Binge Love (By Debby Thrailkill)

Part of our coping strategy during 2020 has been to binge watch new television shows on Netflix as suggested by our 30 something family members. So far, we’ve watched The Marvelous Ms. Maisel (a dream escape), Downton Abbey (glorious in character), Fleabag (eye opening humor) Schitt’s Creek (hilarious and heartfelt), and lately we’ve been watching Grace and Frankie and I’m absolutely mesmerized.

Grace and Frankie (Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin) are unceremoniously dumped by their long-time husbands in the first episode. Their husbands who are business partners have fallen in love with each other over the years and have determined they are gay. This throws Grace and Frankie into a tailspin together… but together they weather the storm.

What has touched me the most in these fictional characters is how Frankie is so free spirited and artistic, a mother with a loving soul. I want to be more like Frankie in 2021 and beyond. Currently I see a lot of myself in Grace, but what I see in Frankie truly inspires me. While Grace and her husband fought after the disclosure, Frankie and her soon to be ex-husband Sol, held each other close, embracing the moment together. Frankie is passionate, forgiving, and creative, sometimes with wild disregard for common sense. Her love and passion are what endear her to the audience.

Frankie demonstrates the essence of someone living in the moment, loving those around her in spite of their faults, and always seeing the positive of that. Frankie gets more out of life because she sees more than what is obvious. She thinks deeper and she feels stronger. Every character in the show is drawn to Frankie because she is interesting and spontaneous and funny. And mostly because she is real.

And that got me thinking… From now on, I want to be as “in the moment” as possible. I want to notice what others may not see and I want to appreciate it, out loud! I want to love others like no one else has, and hope that my loved ones will feel the strength of that love and know that they can depend on my love. What matters most in life is how you treat others, so let’s “binge love” each other… and perhaps together we can weather any storm!

If there is a day to act on the love in your soul, 

it is today, it is this moment.

~ Mike Dolan

Beautiful Noise

I made a serious mistake Saturday night. Right before I went to sleep, I watched the news. Oh my gosh, I shouldn’t have done that! It was so depressing. More virus infections than ever, more people out of work than ever, more deaths than ever before. Doctors and nurses stretched beyond belief. Made it so hard to go to sleep.

When I woke up Sunday morning, it was really early and the sun wasn’t up yet, but the waves sure were. The ocean was making its presence known. The waves were absolutely pounding the shore, over and over again, crashing and banging, never ending, sometimes crazy loud, sometimes so powerful they made our house shake (I know, hard to believe, but we’re on the second story and the house really does rock and roll at times.) I laid there listening to a noise that was frightening at times… and yet absolutely beautiful in its own right.

Later that day, my wife and I went for a long bike ride up and down Beach Road. She told me how she wanted to give away some money before the end of the year. I figured she meant shopping at Nordstroms, but what she actually meant was doing something to help others in need. Duh! I listened to her thoughts and ideas and she told me some stories, like how our Pastor has an elderly friend who lost her husband and had to move into a trailer with a stranger. She said there are hundreds of hardship stories out there right now and I guess her point was… if we can help even one of those people in need, it will be a great way to finish out the year, a year that has been harder than we could have ever imagined.

And that got me thinking… There are only 21 days left in this F#^!@*ing year of 2020. How are we going to spend those final days? What if... What if we found someone worse off than ourselves and gave them a helping hand? What if we finished the year out with a crash and a bang, just like those crazy waves crashing on the beach by my house. What if we finished out the year by making some beautiful noise? Trust me, it wouldn’t be a mistake!  

A problem is always… a chance for you to do your best!

~ Duke Ellington

A Candle for Every Corner

Thanksgiving sure was different this year… but then this is 2020! Members of our family cooked food at home and then we all came together in a small little park by my oldest daughter’s home. She went to a lot of trouble to set up four separate tables 20 feet apart, where we were able to eat, and talk, and laugh together. It wasn’t as intimate as indoors and it wasn’t always easy to hear what people were saying from so far away, but it was still really wonderful. And as it started to get dark, I found myself wishing that we had brought a candle for each table, so that we could stay longer and continue to enjoy the abounding love that we have for each other. But the important thing was that we were able to be together and do it safely. For that I am very thankful!

Maybe that’s the most important lesson this pandemic has taught me so far. To be thankful for each and every moment spent with family and friends, and to never take those moments for granted. So when I woke up this morning, I thanked God for every member of my family, naming each one out loud. And I even thanked Him for each and every one of my friends, because I truly am thankful for all the wonderful people in my life, maybe more today than ever, because I miss them all so much.

And that got me thinking… Our world may seem a little dark right now, and candles may seem a little hard to find, but if you have faith, family, and a few good friends, you have everything you need!

You have a God who hears you,

The power of love behind you,

The Holy Spirit within you,

And all of Heaven ahead of you.

 

If you have the Shepherd,

You have grace for every sin,

Direction for every turn,

An anchor for every storm,

And a candle for every corner.

 

You have everything you need.

                            ~ Max Lucado

An Unexpected Answer

Thanksgiving is this week and I have a feeling that a lot of people might be finding it hard to be thankful. Between the horrible pandemic going on, the economy being shaky, and a lot of people out of work, it probably is really hard to find things to be thankful for. Or maybe not?

I remember it like it happened yesterday, but it was actually 28 years ago. A close friend of mine asked me to ride mountain bikes with him after work on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. It was going to be a long tough ride for both of us, but we figured it would be a great way to work up an appetite for the upcoming Thanksgiving feast!

At that point in my life, my business (Sundown Lighting) was really taking off. I had been in business for over five years and had 12 outstanding employees, hundreds of customers, and dozens of loyal vendors. My friend was thinking about leaving his job as an electrician and starting his own Electrical Contracting business and I didn’t realize it at the time, but his main reason for wanting to ride bikes together was so that he could pick my brain about running a business.

At first, we talked about all the work involved with starting a business from scratch. Then he hit me with a question that I wasn’t expecting. “What is the secret of your success?” It kind of caught me off guard because I hadn’t really thought about it before, but the answer rolled off my lips almost instantly. “My connection with God.”

He responded with, “Really?” (Guess he wasn’t expecting that answer.) I explained, “Yeah, It’s really simple. There was a time when my life was really messed up. I was at rock bottom but decided to talk to God and ask Him for His help. From that day forward, my life turned around and just kept getting better and better. So I made it a point to start every day with a prayer of thanks and I have continued that habit to this day. And believe me - I am thankful - because I discovered that having a strong connection with God, talking to him daily, and appreciating and thanking Him for even the smallest things going right in my life made me happy. It also made we want to give back and do right by others the way God was always doing right by me. Simply put, having a heavenly connection brought me joy. And my joy, the love for life that I’ve had ever since, seems to flow outward to my family, friends, employees, customers, and vendors. And guess what? It then seems to come right back in the form of success, for all of us!”

I probably should have asked him for his definition of success before answering. But the heavenly connection that I am so thankful for, the one that brings me great joy… that’s my definition of success!

May the light of God’s love shine upon you

And guide you where ere you may be,

Making lighter earth’s burdens and sorrows

Keeping your soul joyous and free.

~ Gertrude Buckingham, 1948

It's A No Painer

This pandemic has been going on way too long, but there may be some light at the end of the tunnel. News about a potential vaccine being ready in the next few months gives me hope that we are going to be able to conquer this virus eventually. But if and when a vaccine is ready, who should get the vaccine first? To me the answer was made “painfully” obvious by something that happened to me recently.

I’ve been really good about following the rules, wearing a mask, and social distancing for over 8 months now. Which means I don’t go inside stores or restaurants, but I do occasionally drive thru somewhere to grab lunch when I am out doing pole inspection work. Two weeks ago, I was really hungry, so I drove through a Carl’s Jr to get a quick hamburger. Unfortunately, when I bit down halfway through the sandwich, I hit something hard like a piece of bone. I heard a loud crack and when I spit out the food, I also spit out half of a tooth!

I pulled over immediately and called my dentist, Dr. James Kahal in Laguna Hills, to try to get in for an emergency visit. Dr. Kahal is the best dentist I know, and he made an appointment for me the very next morning, which was great because the pain in my tooth was really bad. However, I was nervous about going because it meant being inside a building in close quarters with other people. Fortunately, this dental office goes to great lengths to protect its patients. When I arrived, I was told to wait in my car in the parking lot and they would call me when the lobby was empty and the doctor was ready. I was in and out of that office in under 40 minutes, but while I was inside, the dentist and his assistant wore masks and face shields to protect me. It made their job harder, but it made my experience way better.

As I was leaving, it dawned on me what a jerk I am because I had only been worried about myself! I hadn’t once thought about how people like doctors, dentists and nurses are constantly exposed to people who are not wearing a mask, just in order to do their jobs. They don’t really have a choice - or maybe I should say - people who choose to be in the medical profession, make that choice because they have an overwhelming desire to help others. So God bless them!

And that got me thinking… It’s a no brainer! (Or should I say no painer!) People who risk their lives to protect us from pain in our lives (including front liners like doctors, nurses, dentists, police officers, firemen, etc.), are the ones that should be vaccinated first. Let’s make a plan to prevent their pandemic pain... instead of being a pain!

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothaches.

~ Anonymous

I'll Be There for U (By Debby Thrailkill)

Thank goodness for good news on a Monday! Especially the second Monday in Joevember. (That’s my nick name for November, more on that follows). The good news we woke up to today was that a prospective Covid vaccine has now been tested out to be 90% effective in reducing the effects of the virus on humans. Well, thank the Lord and thank U (the medical community and everyone helping out during this crisis) if this proves out and we can be together again without restrictions. I would like to hug U once again, without worry, and with much love.

Joevember followed Joetober, which is the month I dedicated to making my husband a front and center priority in my life and showing him so repeatedly, so he never forgets that he is my number one. It turns out that he liked the extra attention very much, and deservedly so. I mean, wouldn’t U? Make sure to give a meaningful hug to the people in your household who have become your rock and your hard place at times (jk, but this togetherness is a thing isn’t it?).

Joevember also brought the election and all of its ugliness. U seemed to forget that our differences are what make U and I so great together. Our differences are what attracted U and I. When I need U, it’s usually because U are better at certain things than I am. When I am uncertain, U see things differently and U give me insight and confidence and direction. U and I have lived different lives and we were born to be U Nique. If all babies born were the exact same, and if people were the exact same after their experiences, what fun would that be? One of the greatest pleasures in life is meeting new people from around the world and getting to know and love them, their cultures and differences!

You are U Nique and I thank God for your differences. I am U Nique, and I thank God for the ability and freedom to be so.

And that got me thinking… The fact that I am here on earth and able to love U today is everything. I’ll be there for U so don’t U forget it!

I’ll be there to comfort you,

Build my world of dreams around you.

I’m so glad that I found you

I’ll be there with a love that’s strong

I’ll be your strength, I’ll keep holdin on.

~ Michael Jackson

Window of Fear

Halloween was Saturday and with that tradition, the focus is always on being scared. Being scared in a freaky Halloween way is fun, but truly being afraid is never fun, and considering the Covid situation we’re all facing, there is definitely a lot to be afraid of these days.

But fear is a bad thing that tends to hold us back and it can manifest itself it in a lot of different ways. For me, I’ve noticed that when I’m afraid, it’s usually because I’m worried about the outcome of something and therefore have self-doubt. I guess doubting yourself is normal at times, but it’s a choice that is usually not good, and besides, isn’t our faith supposed to overcome our fear?

Recently I read a story about the founder of GoDaddy.com that addressed the problems of fear and self-doubt. Before Bob Parsons became a successful businessman, he was a Marine rifleman in Vietnam. The day he arrived in a combat zone as a rookie replacement in a squad that had just lost five men in an ambush, he confronted the likelihood that he would not make it out alive. He says he sat down next to the window inside an old French fort his unit was occupying and had the first (and only) anxiety attack of his life. He finally overcame his terror by resolving to do the best job he could and be satisfied with it regardless of the outcome. It was a transformative moment that helped him to develop the courage needed to succeed as a soldier and as a businessman. He made the statement, “If you can accept the worst that can happen to you and live with it, you can move forward with confidence because your mind won’t get in the way and you’ll find yourself accomplishing more than you’ve ever dreamed.”

I like Bob’s perspective of “accepting the worst that can happen - so you can move forward”. But I have something to add. Looking back on my life I can see there were many times that I was truly scared and full of self-doubt. Like when I quit a good job to start my very first company, or when I stood up at Church to share my story of faith, or especially when I asked my wife if she would marry me!  When I think back about those moments, I remember being scared and full of self-doubt, but I also remember focusing on my faith and asking God for help… and He has never once let me down.  

So, if I take’s Bob perspective of overcoming self-doubt through commitment and combine it with my perspective of replacing doubt with faith, I’m pretty sure fear goes right out the window. I mean, why would I ever choose to doubt myself, when God has never once chosen to doubt me! 

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.

~ General Lewis William Walt, 

Vietnam War Veteran