandpa for always being there for me and sharing your wisdom with me. Your weekly messages may seem simple, but they are having a profound impact on my life. I hope one day I can be as wise and compassionate as you are.”

I don’t consider myself all that wise at times. But I am smart enough to know that when I sit down to write my seventh letter of encouragement tonight, it should go out to a very special 13-year-old boy, who is already wise beyond his years.

“Some persons hold,” he said, “that there is a wisdom of the head, and a wisdom of the heart.” 

~ Charles Dickens, 1854

Singing In The Rain

It seems like it has been raining forever. We have already received nearly 21 inches of rainfall this year, which means we are now 7.5 inches higher than the average. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining. The rain turns everything super green and lush, and nearby Saddleback Mountain has never looked better. So that’s great. My problem though, is that I work outdoors, and I love to play golf outdoors, but I can’t do either one of those things when it’s raining. It’s depressing!

So okay, maybe I am complaining. Or at least I was complaining until my wife showed me a video of our beautiful little 19-month-old granddaughter. Apparently, when she woke up in her crib this morning, she immediately broke out into song. The video shows her laying in her crib, flat on her back, singing “Let it go, let it go” from the Disney movie Frozen at the top of her lungs.  

First off, it doesn’t seem like babies should be capable of singing and carrying the proper notes at only 19 months old. Second, listening to that little girl sing with such unbridled joy makes it absolutely impossible to be depressed. Thank you Lord… for the rain… and for little girls!

While we try to teach our children all about life, 

our children teach us what life is really all about. 

~ Angela Schwindt