In-N-Out

Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve noticed that sometimes it’s the small things in life that make a difference. If you stop and think about all the different interactions you have with different people in a single day, and all the different words spoken, you might discover that small things really can make an impact.

For example, I’ve owned three companies over the past 40+ years and had interactions with hundreds of employees. Over time I learned that it pays off to pay attention to each and every one of them. So I would always try to catch an employee doing something right and when I did, I would immediately reward them with a gift card from In-N-Out Burger. The gift cards are only $5.00 but I swear you would think I was giving them $500 by the way they reacted. That’s because praise and recognition are rare gems that are not handed out very often these days.

At this point in my life I am currently working on my fourth company. Even though it’s very small, (I am the only employee), I still carry In-N-Out gift cards with me everywhere I go because it’s become a habit for me to look for people doing something good. Last Thursday I got the chance to put them to use.

I was making sales calls all over Orange County and I always carry my thin black notebook with me everywhere I go. In that notebook are my business cards, a pen, and a yellow pad to take notes. But hidden behind the yellow pad are three very valuable items; a copy of the “Salesman’s Prayer”, a picture of my family, and a photo of the most influential man in my life, my Dad. These items are my motivation to work hard every day, do what’s right, and make my family proud. Unfortunately, as I got to my last sales call, I realized my notebook was missing. I thought hard about the last time I saw it and realized that I might have set it on the back of my truck and driven away. So I drove back to my last three stops and scoured the parking lots and streets for that notebook. I never found it and my heart sunk. Those photos are irreplaceable and to make matters worse, there was a check in my notebook that was made out to my company by mistake, and I needed to return it.

As I was heading home, angry and upset at my own carelessness, I received a phone call from someone who said he found a black notebook in the street. The caller said he thought I might want it back, especially since there was a check inside. I was ecstatic and immediately drove to Lake Forest to meet up with this wonderful good Samaritan. When he handed me the notebook, I thanked him and handed him every In-N-Out gift card I had with me, which was four of them. He tried to turn them down, but I explained how I enjoyed rewarding people that I catch doing something right, and he loved that idea. Said he would try that with his own employees.

There are so many times that we pass “in and out” of people lives. Even though it may only be for a brief moment, that doesn’t mean… it doesn’t matter!

Oh Creator of all things, help me. 

For this day I go out into the world, naked and alone, 

and without your hand to guide me, 

I will wander far from the path which leads to success and happiness.

~ From the Salesman’s Prayer, by Og Mandino

One Word

I always seem to have mixed emotions around this time of year. I love that Valentine’s Day is coming up on February 14th, because it gives me the opportunity to do something romantic for my wife. But February 12th is the day my father passed away and although it was many years ago, I still remember that day like it was yesterday. 

Losing my dad was devastating because he was my rock and my hero. I loved him very much. Fortunately, I did not have to face that situation alone. I had a loving wife who was at my side at the hospital, every day for six months. And when my Dad took his final breath, I was holding his hand…and she was holding mine. I will never forget her support when I needed it most and I hope she knows that she will always have mine.

At this moment in time, as we near Valentine’s Day once again, my wife is the one going through a very difficult situation. Her Mom has mid-stage Alzheimer’s and her Dad also has serious health concerns. Since I remember her support when my Dad was sick, I definitely want to be there for her as well, so I decided to get her a Valentine’s Day card early, on February 1^st. Obviously that’s a very small gesture for sure, but then I got her one on Feb 2^nd, and Feb 3^rd, and Feb 4^th, and Feb 5^th, and so on. She will be receiving a unique and loving Valentine’s Day Card every day for the entire two weeks leading up to February 14^th. I hope it takes her mind off her troubles and brightens her life up just a little.

Going through difficult situations is typically when you find out whether or not your love is real. Tough times can threaten a lot of relationships, but if your love is cemented with respect and admiration, and if you understand that love means giving more than taking, your relationship can be strengthened instead of destroyed. As I write this Monday Message, I remember a letter that I wrote to my wife right after I learned my Dad was terminally ill. It wasn’t a Valentines Letter, but it was a letter celebrating our love. I hesitate to share it, because it is so personal, yet it does seem appropriate for a Valentine’s Message. 

That Letter is below....

One word frees us from all of

the pain and suffering in life.

That word is love.

 ~ Sophocles

     February 7^th, 2001

     Dear Debby,

I NOW KNOW

There is a very difficult situation that lies ahead, that it will be particularly hard on

me and I will need your help, your love, and your utmost patience. I will be strong

for I am a warrior. Whether or not I make it through this situation is not even

a question, because with you, I know I can make it through anything. Although I

do not know exactly what the future holds, I do know that you have always

been there for me, to listen, to talk, to share, and to love with all of your heart,

as I love you with all of mine. We will get through this… together!

MY WISH FOR US IS

That we will continue to share new interests and adventures

And allow each other the freedom to develop as individuals.

That our faith won’t be shaken by occasional feelings of hurt or anger.

That we will continue to acknowledge our differences openly,

And see them as opportunities to learn and grow closer.

That we will find in each disagreement the patience to listen,

The courage to trust, and the strength to forgive.

That we will find in each difficult situation that plaques our lives,

The wisdom to work together and find the right answers.

MAY WE NEVER FORGET

The qualities that first attracted us to each other,

And how much we still appreciate them.

To always inspire each other, applauding successes,

Nurturing strengths, believing in each other’s dreams,

And working as one to make them come true.

MAY WE ALWAYS

Look into each other’s heart and see the love that binds us.

                   Love,

                   Joseph

                

Falling Behind

I watched two major sporting events on TV this past weekend that were really great as far as the entertainment factor. However, both of them left me with a sour taste in my mouth.

In the afternoon, I watched the final few holes of the TPC Sawgrass Golf Tournament in Phoenix. I was rooting for young Tony Finau to win and it looked like he had it all locked up. He was in first place on the leaderboard most of the day, all the way up to the 18^th hole.  Unfortunately, his competitor, Webb Simpson, who fell behind for a while, never gave up. Webb made a birdie on the 18^th hole to tie, and then went on to win in a surprising come from behind playoff victory.

The evening belonged to the biggest sporting event in America, the Super Bowl. I lived in San Francisco when I was young and going to college, so I was definitely rooting for the San Francisco 49ers to get the win. Plus I felt like their superstar quarterback, Jimmy Garoppolo was really coming into his own. Thankfully, by the start of the 4^th quarter, they had a solid lead and were playing with confidence. But then something happened. They failed to convert an easy 3^rd down and turned the ball over to the Kansas City Chiefs. The Chiefs took the ball and ran with it. I remember saying to my friends when the 49ers failed to convert, that the Chiefs fall behind in games all year only to pull out a win in the end. Unfortunately, that was a prophetic statement and once again I was swallowing the sour taste of defeat.

And that got me thinking… Falling behind is a just a normal part of life. It might be due to illness, bad luck, a bad boss, or some other bad break. But whatever it is, we can always count on life to throw us a wounded duck that is just out of reach, falling to the ground, stealing our joy. But so what! If we didn’t drop the ball once in a while, and get drop kicked in the gut at least once a month, the victories that we finally do achieve wouldn’t taste half as sweet!

Jimmy Garoppolo still smiling (kind of) after the Super Bowl

Some of God’s greatest gifts

are unanswered prayers.

~ Garth Brooks

Choosing to Remember

The news about Kobe Bryant and one of his daughters, plus seven other people killed in a Helicopter crash yesterday was shocking. It underscores how uncertain and unpredictable life can be. But when multiple children are taken from us at such a tender young age, it is unbelievably sad.

To be honest, I was never much of a Koby Bryant fan. I loved the Lakers and I loved watching Kobe and Shaq take over on the basketball court during their playoff runs. But it always seemed like Kobe was this dominant force that demanded to be in charge and at times he appeared to be really hard on his teammates. In all fairness though, I did admire his commitment to excellence and the way he always seemed to come through during the most difficult and crucial moments in a game. He was truly a unique athlete and definitely an LA icon.

My opinion of Kobe has changed though, not because he died, but because of how he died. From what I have read over the last 24 hours, Kobe was really close with his daughter Gianna. Apparently, she exhibited a lot of the same intensity on the basketball court as Kobe and for that reason… and probably many more… I read over and over again how super tight they were. Kobe died holding onto something he loved more than basketball, more than winning, more than championships. He left this earth holding onto his little girl. I think that is how I will choose to remember him.

A daughter may outgrow your lap,

but she will never outgrow your heart.

                  ~ Anonymous

I'll Try Again Tomorrow

This past week my wife and I took 10 members of our family on a short four-day mini-vacation. We stayed in Santa Barbara for two nights and then traveled to the Alisal Guest Ranch near Solvang. The Alisal is like a “Dude Ranch” but way more modern and fun. It is situated on 10,000 acres of beautiful countryside that includes 100-year-old oak trees, beautiful blue lakes, and a wide variety of wildlife.

The first morning we arrived we jumped on a Hay wagon and took a 20-minute ride up into the hills. When we arrived at our destination, we were treated to a fantastic outdoor breakfast of scrambled eggs, steaming hot pancakes, applewood smoked bacon, and homemade biscuits and gravy. The food was phenomenal and while we ate our breakfast a rugged old cowboy sat nearby strumming his guitar and singing country western campfire songs.

I know it probably sounds kind of corny, but it was actually lots of fun. And one of the best things about the trip is that we get to do it as a family, building bonds, and making memories, and quite often seeing things we have never seen before. This trip was no different. On the way up to the breakfast spot we saw a wide variety of strange and interesting animals. Obviously, there were lots of cows and horses. But we also saw things you don’t normally see, like colorful turkeys and huge ostriches running wild through a pasture of thick velvety green grass. Perhaps the most interesting thing we saw though, was the pair of enormous American bald eagles perched at the top of the highest tree on the property.

But as majestic as those giant eagles were, the creature that caught my attention the most was tiny. In addition to everything else, there is also a golf course at The Alisal Ranch and when we approached the 17^th hole, we noticed a small lake in front of the green. As we walked toward the green, we spotted a tiny little turtle clinging to the face of a sheer rock wall, just two feet above the water. He had one leg stretched straight up and was trying his hardest to climb straight up that slippery 5’ wall. His body was small but apparently his heart was huge. Unfortunately, as I ran back to the golf cart to get my phone so I could capture the moment, the brave little guy lost his grip and plunged back into the lake. I don’t know how many times that tiny soldier attacked that wall, but my guess is that he isn’t done trying.

And that got me thinking… We come across all kinds of wildlife here on earth, but we also come across all kinds of people. Some are big, bold and beautiful, and even a bit majestic in appearance. Others, however, may be a bit small, or quiet, or even slightly drab in their appearance. But you can’t tell a person’s character or courage by their appearance. For that you need to look deep inside, at their heart!

Eagles on Top of the World

Turtle Lake and the vertical Rock Wall

Courage doesn’t always roar. 

Sometimes courage is that little voice at the 

end of the day that says, “I’ll try again tomorrow".

~ Mary Anne Radmacher

Ebb and Flow

It’s been over six years now that my wife and I have been living in a small beach house right on the sand. Having the ocean directly outside our front door has been really awesome and we’ve seen some pretty crazy stuff over the years. Dozens of dolphins swimming at full speed, sea lions lying on their backs as they float by, whales pushing huge plumes of salt spray into the air, abandoned ships that have washed up on shore, and even a weirdly whiney message in a bottle from a distressed damsel one time. But last week we saw something that we’ve have never seen before.

Early in the week there were “King Tides”, which means that the tide was way up causing the ocean waves to crash hard into our sea wall. The waves were so high in fact, and so strong, that they tore out our entire upper elevated beach section and all of the giant sandbags that we had spent thousands of dollars installing. It left a huge mess of torn white plastic all over the beach and reminded me that we cannot and never will be able to control Mother Nature.

But “King Tides” have happened before, so that event was not new. What was new was that on Saturday afternoon, the water receded. And it kept receding! My wife yelled at me to come outside and look at the ocean. In six years, we have never seen the water recede so far and it changed our beach area from its normal length of 50 feet to reach the water… to over 150 feet! We both looked at each other and wondered for a second if a tsunami was happening. But once it got out to 150 feet, it stopped and stayed that way all weekend and I am not sure if it will return to its normal position or not.

Staring at that beautiful pristine stretch of sandy beach newly created by Mother Nature reminded me that things are always changing. And that the only constant in this world is change.

And that got me thinking… It’s really important that we are able to adapt to the ebb and flow of life. That we accept the changes that happen in spite of us, and that we remember that we can change things that happen because of us. But maybe what’s even more important is that we remember that there is one thing that will never change. There is one constant in this world that never changes, a constant not of this world… but above this world!

I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, 

through which God speaks to us every hour, if only we would tune in.

~ George Washington Carver

Unexpected Gifts

Christmas has come and gone but I wish the spirit of Christmas could live on all 365 days a year. In fact, I wish it would last 366 days this year because 2020 happens to be a leap year! And when I talk about “Christmas Spirit”, I’m not talking about the stress of trying to find that perfect gift for that perfect person. What I’m talking about is an unexpected gift that God gave us when he created us… the gift of a warm and joyful feeling inside that comes from doing something nice for someone else!

Speaking of unexpected gifts, my wife and I received a very unexpected and unusual gift this Christmas. Let me explain. Three years ago, new neighbors moved into a beautiful brand-new home just three doors down from us and brought a puppy with them. Their puppy was really cute and after about 6 months, they started letting him go out on the beach on his own, without a leash. That’s not the best idea, but “Tucker” is smart and no matter how far he roams, he always seems to make it home at night.

We’ve always kind of worried about Tucker because he is on his own morning, noon and night. But he seems to do just fine. Somebody gave him a tennis ball to play with and even though there isn’t anybody to throw it for him, he still has a great time. He drops it on the sand and kicks it with his feet into the ocean, then barks at it until it washes back up on shore. Then he will bury it, bark at it, then dig it back up and kick it into the ocean again. I’ve never seen a dog that could play ball with himself before but apparently Tucker has the unexpected gift of independent play.

However, Tucker has always been a bit standoffish towards us… until recently. I noticed he didn’t have his tennis ball anymore, so I got one out of my shed and threw it for him. I swear it looked like he smiled at me. From that point on he started hanging around our house, partly because we would play with him, and (okay I admit it) partly because we would give him yummy little dog treats.

For months now, Tucker has been hanging around our house every day and it’s been fun for us. I mean think about it, we have a dog we can play with and yet we don’t have to actually take care of him. However, we started feeling guilty about how much time Tucker has been spending at our house, until we received a very unexpected gift at our front door. Inside a large gift basket was a note, apparently written by Tucker, and all kinds of cool stuff like beach towels, cookies, wine, etc. and I’m sure Tucker must have picked out the gifts himself because the gift basket was perfect… and also very unexpected!

And that got me thinking… Maybe the gift of joy that comes from gift giving wasn’t an unexpected gift after all. I mean, weren’t we made in His image!

You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving.

~ Tucker