Listen and Laugh

Yesterday was Father’s Day and I remember getting a greeting card one time that explained how Father’s Day was invented. Apparently, it started a few days after the very first Mother’s Day Celebration when several men got together and said, “Hey, wait a minute!”

That might be funny, but I actually take being a father rather seriously. I’ll never forget one time when a friend (who didn’t have kids) asked me what it’s like being a father. I had to ponder that question for a moment before answering, but I think I said something like, “It’s a lot of work, but worth every bit of it.” And I remember going on to explain that to be a good father you have to be able to do two things really well. What are those two things? I’ll give you two examples as hints.

One of my children is an Hispanic boy that I adopted at birth with my first wife. When he was 5 years old, I went to Father/Son Day at his kindergarten class, and we sat next to another little boy and his Dad. At one point the little boy across the table asked my dark-haired son, “How come you don’t look like your Dad?” My son thought about it for a moment and then responded, “I don’t know. How come your Dad is so fat?” I just about choked up my food but had to laugh at the obvious reality of both questions. Later on, when his Mom and I got divorced, it was really hard on him. But over time I discovered that if I sat quietly and listened to his concerns, it made a very positive difference in our relationship.

When one of my daughters was a budding teenager, I heard her screaming at the top of her lungs early one morning. I charged into her bathroom to find her blow dryer on the floor, flames blowing out the front, and the carpet starting to catch fire. I reached over and unplugged the blow dryer and she said, “Oh, I didn’t think to do that.” Later on, when she was a young mother with children of her own, struggling to make ends meet while going to Law School, I would often want to jump in and solve all her problems. But I realized not all problems can be solved, so I made sure she knew I was there for her if she needed me. Sometimes just listening and letting them you know you care is a huge help.

Yesterday most of our family was able to gather for a fun outdoor BBQ at my nephew’s house. We talked, we listened, we laughed, and we shared stories. And as I looked around at my family, I realized more than ever that God has truly blessed me with the best that life has to offer.

So what are the two traits you need to have as a father… You need to be able to shut off the advice sometimes… and simply listen. And you always need to have a sense of humor because kids will say and do the darnedest things!

He didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, 

and let me watch him do it. 

~ Clarence Budington

Good Time for a Good Deed

Things seem to be changing in a good way as far as the pandemic. That is certainly welcome news! The past 14 months have been extremely difficult for doctors, nurses, front line workers, grocery store employees, delivery drivers, and essential workers. Not to mention the most difficult situation of all, families that lost a loved one due to Covid-19. I can’t even imagine how hard that would be.

But things seem to be looking up, at least locally, and for that I am very thankful. It got me thinking about an important question, “What can I do, what can any of us do, to help each other get back to a more normal life?” Two days ago, I witnessed one answer to that question.

If you’ve been reading my Monday Messages for a while, then you know that I own a company that does metals inspection for Parking Lot Light Poles. It’s a proactive maintenance program that is very beneficial for property owners, but it can also be a really difficult and extremely dirty job at times. Last week we started a project at a huge Shopping Center in Irvine that required the testing of over 300 light poles. Most of the time the poles are mounted on 3’ high concrete pedestals, which makes them easy to access. Unfortunately, sometimes they are buried deep into planter areas and hedges that make our job a nightmare. This particular shopping center was the "Friday the 13^th" of total nightmares!

I knew it was going to be super hard work that I couldn’t handle by myself at 66 years old. So I hired one of my sons, and one of my sons-in-law, to help me with the tougher locations. We arrived just after dawn on Saturday morning and immediately went to work. I am so proud of how hard my boys worked. They both put their heads down and cranked out the work without taking a break, and without a single complaint. Working alongside them, all three of us left after 7 straight hours with multiple cuts and abrasions on our hands and arms, but we got the job done… and man did that feel good!

But there was a moment, 3 hours into the project, when my son fell behind. I was working behind him and wondered where he went when I spotted him at the gas station at the border of the property. Apparently, an elderly Hispanic woman stopped him and asked if he could help her put air in the tire of her car. I saw him bending down putting air in her tire and trying his best to communicate with her. Her valve stem was cracked, and air was leaking out as fast as he could put it in, so he did his best to advise her of the problem and she smiled and thanked him profusely for trying to help her.

That’s when I realized that now more than ever, is the time to be kind to one another. We have all been through our own uniquely difficult situations. So maybe one way to truly help ourselves now, is to look for ways to help others!

Unless someone like you

Cares an awful lot,

Nothing is going to get better,

It is just simply not.

~ Dr. Seuss

Game Changers

Going through a pandemic for the past 14 months has had a profound effect on the lives of most people. Although I hate that we have had to go through this situation, I have to admit it has changed me in some very good ways and changed the way I look at life.

In fact, I’m looking at the game of life differently these days, appreciating it more, and appreciating my friends and loved ones a whole lot more. I imagine a lot of people feel the same way. In fact, a close friend of mine named Bill recently sent me a list of how we might change some of the life goals we set for ourselves. But before I share his list with you, let me just say that Bill is and always has been an extraordinarily good man who spends a great deal of his time helping others. So I don’t think he needs to change at all, but his suggestions could certainly be game changers for most of us!

The only way to win at the game of life is to commit to it like crazy! 

  ~ Angelina Jolie