A Thousand Words

You know that old saying, “A picture is worth a thousand words”. Well, it’s a true apothegm, but the interesting part of that expression is to realize that those thousand words are going to be different for every person that views the picture. Perhaps we need to remember that saying when it comes to using modern communication techniques like texting and email… because a thousand different viewpoints can occur every time we send out a written message, especially a short one.

Recently I sent a text message to a relative thanking them for a Christmas present they sent me. The response I got back was, “You’re welcome”, but it also included a short sentence that could easily have been either a cordial suggestion, or more likely a biting criticism. As it is with all text messages and emails, you can’t look into the person’s eyes, nor can you get a feel for their body language or tone of voice, and you certainly can’t have that natural give and take that occurs when you’re having a conversation in person. So what did that short sentence really mean?

I stared at that text message for quite a while and thought about our relationship over the years and what might really be the “message within the message”. Unfortunately, I do not have a close relationship with this particular person and we probably never will be close because we’re two very different people with different values and different priorities. I guess what bothers me the most is that this person doesn’t like me and has made that clear to me for as long as I can remember. I wish things were different, but I realize after trying many times to make things better, things are not going to change.

Anyway, I have this rule that if I get a message that upsets me, I sit on it… and don’t respond for at least 24 hours. I think it’s a good rule because if I respond when I’m upset, I usually make things worse. So I sat on that message for a while and then decided to take the high road and believe it was meant to be positive. I chose to respond back in a very positive manner laying out a lot of detail and hoping they would truly feel the sincerity in my words. Maybe I was being naïve, but it felt good to send a positive response instead of a negative one. In fact, recently I read several bible stories involving Jesus forgiving people who wronged him and how He washed the feet of the disciples instead of the other way around. I think the genius of those examples are that they show us that the burden of “bridge-building” falls on the strong one, not on the weak one.  

And you know what happens? More often than not, if the strong one volunteers to wash the feet of the weaker one, both parties end up getting down on their knees!

Here’s a picture that’ s worth a thousand words.
It’s a self-portrait by a skilled Chinese Artist, painted
only weeks ago at the tender age of 92. Look into those eyes.
They reveal decades of life, love, wisdom and courage!

The weak can never forgive, for forgiveness is an attribute only of the strong.

~ Mahatma Ghandi

Tears for Fears

I’m pretty sure I’ve told my wife “I’m not afraid of nothin” plenty of times. But I also have to admit it isn’t true. There are plenty of times when I’ve been afraid because being scared is natural and normal. But is being scared ever a good thing?

When I was young I was fairly small for my age. In fact, in Junior High I was one of the smallest kids and one day during PE class we were just finishing calisthenics when one of the older, tougher kids in the class punched me in the stomach, dropping me like a rock. I will never forget the kid’s name, Curtis McGuffy. He was always getting in fights at school so I made it a point to do my best to stay away from him. However, I guess he found me that day decided to introduce himself in his own unique way.

It took me several minutes to catch my breath, wipe away the tears, and pick myself up off the ground. Surprisingly our teacher never noticed what happened and when he broke us up into groups, unfortunately I ended up in Curtis’s group. There were 5 boys standing there as I approached and immediately Curtis challenged me to a fight… right in front of them. I was scared silly, my legs were shaking, and I was positive if I accepted his challenge he would beat me to a pulp. So I backed down and walked away. When I got home that night I couldn’t stop thinking about how bad it felt to be humiliated in front of my friends. For weeks I felt ashamed and hated going to school. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore so I sought out my Dad for advice. He told me being afraid is normal and walking away from a fight you can’t win is smart. That didn’t seem to help very much. But then he asked me to think about this question. “What if instead of someone threatening you, they were threatening one of your friends?” I answered back immediately, “Well I’m pretty sure I would jump right in there and help him.” My Dad just smiled and said, “I think you’re gonna be just fine!”

I thought about what my Dad said and understood what he meant about protecting others. His advice was always the best. So from that day on I made two decisions that would help me enormously the rest of my life. I decided no matter what I will always protect my friends and also that I would never ever again allow fear to cause me to walk away from a challenge. Sure enough, two weeks later a friend of mine was getting pushed around by a bigger kid and I jumped right in the middle. I got pummeled and beat up pretty good for about 5 minutes until the coach broke it up, but I got up off the ground with a big smile on my face and a round of high fives from my buddies. I didn’t win the fight but I did succeed in protecting my friend…and I noticed there was nothing humiliating at all about that!

Obviously getting into fights at any age is a bad thing, so I would never encourage anyone to hurt another human being. But fear does have a purpose and a message that we can learn from it. Being afraid is a normal and probably a good thing, allowing it to control our lives is not!

I knew that if I allowed fear to overtake me, my journey was doomed. 

Fear, to a great extent, is born from the story we tell ourselves, 

so I chose to tell myself a different story…

~ Cheryl Strayed (from the movie "Wild")

Better Days

I told my wife I was going to cut back dramatically on baseball in 2016. I still love it but I’m getting older and at my age it’s so easy to get injured…but so hard to heal up. More importantly, it would give me more time to spend with my wife on the weekends, which I know she appreciates.

I truly meant what I said to my wife. However, last week while we were having a romantic dinner at Nick’s Restaurant the subject of baseball came up and I casually mentioned that some of my buddies were leaving in a few days to go to the annual Pro Ball Baseball Camp in Phoenix. She was quiet for a moment and then looked me straight in the eye and said, “I want you to go too”. It caught me by surprise because I hadn’t even considered it. But my wife knows me better than I know myself and obviously loves me deeply, so before dinner was over my plans (our plans) now included a four-day trip to Phoenix.

My wife went with me because we can’t stand to be apart. In fact, over the past 22 years we have only been slept apart three nights total. While I practiced baseball with my friends and dozens of pro baseball studs like Alan Trammel, Jeremy Barfield and Lee Tinsley, my wife wandered around the Hotel alone waiting for me to return each evening. Her willingness to make sacrifices so that I can have fun will never cease to amaze me…and inspire me.

Speaking of inspiration, this camp is held at the Padres Spring Training Facility in Phoenix. This is where “real” pro baseball players practice each spring and we actually we get to use their locker room, eat meals cooked by their regular chef, and have access to their amazingly gifted trainers. The locker room itself reeks of baseball tradition and memories and I have to admit, just putting on a uniform in that room gave me goosebumps. The other thing that you can’t help notice throughout the locker room is the proliferation of inspirational messages. It reminded me that this locker room will soon be filled with eager young men, busting their butts to achieve a goal that less than 1% of people ever achieve.

The one sign that caught my eye and stuck in my mind was this one. “What are you going to do today, to be better than you were yesterday?” I thought about that message and how it doesn’t just apply to baseball players, it applies to anyone who is striving to achieve a goal. It also occurred to me that if I pondered that question each morning and applied it to my life every single day, I could probably accomplish any goal I set for myself.

On the long drive home I kept thinking about the sacrifices my wife constantly makes for me and decided to set a new goal for myself, to become a better husband. That evening I did all the laundry for her, cooked her dinner for a change, and rubbed her feet for several hours while she watched the Golden Globe Awards on TV. I’m never going to be “Husband of the Year” material, but at least for one day… I found a way to be better than I was the day before!

Righting The Wrongs

A brand new year is starting so it’s a good time to reflect on all that’s happened over the past 12 months. I don’t actually like to dwell on the past because I prefer to be constantly looking forward but it is a good idea to take stock from time to time of what’s happened in my life and what I’ve learned from it.

As I think back on 2015, three bad things stand out. 1) From a world view standpoint, there’s a lot that went wrong including terrorist attacks right here in nearby San Bernardino. 2) At the local level, a close friend of mine was laid off at his company where he worked for over 35 years. It turns out the owner laid off everyone over 50 so that he could improve his bottom line. 3) On a personal level, one of my best friends turned his back on me, and of course the motivation behind it was money.

All three of those events could easily make me lose my faith in humanity…but not if I take the time to reflect on what went right. 1) Recently my wife and I drove through a Del Taco Restaurant and when I handed the man at the window my money, he told me to keep it because the people in the car ahead of us paid our bill. I guess it was a random act of kindness and I don’t know why they did it, but it sure made us smile! 2) Not long ago I was visiting a customer and as I was leaving he handed me a box of expensive ballasts. He said he had accidentally received them by mistake and wanted to return them to us. What a nice surprise! 3) Last week I was at Trader Joe’s and my bill came to exactly $25.00. I handed the cashier a twenty and a five and as I grabbed my bag to leave, she said, “Wait, you gave me an extra $20 bill”, and handed it back to me. Honesty is always surprising…but it shouldn’t be!

You could easily make the argument that the three things above that went wrong were worse than the three things that went right, but that’s not the point. The point is that when we look back on life, we need to realize that a lot of things do go right on a daily basis and that there are a lot more good people in this world than bad. If we make it a point to notice the positive things that happen in life and pay attention to all the good people that surround us, we can’t help but feel good about the world we live in.

So what did I learn from looking back at 2015? I learned that there are always going to be bad people who do wrong no matter what. And while we might not be able to right those particular wrongs, we can go out and do our best to do what’s right by everyone we come in contact with. You know that old saying, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” Well maybe it should be “Two rights can overcome a wrong!”

Time For a Gift

One of the best things about the Christmas Holiday Season is that you get to create your own special family traditions. And the best thing about family traditions is that they create memories that last a lifetime. My wife and I started two new traditions this season and both were very memorable.

Our first new tradition was to take our grandchildren around town to look at Christmas light displays. Thanks to Google and Siri it’s pretty easy to find the neighborhoods that have gone crazy with Christmas Lights and the entire time we were driving around our youngest granddaughter, Penelope, who is all of 3 years old, led us in singing all the classic Christmas songs like Jingle Bells. Okay, so she didn’t know all the words, but she was really good at making up her own words, which cracked everyone up.

Our second new tradition involved the eight members of our immediate family including my wife, our three kids and their significant others. We started it yesterday by meeting at a restaurant for Sunday Brunch and then the 4 girls left to go shopping while the 4 guys left to go golfing. Our family is so close and we had so much fun that we even met at a Mexican Restaurant afterwards for drinks and tacos.

On the way home I started thinking about how far behind I am on my Christmas shopping and I started to get stressed out. I hate to admit it, but I have always struggled with gift giving for some reason. It’s not that I don’t care or that I don’t put the time into it, I’m just not creative when it comes to gift giving so I really stress out about it. As I started agonizing over who would want what and what color and what size, and “Can they bring it back if they don’t like it”, etc. etc. it dawned on me that I had already given my family one of the best gifts possible…the gift of time spent with people you love…and I didn’t even have to request a gift receipt!

"And lo, there were shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flocks by night, and lo the angel of the lord came upon them and the glory of the lord shone round about them, and they were sore afraid, and the angel said unto them, fear not, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a savior who is Christ the Lord. And suddenly there was with the angels a multitude of the heavenly hosts, praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth - peace, good will toward men."

It Takes Two

The number 2 has special meaning to me. For one thing it’s the centerpiece of my lucky number, which happens to be 524, and it keeps popping up over and over again in my life in different ways and in different circumstances. I shouldn’t be surprised when it pops up because it because it happens so often, but what I actually think is happening is that God is using it to remind me of my place in life and my place in His life. For example…

Twenty years ago when I was single, lonely and struggling, God blessed me with a wonderful, loving wife. The theme of our wedding was “If Ever Two Were One, Then Surely We”. That is probably the first time the number two created special meaning in my life.

Twelve years ago, I started playing baseball and I chose second base as my favorite position. (Not first, not third, no it had to be the number two position.) I have played it proudly ever since and even though some people think second base isn’t the most important position on the field, I love it and embrace it as a very challenging position.

Five years ago I attended an important a meeting with the Management staff at The Irvine Company. I noticed one of them (a man named George that I had never met before) wearing a black bracelet that said, “I am second”. I asked him what it meant and he told me that it was a reminder to always put himself second to God. I loved that concept and told him so and we stayed after the meeting talking about our faith. The next morning when I arrived at work, there was a black bracelet on my desk, a surprising gift from a thoughtful new friend.

Four years ago I made myself a vow to start reading my Bible every day, just 10-15 minutes a day, as a way to start out each day right. And I keep coming across the concept of “two” all the times. I noticed that Adam was lonely so God gave him a companion…and then there were two. When Noah built the Ark he took two of every animal with him. And I recently read the passage where Jesus says, “Whenever two or more are gathered in my name, I will be there.” How special is that concept!

So basically I love the number 2 because I don’t believe we were created to focus on just ourselves as number 1, but instead to focus on others first. I also don’t believe we can accomplish much on our own because it’s when we have two or more together that we can begin to create a team…and with good teamwork we can accomplish anything.  So if that concept is true, then it underscores the importance of treating other people right. And let’s face it, the nice thing about teamwork is that you always have someone on your side!

LSI Team Christmas Party - 2015

Alone we can accomplish so little. Together we can accomplish so much.

~ Helen Keller

Decision Making

As a business owner it helps to be good at doing a lot of things, especially providing strong leadership for my staff. But no one starts out as a strong leader, especially me. I was really shy in High School and lacked confidence, so when I started my own business at age 25, I had a lot to learn along the way…and unfortunately sometimes I had to learn the hard way.

In order to become a good leader, I’ve read a lot of books and attended a lot of seminars.  But the best training has always come from watching and listening to the good leaders around me. How do you know someone is a good leader? There are lots of signs of strong leadership, like having good character, excellent communication skills, confidence and creativity in problem solving. But in my opinion there is one trait that stands out among all the rest – the courage to make the tough decisions. Good decision making is a crucial component of leadership but it’s also vitally important for all of us throughout every aspect of our daily lives, regardless of our job or social position.

Yesterday I was reading my Bible and came across Matthew’s story of the birth of Christ, which is kind of timely since Christmas is right around the corner. I read how Matthew describes Joseph as a “just man” and how that simple description sums up the reason he was picked to be the father of Jesus. Joseph didn’t necessarily hold an important position in Bethlehem, nor was he a rabbi or a priest. But he was obviously well respected and was probably proud of his standing in the community as a local businessman who was seeking to marry the love of his life. Everything was going great and then all of a sudden Mary whispers in his ear that she is pregnant. Joseph has to make the toughest decision of his life, back out of the marriage and protect his reputation, or continue with the wedding despite the potential damaging fallout. Talk about a tough decision! I can picture Joseph on his knees, worrying about God’s plan for his life, and praying for the courage to make the right decision. Notice how I said “praying for courage” instead of “praying for wisdom”. That’s because I’ve learned over the years that most of the time we know what the right decision is…we just need the courage to make it.

Having to make tough decisions is always going to be a big part of life. But maybe if we pray for courage, and are willing to put God’s plan ahead of our own, decision making will be a lot easier!

Decisions become easier when your will to please God outweighs your will to please the world.

~ Anso Coetzer