The Change in Me

I watched “The Tour Championship” Golf Tournament this weekend. As I watched the golfers compete, an age-old question came to mind, one that’s really hard to answer. Can people really change?

I’ve heard it said a hundred times that people never really change. Psychologists say that our personalities are fully formed by the time we are 7 or 8 years old, but I’m not sure if I really believe that. However, those same psychologists say that a woman should not marry a man expecting to change him, and that is definitely something I believe. So I’m not sure what the real answer is. But I do know what I want it to be!

My favorite golfers are guys like Jordan Spieth, Ricky Fowler and Phil Mickelson. They are world class golfers who are probably also world class men. Whenever I watch a golf tournament, they appear to be humble, friendly, and genuinely appreciative of their fans. I can’t say the same thing about Tiger Woods. I’ve always loved watching him golf, but the terrible things he did to his family really turned me off. It wasn’t only the things he did in his personal life, he just always seemed to be a bit too arrogant and aloof.

Of course, a lot of years have gone by since Tiger fell from the mountaintop. As I watched him compete yesterday, I wondered, “Has he truly changed?” The first few days of the tournament he seemed so different. He was smiling, joking with the other golfers, and even took time to acknowledge his fans. On the final day, he still seemed like the new Tiger… until about halfway through the round. All of a sudden, I saw that look in his eye. He stopped noticing the fans and as he walked to the next tee box he was visibly different. He kept his head down, ignored the crowd, and walked like a man on a mission. It was very reminiscent of the old Tiger and for a moment I wondered if the old Tiger had resurfaced. Was this a resurgence of his arrogant aloofness or simply competitive intensity? The answer came quickly at the end of the tournament, Tiger smiling and exhibiting a reborn love for the game and his historically important place in it. I’m no psychologist but my guess is that Tiger has learned a few life lessons along the way.

I guess you could say I’m a lot like Tiger. No, not in my golf game, but definitely in the way that I too had to learn a lot of important life lessons along the way. I used to have a bit of a temper, I used to work too many hours, and I used to focus way too much on my own wants and needs. Over the years (and because I married such a brilliant woman), experience has taught me to be more patient, lead a more balanced life, and broaden my perspective. It’s too bad that most of the time, wisdom requires experience and experience requires time, but that’s just the way it is. The good news is that the answer to that age-old question is YES!... People can change and usually for the better. They just have to want to change!

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? 

Only one, but the light bulb has got to want to change.

~ Anonymous

True Friends

This past weekend my wife and I invited a couple over for dinner and to enjoy the sunset at our beach house. We really like them and have known them for over 20 years. In fact, our youngest daughter and their youngest daughter were best friends growing up. Unfortunately, we don’t get to see them as often since we moved away from the Rancho Santa Margarita area.

At first glance they would probably appear to be just your ordinary average couple. They live in a typical south Orange County neighborhood and are loving parents to four really great children who are now young adults. But once you get to know them, you can see that there is something very different and very special about them. But first let me tell you a little bit about them.

They are both really good athletes, who run, ride bicycles, and play volleyball on a regular basis. They are heavily involved in their church and always have been. They give whatever extra money they have to their church and to support ministries related to their Christian faith. They smile a lot and always seem extremely happy together, holding hands and kissing each other quite often, so they are definitely still in love despite being married for over 30 years. In fact, they seem to just “love life”! In addition, they must love most other people too because I have never heard either one of them say a bad word about anyone. They spend most of their time praising people and because of that, they have a huge flock of friends that totally love and respect them back. They are not rich with money, but I truly believe they wouldn’t be any happier if they won the lottery. They are already as happy as they can be because of their faith and love for each other.

When they got ready to leave, something popped into my head, so I stopped them at the door. I said, “Thank you for coming over. We consider your friendship very special for many reasons, but there’s one reason why that might surprise you. Whenever we spend time with you, we feel better about ourselves! It’s almost like you have this loving aura about you that rubs off on the people you spend time with.  

And that got me thinking… I wonder if that is what it was like back in the time of Jesus. I wonder if people felt better about themselves just by being around Him. I am not saying that these two friends of mine are angels sent from heaven, but I definitely believe they will both end up being “angels in heaven” someday. And in the meantime, they’ve opened up my eyes to what true friendship is all about. If you love life, love the Lord, and love all others, you can’t help but be a true friend to all who come across your path.

A true friend is that rare person who will ask you how you are… 

and then actually wait for the answer.

~ Anonymous