Train Your Brain

One of the nice things about where we live on Beach Road is that the ocean is only 60 feet away. Unfortunately, on the other side of our house there are train tracks that are only about 100 feet away. The sound of the ocean is soothing as the waves constantly roll in. The noise from the freight trains zooming by however, is incredibly frightening and annoying.

For the first month we lived at the beach, my wife and I would wake up in the middle of the night, terrified, because it sounded like a 747 was landing in the living room. Fortunately, the human brain is incredibly adaptable. In fact, scientists at MIT discovered that there are special neurons in the brainstem called “novelty detector neurons” that help us ignore ongoing noise if a sound or sound pattern is repeated. 

These days we never even notice if a train is going by, whether it’s in broad daylight or late at night. That is a definite blessing, but it makes me wonder about all the other “noise” going on in my head every day.

If I can tune out a roaring freight train 100 feet away, why can’t I tune out other things? Like the bad thoughts that pop up in my head when a speeding driver cuts me off. Like the disappointment that builds up when a friend lets me down. Like the frustration that happens at tax time every April. Like the anger I feel when someone tells me I am stupid for wearing a mask during a pandemic. Or like the pain and fear I’ve been feeling lately because so many of my family members have Covid.

I know that bad things are going to happen in life. And after 66 years I also know that I can’t tune them all out. But I can retrain my brain and strive every day to focus on what is good and right and best for myself and those around me. Maybe if I train my brain properly, to focus on love, humility, patience, and gentleness… I can decrease the annoying noise and increase the soothing sounds!

Do not conform yourself to this age, but be transformed by the renewal 

of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, 

what is good and pleasing and perfect.     

~ Romans 12:1-2 

Kind of Hard Not To

When I was 8 years old racism didn’t exist. Or maybe I should say, I wasn’t aware of it. At that time we lived in Marine Corps Base Housing off El Toro Road. Base Housing consisted of older homes that were small, but so was I. So everything seemed fine to me. We had food to eat, a few toys at Christmas, and I thought life was pretty good, especially since I had a lot of friends.

In our cul-de-sac, there were a bunch of kids my age. There were two Filipino brothers next door, a Hispanic family with 5 kids next to them, an Asian family with twin girls, and an African American family with a boy and a girl. I was the only “white boy” on the block, but I didn’t know I was white because to us kids, we were just kids. We always played together after school and although we would sometimes argue, or push and shove a little, we never acted superior or called each other bad names. At eight years old, we weren’t aware of our differences. But we were aware of our similarities because our parents told us we were all “Marine Corps brats”.

One day I was riding my Schwinn bicycle down a street that was really steep. I loved to go fast, but that day I got carried away and lost control flipping over the handlebars, smashing my face and arms into the asphalt. I was hurt bad, bleeding from about 10 different places and crying my eyes out. My friend Anthony saw the whole thing and came racing to my aid. He helped me up and then walked my bike back home with me, trying to cheer me up despite my non-stop tears. When I got near our garage, my Dad saw me and Anthony approaching and came running. The look of shock on his face when he saw my blood-soaked clothes, scared the crap out of me and made me start crying even worse. But I remember Anthony putting his arm around me and telling me that I was home now, and everything was gonna be okay. Anthony always had the biggest smile and the whitest teeth on the block and for some reason, his big bright smile always made me feel better.

Later that evening, when we sat down for dinner, my Dad said something funny. He said, “Joey, I think it’s good that you have a friend like Anthony, especially since he’s black.” I didn’t get what my Dad meant, so I asked him why he called Anthony “black”.  That evening my Dad explained racism to me and how people are often treated differently because of the color of their skin. He told me it was wrong to judge people in the first place, and really wrong to judge people because of the color of their skin. I thought about it for a minute, and then asked my Dad a question, “Is it okay to judge kids by how they act? Cause I really like the ones that are nice to me!” This was a long time ago, but I remember my Dad being really quiet for a moment and then saying something like, “Kind of hard not to.”

We must learn to live together as brothers… 

or perish together as fools.

~ Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Give With One Hand

This insane pandemic has caused a lot of stress for everyone I know, and it’s not over yet. In fact, the number of people becoming infected on a daily basis is worse than ever. But it occurred to me that what can get lost in the suffering caused by Covid-19 are the day-to-day struggles that a lot of people have just trying to put food on the table for their families.

I have always admired hard working people, especially those who come from humble beginnings. Maybe it was the Hispanic men that I worked with pruning avocado trees when I was 14. Or maybe it was Eddie Mahr, the owner of the gas station I worked at when I was 16, who talked to me about how honesty and hard work would guarantee me a good life. All throughout my life, I have witnessed and admired those men and women who get out of bed every day determined to improve their lot in life, especially those who are supporting a family.

So it was a nice surprise when we received a letter last week from our gardener. Gabriel takes care of the yards at two rental homes we own in Ladera Ranch. He works hard, is very reliable, and always does a great job. But it didn’t occur to me that his job can be pretty hard at times. Even during the winter, when it’s cold or raining, he still has to find a way to get the job done.

The letter he sent was a “Thank You” letter for some extra money we gave him at Christmas time. But in reality it is so much more. It’s a reminder that people who work hard to make ends meet, are usually the ones you want to meet in the end!

“I want to thank all of you for the support and trust you give me by letting me do your service and I thank God that despise the pandemic all of you are still healthy. And thank you very much especially to all my clients who value our sacrifice of work in the sun in the cold even sometimes in the rain, and then gave me a gift card or extra bonuses in gratitude to our service. The one who give with one hand will receive a blessing with both from God. Bless you all and thank you for everything this year that ends. I hope to do my work much better for the new year that begins with care. Thank you.”

Gabriel

God has given us two hands, one to receive with and the other to give with.

~ Billy Graham

Every New Day is a Gift

On New Year’s Day, I woke up to a beautiful sunrise which reminded me how great it is to live in Southern California. I get up early every day, always have, but I also really enjoy the moment each day when my wife walks out to our kitchen to greet me. Even after 28 years, I am still super happy, always have been, to see her lovely face and warm sleepy smile. But when I wrapped my arms around her, she felt tense, and I could tell something was bothering her.

I didn’t press or ask her questions right away, but I definitely knew something was wrong. Around 10:00am I found her with her head in her hands, crying and shaking. Now this is a very strong woman that rarely ever cries. Not even when they broke one of her ribs in half to rebuild one of her lungs, did she shed a tear. So I knew whatever was making her sad must be really bad. Being a normal stupidly macho man, I usually start asking questions and giving advice. But this time, I decided to be smart for a change and just listen. After a long while she finally told me why she dreaded the new year.

Sadly, her list of reasons was a long and legitimate list. I won’t go into great detail, but her list included family members who are currently fighting Covid, her mother who has terminal cancer, and also how hard it is to not be able to get together with loved ones. I hate seeing her sad, but the truth is, there are some things that can’t be fixed. So I simply held her hands, kept quiet, and told her that I loved her, to remember that God is in control, and that no matter what we can get through anything together. Always have.

The following day was a Sunday, and I had a really early golf tee time. I hated to leave her alone, but as I kissed my wife goodbye I spotted a soft smile and hoped that she was feeling better. Halfway through my round of golf, I received a text message, which simply said, “The day is beautiful, you are amazing, and I am grateful for both!” All of a sudden I forgot all about the crappy round of golf I was having!

When I got home, I noticed she had taped a note to me on the bathroom mirror. The words were simple, yet powerful, and I will save that note for the rest of my life… for it reminds me that every new day is a gift to be appreciated.

Every new day is a gift from God. 

Every day I will choose to honor Him in being joyful, 

despite any circumstances I cannot control. 

I am grateful for every new day.  

~ Debby Thrailkill, Jan 2, 2022  

A Present to Appreciate

I appreciate giving and getting presents at Christmas time, but Christmas was tough (again) this year because of Covid. We weren’t able to get together indoors like normal, so we had to drop off presents and then “Facetime” family members as they opened up their gifts. Thank goodness for technology, but at the same time, thank goodness for holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas because, in a way, they are like a special sneak peek at a piece of heaven.

Christmas brings up good memories for me. But if I think back on my life, it’s easy to remember lots of little “heavenly” moments throughout my life that have affixed themselves to the fabric of my being.

- There was this huge storm, but I ignored the rain and drove 9 straight hours to get to a hospital in San Francisco. When I walked in they ushered me to a room where newborn babies are kept, and for the very first time I stared down into the twinkling eyes of a four-day-old baby boy who would later that day become my son.

- I was single and lonely and went on a rare date with a young woman who was on my softball team. We won our Wednesday night game and she suggested we stop by Claim Jumper Restaurant to celebrate. I thought the whole team was coming, but it turned out she only invited me. When I looked into her eyes, something magical happened that night and I fell totally in love with her. When I asked her if I could kiss her, she said, “If you kiss me tonight, you will never stop!” She was right.

- It was just one of those normal evenings at home when I knelt next to my youngest daughter at her bedside. I tucked her in, we said our prayers together, and I kissed her goodnight. Later that evening, when I went back upstairs to check on her, I found her sleeping soundly with the softest smile on her sweet little face. There was something that night about the way she said, “I love you, Dad”, that simply melted my heart and at the same time, made me realize that everything in my life was going to be okay.

There are so many special little moments in time that can stick with you over the years. Each one a unique gift, each one magical, each one memorable.

And that got me thinking… Maybe those precious moments in time are actually just a sneak peek at what heaven will be like. And if that’s true, then maybe heaven isn’t just a future destination to desire, maybe it’s also a present situation to appreciate!

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. 

~ Charles Dickens 

A Christmas Carol, 1843

Joy To The World

One of my fondest memories of childhood was building something alongside my Dad. He was extremely handy, had this great collection of tools, and was always fixing up things around our house.

When I was six, I was too young to actually help my Dad. But I watched him work and watched him sweat, and knew that I wanted to be just like him. So one day when my Dad was at work, I found a bunch of scrap cardboard and decided to build a fort and attach it to our fence. I “borrowed” some of my Dad’s tools and proceeded to bang dozens of nails into the cardboard and all the way through the fence, which by the way was also the neighbor’s fence. When my Dad got home and saw those huge nails sticking through the fence into the neighbor’s yard, he probably wasn’t very happy. But I don’t remember him yelling at me. What I remember is how he showed me his collection of glass baby food jars, all organized with different types of nails and screws, and how each one had a different purpose.

Those times spent working with my Dad were some of the best times in my life. He taught, I learned, and we bonded over being able to create things together. I always wanted my sons to have that same experience, so I often asked them to help me build things around our house. In fact, I am still doing that!

This weekend, I volunteered to construct a large wooden Gazebo at my daughter’s house. After the parts were delivered (and instead of paying a contractor $800), I figured with a little help I could do it for her for free. What I didn’t think about was that both of my sons-in-law were out of town, and my oldest son had moved to Spokane, WA. But that’s okay, I still had my youngest son and my 80-year-old Father-in-law in town. They were both actually excited to help out and showed up both days to give me a hand.

It took us a while to unpack the 75 wooden pieces needed, along with the 524 assorted nuts, bolts, lag screws, washers, and fittings. At one point when one of the large boxes was almost empty, I tripped and splatted face first into the cardboard box on the ground. My son thought that was pretty funny, but don’t worry, I got him back for laughing at me by making him carry all the heavy stuff. The three of us worked really hard all-day Saturday and half of Sunday and guess what.. we only got the Gazebo halfway done! What’s that saying, “Things always take longer than you figure”. They sure do, but it sure was fun!

And that got me thinking… Getting together with other people to fix something, build something, or somehow make something better, usually creates a wonderful bonding experience for people, bringing more joy into the world. And I have to think that this is a period of time in our history when it would be really great if we could all just bring a little more joy to the world!

Gazebo Parts

Gazebo Prep

Halfway Home!

The finished Gazebo will eventually look like this...

I hope!

Objects made of wood by children, left to their own devices, 

will usually be ten percent wood and ninety percent nails.

~ Robert Paul Smith

The Greater Good

I have been struggling lately with a dilemma caused by the pandemic. We seem to have been split into two groups, the vaccinated and the non-vaccinated, and my dilemma is how to keep an open mind and show love and respect to both sides. For full disclosure, let me just say that I have had both shots and the booster and fully support everyone getting the Covid-19 vaccine. There are multiple reasons why I support it, and three of the  reasons were made crystal clear for me two weeks ago on a  Sunday evening.

My wife received a phone call Sunday evening from her father, Tom. He was having heart palpitations, and thought it might be a serious heart issue. He is 80 and has a pacemaker, so my wife told him to stay calm and called 911 immediately. To complicate matters even more, Tom’s wife has late-stage Alzheimer’s and cannot be left alone. Fortunately, upon arriving at their home, we found the ambulance pulling away with Tom, but discovered a paramedic had volunteered to stay with Tom’s wife until we arrived. That was really nice of him, but I saw that he wasn’t wearing a mask. He explained to me he wanted Tom’s wife to be able to see his face, and see him smile, so she would be less scared. That was thoughtful and it drove home a point, Point #1… that front line workers are definitely putting themselves in harm’s way every day by helping people, even those that might give them the Covid virus.

That point was driven home a second time when I arrived at the hospital. My wife stayed with her Mom, while I went to be with Tom and let me tell you, the Emergency Room is never a place you want to be, especially on weekends. It was extremely crowded, and yet I wasn’t allowed to enter unless I could show proof that I was vaccinated. Which brings me to Point #2… I had my vaccine card with me, otherwise I would not have been able to be with a loved one who was hurting and suffering.

I stayed with Tom for hours, doing my best to take his mind off his troubles. I was determined to be there for Tom and silently prayed for him to be okay. My prayers gave me confidence, and so did the outstanding staff at Mission Hospital. There were two doctors and three nurses that worked on Tom. They were fast, they were efficient, and they took great care of Tom despite the constant chaos going on in the Emergency Room and Tom was able to go home, feeling much better, that same evening. Watching all that happen made for Point #3… If I’m vaccinated and still get Covid, it’s likely I won’t end up at a hospital taking up a very needed bed for someone else who might be having a heart attack or some other serious medical issue, not of their own doing.  

I respect people’s right to decide for themselves whether or not to get vaccinated. But that hospital visit was extremely eye opening! Seeing firsthand how hard those doctors and nurses are working made me appreciate them so much more. I’m glad I’m vaccinated and doing my part to stay out of the hospital and I’m glad that my family and most of my friends feel the same way. For my handful of friends that are not vaccinated, you’re still my friend, and I still care very much about you… and that is why I am writing this message pleading with you to reconsider. In other words, please consider the greater good.

For anything worth having one must pay the price; 

and the price is always work, patience, love, 

and self- sacrifice for the greater good.

~ John Burroughs