For Example

Father’s Day was really unusual for me this year for several reasons. For example, I didn’t actually get to see any of my four adult children yesterday, which seems like it would wreck Father’s Day, but it didn’t because my children are awesome. All four of them went out of their way to touch base with me and make sure I felt their love.

My youngest son was going out of town for the weekend, so he made the effort to stop by and see me on Thursday. My oldest son moved out of town last year, but he made the effort to call me, and we talked for half an hour about everything from golf to hockey, to outdoor grilling. My oldest daughter was at our house the day before Father’s Day, so we got to spend some quality time together and she had a couple of very thoughtful gifts for me. And that was a good thing because her son came down with Covid yesterday preventing her from attending our planned Father’s Day dinner. And my youngest daughter also had a brush with Covid, and rather than come over for a lengthy dinner party and put us at risk, she made a quick trip over to our house today instead, and hand delivered some really great gifts to her dear old Dad.

Father’s Day made me feel very blessed to have children who have turned out so great. All four of them are hard workers with big hearts. But it also reminded me of how hard it is to be a Dad… and how important it is to set a good example. I worried about them so much when they were little and tried to connect with each one. I wanted to teach them all the cool things I had learned, share some of my failures as well as successes. But my wife, the truly wise one, would always remind me, “They aren’t always going to listen to you. So you need to remember that the best way to help them learn how to be successful and happy in life, is simply to set a good example.”

My wife was right about that and it’s something that every Mother and Father needs to remember. We can’t expect our kids to do the right thing, if we don’t do the right thing, all the time. That’s a tall order, but remember there are several things you can do. For example… set a good example!

My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard.

My mother would come out and say, “you’re tearing up the grass.”

“We’re not raising grass,” Dad would reply. “We’re raising boys."
                       ~ Harmon Killebrew, Professional Base Player, 1984

                  

Nobody Gets Hurt

Father’s Day is coming up and it reminds me of all the wonderful times my Dad and I spent together when he was alive. He’s been gone for over 20 years now, but his words and his insightful life lessons still live on in me today. Especially the one about how we should always strive to help others, not hurt others, if we want to live a meaningful life.

I remember one time when my Dad came to the High School to pick me up after a track meet. I was just a starry-eyed freshman and extremely intimidated by the older guys at school, especially the better athletes. After the track meet was over, one of the seniors on the varsity track team was berating my teammates and I on the JV team because we lost. He called one of my friends a loser and shoved him to the ground. It shocked me and without thinking I slugged the guy and we got into quite a brawl. I was scared to get into a fight, so scared I think my legs were shaking, and I was pretty sure I was going to die. But I was so angry about my friend getting hurt, that I fought as hard as I could. I didn’t win that fight, but I didn’t really lose either because when the word got out at school that I didn’t back down to a senior, the older guys pretty much left me alone from then on.

But the funny thing is, I felt really bad about getting into a fight and especially for intentionally trying to hurt another human being. It bothered me so much I decided to tell my Dad about it right away. On the car ride home he listened quietly and stayed quiet for a long time. I figured he was mad at me and that made me feel even worse. But as we parked in our driveway, he finally spoke up. I don’t remember his exact words, but in a stern voice he said something like, “Joseph, you should absolutely never put your hands on another person - unless you are defending yourself or someone else. There will be times when you are tested, times when other people try to hurt you, but remember that your words are your most powerful weapon, so use them first and your fists second.”

Later that evening, I asked my Dad if he was still angry with me, and he didn’t really answer me. Instead he gave me some more advice. He told me that there are two types of people in this world, those that lead and those that follow. If you go through life scared and simply follow what everyone else does, your life won’t have much meaning, and trust me… you’re going to get hurt. But if you have the courage to do what you know is right, you will become a true leader, who will then inspire others to do the same, and that means nobody gets hurt!

Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth. 

~ Muhammad Ali 

10,000 HOURS

As a golf fan, and one who is struggling to obtain a single digit handicap, I recently picked up a book about Tiger Woods. It’s a biography of one of the greatest athletes in the world, but it’s also a book containing interesting insights into what it takes to get to become “elite” at any endeavor. One of those insights was about the 10,000-hour rule.

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of the 10,000-hour rule, but it refers to how long it typically takes to become an expert at something. Whether your desire is to become a concert level pianist, a major league ballplayer, or a scratch golfer, it takes time, lots of time… and lots of practice. But the concept isn’t just about putting in the time and constantly practicing, it’s about “deliberate practice”, which is defined as purposeful, focused, and uncomfortable.

That definition caught my attention, especially the “uncomfortable” part. Too many times I have found myself practicing a sport in mindless fashion, just putting in the time and going through the motions. That isn’t practicing, that’s wasting time. And looking back I can see why I wasn’t making progress. Deliberate practice is where you make a plan, set specific goals, and stay intensely focused at all times, which can be mentally exhausting. Hence, the uncomfortable part. Kind of like, no pain no gain.

In the book about Tiger Woods, it mentions how it takes most people 15-20 years to get to the 10,000-hour mark. However, and this is most likely due to his obsessive father, Tiger had already put in 10,0000 hours of deliberate practice by the time he was 12 years old. That explains a lot about how Tiger became one of the greatest golfers of all time. It might also explain why Tiger had so much trouble with the rest of his life.

And that got me thinking… I want to become a better golfer, but it’s more important to me to become a better man. So before I head out to the practice range, I think I will deliberately take time to kiss my wife, text my kids to tell them I love them, and call my sister who is in the hospital. Hopefully, between now and dead, I can reach my goal of 10,000 hours of deliberate practice in both golf… and life!

If you watch a game, it’s fun; if you play it, it’s recreation; if you work at it, it’s golf. 

 ~ Anonymous

Almost Always Fun

I was golfing with my friend, Dave, last week and after I hit a good shot and then hit a bad shot, we started talking about how golf is a lot like life. It is almost always fun, but yet extremely challenging and totally impossible to master.

And that got me thinking. He is right. I am 67 years old now and although I’m having a lot of fun, I’m still finding life to be very challenging at times. And what upsets me the most is that I still make stupid mistakes, mistakes that could easily be avoided. I know I’m a lot smarter than I was when I was younger, so why is that? How can I avoid making stupid mistakes?

As I pondered that question, I realized something. One of the biggest faults I have is spending too much time focusing on myself and my problems, instead of thinking of others. So what if I were to turn that question around and ask, “How can I help others avoid making mistakes?”

The answer might be simple… as simple as words and stories. Words can be extremely powerful, whether spoken or written, and when they’re weaved into personal stories, real events that happened to us, or life lessons we have learned along the way, they can truly make a dramatic impact. But they have to be shared.

Therefore, today I will pick one person that I love. It might be a friend, it might be my wife, it might be one of my children. But whoever I choose, I will write them a short letter about a life lesson that I learned. I encourage you to do the same. At the same time, let them know they are loved and offer them encouragement because even though life is challenging, hearing that someone loves you and cares about you, is definitely always fun!

Life Lesson #582

Try to see things from the other person's perspective

The greatest mistake you can make in this life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

  ~ Elbert Hubbard

Self-Cut Hair

I recently lost my Mom whom I loved very much. At the same time, I also became reacquainted with a woman I knew as a child. She is a decade older than I, and she obviously leads a spiritually faithful life. This path has blessed her with abundant joy in every one of her days, no matter the circumstance. This woman stands out in a crowd. She lives to please Him and to be in praise of Jesus for her rich blessings. Her focus is on Him, continuously throughout her day. 

When she rises in the morning, she prays and gives thanks. She then runs a comb through her self-cut hair, pulls on simple clothing and shoes that she has had for years, and proceeds to tend to her family. She spends no time in a mirror or a closet, nor with a makeup tray. She ignores social media and television. She is plain, natural, some might even say homely, and yet abundantly beautiful. Happiness just radiates from her. No makeup or outfit can enhance the boundless joy that she finds simply by living a day fully with Him.

Her children and grandchildren are drawn to her delightful energy. She recognizes the smallest wonders the unfolding day provides and whispers a word of thanks. This awareness provides a shield for her heart when the tide turns and challenges present themselves. For this she whispers thank you; for adversity allows her to grow in her faith with Him. She knows with certainty that the good and the bad are equally part of Gods plan for us, and she knows that Jesus is at her side as she tackles both gracefully.

There is so much for me to learn from this wonderful woman… at a time when I really need it. She is proof that if we put our focus on Him and trust Him wholeheartedly, praying “Jesus, help me to be in your Peace”, we can relax in the certainty that Jesus listens and is with us always. If we choose to give thanks we will overflow with happiness… no matter what our hair looks like!  

“You will call to me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. 

You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart”.

~ Jeremiah 29:12-13

Ever Bubbly

I pride myself on being a fairly positive person, but I have to admit that life can be pretty hard at times. I say that partly because I attended a funeral for a beloved family member this weekend, which was really heart breaking, but also because just making it safely down the 405 on a typical Monday morning can be extremely difficult.

Fortunately, I had visitors at my home this weekend. My son, his wife, and their two young children came all the way from Washington to attend the funeral. It was fun to have them stay with us for a few days, and while they were here I was reminded that kids can often express the type of worldly wisdom that we adults too easily tend to ignore.

I will explain. My super cute, red-haired, ever bubbly, always smiling, 9-year-old grand-daughter took me aside Sunday morning and told me she wanted to show me something that she created. Curious, I stepped out onto the patio in the back yard, and she handed me something she wrote. She explained to me, “if you ever have a rough day, just read this!” I read it, it’s simple, and yet it makes so much sense!

Stay Positive and you got it.

It’s that easy!

I love these little people. And it is not a slight thing 

when they, who are so fresh from God, love us.

~ Charles Dickens

Made To Bloom

What would the world be like without flowers? Strange question, but I asked myself that question as I stood on my patio last week looking at the most beautiful pink and yellow rose I have ever seen. Our new home has a planter that surrounds our patio, filled with a wide variety of roses and other colorful flowers, and beyond the planter is a huge expanse of manmade green grass framing the 9^th hole of the Coto de Caza golf course. The golf course view is awesome, but I often find myself focusing on the bright colors brought forth by the flowers and can’t help but smile. There is just something about natural beauty, created by God, that can’t be outdone by man. Or can it?

Flowers start as the tiniest of seeds, rising from the dust of the earth to become objects of beauty. (Hmm, that story sounds familiar.) It takes a while for them to grow, and they definitely need water. But if they are nurtured with loving care (and maybe a little manure) they will eventually bloom and create joy for all who have the good fortune to pass their way.

And that got me thinking… Didn’t we start out as the tiniest of seeds, rising from the earth just like a flower, to become objects of joy, not just for our Creator, but for each other as well? And if God has placed so much beauty in something as simple as a plant in a garden, how much more beauty has He placed in His finest creation. And yet it’s up to us to remember that we are at our most beautiful… only when we make others smile!

Every flower is a soul, blossoming in nature.

~ Gerard de Nerval